TW: Attempted Suicide.

Requested by Haristellarwritesx

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Being an idol was not easy. It came with a lot of great things, such as tours, amazing fans, and many unbelievable experiences. It also came with a lot of bad things, such as toxic media outlets and online hate.

The online hate was something that was really getting to Jungkook lately. He'd always see all over twitter the tweets of his anti's. He couldn't fathom how people who had never met him could hate him so much. He liked to think of himself as a decent and nice person. He didn't understand what he was doing wrong.

There were comments all over the internet about how much "Jungkook sucks" and how "ugly" he was. He had found himself becoming extremely self conscious but never discussed his feelings with his hyungs. He didn't want to burden them or make them worry, he felt like they had plenty of other things in their lives to worry about without him having to add his emotions to the mix.

He'd grown quiet the last few days. Taehyung was the first one to quickly notice this. The two shared a room and would usually stay up all night talking but the last few nights Jungkook seemed to be in a bad mood and never felt like talking about much. Taehyung felt bad and would hop into his bed and cuddle him hoping to make him feel better, whatever it was that he was going through. He'd tried asking Jungkook if he was okay multiple times but Jungkook would shrug him off and say he was fine or that it was nothing.

After days of Jungkook being oddly silent and pouty Taehyung decided to ask if the other members had noticed this weird behavior from their maknae and they told him they had.

"Do you know what's up with him?" Jin asked Taehyung.

"I don't know," Taehyung shrugged, "Maybe he's just in a slump or something."

"Maybe you could try talking to him again? He confides in you the most," Yoongi mentioned. Taehyung told the rest of his hyungs that he'd try and talk to their maknae about it.

Jungkook was silent at dinner and kept staring off into space.

"Knock knock, earth to maknae, are you home?" Jimin asked as he waved his hand in front of Jungkook's face. "Huh? Oh..yeah, sorry."

"You haven't touched your dinner..." Namjoon mentioned with concern. Jungkook usually always ate his entire body weight at dinner.

"I guess I'm just not all that hungry," Jungkook pouted. Hobi lifted his hand to Jungkook's forehead, "Are you sick?" He wasn't warm or anything.

"No, I'm just tired. I think I'm going to go to bed," Jungkook got up and ventured to his room. The hyungs all looked at Taehyung and gave him a pleading look to go talk to him. Taehyung nodded and trailed into the room behind Jungkook and dropped into bed next to him. Jungkook already had his face buried into his pillow so Taehyung rubbed his back, "Seriously bunny, what's wrong? We tell eachother everything you know that. I'm worried about you."

Jungkook shrugged him off again, "Sorry," he mumbled into his pillow. Taehyung scooted closer and wrapped Jungkook in a hug, "Please tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help."

"You can't."

"How would you know?"

"It's a problem that can't be fixed, hyung."

"Well like what kind of problem? Maybe this hyung can fix it!" Taehyung said cheerfully. He tried tickling Jungkook to make him laugh but it didn't work. Taehyung pouted. He absolutely hated seeing Jungkook like this. It wasn't like him at all to seem so down. Taehyung rested his head on Jungkook's back using him as a pillow, "Even if I can't fix it...I can listen. Sometimes just talking about it helps."

Jungkook sighed, "Just..people.." he turned over to face his hyung and Taehyung now cuddled his forehead up to Jungkook's forehead while they lay there. "What people?" Taehyung asked.

"Anti's...solo stans..." he mumbled.

"Like..anti's against you?" Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows. He hated the mention of anti's and solo stans. The band always tried to promote that to be a true ARMY you had to love all seven of them.

"Yeah."

"What are they saying?" Taehyung asked. Jungkook didn't feel like explaining things, he was too exhausted from the depression. He decided to just show his hyung instead. He took his phone out and showed him screenshots he took of what anti's were saying about him online. Taehyung looked through them frowning.

"Why would you save these?" Taehyung pouted. Jungkook shrugged.

"You know none of this is true, right?" Taehyung said assertively, "Absolutely none of this is true. Like this one saying nobody loves you...you have to know that's not true, don't you?"

"Is it?" Jungkook questioned. He very much believed it all to be true at this point.

"Jungkook-ah," Taehyung dropped the phone and clasped Jungkooks face in his hands, "A lot of people love you. All your real fans love you and you know damn well all of us hyungies love you."

