EVELYN

When Evelyn first met Adam, he'd been introduced as "distal radius fracture, male, 32," and Dr. Melnyk had introduced her to him as "the scholarship student." 

In the early days of the Blackout, her mentor habitually introduced her like that; he was better with actions than with words and probably thought it was a sufficient explanation for patients as to why a sixteen-year-old in scrubs would be standing in the room trying to take their blood pressure. Unlike the others who'd demanded to see a more experienced medic, Adam didn't bat an eye when Dr. Melnyk assigned her to splint his injury. It's what she first appreciated about Adam. While she never blamed the other patients for feeling worried when they saw how young she was, it still stung. She understood that when people were scared, they wanted assurance and comfort and that no one was more afraid than when they were in pain. Maybe it was the fact that Adam trusted her abilities or at the very least didn't question them that first earned him her respect. 

"Are you curious who Iris is?" He'd asked her as she bandaged his swollen wrist, covering the name inked in swirling, cursive. 

She had felt her cheeks flame when he'd noticed her admiring the art, but Adam seemed completely at ease and maybe even a bit amused.

"That's my daughter," he'd said with a proud smile.

"It's a beautiful name." Evelyn replied, "Like the flower?"

"I got them for my wife on our first date, when I didn't even know they were her favourite. I didn't know anything about flowers, but they were pretty and purple and reminded me of her."

Evelyn returned his smile, "That's sweet. How old is your daughter?"

Adam's smile turned sad, "She'll be three next month."

At that moment, Evelyn had mistaken his expression for the wistfulness of a parent watching their child grow up too fast and absently said "I haven't seen her around the bunker. Does she stay in the lower levels?"

He shook his head, his green eyes were as fragile as glass, and suddenly the heartbreaking truth dawned upon her that his expression told a different story entirely.

"No, she and my wife– we didn't live on the mountain..."

"I'm so sorry," Evelyn said and even though the words felt insufficient for the situation, she poured her heart into them. "My family wasn't living up here either. It's just me."

She felt the gravity in the way he looked at her then, like an x-ray that saw right through the pale, pastel fabric of her scrubs and into the aching, gaping hole in her chest where her heart used to be.

"We might not know where they are, but that doesn't mean they are gone." He'd said in that soft, gentle voice of his.

An unspoken understanding had passed between them then, the kind only two broken people can feel when they share a moment of vulnerability and find a fleeting sense of belonging. In that single look, he instilled her with strength, courage, and the faint glimmer of hope that someday, somehow, they would mend the broken pieces of their souls. In that moment, bathed in the gentle glow of understanding, for the first time in months, they both felt a little less alone.

"How did this happen?" She asked gesturing to his injured wrist and switching to a less painful subject.

"I landed on it during a supply run."

"Soulless?"

He nodded, "We were retrieving supplies from a locked house. Ended up having to bail out the second-story window, not my finest moment."

"I still can't believe they ask you to go in there, the locked ones are dangerous."

"At this point, the empty ones– the safe ones– have all been raided." A thin smile spread across Adam's face, "Oh but this one was worth it."

That's when Adam pulled the portable AM/FM radio out of the pocket of his cargo pants. It didn't look like much, just a tiny silver box with a long antenna and slide-rule dials on the side for tuning. It was the kind of little ancient device her Popo used to prop on top of her sewing table to listen to her Chinese music station.

An audible gasp escaped Evelyn's lips, "Is that–? Does it work?"

Adam nodded, "I haven't tried yet, but this house's previous occupant must have been a survivalist or known what they were doing because all their electronics were wrapped in aluminum foil."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a battery charger, "Look, the communications teams already have working HAM radios and other transmitters that have way better range than this cheap little thing... I just can't sit and wait every night to listen to their horrible PA announcement waiting to see if I hear the names of my wife, of my child...."

He didn't need to explain for her to know exactly what he was thinking, but why he decided to let her in on this secret, why he decided she was worth trusting, would forever be a mystery to her.

"I don't know you that well and there's no guarantee that this thing even works but Evelyn, if it does and we can listen in... we have a chance of finding them."

"We might not know where they are, but that doesn't mean they are gone." Evelyn had repeated.

