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77. Confide in Me

Dan's POV - two weeks later

"The last few weeks have been a little difficult for me, as you can probably imagine. I've been trying my best to get through them, but it's, I guess, it's taking longer than I had expected." I sigh, wiping my eyes wearily. "So, um, I'm going to be taking a break for a little bit. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'm hoping, with the support of you guys, I'll be back sometime soon. So, um, yeah, I guess I'll see you guys later."

I turn off the camera, and bury my face in my hands. The video I just made sounds literally nothing like me. No jokes, no self deprecating humor, not even an attempt to lighten the mood. I just laid everything out in the open, and don't plan on editing the footage. I made sure to mention to not send any hate to (y/n), saying this has nothing to do with her. However, from the way her social media had become a ghost town, I doubt she'd even see it.

Before today, I had made countless attempts to film videos. I couldn't even film gaming videos with Phil, which is something that's always been able to lift my mood. My brain had become a monotonous desert, and I wasn't able to think about anything but the darkness set inside my head. I've even started to wonder if my antidepressants had been replaced by sugar pills, as my life has completely gone into greyscale.

I don't even know if I want to try anymore.

Your POV

"Have you seen Dan's channel?" As I lie on Macy's couch, wallowing as usual, Macy walks in with her phone. My heart drops at the sound of his name, and I immediately sit up.

"No, I haven't been on social media in forever," I reply, stretching. "Why?"

"You need to see this." She hands her phone to me, and after a second's hesitance, I press play.

Only after the first thirty seconds, pressure builds behind my eyes, and after two minutes, I'm completely crying. If Macy wasn't sitting right here next to me, I would have shut off the video, but I know she won't let me. The video is incredibly poor quality, as if he filmed it on his phone, and I can tell this is his first attempt at it. He seems distracted, and broken.

Just seeing his face and hearing his voice haunts me, and the look in his eyes makes me want to scream. I can tell how much he's hurting, and knowing I'm the reason behind it gives me the urge to jump in front of a train.

"I just want you guys to know, this has nothing to do with (y/n). I mean, it does, but I don't want any of you to shoot any hate her way, as none of this is her fault, and she doesn't deserve that." He takes a deep breath, and as if he's finally cracked, his eyes glaze over. "I...I'm sorry, (y/n). I'm really sorry."

He says a few more words, and the video ends. I shut the phone off, close my eyes, and cover my mouth. Macy wraps her arm around me, and I fall into her grasp.

"If you still believe he doesn't care, you need a bloody reality check," she says, and as I look up at her, there's no sympathy in her expression. It's only stone. "You need to do something about this. Before one of you get to the point where you can't go back."

"I...I can't," I sigh. "I mean, I know you think I should, but I just can't. He doesn't want me anymore. He's just worried that if something were to happen to me, he doesn't want to feel like he's responsible."

Macy rolls her eyes, and to my surprise, she starts yelling out of frustration. "Okay, (y/n), I'm just going to be fucking honest here. You need to get out of your bubble. You're thinking only about yourself, wallowing in your own sadness. And trust me, I know right now things are hard. But you're strong, and we all know that this isn't you. I've said this a thousand times, and I'll say it again; I'm not going to let you give up. You either need to get off your ass, and talk to Dan, or at least get some fucking help. Because this isn't the real you."

She storms out of the room, leaving me to think of everything she's said. I sit in shock, not able to comprehend what just happened.

Deep down, I know Macy's right. I know I need to get off my ass, as if I keep going the way I am now, it's not going to last. I'm not going to last.

Dan's POV

I can barely leave my bed, let alone do anything else. Phil basically begs me to leave the apartment, even just for a little bit, every morning. However, I always decline, not even speaking more than a handful of words a day. The only reason I eat is because Phil brings food into my room, placing it on my bedside table, and I know I have to eat if I want to survive.

However, that's all I'm doing. Barely surviving.

Suddenly, someone stomps into my room, pulling my blinds open, and sunlight touches my skin for the first time in weeks.

"That's it, this is an intervention." I peak my head up through my duvet, and Dodie stands in front of me, her hands on her hips. "I'm sick of you moping around, I'm sick of my boyfriend always having a stress headache because he's petrified of what's going on with you, and I'm sick of it basically feeling as if the world has just frozen."

I let my eyes adjust to the light before sitting up and stretching. "What are you talking about?" I croak, my voice cracking.

She rolls her eyes. "If I knew you were wearing clothes under that duvet, I'd pull you out right now. However, since I'm not willing to be scarred for life, I'm just going to warn you that if you're not in the kitchen in ten minutes, I'll do it anyway." And just like that, she's out of my room, slamming my door behind me.

Ugh.

I guess she's right.

I crawl out of bed for the first time in days, stretching, and walking to my closet. I pull out the first thing I see, which happens to be an oversized shirt and sweatpants. If I'm going to be forced out of bed, I might as well be comfortable.

I walk into the kitchen, where Dodie and Phil sit, waiting for me. "See, I told you he was gonna come out," Dodie says cheerfully, looking up at Phil.

"Hm, well, it's good to see you out of your bed for a change."

I yawn again, still not completely sure why I even left my room. "Okay. Why am I here?" I ask bluntly.

"Because you're going to start living again," Dodie replies. "And as phil told you, you have around three options. One, wallow in pity, two, win (y/n) back, three, move on. Obviously, we're not allowing the first one, and you're gonna have to make a decision right now."

I sigh heavily, leaning against the wall and rubbing my temple. "Do I really have to, though?"

