Your POV

"If I stay here one more day, I am going to fucking murder someone."

One week later, I'm still stuck in the hospital. Not only because of the physical distress my body is attempting to heal, but also the fact that my mental health has completely deteriorated.

Bryce, who has been my nurse everyday so far, chuckles as he draws my blood, something I've grown incredibly annoyed of. "I mean, I think if you did that, you'd only be kept here longer," he responds.

"No, because they'd send me to prison, hopefully," I grumble.

"Well, at least you have people visiting you everyday," he replies. "Every time that boyfriend of yours shows up, your face completely lights up."

I sigh heavily. "He's not my boyfriend. At least, not anymore."

"Try telling him that," Bryce responds, standing up and patting me in the shoulder. "By the way, you're meeting with the psychiatrist at three."

I roll my eyes as he leaves. Yes, Dan has come to visit me every single day, but the behavior between us has been completely platonic. I still hadn't grown the balls to bring up the elephant in the room, and I think we're putting it off until I'm in a better place.

That is, if he even wants to discuss it. For all I know, he's now completely repulsed by the idea of dating me.

Who can blame him?

I struggle out of bed, which in itself can take up to five minutes. I had been going to physical therapy everyday, and I was becoming stronger, but it was still nearly impossible. I use the bathroom, and stand in front of the mirror. I make a valiant attempt of pulling my hair into a ponytail, but I can't move my arms high enough, and decide to just leave it down. As I step out of the bathroom, an elderly lady I don't recognize leans against the closed door.

"Who're you?" I ask bluntly, frozen in my tracks.

"I'm Dr. Marie. Please, have a seat," she says, motioning to my bed.

"I mean, considering it's my room, I was planning on doing that anyway," I retort, sitting in my bed and pushing the button until I'm seated at around an eighty degree angle. I used to be shy around doctors, but I realized a long time ago it's more efficient to be up front with them.

"Okay, so...you came in here after a situation of physical domestic abuse?" She asks, narrowing her eyes as she reads from her clipboard.

"Yeah," I answer.

"And...this has happened on more than one occasion?" She looks up at me, and I nod my head. "So, you struggle with depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD, suicidal ideation, and anorexia?"

"And substance abuse," I add. It still irks me that some doctors don't act like addiction is a mental illness.

"Okay...so, with the damage that had been done, if tour body had been in a healthy state, you most likely would have been discharged. However, you were severely malnourished, and due to your mental illness relapse, you could be considered a danger to yourself."

I roll my eyes, mainly because everything she's saying, I've heard a thousand times before. "Uh, huh," I reply bluntly.

"You've been eating all your meals since you've gotten here?" I nod my head. "Has that been a struggle for you?"

"Yup."

"Have you had the urge to hurt yourself, or anyone else?"

"Not really, no."

"Have you been experiencing drug withdrawal?"

"Uh, huh."

"If you could describe the way you're feeling in one word, what would it be?"

This is literally one of the stupidest questions doctors think to ask. Mainly because most of the time, there isn't any way to explain the way I'm feeling, even with all the words in the world.

"Numb." The same answer I've given every time since I was thirteen years old.

"You were doing quite well, mentally, until a few weeks ago. What happened?"

"I was exposed to substances, and I relapsed. I slowly started spiraling, until my boyfriend figured out what was going on, and we broke up. I moved in with my friend, who always had weed, and smoked every single day since then. That was around four weeks ago."

"Have you spoken to your ex boyfriend since then?"

I nod my head. "He was the one who kept James - the abuser - from killing me. He's visited me everyday since I've been out in here."

"So you're still on good terms with him?"

"I wasn't when we broke up, we weren't even talking to each other. However, my friend Macy was talking to him behind my back, and had texted him when James came to hurt me."

"Hm..." she mumbles, scribbling on her clipboard.

We continue talking about other random stuff for about another half hour, before she says she's done. "I think I'll be prescribing you antidepressants, along with something for anxiety, and will probably sign you up with a therapist that you'll have to see for a few months, at the very least."

