Dan's POV

"You're... dating?"

"Oh my God, this is amazing!" Dodie screams in joy.

PJ and (Y/n) are dating. They're together. They like each other. It wasn't just a one time thing.

I look at (Y/n). She's smiling. She's happy. I should be happy. Why aren't I?

~~~

Your POV

PJ and I spend the day walking around London and hanging out. We head to a cute diner, and order two milkshakes and fries to share.

Once the fries come, he dramatically rolls his sleeves to his elbows. Just that movement sends my heart into a frenzy.

"So..." He starts, stirring his milkshake straw, facing down, but looking up at me with one eyebrow cocked.

"So," I repeat, placing my elbow on the table and grabbing a fry.

"You know, you never told me why you moved to London," he smiles, but I can feel my face drop. He must see it, because his face turns concerned, and he adds, "obviously, you don't have to tell me. Sorry."

"No! No, you're fine!" I insist. "I just... moved to London to kinda... leave everything behind, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I get it," he replies. He takes a fry, dips it in his milkshake, and throws it in his mouth.

I laugh. "You are so weird."

~~~

After being out for three hours, PJ receives a text from Phil.

"'Hey, guys,'" PJ reads out loud. "'I don't know how long you were planning on staying out, but Dan, Dodie and I are all heading out for sushi. I'll text you the deets if you wanna come.'" PJ looks up and raises his eyebrows at me.

"Sure, why not?"

After Phil texts PJ the address, PJ hails a taxi, as we'll just meet everyone at the restaurant. When we arrive, the entrance to the restaurant is underground. We walk down the stairs, and enter the restaurant. The second I walk trough the doors, the smell of seafood slaps me in the face. The restaurant has a red and black, ultramodern theme. Right in front of me, I see a huge flame of fire erupt from a grill, followed by applause. Good thing we're not getting hibachi, as fire isn't exactly my favorite thing in the world.

"Oh, they're over here," PJ waves at Phil, and we walk to a U-shaped booth tucked away in the corner of the restaurant. PJ sidesteps so I slide into the booth first, and he sits down next to me. Dan is at the end of the booth, and Dodie and Phil are across from me.

"So... How was your date?" Dodie purrs, placing her chin in her hands with a girlish smile on her face. I don't know if I'm just imagining it, but it Dan seems to cringe on the world 'date.'

"It was fun!" I reply, grinning back at her. Dodie's the kind of person that when she smiles, you can help but smile back.

"Ugh, when we leave, I'm going to your apartment and you're going to tell me everything."

I get an overwhelming feeling of unfamiliarity. Yeah, I've had girl friends, but that term was used very loosely. If I was with a guy, they would either tell me about every girl he's been with(including themselves), or just not care at all. It's good to have someone who really cares.

Soon, a petite waitress with curly, blonde hair and tan skin comes over to take our order. She looks like she must've just been at a Vogue photo shoot before coming here.

"Hi, there!" She greets us in an almost unnaturally high tone. "Are you all ready to order?" She looks expectantly at Phil.

"Oh! Um, I'll get the... squid salad!" He exclaims, picking a random option from the menu. We all snort in surprise. "What? It could be good!" He says defensively.

"I'll have the sashimi platter," smiles Dodie, folding up her menu and placing it on top of Phil's.

"And how about you?" She asks sweetly, looking at Dan.

"I'll be getting the... beef tataki," he answers suavely, smiling at the waitress.

"Good choice!" She replies too excitedly, writing down his order. They hold eye contact a millisecond too long, and I can't repress the anger that builds up in my chest. Why the hell am I angry that someone's flirting with Dan?  I'm with PJ, who's an amazingly sweet, humorous, and attractive guy, who actually cares about me.

"(Y/n)?" I'm knocked out of my daze as I feel PJ place his hand on my shoulder. I look at him with confusion etched into my face. "It's your turn to order," he explains.

"Oh... oh!" I shout. "I'll get the chicken yakidori." I look at the waitress. She gives me a judgmental look, and I get the uncomfortable feeling of being x-rayed.

"Um... okay, then..." she says, almost disapprovingly, as she writes down my order. "I'll be right back with that," she grabs the menus, and sashays away. Dan looks down at his lap with a stupid smirk on his face.

"Oi!" I let out a small shriek as PJ places his arm around me, and everyone looks at me in surprise.

"Sorry, I zoned out again," I give a nervous laugh, looking at PJ. "And you just kinda scared me." I slide closer into PJ, trying my best to cover my uncomfortableness. No one seems to notice, and they resume their conversation.

