Demi

I sat on the couch waiting for him. I stayed wrapped in a blanket, my eyes and nose red from crying. I had thrown my hissy fit, but still Mike and Kelsey walked out with Emily, leaving me alone to face Wilmer. When he knocked I still didn't move, so after another long minute of waiting he opened the door and walked him. I watched him search for me, then let out a shuttering breath when his eyes finally met mine.

"Hey."

"That's all you have to say to me?" I whispered. "That's the best you've got?"

"I just came to get some more of my stuff, Demi. I didn't come to fight with you."

"More of your stuff?" I squared my jaw and pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. "So you're really doing this? You're not coming back?"

He looked away and down. "I don't know, Demi. It's just a lot to think about. I didn't realize-"

"You signed up for this, Wilmer. You signed me up for this."

"I know."

"You promised you wouldn't ever leave again."

"I know."

I closed my eyes and leaned forward until my forehead rested on my knees. I sobbed once, then again and my body began to shake as I submitted to hysterics.

"Don't do that." He said, and I heard his footsteps coming closer and knelt on the floor in front of me. "Don't cry, please."

I lifted my head to look at him, not bothering to wipe my face as tears dripped freely down my cheeks. "How am I supposed to not cry?" I put my hands on either side of his face. "How do you expect me to be okay?" I shook my head and leaned down, pressing my lips against his in a desperate, pleading kiss.

"Demi-"

"Kiss me." I interrupted him and brought his face to mine again before he could protest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, the blanket falling away as I sat up straight and his hands slid around to my back.

"Shouldn't we-"

"No." I didn't care what he was going to say. I had one last chance to make him stay, one last card up my sleeve. I pulled his mouth back to mine and thankfully he gave in, picking me up under my thighs and walking quickly to the bedroom. Our clothes were off in seconds and we fell onto the bed, our lips in constant contact with each other's skin. We moved together underneath the sheets and I let everything fall away and submitted to living the moment with him. When it was over Wilmer collapsed down onto me, both of us so spent we just laid there breathing hard.

After a few torturously long minutes, he pressed a lingering kiss on my collarbone.

"If you're about to say goodbye, don't." I spoke before he could. "Just lay here with me."

So we laid there. Wilmer's weight rested on me like a blanket, and it lulled me into the false sense of security that I could somehow convince him to stay. I leaned down to kiss him again, pulling his jaw so his mouth could meet mine. I kissed him with a desperate longing, but also slow enough so I could remember what this felt like just in case I couldn't manage to convince him. Wilmer caught on though, and pulled away from my greedy lips.

"I have to go... We shouldn't have done that."

"No." I wrapped one arm around his neck and hitched one leg over his thigh, effectively stopping him. "Please Wilmer, I can't do this without you."

"I'm sorry." He kissed my forehead then pushed himself up. "I love you."

"No you don't." I turned away from him and curled up into a ball- on his side of the bed. "You don't do this to someone you love... I could never do this to you."

Wilmer sighed, and got off the bed. He got dressed, then went into the closet. A few minutes later he came out holding a duffel bag and rolling a suitcase.

"I guess I'll see you... when I see you."

"Bye."

I blinked back more tears but didn't move, I couldn't move. I was too numb by the thought of him leaving. This had become my worst nightmare, but I could no longer count on waking up. This was my reality. He turned around to leave, and the words blurted out of my mouth.

"What if I gave her back?"

Wilmer stopped, and took a deep breath. "You wouldn't."

"But if I did... would you stay?"

Wilmer tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. "Would you even want me to?"

I swallowed hard, thinking about his question. "No."

He didn't turn around as he walked out, and I listened to the sound of his footsteps taking him downstairs, the door opening and shutting, then a car turning on. It was a long time before the tires crunched across the gravel driveway, and then he was gone. Just like that, as if our relationship had met nothing in the first place.

I laid there for a long time. I counted on my breathing, working through all of the coping mechanisms that had been drilled into my head to stop me from reaching for a bottle or a razor blade. He was what I turned to through my entire recovery. He had been my own personal anti-depressant throughout my entire recovery. Of course there had been pain throughout our relationship, but never had this felt so final. We had broken up with screaming matches that shook the house, but there was no screaming, no fighting in it anymore. And yet this hurt so much more. This numbing feeling of being hollow, like all of the love that had inflated me was gone to leave me empty on the floor.

My only perception of time was the sun shining through the window moving across the floor. I was facing away from the alarm clock on my side of the bed, and I couldn't bring myself to move to check it. Eventually tires came back, and I knew better than to get my hopes up. Kelsey came into the room a few minutes later.

"Emily's in the backyard playing with Mike." I didn't react, so she squatted down in front of me. I recognized the soft, careful tone that people typically took with me when they thought I was on the verge of a breakdown. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"He left, he's gone." I closed my eyes for a moment then pushed myself into a sitting position. "It's done. I can't change that, so there's nothing to talk about."