I sigh heavily, rubbing my temples. "Okay. You have my records, right? Because I've been on plenty of meds that I know don't work, and I don't want those to be the ones you prescribed."

"Yes, we also have all your records." She stands up, stretching slightly. "I'll probably see you tomorrow, (y/n)."

"Bye," I reply monotonously, staring at a spot in front of me. As she exits the room, someone else comes in, and I turn to see Dan standing in the doorway, a dorky smile on his face.

"Took you long enough. It's already four and you've only now just shown up," I whine sarcastically.

"Hey, I got here an hour ago, but they made me wait outside the door," he replies defensively.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, sure." He laughs, taking the seat Dr. Marie was in.

"So, how's your day been?" He asks casually, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Absolute shit," I immediately answer. "Physical therapy is probably more painful than when I actually got the shit beat out of me, they're now starting me on medication, and I have no idea when I'm gonna get the fuck out of here."

Dan nods his head in understanding. "Well, it seems like you've been getting a lot better, and you look a lot better. You also seem a bit better mentally, as well. I mean, I obviously can't say anything for sure, but from what I've seen, I'd think you'd be getting out of here soon enough."

"Yeah, I hope so," I reply, running my hands through a knot in my hair.

"Have you decided when you're going to return to the internet?" He asks, and I shrug my shoulders.

"I dunno, because I can't really film a video, and I have no idea how I'd explain everything that's happened, anyway. Besides, being on a break from the internet is kind of refreshing."

"Wow, I can't relate," he replies laughing.

"Well, yeah, but that's because if you didn't have the internet, you'd literally be a hermit."

"Yeah, you're right." His eyes crinkle in the corners as he laughs, and I can't take my gaze away from him. He looks at me, the smile on his face completely genuine as his dimples deepen, and it's as if I'm falling in love with him all over again.

Suddenly, before I end up doing something incredibly awkward, the door to my room bursts open, Dan and I both jumping out of our skin. Dodie and Phil both come in, followed by a flustered Macy. However, what catches me off guard is the two grocery bags Dodie and Phil are holding, which they place on the counter across from my bed.

"Hello!" Dodie exclaims, like the host of a tv show. "I've realized you must be completely miserable here, so I had the great idea to bring a few things that might cheer you up."

I narrow my eyes in confusion while Dan chuckles. "Um, okay. What did you bring?"

"I'm so glad you asked." She turns to one of the bags, and starts pulling things out. "I have brought...an adorable stuffed bear, an incredibly warm blanket, and...food!" I nearly snort as she dumps out the rest of one of the bags, which contains a container of Oreos, brownies, chocolate bars, candy, and chips.

"Um, you do realize they have me on three thousand calories a day, right?"

She rolls her eyes. "Oh, don't think all this food is for you. It's just because everything they have here tastes like cardboard. And anyway, you could use the extra calories, anyway."

I laugh. "Yeah, whatever."

Dan's POV

Even with the hollowness prominent in her cheeks, and the sickly tone of her skin, the light has started to ignite itself in her eyes again. I can still see the pain behind them, but there's just a little bit of happiness, as well. And every time I look at her, I gain just a little bit more hope that maybe, everything will end up being okay.

As she laughs with everyone else, I can't help but sit on the outside looking in, observing and enjoying everything going on. The smile on her face is genuine, her laughs are filled with humor and joy, each one sending an explosion of fireworks throughout my chest.

God, I fucking love her.

Your POV

I don't want to be here right now.

Well, what I really mean is, I don't want anyone else to be here right now.

I'm trying my best to act happy, and excited, and energetic, but the only thing I want right now is for everyone to leave, and let me take a nap. Depression sits like a heavy rock in the pit of my stomach, and all I want to do is escape, at least for a little bit.

Luckily, only a few minutes later, Bryce comes in.

"Time for your meds, (y/n). You might want to say goodbye to your friends, as these will knock you right out." Bryce gives me a knowing grin, as if he can tell I want nothing more than to be alone right now. I give him a thankful smile, before downing the pills.

