If I were to write another fanfic after this one, who would you guys want to read one about? It can be another Dan one, or someone else. I don't really plan on continuing my Dodie story, at least not for now, but if any of you have any ideas, please let me know. 💜

Dan's POV

Just the fact that I know (y/n) is still alive, and doesn't want me dead, has improved my mood tenfold. I'm able to get out of bed, and eat, and talk, and focus all my energy on trying to figure out how to save her.

My main motivation is the fact that I still love her, and if there's even a sliver of chance that she still loves me, then I'm willing to put my all into this.

By Dodie and Phil's reaction, I think they're just happy that I'm actually beginning to become a functioning person again.

"I feel like we're at a standstill," Dodie admits as we sit in the lounge. "I mean, until we hear from Macy again, I feel like there's nothing we can really do. We have no idea where she even is, and (y/n)'s not going to answer any of our messages."

I sigh heavily, using every ounce of mind power to think of any sort of solution. However, there's none.

"Don't you know where her mom lives?" Phil asks.

I shake my head. "I have no idea where it is, except that it's in a small town, in the middle of a suburban neighborhood." Besides, from what I've heard about (y/n)'s mom, and from what I know about (y/n), she probably hasn't even told her mom that she's no longer in London.

Now that I've somehow awoken from a bit of my depression, even though I'm still a bit miserable, I realize that I still need to continue living. And because of that, I need to make a living. So, I decide to make a video.

I spend a lot more time on this video than I usually do, probably because I have nothing else to do, and I need something to distract myself.

Into the second hour of editing, Phil knocks on my door and walks in. "Hey, you're doing something!"

I laugh. "Wow, I can't believe I'm being praised for doing my job.

"Well, considering you've barely even gotten out of your bed these last few weeks, I'm pretty proud of you." He hesitates, before adding, "I'm really glad you're staring to feel better."

"Yeah, me, too," I reply, smiling at him. He grins, before turning around, and walking back out of my room.

Your POV

"How do I even know if I can trust you anymore?" I shout at Macy, heat rising to my face. As I had woken up from my nap, I immediately caught her with my phone in her hands, going through my texts.

She rolls her eyes, which only angers me more. "You're literally fucking James, and you're trying to talk about trust." I clench my jaw in frustration, running my hands through my hair as she continues. "And anyway, have you even read these messages? You act like no one cares, when they obviously do. Dan still loves you, Dodie and Phil still care about you, they all need you. They're miserable without you."

"They're miserable without the old me!" I exclaim. "The me they knew, who acted like everything was fine, and was naive to think I could be okay. But I cracked, and I'm no longer the person they knew. They say they miss me, but if they saw who I was now, they would run for the hills."

Macy rolls her eyes. "Why can't you talk to them? Why are you letting yourself be miserable? After seeing how good you were doing, I can't stand for this anymore!" Tears well up in her eyes, and I realize how much this is really hurting her.

I look at my hands, guilt overcoming me. "I'm...I'm sorry, Mace. I just, I just can't do that anymore. I feel like shit, and I just don't think there's any going back, not anymore."

Macy grabs one of my hands, entwining it with her own. "But that's what depression does to you, (y/n). It makes you believe you can't get better. It makes you feel like the only direction you can ever go in is down. You over generalize everything, and no matter how hard anyone tries, for some reason, you can't get it through your head that, just maybe, life doesn't have to be miserable."

"But it is," I mumble, tears stinging my eyes. "I don't have anything to do with my time, except lie around. James is in complete control of me, and there's nothing I can do about it. And it's like I don't even care anymore. I used to be strong headed, and stand up for myself, but now, it's like nothing even matters."

"But it does," Macy immediately retorts. "You have this distorted thinking that everything's always going to be bad, and there's nothing you can do about it. But that's just not true."

I sigh heavily. "Okay, fine. What if I do talk to Dan? Once he sees what I'm like now, I know he's not going to want anything to do with me. I've thrown my life away, and he's made it pretty clear that he can't handle that. It's toxic for both of us."

Macy shrugs her shoulder. "You'll never know unless you try."

James' POV

"I know there's something going on," I grumble, clenching my hands into fists. "The dirty whore is hiding something, and Macy knows about it. They think I'm a fucking idiot."

Ethan rolls his eyes, filling the bong under the sink. "You gotta put her in her place, man. She needs to know you're not going to keep taking her shit."