"I guess," Jungkook shrugged. He tried to pry his face out of Taehyungs hands but his hyung wouldn't let him, "Hey..look at me kook-sii..I'm serious. You're very loved. Don't let anonymous hate get to you. None of it is true, and nothing they say matters."

"Okay."

Taehyung planted a kiss on his maknae's forehead and then rested his head into Jungkook's neck.

"Is that everything that's bothering you?" Taehyung asked.

"I guess."

Jungkook didn't want to tell Taehyung that his words really hadn't helped. The messages online had ingrained themselves into his head and they were stuck on repeat. All he could do was hope Taehyung left this conversation alone after this. Part of him was even starting to wonder if the group would be better off without him. Should he leave? He couldn't imagine what to do with his life if he didn't have BTS and his hyungs. They were his whole world. But so many people were saying such bad things about him. So many things about how BTS would be a better band without Jungkook. The maknae turned to his hyung, "Hyungie...do you think..I mean you don't think...like...you don't think maybe the band would be better if I weren't in it, do you?"

Taehyung shot up in bed, "What? You not in it? What the hell kind of talk is that? You're not thinking of leaving just because of stupid comments are you? Because no way! If you leave, then I leave! No way this band is better without you! This band needs all of us!" Taehyung was getting nervous, "You're not thinking of quitting or anything right? Please tell me you're not thinking that!"

"I'm not," Jungkook responded. He couldn't fathom quitting the band and doing something else. Yet he couldn't imagine staying in it and hindering his hyungs lives anymore either. The only idea that came to him after that was maybe to just quit on life altogether. Yeah, that will fix things.

The two cuddled up and fell asleep. The next day the hyungs asked Taehyung if the two had talked. Taehyung told them it was just some stupid things online Jungkook had read, but that they talked about it and he thinks things should be okay now. Except nothing was okay. Jungkook seemed even more depressed than before. He'd grown almost entirely silent and when his hyungs asked what was wrong they kept taking "Nothing" for an answer. Jungkook was a bit frustrated. He was starting to feel like maybe they didn't care enough to ask him about his feelings further. The only one who had was Taehyung. It seemed to him like the others didn't care whether he was silent or not.

He stopped eating almost completely. Comments online were saying he was fat, so he decided to just not eat. He'd play with his food when they would gather together for meals and pretend to eat stuff. He'd mush it up to make it look like there was less on his plate. Taehyung's concern grew when he saw Jungkook start throwing a bunch of his stuff out and cleaning up his side of the room.

"What are you doing? Why are you cleaning so much?" Taehyung asked one night.

"Well, why not?" I don't want to leave you with a mess to clean up when I'm gone.

"Well you never clean...I can't see why you would unless...Kookie...you promise you aren't planning on leaving right?"

"I'm not," Jungkook lied. He wasn't leaving the way Taehyung thought he might be, at least.

"Okay...well...since you're in a cleaning mood...want to clean my side too?" Taehyung smiled. To his surprise Jungkook actually said sure and cleaned their entire room. Taehyung knew he should have found it as a nice gesture, but it worried him. Jungkook never acted this nice. Taehyung knew something was wrong.

The next morning Taehyung went to the other members and told him his concerns. He finally mentioned that the night him and Jungkook had talked, he'd mentioned possibly leaving the band. It was the last thing any of them would want. The members felt in complete shock, "He said he wanted to leave the band?!" Jin cried.

"Not exactly...he just asked if it'd be better if he did. I told him no and he said he wouldn't leave, but he's been acting strange. He cleaned our entire room last night. Even my side!"

"Jungkook-ah!" Jimin yelled for him to come meet them in the living room. When Jungkook dragged his feet out he saw the look of concern on everyone's faces. He was in no mood to deal with whatever they wanted. He just wanted everything to be over with.

"What is this I hear about you wanting to leave the band?" Namjoon asked.

"What? I didn't say that!" Jungkook gave Taehyung an angry look.

"You kind of implied it and now you're acting weird!" Taehyung protested.

"I said it might be better if I did!" Jungkook shot back, "I mean I've been acting weird for weeks and it's not like any of you," he looked at all of his hyungs except Taehyung, "Cared to see the problem!"

