Your POV

Sex is kinda scary.

No, Dan and I did not fuck.

Sex used to be so easy for me. Maybe because I used it as a distraction, or lust, but I don't think never in my life I've had sex because of love.

Maybe that's why I'm so petrified of the thought of doing it with Dan. Because I'd be putting myself in an incredibly vulnerable situation, admitting how much I love him, something I've never had to do with anyone. It'll be opening a while new door for me, which isn't something I'm not used to.

Dan and I fell asleep cuddled next to each other, our bodies entwined and inseparable, his arm wrapped around me as I slept with my face buried in his chest, wanting to take in as much of him as possible. Even when I wake up in the morning, no part of me wants to leave. I focus on the steady ins and outs of his breathing, the minuscule snores escaping him. The way his chest rises and falls puts me into a trance, never wanting to think or do anything else for the rest of my life.

Too bad that sort of thing can't last.

Dan gives a dramatic sigh as he wakes up, his chest expanding and making me push my face back. "G'morning," he mumbles, his eyes still closed. He then squints them as if just filled with pain. "My head is pounding."

I chuckle. "For some reason, I seem to remember you calling me a lightweight last time we went to a party."

"Hey, that's no fair. For all you know, I could've had, like, ten times more drinks than you."

I laugh, then push myself away from him, crawling out of bed. I realize the only thing keeping me from being completely exposed in only my underwear is one of Dan's shirts, hanging loosely on my frame, the hem reaching just over my knees. When did I even change?

"Eh, where you going?" He demands, sitting up, the comforter falling and exposing his bare chest. That's where the shirt came from. I hope he doesn't notice the heat I feel rushing to my face.

"I'm gonna get you some fucking water and Advil. I don't need to deal with your whining all day," I joke.

"Aw, you know it's only because you love me." I open my mouth, then decide not to say what was about to come out. I just give him a pointed look, and exit his bedroom, closing his door behind me.

My first instinct had been to say, "Sadly." An innocent response, really, but with my overthinking mind, it would have meant a lot more. Even without the actual word coming from my mouth, I would basically be admitting that I love him. Which I'm pretty sure I do, I'm just petrified of how he'd answer.

I quickly pee and run a brush through my hair, pulling it up into a loose bun. I open the medicine cabinet and shuffle through the pill bottles, trying to find pain medicine. However, while looking, I see a familiar word that basically gives me a shock. Demerol. My pulse quickens as I drop the bottle like it's filled with electricity. Where the fuck did this come from? I then realize it must've been given to Dan for his concussion or something. My mind fuzzes over as I get the feeling I'm suffocating, so I hurriedly grab Advil and rush out of the bathroom. I fill a glass with cool water in the kitchen, and walk back into his room.

"Here you go, your Highness," I joke, handing him the glass and medicine. He pops the pills in his mouth and swishes them down with water. My head instinctively cocks to the left as I look at the now fading bruise stretching from his temple to his cheekbone. I cautiously place my hand lightly on the side of his face, his sparkling eyes gazing at me curiously.

"It healed pretty fast," he says matter-of-factly.

"Now that I think about it, it probably wasn't the best idea to drink while you have a concussion," I state.

"Yeah, that was probably stupid of me. I guess Advil's gonna be my savior today," he chuckles.

"Ha. Yeah." I give a pathetic little half-laugh. I don't think he'd forget he had gotten prescribed pain meds for the concussion. So why would he basically hide it from me?

~~~~

Dan's POV

"One sec, I have to pee." (Y/n) only nods, not taking her eyes off the anime we're watching on my laptop and stuffing a handful of popcorn in her mouth. Walking into the bathroom, I take out one of the white tablets and pop it into my mouth, drinking from the faucet to wash it down. I feel terrible for some reason having the urge to hide the fact I had these pills from (Y/n). I should trust her enough to not take them. I realize this is the exact reason she had been so hellbent on us not knowing about her past, which fills me with an icky feeling. God, I'm such a dick. However, I can't just walk back into my room and say, 'By the way, I'm on Demerol, I didn't tell you at first because I didn't know if I could trust you, but now I realize that was kind of a dick move.'

I walk absentmindedly out of the bathroom, only to run straight into someone.

"Holy cow-oh, sorry," Phil apologizes, backing up awkwardly.

"You're fine," I chuckle. I start passing him in the hallway, but Phil stops me.

"Oh, can I talk to you for a sec?" He asks, slightly shyly.

"Um... sure," I reply, and to my surprise, he leads me to his room. I don't know how he'd react if I told him I'm not in the mood for some serious shit.

"So this morning I was watching Tyler's Snapchat story from last night, and I saw... PJ in the background." He bites his lip, as if waiting in anticipation for my answer.

"Yeah, I know," I say, and he raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"What... why? Like, why was he here?"

I only shrug my shoulders. "I found him confronting (Y/n), though, and... he just wanted 'closure,' I guess."

"He didn't start a fight or anything, though?"

"No, not really," I shake my head. "I mean, he was pretty pissed off, but he didn't do anything."

"Huh." Phil hesitates, before continuing, "It's a little scary that he was able to get into our apartment, though. I wonder who even told him about the party."

"Yeah, that's true." I cross my arms, thinking about how he found out he'd be able to get into our apartment last night.

"Hey, can I ask you about something, too?" I ask Phil, and he nods his head. I ponder for a second, trying to sort out how to put what I want to say. "Do you think it's bad that...I kinda purposefully hid from (Y/n) that I'm on Demerol?"

I can't read the expression on Phil's face. "I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that your first instinct was to not tell her. However, it depends more on what your intentions were. Did you hide it from her because you didn't trust her, or just because you want to protect her?"

I think about it for a second, then reply, "I'm pretty sure it's just because I didn't want to trigger her in any way. I trust her not to take any, just, in the moment, I didn't want to say anything, not knowing how that would make her feel, I guess."

Phil nods. "Then I don't think you did the wrong thing."

I smile, slightly relieved. "Thanks."

"No problemo," he says, then sighs. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a mess of a party to help Dodie clean up. She's been complaining about it all morning."

"Good luck," I chuckle, and he solutes to me as he walks past me and out of his room. I stand still for a second, entrapped in my thoughts. I'm sure I had the right intentions in mind, I know I should trust (Y/n). However, I can't help but feel guilty for keeping it from her. I'm still not completely convinced I'm keeping this secret for the right reason.

