The notes splattered across the table were all soiled, the ink dribbled down the page merging all the words together with tears and leaving them unreadable. The pages were badly creased at the corners, clearly indicating the pages had been manically flicked through repeatedly, incessantly.

Neil slammed his fist on the the table so roughly that his shaking knuckles were skinned and bleeding, his eyes blazing. He crumbled in to loud helpless cries as he lowered his head on to table, it happened everytime he looked through these pages. It lead him deeper in to the middle of a dark and desolate place, where bitter reality hit him harder. He hoped to find something new each time, something he must have missed... but it lead him nowhere.

The crying exhausted him enough that sleep slowly settled on to his heavy eyelids, his breathing finally settled and the pages stuck to the sticky tears on his face.

.....

In frustration she didn't know how to channel she kicked the gravestone infront of her, in a mess of fragmented sobs and screams. She fell to the floor immediately after, folding her hands as if begging for forgiveness and mercy, kissing the stone repeatedly and gently tracing her finger over the name.

"Kyu!?" She screeched in to the fearfully silent air around her. "Kyu maa? Kyu mujhe chood khi gaya?"

She ran her trembling fingers through her messy hair, panting heavily, her broken eyes closed tightly.

"Aap ko nahi jhanti hai Neela ma... aap ki jaane ke baad mera saath kya kya hogaya hai... kya kya bardash kiya hai mein maa" Avni's words were a painful whisper, as if the liveliness of her voice had died. "Par ab mein thak chuka hu... mujhe aap ki bina yeh sab handle karne ke nahi aata... please maa... bring me to you... I'm too tired please..."

...

DD walked in to the office and the sight was of no surprise to him, he had found himself here and saw this sight for countless nights on end.

He rang Neil's apartment and it came back unanswered, he knew exactly where to find him. So there he was at roughly 1 am in the station looking over Neil who had fallen asleep at his desk in tears again.

DD sighed heavily with eyes that lightly watered seeing the pages that were scattered across the workspace, he collected now useless pages and chucked them in the bin. He went over to the copier, being careful not to make any noise to wake Neil. And printed out the files again. He arranged them neatly on Neil's desk placing the bracelet on top of it that he knew Neil always religiously never seperated from the file.

He lugged Neil's sleeping body as gently as he could and lied him down on to the sofa, that he had already arranged for Neil to sleep comfortably on. He started walking out, flipping the switch behind him and rubbing away his tears with the back of his hand.

He prayed with his loyal sincere heart that somebody comes soon to change Neil back in to the Neil he used to be, the fun-loving carefree boy that he had been friends with since childhood that he had lost somewhere in destroyed dreams and dreadfully agonising mourning.

......

She turned the temperature higher, it wasn't hot enough. She scrubbed her skin mercilessly, the shower water camouflaging her soul baring tears.

Now it was hot enough, this is what she needed. She bit her lip roughly as the cascading water scalded her, searing her flesh. Finally she felt a lighter, less burdened, as if she could burn the sin, the grime, the pain off her that easily... as if they were physical things.

She rubbed at herself brutally, so harshly that she soon drew droplets of blood to the surface of her skin. She felt dirty.

'Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty'

The words circled through her brain on repeat every second of the day, not even letting her take a breath in relief. She fell to the floor in vicious cries, resting her face in her hands. Even as she lathered herself in soap a million times the feeling didn't stop looming over her skin, haunting her.

After what felt like hours of just sitting on the floor of the shower and letting the water wash away her tears, she dragged herself up and in to her room.

She was going to sleep on her big double bed, but she shivered every night in that bed... her mother's ghost curled up in those sheets and it felt so damn lonely, the freezing cold silk of the blanket and the chill air of the emptiness beside her. So she ended up on the floor, nestled up in a small ball by the photograph in her living room. She snored gently with her hand resting on the cool glass of the photo frame of her mother. This room was miles colder than her room but somehow the presence of that photo warmed the very core of her being.

.....

He yanked her from the balcony just before she could jump, she fell to the floor underneath him. He lifted her by the shoulders and his eyes were blistering with rage as excruciating tears ran down his face.