"You think I haven't tried?" I growl, slamming my palm into the wall aggressively. "I've confronted her more than once, yet she still thinks she can be a sneaky little shit."

"Well, I guess you have to try harder," Ethan shrugs. "I mean, whatever it is you're doing, it isn't working. Maybe you're just being too easy on her, making her think you've gone soft."

I roll my eyes, leaning back in a chair and taking a hit from my cigarette. "Whatever," I mumble.

I don't want to hurt (y/n), I don't know when she'll get that through her head. But when she acts like she owns me, like she's above me, I know I have to put her in her place. She plays the victim every time, but doesn't realize she's the reason I do this.

I love (y/n), and every time I do anything to her, whether I hurt her physically, or yell at her, or whatever, I can't help but hate myself after. But I can't stop myself, and it's as if she knows this, and does everything in her control to antagonize me.

I need to do something that puts her in her place, once and for all.

Macy's POV

When (y/n)'s not looking, I'm able to send Dan, Dodie, and Phil's contact information to my own phone, so I can contact them without it seeming like I'm sneaking around. As (y/n) and I watch a movie, I text them.

Group Chat: Macy, Daniel, Dodie, Phil

Macy
It's Macy. I got your numbers from (y/n)'s phone if that's okay with you. I wanted to be able to text you without sneaking around.

Dodie
Okay cool. How is she doing?

Macy
Idk really. I tried talking to her about how she needs to at least try, but I think she still believes none of you want anything to do with the 'broken' version of her.

Macy
I'm not trying to put the blame on anyone, but I think her biggest problem is with Dan. She still loves you, a lot, but thinks you don't love her that way anymore.

Dodie
She couldn't be any more wrong, honestly

Dan
I just want her to know I still love her, and the fact that she has these problems isn't enough to make that ever stop

Macy
But do you think you could still be in a relationship with her? I think that's what she's worried about

Dan
Obviously. I love her with all my heart

Dan
The things I said that night were mainly out of frustration. I told her I couldn't handle her anymore, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. That's why all I want is to just be able to talk to her

Phil
See, both of you are still on the same page. We just need to get the two of you to talk

Macy
Yeah, but the only problem is Idk if she'd be willing to do that. She thinks, if you guys got back together, she'd only be hurting the both of you

Macy
I feel like I'm just starting to get somewhere with her tho. I guess I can just keep talking to her, until eventually she's willing to talk to you. Until then, though, I think you might need to just wait

Dan
Ugh

Dan
Is she still with James

Macy
I wouldn't call it them being a relationship. More like James acts like they're in a relationship, and she's too scared to tell him they're not.

Dan
Fuck

Macy
I'll get her figured out as fast as possible. I can't see her like this much longer, either

Dan
Thanks, Macy

Dodie
Just keep us updated on everything going on with her. I just want to always be sure she's okay

Macy
Will do

I turn off my phone, sighing heavily.

"What is it?" (Y/n) asks, turning to face me from her spot on the couch.

"Oh, uh, nothing," I quickly reply. "Jack is just trying to get free kush out of me." I give a nervous laugh, hoping she won't see through it. Luckily, she only chuckles back, before turning back to the movie.

Right now, everything feels like it's at a standstill. And I'm the one responsible for getting the ball rolling.

Of course.

Dan's POV

"This is so frustrating," I moan, running my hands through my hair. I can't help but think of how lust would fill (y/n)'s eyes every time I did that, and how I made it more of a habit just for her.

It feels like now, everything reminds me of her.

"I know," Dodie replies sympathetically. "I just want her back here. If she needs help, she can get it, but I want her here."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to be patient," Phil says. "We can't help (y/n) until she wants to be helped."

I sigh heavily, leaning against the back of the couch.

When I told (y/n) that what she was doing hurt me, I never stopped to think about the fact that maybe I was hurting her, as well.

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Wow somehow I not only somehow got everything I needed for Homecoming less that 24 hours before it happened, I was also somehow able to sneak in even though I wasn't allowed. Also, even though I was stuck in a crowd of nearly every kid in my school, I never even came close to having an anxiety attack. Needless to say, I'm proud of myself.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm so happy to be able to write again, and hopefully I'll be posting more often now. Please vote, comment, and maybe even follow me if you really want to, and I'll see you later! 💜