~~~~

Your POV, One Week Later

"Come on, we're going somewhere." Phil grabs my hand and yanks me off the couch, and I stumble on my feet, the only thing keeping me up being Phil's grip on me.

"Jeez, what're you talking about?" I say, waiting for my head to stop spinning from suddenly getting up so fast. I have no idea where Dan is, as I woke up to a text from him saying he had some errands to deal with. "Where's Dodie?"

"Dodie's getting dressed, then we're leaving!" He grins ecstatically.

"What, you're not going to give me a chance to get ready?"

"Well, if you wanna get changed, go hurry up!" I roll my eyes, and march across the hall into my apartment, caught off by the musty, abandoned smell. I really need to spend more time in here, considering at the moment I'm basically paying a full apartment's rent for a storage garage.

The weather's actually been pretty warm and sunny lately, especially for London, so I dress in high waisted black shorts, a fitted striped shirt, and a lightweight jacket with my high school logo printed on it. I pull on some old Adidas from the back of my closet, and pull my hair up into a messy bun. I then do my makeup for the first time in forever. I don't think I've even dressed in anything besides pajamas since Dodie's birthday parties, including when I've filmed videos.

"Wow, took you long enough," Phil jokes as I shashay back into their apartment.

"Phil, when will you ever realize perfection takes time?" Dodie butts in, winking at me and making me laugh.

"C'mon, I didn't get dressed for nothing. Let's go," I demand, slipping my phone in my pocket and grabbing my bag.

We walk outside, and the rays of sun setting warmth on my face instantaneously put me into a good mood. There's no time better than summer, filled with vitamin D and sunburns.

While walking, I ask Phil, "Hey, do you know where Dan had to go today?"

"I think he said he had a doctors checkup, and that he had to deal with some difficulties coming from his new merch website."

"Oh, okie dokie," I reply. We go on the tube, and after thirty minutes, I realize our trip is a lot longer than where we're usually going. "Um... do you guys know where we're going?" I ask, a bit anxiously. Dodie and Phil exchange sneaky looks with each other, which only makes me more nervous.

Dodie turns to me, an almost wicked grin on her face. "Do you like roller coasters?"

We show up at an enormous amusement park. I remember in primary school kids always talking about their weekend and summer trips to places like these, an experience I've never had myself. "Holy hell," I mumble to myself, gaping at the coasters larger than skyscrapers and more colors than there are on a rainbow. Dodie and Phil both laugh, and we walk through the front gate. Phil reaches into his pocket and pulls it his phone, handing it to an employee. They scan the tickets he must've downloaded on his phone, and we walk into the park.

"I haven't been here since I was a child, I don't think," Dodie says, and Phil nods in agreement. "Have you ever been here?" She asks, turning to me, and I shake my head no.

"Oh, then I know what you need to do!" She squeals happily, grabbing my wrist and pulling me toward the closest coaster to the front of the park, which just so happens to be the most extreme and busiest looking. As we wait in line, I take in the multiple loop-de-loops, along with the screams coming from the current passengers.

"Should you guys know that I've never been on a roller coaster before?" I gulp, my neck almost cramping from how far I need to look up to see the highest point.

"No shit!" Dodie exclaims, and I laugh nervously. Right now, the only thing I can think about it how hard I'm gonna need to hold on so I don't fall out. The line moves way too fast, not giving me enough time to prepare. As we get on, Dodie sits next to me, while Phil has a seat behind us next to a stranger. My throat is filled with a ball of anxiety, my hands turning red as they're clenched tightly to the lap bar. Dodie must notice, as she grabs onto one of my hands, and I give her a thankful smile, gripping tightly.