"Aap ko zara se bhi andaza hai ki aap kya karne wali thi?! Zara sa bhi!?" His voice splintered with the start of sobs, he had nothing to do with his girl but his heart thumped against his chest at an insane speed. " aap ko lagta hai ki aap ki zindagi kab katam karne wali hai ki decision aap ki hai!?"

He broke out in cries that he tried to hold back with a hand that covered his shivering mouth. He closed his eyes as his chest pained too much, throbbing desperately.

"Bus dekh, ek baar dekh yeh sab logo ko" there was her sobbing mother being held up her crying father and her boyfriend looked the most rattled, still frozen in trauma. Deafeningly piercing memories punched Neil in the gut ruthlessly. "Aap ka mumma... papa...parivaar... doston... wo sab ko chood ke jaane waale thi? Ek baar bhi nahi socha ki in logo kya halat mein hoga, unko kitna gehere dukh hoga jab-"

The manly fearless facade of his policeman avatar slowly faded as he choked back his weeps, frustratedly rubbing the tears off his face until his skin was pink and raw.

"Jab unko jaanenga ki... unke loved one jeene ki man hi nahi tha... they'll think- they'll think" Here he really shattered, his tattered heart speaking with no control. "They'll think its because they couldn't love you enough, that their love wasn't enough for you to live for... that their love meant absolutely nothing... that couldn't save you... What did you think!? Ki aap ko bus aaram se khud ko maar dalo and all problems are finished!? Why couldn't you think just once that maybe- just maybe- that the pain and the agony you leave behind in your careless footsteps is a million times worse than any pain you've even come close to feeling in your life"

"And that is a guarantee from my experience." His whisper is deathly silent as DD drags him back to the jeep, shaking his head with a glassy eyed sigh, the girl's eyes softened in realisation.

Neil tried to hide it for as long he could during the journey home but as soon as he stepped inside...

He sprinted to his mother who stood waiting for him crying gently after DD informed her over the phone.

Neil ran in to her comforting arms, finally letting himself let out the heavy sobs trapped in his lungs.

He hid his face in the nook of her neck like he used to as a child... wetting her collarbone with his tears. She gently stroked his hair with a worried frown, shushing his cries.

"Its okay mera baccha... its okay... cry as much as you want, your maa is here now na?"

He weeped hysterically in severe hurful grief, and she rubbed his back with her pained eyes squeezed shut.

"Itna pareshaan kyu hai beta? You saved that girl- you brought her back to her family... mein kitna garv hai ki mera strong policeman beta yeh sab kar raha hai..."

His whimpers between his sobs were like a wounded puppy, bruised, tortured and vulnerable.

"Par mujhe yaad agaya maa- ki- ki..." he had to gulp back the cries jammed at the back of his lungs. "Ki mujhe usse nahi bacha paya... "

"Kyu maa?! Kyu?" Now he was yelling his voice hoarse and breaking in desperate wails. "Mera galati tha? Mujh par barosa nahi tha ki mujhe wo kuch nahi bataya? Mera pyaar kafi nahi tha maa?"

Shweta has nothing left to say, nothing that could make him feel any better. She rocked him softly, kissing his hair in a failing attempt to hold together the broken shards of her son. She wished that someone would come whose love would be enough to save her son.

------------

She sat by the window like always, fiddling with her fingers nervously with her head leaning against the glass. The sun shone brightly against the roads, make the gravel glint all the different colours of the rainbow, it was a beautiful day. The skies were clear, the trees swayed softly as they were kissed by the gentle mist of wind.

But the only thing she could focus on was the dark shadows the sun cast across the road, how something so bright could create something so deep and dark. All the beauty in the day went unnoticed, there was nobody that made her life brighter and showed her the beauty in these things. All she saw was the darkness, profound and inviting, waiting to take her in.

"Hello maam, beautiful day isn't it?" A refreshingly happy voice broke her out of her nightmarish thoughts.

She looked round to face a young man with an infectious dashing smile on his face, she had to subconsciously admit that he was killer handsome and those melted eyes could win over just about anyone. She smiled awkwardly back at him, twiddling her thumbs again.

