my grandmother died in marion

with a bullet hole like a smeared

cross on her forehead

they say she loved me even

though she decided to go.

i and six others spread

her ashes in the town cemetery

and everything in her and grandpa's

house was still mint green and doused

in clip on butterflies.

my father said she was a faithful

woman and my little sister said

she was an angel so god had to take

her back even though she had actually

offed herself but i'm never going to tell her.

momma says you're going to do the same

i nod and i guess i'm just going to wait, tattoo

you into my bones so i never forget what this pain

feels like

i'm wrestling it a second time.