"I'm gonna day sorry in advance in case I actually break your hand." Dodie laughs, and I don't think she can tell I'm serious.

A voice booms over us, making me jump. "Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle, and wave your hand to direct over an employee if you need help securing yourself into your seat. We hope you enjoy your ride." An employee comes over to us and pulls down the metal bar imprisoning us into the plastic seats, violently shaking it to make sure it's secure. I turn around and look at Phil, who gives me a reassuring thumbs up.

Suddenly, the ride gives a light jult, my heartbeat increasing and my grip tightening on Dodie's hand.

"Don't, worry, it goes so fast you won't even realize what's going on, and before you know it, it'll be over, and you'll be wanting to get back in line." The cart stars slowly inching up, scooting up and up toward the clouds, and as we rise, so does my anxiety.

"Here we go!" Someone hollers obnoxiously behind me, answered by whoops and cheers from the rest of the passengers. I try to gulp, but I can barely even breathe. My grip on Dodie's hand tightens, but luckily, she doesn't try to pull away or anything. Closer. Closer. Closer. The top of the track disappears underneath the front of the cart. My voice hitches in my throat. The coaster slows down, almost coming to a stop at the very top. I know this is to build up anticipation and adrenaline, but it's only making me wish more and more I wasn't here. Soon enough, the front cart is tipping over the edge, until it finally gives out, and we fall at top speed.

Screams ring in my ear, and I realize one of them is coming from me. Dodie gives a maniacal laugh from my side, causing me to grin. I see her smile out of the corner of my eye, and she lifts our entwined hands into the air. For a second I'm petrified of flying out of the cart as the dive reaches the bottom and suddenly we're riding again, but I realize the adrenaline rushing through me is actually enjoyable, and I throw my other hand into the air, my ponytail whipping behind me, and I realize were seconds away from doing a loop-de-loop. I feel a moment's panic, but just like Dodie said, it's over before I can even register it's happening, and I feel amazing.

"See, it wasn't that bad, right?" Dodie asks cheerily, brushing the windswept hair out of her face.

I can't help but return her smile with a huge grin. "You think we could do that again?"

We run around the park joyfully, playing fun games, trying greasy food, and yes, going on more thrilling and exhilarating rides.

"Yes!" Dodie gives me a double high five and Phil a wet kiss on the cheek as she wins some game where you have to pop balloons with a dart for the third time in a row. She then turns to the pimply teenage running the stand. "I think I'm gonna go with the...pink monkey."

"Well, I guess you had to complete the collection," Phil chuckles, a green and a blue monkey in his arms. The boy hands her her prize, and we march away.

The sun has started to go down just a bit, and the air has become a little more chilly, causing me to stuff my hands into my sleeves and let out a dramatic 'brrrr." The park's definitely started clearing out, as most people have already decided to head home.

An enormous yawn suddenly escapes me. "Oh, my God, I think this is the most exercise I've done in one day in a really long time," I say.

"There's still one more thing we have to see!" Dodie exclaims, and I raise my eyebrows in confusion. She only gives me a knowing smirk, and we continue walking, until we come to a grass clearing where groups of people have gathered, either sitting on the bare ground or blankets. Still not understanding what's going on, I walk behind Phil and Dodie as we zigzag through the people, until we find an area big enough for the three of us to lie down in the grass. 

"What's going on?" I ask as Dodie thumps onto the ground next to me, Phil next to her.

"You'll see," is all she says.

The sun is completely set, basically completely submerged under the horizon. Due to London light pollution, only a scarce number of stars blink in the dark sky.

Before I know what's happening, a ringing fills the air as a dart of light runs through the sky, exploding into a million pieces of floating color. The same thing happens once, twice, again and again, as different colors and sizes of fireworks spring into the air, rewarded by the oohs and ahs of the crowd sitting around me. The wind blows the grass around me, a strand or two tickling my ear. As light after light chases after each other, leaving little gray trails behind them, I smile to myself. I can't help be extremely grateful for Dodie and Phil bringing me here for no apparent reason. As sad as it sounds, it's weird having people who just want to do stuff with you that doesn't involve getting fucked up or because they want something from you. Emotion overwhelms me, and I hope they can't see the fireworks reflecting off the minuscule tears forming on the corners of my eyes as for about the thousandth time since I've moved here, I'm filled with content and joyousness. The only other thing I could wish for is if Dan was here.

————————————————————

Hey, guys! Just a quick note that I'm sorry my posting schedule will be a bit wonky, but I don't want to set any exact deadlines for myself, as that'll only make me rush and I most likely wouldn't be proud with the chapters I'd be producing. If you liked this chapter please comment, vote and follow! I hope you're having amazing day! 💜