Macy's POV

Maybe (y/n)'s friends don't notice how miserable she is right now. Which I can't really blame them, because to an extent, they've never really seen the miserable side of her. She's always been the type of person to keep her emotions on lockdown, but after knowing her for as long as I have, I can see right through her. I would ask her if she was okay, but I know she'd insist she's fine, even if she wasn't.

Luckily, the nurse comes not much later after we arrived, and we're told it's probably in our best interest to leave, as she'll be knocked out pretty soon.

Phil, Dodie, and I say goodbye, and stand outside as Dan talks to her for a second. I stand in the doorway, watching them, and even though I can't hear what he's saying, a genuine smile lights up on her face. He kisses her on the forehead, before saying goodbye, and leaving. A huge grin sits on his face, and as he notices me looking at him, redness spreads in his cheeks. I only smirk, before turning around and walking toward Dodie and Phil.

Dan's POV

My face turns red as I realize Macy had been watching me, but she only smirks before turning around. The entire way home, my head spins with confusion on what's going on right now.

I'm still in love with (Y/n). However, I feel like I'm at a complete standstill. I have no idea how she feels about me, and I don't want to put that sort of pressure on her, especially right now.

I don't even realize it's our stop, until Dodie taps me on the shoulder, her and Phil both standing up. I stretch a bit, before standing up, and following them off the train and out of the Underground.

Sprinkles of rain fall onto our heads, but not enough to be in any sort of panic. However, as I look ahead of us, dark storm clouds seem to be coming in our direction. Luckily, almost as soon as we get to our apartment, it's as if God's pouring a never-ending bucket of water onto us. The sound of echoing rain fills the entire building, and as we enter our own apartment, I can barely see anything besides a dark void from outside my window. I sit cross-legged on the hardwood floor, staring out the misty glass, letting my eyes gloss over as I resist focusing on one specific thing.

I know there's no way life is going to go back to the way it was before, and I'm fine with that. Sometimes, when terrible things like this happen, an even better version of yourself is able to rise from the ashes.

A knock on my door brings me back to reality, and I turn to see Phil standing in the doorway, a plain expression painted on his face. He walks toward me, sitting down next to me and staring out the window. After a second, I take my eyes off him, and look back out into the storm.

Phil sighs, and I know he's about to say something that's been on his mind for awhile. "Where do you stand, right here, right now?"

I look at him, and he turns to me, a stoney expression on his face. I have to think for a second, before realizing I don't really have an answer. "Um, I dunno. I mean, I still love her, but I don't know how she feels about me." I sigh, before continuing, "If she's no longer in love with me, I don't know what I would do."

Phil gives a short laugh. "I don't think she could ever fall out of love with you. Even with everything that's happened, she still looks at you with the same energy in her eyes. She's head over heels, and no matter what happens, I don't think that could ever go away."

I shrug, but my heart lightens just a bit, as I know everything Phil says is the truth. This isn't something he'd lie about with me. "I don't know. I know we'll never be able to go back to the way we were before, and there's some sort of wall that's been built between us. Even with time, I don't know if either of us will be able to break that wall down."

"You two are literally soulmates, anyone can see that," he immediately answers. "Even accounts that used to ship the two of us have rebranded, and now make edits of you and her. Everyone supports your relationship, no matter where they stood before, as they can tell with her, you're truly happy."

"I was happy with the relationship we had before," I counter. "I was happy with the idea of her, she was right. She said I couldn't handle the rarest part of her, and as much as I hate it, I think she's right about that."

"I think what she means is, you can't handle the dark things on your own. But you guys are a team, and have to work together."

"Yeah, but..." I drift off, not even knowing how to argue my case anymore.

"You guys will figure it out. You always do." He stands up, rubbing the imaginary dust off his pants. "You just need to talk about it. I know that's something neither of you are good at, but you have to."

He leaves the room, leaving me with nothing but my thoughts, and the storm outside that matches the storm going on inside my head.

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I'm actually in a really good mood right now, although I think I need a nap. If you're enjoying this story, please vote, and maybe even follow, it really helps a lot. Thank you all so much for the never ending support, and I'll talk to you all later. 💜