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The shock of seeing her old companion after so many months hit Evelyn like a bolt of lightning. After all this time, here he was, standing in front of her, guiding her and the Lost Soul through a series of twisting hallways that led deeper into the building. She had thousands of questions to ask Adam about the time that he'd been gone but instead of asking them, she'd merely fallen in line when he'd asked her to come with him. Perhaps it was the presence of the Lost Soul that was putting her on edge.

Evelyn risked a glance at the creature shuffling just ahead of her. Somehow Adam had managed to calm him from his earlier fit and convinced him to come along. Even though he seemed to twitch uncontrollably and mutter incoherently to an entity invisible to all but himself, he had strangely not attacked. Evelyn was thankful that the passageways were narrow enough that they were forced to walk single file. She had positioned herself behind the Lost Soul on purpose so there would be no chance of him catching sight of her eyes, the hardest place to hide emotion. Her goggles were still in her backpack, since escaping River District she'd put on her mask but forgotten to put on the goggles. There was no way she could stop to fish them out now and keep up with Adam's brisk pace. She was also planning her escape route; should things go sideways with the Lost Soul she could easily backtrack down the tunnel. Adam didn't seem to mind her trailing behind, but still, he glanced back every once in a while, as if checking to see that both she and the Lost Soul were still following.

As they walked along what seemed like a convoluted maze of makeshift tunnels and doorways punched in the walls by sledgehammers, Evelyn realized that what she'd first thought was an isolated church amid ruins was actually a series of buildings transformed into an interconnected tunnel. The crude efforts screamed apocalypse DIY style.

"It all connects to the high school," Adam explained in a monotone voice as they walked, "At the beginning of the pandemic, the people who bunkered there created ways to access the buildings, hoping to get more people to safety."

"Did they?" Evelyn asked, trying to match his neutral tone for the sake of the Lost Soul.

"Now it belongs to the Society," Adam said.

As she watched Adam guide them along the passage, she fought the urge to pinch herself just to make sure that all of this was real. They'd had a funeral for him in the bunker when his team didn't return, or as close to a funeral as the bunker could manage. There was rarely a body to bury so when someone died or was lost, those in the bunker would have their next of kin carve their name into the concrete walls in tribute. Adam had always been exceedingly kind to all that knew him so there was no lack of people volunteering to help preserve the memory of him as he left no next of kin in the bunker. Of all of those that volunteered she was surprised when their leadership approached her with the task. He had requested her.

As if somehow sensing her gaze, Adam looked back, and she flinched away as she caught a glimpse of her own face in his reflective mirror mask. She looked about as battered as she felt. Greasy and tangled dark hair was spilling out of her ponytail and her glasses were still covered with grime despite many futile attempts to clean them. Staring out from the black frames her eyes were wild, like an animal's; feral and terrified. Yes, it was definitely a good decision to be out of the Lost Soul's line of sight.

"You don't need to worry anymore," Adam said from the front of their group in that same calm voice, "You're safe now."

Evelyn did not know who in their party he was speaking to. She snuck another glance at the Lost Soul, perhaps it was directed at both of them.

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By the time they reached the high school, Evelyn had lost count of how many buildings they'd walked through. So much for her backup plan of escape. Evelyn and the Lost Soul dutifully followed Adam through an old school bus that stretched across a street, connecting their group from what looked like the ruins of a Vietnamese restaurant to the double-doored entrance of the school. At each door stood two armed and mirror-masked guards.

"When thoughts arise, then do all things arise. When thoughts vanish, then do all things vanish. Huangbo Xiyun." Adam said as he approached the first set of doors and as if controlled by some mechanical force, the guards removed the deadbolts and allowed them to enter.

As they stood together with the guards in the small space between the two doorways, Evelyn trained her gaze tightly on the doors in front of her; anything to keep from showing any kind of emotion, especially in such proximity to the Lost Soul.

"In the Sanctuary, we do not speak." Adam said turning to address them both, then he turned to Evelyn specifically, "We have things to talk about so I will request a speaking room."