Dodie and Phil both stare at me, answering my question without speaking.

"I...I'm not ready to move on," I reply bluntly.

"Great!" Dodie cheers, clapping her hands together so loudly that both Phil and I flinch. "So, we're gonna have to find a way to win her back!"

"She doesn't want me back," I mumble. "If she did, she wouldn't be ignoring me. She wouldn't have left."

Dodie rolls her eyes. "For someone who's in love with (y/n), it really feels like you know absolutely nothing about her." I raise my eyebrows, and she continues, "Trust me, she's not over you. The only reason you think that is because she thinks you don't want her, either. Both of you are stuck in this self deprecating mindset that no one would want you. You're both strong headed, and it's basically impossible to get through to either of you. However, that doesn't mean I'm gonna let either of you give up."

I sigh heavily, resting my eyes. "With all respect, Dodie, I don't think that's going to work."

She throws up her arms in frustration. "God, you're annoying!" She shouts, running her fingers through her hair. "You know, I also lost someone. I lost one of the best friends I've ever had, and I can't sleep at night, because I don't even know if she's alive right now. I miss her every second of every day. However, instead of sitting around, I want to do something about it. I've been waiting the last three weeks for you to pull yourself back together, but now I'm officially sick of it." She finishes this rant with her panting, her face burning crimson.

A few tense seconds go by as I try to make sense of her words, twisting them around in my mind. "I'm...I'm sorry, Dodie." And I mean it. However, she only huffs, closing her eyes and rubbing them with her knuckles.

Macy's POV

I try to talk to (y/n), but she's completely closed herself off, and all the progress I thought we had made in the last few days has completely disintegrated. She had a meltdown in the kitchen, crying her eyes out until I finally cracked and let her smoke. I remember her usual meltdown routine, and just like she used to, she ends up falling asleep as the sobbing wears out her frail figure. As she lies on the couch, completely conked out underneath a thin blanket, I realize I need to do something.

(Y/n) has a password on her phone, but luckily, she hasn't changed it since she moved, and I'm able to get into it after my first try. As I find her text messages, my heart drops at the spam of messages from Dan, along with her friends.

Dodie
Three weeks ago
Hey, I know Dan did I rly stupid thing, but we all still need you. I still need you. Please come back, or at least contact me.

Two weeks ago
Dan hasn't left his room in days, and I know he really misses you, but doesn't have the balls to say anything.

Ten days ago
I feel like everything is falling apart without you. You became the glue of all four of us. Dan is ruining Phil, which is now ruining me. Can you at least tell us you're okay?

Six days ago
I miss you so much. Even if you don't want to talk to Dan, at least talk to me.

Daniel
Three weeks ago
Can you at least call me? I didn't mean what I said.

Two weeks ago
I need you, I miss you, I can't stop thinking about you. I love you.

Twelve days ago
Please, I didn't mean to hurt you, and I need to at least know that you're okay. You mean so much to me, and I was an atrocious dumpster fire. Can you please text or call me, even just a word to let me know you're alive.

Ten days ago
I was so fucking selfish and weak. I never deserved you, but I need you. Please, I love you

Dan hadn't send another message for the last week, and he must've given up. However, after seeing his most recent YouTube video, I can't be that surprised.

As I scroll just a bit through her contacts, I'm surprised to see a single, unread message from Phil. When I click on it, I have to scroll up, as it's a whole paragraph.

Phil
Three days ago
(Y/n), without you, everything is falling apart at the seams. The entire apartment feels like a ghost town. I haven't seen dan leave his bed in days, I only ever hear him when he gets up to use the bathroom. His depression has come back, and have hit him ten times harder than I've ever seen. I don't say that as a way to make you feel guilty, but rather to tell you that we need you, and want you to come back. I don't know what Dan said to you, but whatever it is, he obviously regrets it. He won't talk to me, or even eat, and frankly, he looks like he's dying. He needs you.
Dodie is trying to seem fine, but I can see right through it. She cries almost everyday, and is ten times more irritable and angry than usual. She's not her usual joking, lovely, kind self, and has basically become a totally different person. I've tried talking to her, but she immediately dismisses me, acting as if she's fine, but I know she's not. She needs you. Even if you won't come back for Dan, even if you can't forgive him, at least come back for her. She's hurting, and I think you're the only person who can help her.
Without your positive energy radiating throughout the apartment, I feel like a caffeine addict without coffee(something I'm sure both of us can relate to). Idk if you ever thought I was worried about you moving into the apartment, but honestly, you are probably one of the best things that have happened to both Dan and I. Heck, if it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't have needed ended up with Dodie. You're confusing, and multidimensional, and interesting, and basically a female version of Dan. With you gone, it's like all the energy has been taken from the three of us.
I don't know how to finish this, but I just need you to know that all three of us need you, whether you believe it or not. Please come back.

I narrow my eyes at the text messages. Is (y/n) not reading these? Or is there just a certain part of her brain that's not letting her believe them?

However, if I've realized anything from this, I realize I'm going to have to be the one person to give the first nudge.

I find a group chat with all four of them, and send a simple text.

This is (y/n)'s friend, Macy. For some reason, she's not willing to talk, but I am.

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Hiya, I know a lot of the time, people don't read these, and if you're reading this awhile after I post this chapter, it probably doesn't apply to you. However, I might go MIA for a week or two. It's nothing big, and I don't really want to get into it, but just wanted to let you guys know so you don't think I've abandoned this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you all later 💜

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