I am lying beside jimin, my headphones in my ears as the song keeps playing on repeat

My playlist has changed every now and then but this song stays there, unchanged

I keep it on repeat because it reminds me of the stupidity I've done

I loved jimin

Loved

When "he" was with me, I used to love jimin, he used to see me cry at night

It hurt him too but he kept it inside because he wanted me to be happy

Why?

It's simple, he loved me

And I think he still does.

Three years ago, if I would have realized my love for him.

I would not be here, crying silently while the lamp on the side of my bed is on, flashing his pictures in my eyes

You wanna ask if I love him or not?

Yes, I do.

Very much that it hurts that he left me for my happiness

But I realized that he was the reason of my happiness

But till I realized

It was late

"I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to, when I'm lying close to someone else, you're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it, if I could do it all again, I know I'd go back to you"

This verse always makes me cry and smile at the same time

He's so far away from me, but I just wish he was close to me.

I'm stupid to lose a gem like him.

But I had to

There were two reasons

One, I loved jimin at that time

Two, he deserves so much better than me

And I think, he would have found someone better than me but I still need him

So badly