EVELYN

As they approached the downtown core, the streets became increasingly choked with vehicles. At first, they were able to manage if Jonathan navigated them through alternative back routes but by the time they reached the Cambie Street bridge, the indefinitely stalled congestion was impossible to avoid. Truthfully, Evelyn was a bit sad when they were forced to abandon the car and set out again on foot. Jonathan maintained that she did great for a first-time driver, but, to his credit, he was an exceptionally patient teacher. She didn't know that driving could be so stressful even without the usual hazards or traffic rules, and more than once Jonathan had gently reminded her that she didn't need to choke up quite so much on the steering wheel and could probably press down on the gas pedal a bit more. He only had to grab the steering wheel to correct their position twice and if he was ever afraid for his life while she was in the driver's seat, he didn't show it.

She was afraid to admit it but driving around the city with him with the stereo blasting, she could almost forget the fact that most of the other vehicles on the road were abandoned and in various states of wreck or... worse, still occupied by some poor Shell trapped at the wheel. She could almost forget about the virus, their destination, her worries about the fate of her family, the feeling of terror that still plagued her every night when she woke fearing that she'd open her eyes to a grey ceiling... She could almost forget how cold the metal grip of the gun had felt in her hand... she could almost forget it all... almost.

She wondered if Jonathan had felt the same way. She could never really seem to read him. She could still picture him in the passenger seat; his head bobbing along to the music and the light glinting off the sunglasses he'd found in the glove compartment. She could almost imagine they were a couple of carefree teenagers, whose radio could blast away the troubles of the world... almost.

She glanced up at him now, as they wordlessly walked along the bridge around the stalled traffic. His invisible mask was on, concealing any possible clue as to what he was thinking of. As if sensing that she was watching, he turned his head and winked.

The look sent shivers shooting up and down Evelyn's spine which was strange because her cheeks warmed with such an intensity that she was glad she was wearing a face covering. Without trying to draw attention to herself, she glanced around, checking to see if her reaction had signalled any nearby Soulless. Luckily, the stretch of road ahead seemed to be completely abandoned. She looked down at her feet.

Since meeting Jonathan, she'd already had a hard time making direct eye contact with him. Those startling grey eyes were already intimidating enough but lately, now that his bruises and cuts were healing, it was hard to ignore that the scars gave him an almost rugged handsomeness that Evelyn pretended she didn't notice. She had to remind herself that he was still the same idiot who thought it would be a good idea to make himself into a lightning rod during a storm.

They hadn't been walking for long when Jonathan convinced Evelyn to set up camp in an underground Skytrain station, arguing that daylight would offer greater success for tracking down a viable motorcycle or some bicycles that would take them the rest of the way.

It was easy enough to find an abandoned station, clear of any Soulless inhabitants, seeing as the government had shut down public transit to try to limit the spread of Sigma back in the early days of the pandemic. Once they'd navigated past the graffiti covered wooden planks barring the entrance and hopped the turnstiles, it didn't take long for them to sneak down the stairs and pry open the metal doors of the lone train that sat waiting, stalled permanently on the tracks.

Evelyn noticed that while Jonathan kept the pistol holstered to his hip, he made no move to reach for it as they secured the area. Instead, he simply drew the knife he'd tucked into his River District backpack as they moved in unspoken synchronicity to scope out the new space. Neither of them had truly acknowledged their time at the Serenity Society a few days ago and Evelyn had decided that that was for the best. They had enough to think about and she knew if even for a second, she went down that route, everything would come rushing in like water bursting through a dam.

Evelyn herself had been armed with a baseball bat imbued with nails, a parting gift from Guy. Jonathan had made a comment about Steve from Stranger Things when he'd first pulled it out of Guy's garage turned artillery shed, but Guy had maintained that he'd never seen the show and in fact would never watch it due to his belief that all TV was a conduit for government brainwashing. She'd miss that fuzzy, sasquatch of a man. He reminded her a bit of her little brother. Elliot, too, loved telling stories, was always game for a laugh and probably just as stubborn and rebellious. They would have gotten along well...

Before the thoughts of her brother could drag her down into the rabbit hole of fear and sadness that were slowly overtaking the flicker of hope she still tried to keep alive, Jonathan's voice suddenly grounded her back to reality.