Soon, the waitress comes back, carrying all our plates. I eat my food silently and mechanically, still in a daze for who knows what reason. I feel numb, or really, I don't feel anything. I sit back in my seat, my face formed in an expression that can only look robotic, and somehow can't comprehend the conversation going on around me.

Everyone eventually finishes eating and we get the bill, which Dan pays for. I know I should be standing up or putting my jacket on, but for some reason I can't make myself move. It's not until everyone else starts standing up that I eventually do the same. I follow Dodie and Phil as we walk single file out of the restaurant, PJ and Dan behind me. At least, I thought Dan was behind us, until we got outside.

"Hey, where's Dan?" Phil asks nobody in particular. As everyone's walked past me now and I'm closest to the restaurant door, I go back inside to see where he disappeared to. It takes me a second of looking around until I see him at the hostess booth, talking to our server. I'm about to walk toward him and tell them we're supposed to be leaving, when I see the waitress hand him back his phone, and tosses her hair obnoxiously. I see Dan's lips move as he says something else, winks at her, and starts walking my way. I run back outside before he sees me, and catch up to everyone else.

"Is he in there?" PJ asks.

"Yeah," I reply monotonously. "He was just talking to the waitress for some reason." I try to sound as nonchalant as possible, but PJ is still gazing at me with a pallid look. "What?" I snarl harshly.

"Nothin, I guess," he mumbles, sticking his hands in his pocket and looking in the other direction. What is wrong with me?

Dan walks up to us, thumbs sticking out of his pockets and a cheeky smirk plastered on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" Dodie's the first one to ask.

"Nothing, Nothing," Dan smiles. "Except I just got the number of our waitress."

"What?" Replies Phil. "Good job, mate!"

"I knew it!" Laughs Dodie. "She was totally flirting with you, and couldn't keep her eyes off you! Right, (Y/n)?"

"What? Oh, uh yeah, totally," I answer lamely. I make eye contact with PJ, who looks incredibly derisive. I stay silent, looking at the cracked sidewalk beneath me.

We get two separate cabs, Phil, Dan, and Dodie in one, and PJ and I in the other. Pj holds the door open for me, and I slide across the seat.

We sit in awkwardly for about five minutes, until PJ decides to break the silence.

"Did you have fun today?" He asks.

"Yeah, i did," I reply bleakly.

PJ huffs. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just tired." I smile weakly at him, then look back out the window.

"I know something's up." He pauses, then adds, "if you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but I need you to communicate with me at some point."

"I know." I say, still not looking at him. He makes a frustrated noise, but gives up. 

It's as if an invisible vacuum cleaner has sucked all emotion out of me, leaving me a hollow shell. I don't see anything, I don't hear anything, I don't feel anything. It's as if the whole world's gone black and white.

All five of us walk up the stairs to the apartment, everyone giggling and joking around, except PJ and I. Dan and Phil head into their apartment, and Dodie takes my keys and lets herself into mine. Once both doors are closed, we're left alone.

"If you need anything, I'm only a few feet away." He gives a weak laugh, and pecks me on my forehead, instinctively making me close my eyes for a second as his lips touch my head. He places his hand gently on my shoulder for a second, smiles at me, and heads into Dan and Phil's apartment.

Part of me is screaming at myself, what the hell are you doing, you're fucking everything up! That part of me is telling me to run in there after him, hug him, kiss him, and tell him that this isn't his fault. Explain to him why I'm the way I am. I'm ridiculously lucky to have him, and yet, part of me doesn't know if that's true. Part of me just wants to curl up in a nest of blankets and pillows and all sorts of warm, soft things, and never leave. Part of me wants to just push him away, get rid of him, tell him I don't want him. But why?

~~~

Dodie and I spend the night gossiping, joking around, eating junk food, and watching the most ridiculous movies we could find on Netflix. She asked me about PJ once, but after seeing the way I reacted, she forgot about it. After whatever episode I was having last night, she helped me forget about it, and I had one of the most refreshing and enjoyable nights that I've had in a long time. However, as I laid in bed, the only audible sound Dodie's snores coming from the couch outside, the thoughts swarming my mind were making it impossible to sleep.

Why do I feel this way? Why does seeing Dan flirting with a random girl stir a dangerous part of me, while being with PJ doesn't excite me as much as it should? Why can't I just appreciate what I have?

One thing I know for sure, though. I'm not letting these ridiculous emotions get in the way of my happiness. It's time for me to change.

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Hey guys! Sorry it's taken so long to update, I've been ridiculously busy with school, work, etc. but even with me taking forever to write, I'm still getting positive comments and such, which always make my day, so thank you guys sooo much!

Please share and vote, and I'll see you in the next chapter 💜