"I suppose so..." she replied, trying to avert her gaze from the intense way he was staring at her. "So... uh... did you... did you need anything?"

She wasn't used to being approached like this, she always kept to herself, if god had destined her to be lonely then that's what she'd chose to be, she'd realised fighting against destiny lead nowhere. He grinned at her, that smile again that somehow made heart go funny.

"Well... could I take this seat?" She frowned as he pointed to the seat opposite her.

"Uh... why? The whole café is basically empty, there are plenty of free seats?" The cafe was starkly lonely, one or two silent customers bustling about.

"God so many questions? What am I gonna do with you?" He chuckled gently at her as he helped himself to the seat. He brought the the coffee mug to his lips and took a small sip. "You looked like you needed company, so here I am to save the day"

He wasn't lying, something about the way he spotted her shivering when the room was well above a hot tempreture, the way her eyes were so full of stifled emotions yet her face so empty and devoid of emotions was calling out for help silently. She was so darkly miserable but yet somehow so magically beautiful.

Her eyes were spellbinding, the magestic colour of onxy and deep enough to drown in. Her long silky hair was lazily tied into a high ponytail a few strands were falling out to frame her face and accentuating her gorgeous features. Something about her aura immediately drew him toward her (but he'd never say its attraction) , and he didn't hold back... life had taught him its way too short to hold anything back.

"Actually, I'm good thanks mr. Bubbly" she snapped at him sarcastically, hiding behind her cold demeanor.

He faked a funny shocked surprised expression before raising an eyebrow. "Damn... the thanks you get for being nice nowadays I guess... Well... I need company tho tum ko mujhe bardash karna pageda Ms. Hitler"

"What did you just-" she glared at him as she demanded an answer, he just gazed in the other direction whistling comically to divert attention from the question.

She rolled her eyes and looked back out the window to stare at the world filled with shades of black, and if she was lucky, some grey peeked though... maybe that was hope.

She chose to ignore him if she couldn't get rid of him, but it was hard to look away from those browny eyes and contagious smile that was staring at her as she was turned toward the window.

"Tum ko coffee nahi chaiyye?" She looked at him, a little surprised that the conversation didn't just end there.

"Nahi."

"Paisa ki kami hai? Mein tumhare liye kareed saktha hai?" There was kindness in his eyes, this was rare for her but she refused to trust it anymore, plus she wasn't going to drink anything.

"I don't want it. Thank you."

"Are you sure? Something to eat then? Its only half past nine so I'm assuming you cant have had breakfast? Please let me... I think you should have something. You look a little pale actually." Her eyes were wide in shock, his gentle voice was actually laced with sincere compassionate concern, for her. Her heart warmed but she was adamant to not show it. He noticed her discomfort and laughed quickly. "Im just wondering cause i know I couldn't get by without at least 5 coffees a day"

She frowned, and he automatically admired the adorable way her eyebrows ruffled and burrowed, her tone quizzical.

"Should i be worried about your caffeine intake?"

He grinned it off to come back to what he cared about. "So should I order ms Hitler?"

"I said i dont want to eat. Don't you get it?"
Her face was suddenly dangerously serious and it worried him somehow, made his heart thrum a little faster somehow.

"Why? Why dont you want to eat? Is it the place? I could take you elsewhere, im not going to kidnap you or anything..."

"Jeez. Just stop with the stupid questions, I'm not hungry." He didn't push it, instead he smirked at her arrogantly.

"Right... let me try and understand this now... okay..." his tone made her look at him in confusion. " you are in a 'coffee' shop, okay... and your not drinking coffee, or anything else, or eating anything nor even using the place to do your work so I ask what the hell your doing... and I'm the stupid one?"

Finally, after what was possibly years and years...

She cracked a smile. And he witnessed a little light igniting in her eyes that made her whole face glow. It made him smile, which might not seem like a feat , but it was... because for the first time , it was genuine.

"Yup." She smirked at him, making him grin wider to see recognition of him in her eyes. "You're the stupid one."

He shook his head with a small smile, she was impossible but he knew he'd be back for more.