"I was here," Jonathan read the prophecy written on the SkyTrain window in pink sharpie quietly like he was trying to savour each word as he spoke. He was holding the pillowcase he'd been about to tape over the Skytrain car windows while she had been applying duct tape to the SkyTrain doors, to block out sound and simultaneously lock the doors.

"What is it that makes people do that?" Evelyn asked, circling to where he stood, "Funny, Elliot, my brother, used to draw on the walls all the time when he was little. My mother hated it."

"Well, I guess it's like that old philosophical question "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Does that tree really exist if it makes no impact on anyone? Someone put this here because they wanted to make a sound, make their mark, be remembered, prove that they existed."

Evelyn positioned herself in front of the window and gave the writing a closer look, "You got all that from some middle school graffiti?"

Jonathan shrugged. "It's the voice of the person who was standing here, and thinking this, and writing it."

Evelyn thought about her initials tagged on lottery tickets spread out over the city. It had been a longshot to hope that her family would find them, but there was also that small part of her that had just wanted to leave something, like this graffiti, that proved she had been there.

"Remember when I said I started the radio show because nothing mattered?" Jonathan said, interrupting her thoughts, "I lied... I guess I wanted— I needed to be..." He stopped suddenly and she realized that he was struggling to get the words out.

"You don't have to—" Evelyn started.

"No," Jonathan said firmly, "I should. I guess I needed to... feel heard."

"And I heard you," Evelyn reminded him.

Jonathan turned to her. His face, as always was difficult to read but there was something fragile in his grey eyes and it took Evelyn a moment to realize it was vulnerability.

"And you heard me." He repeated.

She thought of the way Jonathan's father had been, so cold and disapproving, forbidding him to take up space. In an instant she realized that his escape from loneliness had also been the radio. She'd spent two years hiding in the bunker, her sense of hope hanging by a thread and then his voice, his words had given her companionship.

Gently, she reached out and took his hand. She hadn't planned on doing that but somehow it felt necessary. For once words seemed to fail her. All she knew was she needed to be closer to him; to let him know she was there and that he wasn't alone anymore, neither of them were. His hands felt large and warm in hers and for a moment they stood there together admiring the graffiti.

"I'm glad I found you," she said softly. She wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say. It didn't even come close to what she wanted to express, but she felt that he needed to know it.

"I'm glad you did too." He replied. "I'm sorry I just let you leave River District... I should have gone with you... When you've lived your life just to escape it for so long you forget what it feels like when something actually... means something... I guess."

She let go of his hand and he looked at her, his mouth opened like he was about to protest before it settled on a smile as he noticed her reaching into her bag and pulling out a permanent marker.

She looked up at him, eyes sparkling, "So what should we say, then?"

Jonathan looked thoughtful for a moment, "Here I am..."

Evelyn touched the pen to the glass.

"Rock you like a Hurricane – The Scorpions." Jonathan finished and Evelyn rocked back on her heels, jerking the pen away from the window.

"I am not writing that." She said trying to hide her smile. "What about 'Life is a Highway'"

"I'm going to ride it all night long?" Jonathan asked incredulously, "no way, that's so cheesy. If you write that then I'm going to write, 'I'm on a highway to hell.'"

That's so depressing," Evelyn said, sticking out her bottom lip in a joking pout.

Jonathan grinned, "What about, 'If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?' - Lynyrd Skynyrd, Free Bird."

Evelyn shook her head, "still too depressing what about 'Don't stop believing!"

"It's not an inspirational school poster," Jonathan reminded her with a laugh, "it's graffiti, it's meant to be poignant."

"Poignant? You suggested AC/DC!"

Jonathan's hand flew to his chest in offence, "are you saying AC/DC isn't poignant enough for you? Since when did you turn into such a music snob?"

Evelyn laughed, "around the time you forced me to listen to your playlist for the apocalypse."

"I didn't force anything; you found and willingly listened to my station all on your own." He pointed out.

"Still, it's your fault that I'm like this so, the better question is when did you become such a music snob?" Evelyn asked.

"My mom taught me." He was still smiling, but Evelyn could tell that a wall had gone up.

"You don't really talk about her much." Evelyn said, trying to choose her words carefully to keep him from retreating back into himself, "What was she like?"