"We're the ones who asked Taehyung to talk to you!" Hobi cried. Jungkook turned to Taehyung, "Oh, so you only asked because they told you to? It wasn't because you were concerned?"

"It wasn't like that kookie! Of course I was concerned! I asked them if they were and we all were and we all knew if you'd talk to anyone it'd be me!" Taehyung cried back. He in no way wanted Jungkook to be under the impression that he didn't care about him. He cared about that boy more than life itself.

"None of you care!" Jungkook screamed, "People have been hating me for weeks now and none of you fuckin care!" Jungkook cried. He was now visibly upset. He was shaking and crying, "Just like what everyone said online, it'd be better if I was gone! It would be better for all of you if I wasn't even here!" he screamed.

"Stop talking like that!" Yoongi yelled at him, "You're misunderstanding! How many times did we try asking what was wrong?! Huh?! How many Jungkook?! A million! And all you would tell us was that you were fine! What else were we supposed to do? We can't force you to speak up!"

"Well maybe if you were actually concerned about me, you would have!" Jungkook screamed. He wiped the tears off his cheek. His hyungs had never seen his face so red, "Everyone in the world hates me, including all of you! I'm done! I hate it here! I hate living like this and I want it to be over!" the maknae screamed and instantly ran out the door.

"Jungkook!" all of the hyungs screamed. They all felt extremely guilty for not knowing this was how their maknae actually felt. How could he think they didn't love him? It was absurd. Taehyung had ran after Jungkook but the maknae was so damn fast he'd lost sight of him. He then saw him running down the street and around the corner and followed. The rest of the hyungs didn't know which direction the two had taken off in and unfortunately they had all ran in the wrong direction in blind pursuit.

Jungkook felt like he could run forever. He had never felt so hurt and angry. End it. End it. End it. This was the only thought running through his head. He kept running until he saw a building that was under construction. He saw a sign that read "Danger: No Admittance." He looked up and saw a half built terrace that was pretty high off the ground and figured that was good enough. It was sure to do the job. He ran inside and could hear Taehyung yelling behind him, "Kookie stop! What the hell are you doing?! Stop before you hurt yourself!" Taehyung's heart seized when he realized that what if Jungkook talking about leaving didn't mean the band, but the world? Oh no, oh no. "JUNGKOOK!!" He ran up the stairs after him. By the time he found Jungkook, he was already standing on the outside rails of the terrace and leaning forward. Taehyung froze, "What...no..maknae..no..please.." he begged.

Jungkook turned to him with tears pouring down his face, "I'm sorry hyungie..I'm sorry I yelled. I love you a lot and I'm sorry."

Taehyung took a step towards him with his hands out, "Please..just come back over the edge and we can talk....kook-ah..You know we all love you way too much please don't do this." Taehyung was sobbing.

"Please tell hyungs I'm sorry too. You all mean so much to me. I've had a lot of fun growing up with you all but I just can't take the world anymore. I know I have always had you guys but maybe that's just not enough. Please don't blame yourself though. You're my best friend." Jungkook continued to explain to Taehyung how sorry he was and just how much his hyungs , and especially his Taehyungie hyung, had truly meant to him.

"Jungkook.." Taehyung cried, "Get down.."

"I will," Jungkook cried quietly. He turned back to face the ground beneath him. And let go.

"NO!!!" Taehyung screamed and ran to the edge and looked down. Jungkook looked lifeless. "No! Jungkook no!" Taehyung screamed with every ounce of oxygen in his body. He frantically sprinted back down the stairs and ran to Jungkook's side. He checked his pulse and he had one. He's not dead. He's not dead.

Taehyung called an ambulance and held Jungkook in his arms tightly while waiting. He sobbed and his tears spilled all over his maknae's face. "You're so stupid! You're so stupid! You can't do something like this to me! You can't die! You hear me?! You're my maknae! My only dongsaeng! Please you can't die!" he begged.