"Do you want me to call the case worker?"

"Why?"

Kelsey rocked back on her heels. "You still have a month to decide..."

I looked down at my hands. Was that it? In some cruel twist of fate it was now up to me to decide between my husband and child that I didn't want, but had now come to love? After finally coming to terms with the situation the rug had been yanked out from under me and now I was thrown into chaos again.

"Then I'll decide in a month." I glanced at her. "I don't want to hear about it again."

"Okay." I could tell even Kelsey was at a loss. Usually when this happened I was a broken mess that she and the others on my team had to carefully piece back together. Now though, I was acting completely out of a character. I had stopped crying, and now just sat with a heavy numbness settled over me.

"Can you have someone bring over all of his stuff to the Tarzana house? I don't want to have to do that again. Tell Mike I don't want any more surprise visits, okay?"

"Got it." She tilted her head and bit her lip. "Demi are you okay?"

"I have to be." I took a slow deep breath in through my nose. "And until I am okay I'm going to have to pretend to be."

~*~

Three days later, the social worker showed up.

Emily was playing in the living room with two new American Girl Dolls that I had ordered to get her mind off of Wilmer not being around him. Still, she asked about him everyday. The work excuse was getting old, but I didn't know what else to say. Now though, I had new problems, in the form of a platinum blonde pixie cut, hot pink lipstick, and an ill-fitting pantsuit. ;

"My name is Nadine Thorough." She drawled in a monotonous tone, before I could ever greet her. "I'm assigned to Emily Lovato's case. I assume you are Demetria Lovato?"

"That's me." I smiled softly. "You can call me Demi, though."

"Demetria is sufficient." She walked in without me inviting her and glanced around. "Where is the child?"

"She's playing in the other room."

"Unattended?" The tone of her voice was so condescending I instantly hated her.

I blinked once. "I just left to answer the door."

"It only takes a moment for fatal harm, Demetria." She breezed past me and I shut the door, taking a slow deep breath before I followed her.

"Hi, Emily." The woman kneeled down in front of Emily, taking a much softer tone. "My name is Nadine. Is it okay if I ask you a couple questions?"

"Yes." I was surprised Emily had answered her at all. Those big brown eyes darted to my face for a quick confirmation she had done the right thing and I smiled, causing her shoulders to relax a bit.

"How do you like living here?"

"It's good. Demi's really nice, and so is Wilmer."

"Wilmer... that's your husband?" She glanced at me.

"Yes." I swallowed hard, just hearing his name was like a branding iron.

"Where is he?"

"New York, on business."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Does he go away a lot? It's best for the child to have a stable life here."

"Emily has a stable life." I clenched my jaw and tilted my head. "Compared to what she came from."

"Yes... I understand that caused some hesitation in your decision to take her in. Where are we with that?"

"Not an issue." My patience for this woman was wearing thin. Years of being in the music industry and having my life scrutinized by questions made me cautious about my answers to her.

"Really? So you have no emotional issues with her sharing her past with you? Detailed descriptions of everything that happened to her? You'll be called to witness on the stand on her emotional distress."

"I read the paperwork I signed. I know what's expected of me."

She nodded, then tilted her head. "Your father will be in the courtroom, are you ready for that?"

"I'm not afraid of him." I squared my jaw. "Or you. Emily is thriving here, and she's about the start therapy next week to help that process even more. I'm doing everything possible to help her."

"We shall see if your efforts are worthwhile." Nadine stood up and looked around again. "The trial is a year from now. It may seem far away but these things come around quick. My next visit will be in nine months. Both you and Wilmer will need to be present for that." I swallowed hard and nodded, not wanting to divulge the current state of our relationship to her. "Also, keep in mind it is not in the best interest of the child to be in the spotlight. I understand your job, but I don't want to see her being interviewed on the morning talkshow."

"Of course not." I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. "I would never. I want to keep her life as normal as possible for as long as possible."

"Good. Now in a few weeks, you'll be mailed the official adoption papers. Both you and Wilmer need to sign them."

"That might be a problem." I sighed and met her eyes. "Wilmer and I aren't on the same page anymore about what we want... He's not on business, he left. I don't know how things are going to work out but this isn't going to impact how I take care of Emily. I promise."

Nadine studied me for a few moments, then nodded. "I'll be back in six months then, to reassess the situation with you as a single parent."

"So I can still adopt her."

"Yes." She looked down at Emily and smiled for the first time. "Believe it or not, I find it admirable what you're doing. I read the file, I don't know if I could have done the same. It's my job to be a hard-ass, especially when there's kids like Emily involved."

"I understand." I looked down at Emily. "I feel just as protective."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comment and Vote!

Twitter: Lovatic_Chica

-Rachel