Adam gestured to the guards positioned behind the second set of doors with a hand signal and with a nod, one of the guards turned and disappeared down the corridor returning moments later with two additional Serenity Society members in tow. When their group was finally led through the next set of doors, the Lost Soul was escorted away by the two members, down the long corridor of lockers and out of sight. Evelyn tried not to think about the fact that this was the first community she'd entered that did not test new arrivals for infection.

She turned to Adam, who held up a hand asking her to wait, and then approached the glass window of what likely used to be the high school's office. Evelyn watched as the Serenity Society member seated in the booth and Adam communicated and she realized that the hand signals Adam had given earlier must have been some version of American Sign Language. Evelyn had helped Beth study for her university ASL course, but the gestures Adam used seemed clipped, robotic, and very unlike the beautifully animated conversations she'd seen ASL users have. After a moment of conversing with the person in the booth, Adam nodded and gestured for Evelyn to follow him down the hall.

Being homeschooled, Evelyn had never seen an actual high school before, outside of the ones she saw on TV, but she figured that the Serenity Society's Sanctuary was nothing like it. The hallways had been cleaned of any brightly coloured posters or notices and it almost seemed ironic to read the slogan painted in maroon lettering over the trophy case: "Be the reason someone smiles today!"

Once they'd left the foyer and encountered more people, Evelyn hoped that the emptiness of the school would dissipate but instead, it felt even more hollow. There were plenty of people, all dressed in the same beige robes and mirrored masks, but each seemed to move sluggishly as if controlled by some outside force. She followed Adam down a large spiral staircase and into one of the smaller classrooms on the lowest floor. The room was filled with dusty-looking risers and instrument cases of varying sizes that had been shoved haphazardly against the wall. At the back of the room was a smaller closet-sized room, with a large glass window and walls covered in blue cloth. The room probably used to serve as the school's music room and recording booth.

Once they'd entered the recording booth space, Adam drew a curtain over the window and then finally removed his mask. Evelyn followed suit, removing her face covering, and stared at him in awe. How many times during her last days in the bunker did she walk past his name on the wall longing for those early mornings between work shifts when they had sat together in the sublevel Bio3 Lab listening to the static sound of the radio as they hunted the airwaves for chatter. How many times had she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that he was gone, and she'd never see him again? She'd never allowed herself to imagine this moment. His disappearance always seemed more final to her than the fate of her family. Maybe it was because she never had to wonder what happened to him. After all, she knew that he didn't come back.

"May I...hug you?" Adam asked stiffly and Evelyn threw her arms around him in response.

"Oh my gosh, Adam," She said once she'd released him, "What happened to you? We thought you were dead! Is the rest of your team–?"

Adam shook his head, his expression was solemn, "we ran into another group of survivors in a dental office that still had some medicine left in the cabinets. Both sides were taking heavy losses in the firefight, I don't know what happened to the others... I ran."

Shock, anger, and sadness were just a few of the emotions Evelyn could name that threatened to rush to the surface but she did her best to push those feelings down into the pit of her stomach. There was nothing she could say now that Adam himself had probably not already beaten himself up over after abandoning his team.

"I hated myself for leaving them. I was the team leader and I just left them. I knew I couldn't go back to the bunker... Not after I let everyone down. I was so lost."

Evelyn had to bite her tongue to stop herself from screaming at him. She'd known the others on his team. She'd treated some of them. Some of them had family in the bunker, but Adam didn't need to be told that. He already knew that he had left the others to die. He already knew he'd been a coward for not returning to the bunker. He knew he left her. She did not need to tell him what he already knew.

"So where did you go?" she said finally.

"I wandered for a while and then... I had nowhere else to go so I went home."

"Home?"

"Home." He repeated. There was a tiredness etched into his face that had only grown more weathered since she'd last seen him.

"You never tried to go back before?" Evelyn asked in surprise, "After everything, even after they let us leave the bunker?"

Adam shook his head, "I don't know- it was the reason I'd signed up to be a scavenger in the first place... You know, get myself back to the house, look for them... but I couldn't bring myself to check. Maybe it was easier. Hope is a scary thing, especially when the stakes are too high..."