For a moment Evelyn thought she might've pushed it too far, but to her surprise Jonathan didn't change the subject.

"She was uh... the best." He said, running a hand through his hair, "She was a hard worker... Compassionate, like the never said an unkind word to anyone kind of caring. She'd been through a lot in her life. She lost both her parents in a plane crash when she was probably right around our age, so she learned to take care of herself and then she grew up to take care of pretty much everyone else too..."

"She sounds amazing." Evelyn smiled.

"She was... my mom." He sighed.

"I think the only thing, you ever mentioned about her was that she liked Billy Joel."

Jonathan nodded, "She did love Billy Joel... and Lynyrd Skynyrd... and the Monkees."

"That's quite the range."

"Well, yeah, she also had a bit of a rebellious streak..."

Evelyn smirked, "I wondered where you got that from."

The corners of Jonathan's mouth lifted slightly. His smile was starting to fade, and she could see the Mask slowly starting to slip into place over his face.

"Can I ask what happened to her?" Evelyn asked gently, "You don't have to tell me, but I get the feeling it's something heavy that you carry with you."

Jonathan sucked a breath in through his teeth and let out a heavy sigh. "I can talk about it. You know the funny thing is, I used to want to talk about it a lot but what I learned is that people don't want to hear about it. I mean, no offense to you, but I've learned that empathy is largely just performative. People don't actually care or want to know; they just want you to say you're fine and get on with their lives..."

Evelyn wanted to scream "But I do care!" at him and shake him by the shoulders until he understood that he was someone worth caring about but she knew that wouldn't help. The words seemed to catch in Evelyn's throat. Instead, she put a hand on his shoulder. He was scratching absently at the roll of duct tape in his hand but paused at her touch and she felt a small shudder go through him.

Suddenly, he pushed away from her, turning his back to her so he was looking out the window. Evelyn caught a glimpse of his reflection the glass and was surprised to see the tears welling in his eyes.

"I'm here for you." She said softly, "for whatever you need. Talk about it, don't talk about it, I don't care. I'll be here."

"Umm... well I'm a military brat so I grew up moving around a lot. It wasn't the easiest time for me. I didn't really fit in with the other kids there because I was small, lanky...shy, awkward. I had no interest in a military career which pissed my dad off to no end and mom... well I think she could tell it was getting to me, the lack of stability and all so she put her foot down, took up like three jobs and told my dad that we were staying put and if he liked, he could keep moving around without us."

"Wow."

"Yeah... and we were good like that for a lot of years. He would come around every couple years, angry and scary as all hell, but otherwise it was just the two of us and things were good. Then she got sick. She was sick for a long time. My dad was on tour, and I didn't know what to do. Things kept getting worse and worse and I was like sixteen, but all these doctors kept asking me questions and getting me to sign things, I just— I didn't know what to do... she asked me not to call him and in my whole life she'd never asked me for anything before, but I didn't know what to do. So I did what I swore I'd never... I called my dad in."

Evelyn stole a glance at him, his eyes were red and almost bloodshot from holding back tears, but his voice was steady.

"That was the worst decision I ever made." He continued, "I wasn't allowed to see her for months. He wouldn't tell me anything. No one would. When she got Sigma, they finally let me talk to her through some wall like I was in a confession booth or something. She was lucid when I got there so she seemed normal—I didn't know then what it meant when people got Sigma. She asked me about school and all that regular crap as if it was just some normal day, but I refused to tell her, you know. I wanted to know about her and what was happening, but she wouldn't tell me either. So, before I left, I faked going to the washroom, swiped a key off one of the doctors and got myself in the room with her. Reckless, I know, but she was so happy to see me. Then she asked me to play her some music, because the stupid doctors didn't let her do anything."

A tear stubbornly escaped his control, and as he swiped it away furiously with the back of his hand, Evelyn couldn't help but feel completely helpless.

"So, I did what she asked, and I played it for her and she just... lost it. It was like someone flipped a switch and my mom was gone and the person in front of me was just like all the rest of the Soulless that attacked us back at Metrotown tower. You know what's so messed up about the whole thing?" he said still staring out the window, "She was always so patient with dad and I don't know maybe it was the fact that she was so kind, I feel like maybe she thought she could save him from himself... but he didn't have that same compassion for her."