Everyone met up at the hospital after Taehyung had called them and told them what happened. Their hearts were absolutely shattered as everyone completely blamed themselves for not being more aware of things sooner. They figured Jungkook had a point. If they had pried more and forced him to talk maybe things would have turned out differently. They sat in the waiting room praying he'd be okay. They waited in tears while shaking for almost 16 hours before a doctor finally had an update. Their maknae had a lot of broken bones and internal bleeding and was in a coma, but he wasn't going to die. They all fell to the ground in more tears. It was still bad news. Who knew how long it'd take for him to wake up from a coma? Their hearts broke more when they were told they weren't going to be allowed to see him for some time.

They sat in that hospital waiting room for four days. They absolutely refused to leave. The hospital gave them permission to stay as long as they didn't cause any disturbances in which they hadn't. And on day four, Jungkook finally woke up and the members were finally allowed to see him.

They ran to his bedside and dropped beside him crying. They wanted to smother him in hugs and kisses but he was all bandaged up and nobody dared to touch him and hurt him.

Jungkook was exhausted and honestly surprised to be alive. He was actually happy about it. What his hyungs didn't know was that as soon as he had let that rail go was the moment he realized he didn't actually want to die, but he knew it was too late at that point. The members instantly went on and on and on about how sorry they were and how much they loved him and how badly he had terrified them. He felt bad about scaring them, it was never his intention. He looked at Taehyung. He silently stared at his hyung. Taehyung was sobbing, just like he was the day it had all happened. He felt especially guilty towards him because he was the one who witnessed it. He couldn't imagine how scared his hyung must have been. He slowly reached out his hand and Taehyung grabbed it, "I'm sorry," Jungkook whispered.

Taehyung had no heart to be upset or angry with Jungkook. He just wanted him to be okay. They all did.

"Jungkook..why...why did you.." Jimin started but he couldn't find it in him to finish the question.

"I don't know..I'm sorry," the maknae whispered as he began to cry, "I didn't really want to die."

"Well thank God you didn't!" Jin yelled, "What would we have done without you?! You can't just leave us like that maknae!" Jin had tears streaming down his red face. This whole ordeal had been torture for him, for all of them.

Jungkook was too tired to hold much conversation the first couple of days he had woken up but as time went by he became more chatty. He had to stay in the hospital a few weeks and the members stayed with him. By the time they left Jungkook had been laughing quite a bit which was music to his hyungs ears. They were terrified they'd never hear his laughter again.

When he got home, his head was pretty healed. All that was really left were bruised ribs and a broken arm. The hyungs waited on him hand and foot offering to do absolutely everything for him. Yoongi wanted everyone to sit down and talk to Jungkook about what happened. They were all still really worried. Yoongi asked Jungkook if he'd like some kind of help like therapy or something because they couldn't just ignore what he had done.

"No," Jungkook pouted, "I promise I'm okay."

"Jungkook....you tried...to...you know what you tried to do," Jimin could never bring himself to fully say it.

"I realized it was a mistake the moment I did it," Jungkook confessed, "I'm sorry. I promise it's never going to happen again."

"But what about the reasons behind it? Those reasons are still there, bunny," Hobi asked while rubbing Jungkook's back. Jungkook shrugged. He didn't quite know how to feel about the online hate anymore. After what had happened, it seemed to not matter all that much. All that really mattered to him now was the people actually in his life, most importantly his hyungs.

"I guess those reasons don't really matter to me all that much anymore," Jungkook said honestly. The hyungs were happy to hear that. The hyungs then went on and on again about how much they loved and cared about him and how sorry they were.

"I know, it's okay." Jungkook knew that the things he thought before weren't true. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. Of course his hyungs loved him, he loved them just as much. He promised them he'd be okay and Namjoon started a discussion about how the entire band needed to have better communication so nothing like this ever happened again.

That night was the first night Taehyung got to cuddle back up in bed with his maknae. He held him as tightly as he could without hurting him, very scared to let go. Taehyung kissed the side of Jungkook's head, "You have to promise me you will never do something like that again. I was so scared. Seeing you...like that...Jungkookie I was so scared you were going to die right in front me.."

Jungkook heard Taehyung sniffling and cuddled in closer, "I'm sorry hyungie."

Taehyung reminded his maknae just how much he and the rest of his hyungs loved him. Jungkook couldn't help but smile over how much they'd been saying it lately. He knew they loved him, but he didn't realize it was this much. He wrapped his good arm around Taehyung, "I promise Taehyungie. I'm okay. ..

Never again."

[The End]