Adam had a distant look in his eye, and Evelyn wondered if he was reliving the moment he walked back up the steps to his old house for the first time in years. Watching him, Evelyn was almost afraid to ask but she knew that she had to, "What did you find?"

"My wife," he said. "I don't know what I'd have done without Safiya. She showed me the light, the way she always has. When everything is dark and even when the world ends, that woman can find the light."

"And Iris?"

Adam's green eyes still had that vacant and glassy sheen, and Evelyn knew, even before he spoke the words, what was coming next. She fought to keep her tears from falling because if Adam could be strong, so could she.

"Safiya showed me where she'd planted our Iris, in the garden with all the other flowers."

A tear escaped Evelyn's control and rolled down her cheek as she thought about the little girl whom Adam had once described as sharing her mother's curls and her father's eyes.

"What happened to her?" Evelyn asked softly.

"She was too innocent, too beautiful for a world this ugly." Adam cleared his throat. "Casualty of the apocalypse." He said, "I wouldn't have known how to go on, after all of that but Safiya, she showed me how she'd found her peace. She showed me the serenity that no-mindedness provides and Evelyn, I know it sounds insane but, I found a way to go on living, to make the most of my time before we join Iris in the garden. The scientists had it all wrong."

"Adam?"

"Evelyn, you can't deny how much sense it makes. The reason why all this is happening to us. This is not just a virus. This is not just some disease. The world is healing itself, curing itself. This is the next step for humanity."

"It's not that simple," Evelyn insisted, "The science–"

"Forget science Evelyn-it's all just a bunch of theories and ideas that we have about the way that our world works anyway. Think of all the things you could actually see, all the things that were wrong with our world before. Climate change, overconsumption, overpopulation, risks from AI and technology, mental health and drug crises, the list goes on. Things had gotten so complicated. This is a fresh start for humanity. Maybe it is that simple–"

"Forget science?" Evelyn breathed, staring at Adam in disbelief, "Adam, you're an academic- your entire life was dedicated to studying science. You were my Biology TA!"

Adam shook his head and for the first time, Evelyn realized that for the entirety of the conversation, his tone had not shifted and that his expression had not changed. Even when he'd asked to hug her, spoken about how he'd abandoned the other scavengers, talked about the death of his daughter... Evelyn let out an involuntary gasp realizing she'd been projecting her own feelings onto him, tricking herself into believing she saw emotion reflected back to her like the mirrored mask that he still held tightly in his arms but no, beneath the reflection, there was nothing.

"You're not seeing the big picture." Adam insisted, "Call it what you want the next step in our evolution, judgment day, whatever it is that you believe. This just makes sense. The world doesn't need to be so complicated or painful–"

"How can you believe this?" Evelyn shouted, the tears she'd tried so hard to hold back were cascading down her cheeks, "How can you want the apocalypse when it killed Iris?"

"We do not want the apocalypse. We merely realize that it is necessary."

Adam's expression was still eerily composed, but Evelyn could feel the emotion bubbling up inside her, "So, the answer is to what? Destroy everything? Blow up hospitals and doctors and take out the cure? Blow up the satellites, send EMP blasts to obliterate technology?"

Adam shook his head again, "We believe that our world needs to simplify, but the Serenity Society are peacekeepers. Our organization claims no ownership of those events. People have always feared technology and medicine, the pandemic just gave them a reason to act on their fear."

"You're lying!" Evelyn shook her head furiously, her mind reeling with the whiplash of Adam's revelation. After all, she'd heard about the Serenity Society... She couldn't process the fact that this was the path he'd chosen.

"Evelyn, your family is gone." He said, in that nauseatingly gentle voice, "Join us here in peace. Help spread the word of the new world order."

Evelyn shook her head, "Adam, I can't. They're out there. I know they are. I can't stay."

"Evelyn, for someone who won the NeuroGen scholarship... I thought you were smarter than this. Your father's research position- you know they wouldn't have let him live after what he'd done..."

Evelyn's eyes widened, "What?"

"I'm sorry Evelyn," Adam said, placing his mirror mask back on as a group of armed Serenity Society members pulled open the door to the speaking room, "truly I am. We are here to help, you'll see."