Jonathan gestured to his left ear and rolled his eyes, "You know I'm deaf in this one because of him, right? He came up right behind me and bang! Mom's on the floor, blood spilling out of her skull and all I can think about is this God damn ringing in my ear that hasn't gone away since."

Evelyn wished she knew what to say in that moment, he looked so broken and fragile but Pre-med student that she was, she didn't know of anything in the world that could make any of the pain go away. His tears fell now, anger, sadness, pain and all the emotions breaking through the flood gates.

"I'm sorry, it was a long time ago. I shouldn't be so... emotional about it still." He said the words bitterly, spitting them into the air like acid.

"Sometimes we need that."

"I don't." He said roughly, swiping a hand across his eyes,

"I mean," Evelyn gestured to his expression, "maybe you do."

"Why do you have to be so God damn observant?" He said, moving to sit down on one of the blue plastic seats that lined the train car.

Evelyn, carefully manoeuvred herself beside him, and rested her head on his shoulder, "I'm just annoying that way." She explained and that got a laugh, so she laughed too.

"God damn, complex emotions," He swore, wiping his eyes while trying to stifle the laughter that he couldn't seem to stop.

"Sadly, there's no cure for that." Evelyn smiled.

"I can think of a few," Jonathan smirked.

Evelyn shook her head, "I don't like where this is going, Johnson."

"Well, there's drugs, soullessness and booze, pick your poison."

"Those are horrible options. But I know which one I want right now." Evelyn said, reaching into her backpack and pulling out a bottle of vodka.

"I'm pretty sure you told me that was for emergencies only."

"I feel like this is an emergency," Evelyn smiled, "Mr. Johnson, I hate to be the one to tell you this but I, Evelyn Li, have never gotten drunk before."

"Well, this is an emergency," Jonathan laughed, "We must remedy that immediately, not to worry, I have to say I'm well practiced in the art."

"Now that does worry me," Evelyn teased, "I thought you said you were 18, that's underage."

Jonathan batted a hand through the air as he took a sip from the bottle and then smirked. "I turn 19 in a month, legal drinking age is 18 in most of Canada and I don't think the provincial government is going to come at me being as it's pretty much completely dismantled right now. I'm more concerned about you, Miss Rule-Follower, since when do you break the rules?"

"Well, I don't." Evelyn said, smiling shyly, "I'm not breaking any. I'm not as reckless as you."

Jonathan raised an eyebrow and it was Evelyn's turn to smirk.

"No!" Jonathan gasped, "You're not serious."

Evelyn laughed and then took the bottle from Jonathan, "the big one, nine today."

"So, what do you think? How was your first birthday shot?" Jonathan said, laughing at the face she pulled as she took a drink from the bottle.

Evelyn frowned, "Horrible. How do you drink that stuff? It smells like nail polish remover."

"Practice," Jonathan said, taking the bottle back from her and taking another sip, "and crippling self-hatred helps."

He passed back the bottle and Evelyn took another small sip. Her face scrunching in disgust. "I don't know about that... how am I going to get the taste out of my mouth?"

Evelyn looked up to see that his expression had changed. He wasn't smiling anymore, and he had suddenly gone quite serious. His eyes were watching her with something she'd never seen before. It was a gentle sort of yearning and a hunger that she somehow felt in her chest like an invisible thread pulling the two of them closer and closer together.

"I can help with that." He whispered.

His face was now only an inch from hers. There was slow-melting desire in his grey eyes as they traced over her mouth, examining the curve of her lips. Her heart was racing. She knew what she wanted but she could feel that nervous paralysis creeping into her bones, tightening her muscles as her nerves and anxious mind threatened to stop what was about to happen. What she wanted to happen. He hesitated for a moment; their lips were only a hair width apart. She willed her mind to quiet down and finally leaned forward into his kiss.

Evelyn found that she couldn't help but smile as she moved her mouth against his, thinking that this feeling was far better than anything any amount of alcohol or drugs could provide. Just the sight of him, and the feeling of his lips as they brushed against hers, the heat of his body as she arched up against him, kissing him back as hard as she could.

"Happy birthday, Evie" he said breathlessly between kisses and Evelyn knew she was drunk on the way he made her feel with his hands sliding up into her hair and for the first time, her mind was clear.