No one was hungry. Anh barely ate, but Marcus and I tried our best to get her to eat anyway. Troiann mostly lay in bed sleeping, either with me or Marcus. It had gone on all week and as Friday night rolled in, I wasn't surprised as Anh passed on the plate of food Loraine had me bring over.

         "I'm okay, Cree, baby." Anh gave me a weak smile as she sat on the couch.

I sat beside her, running my fingers through her messy hair. She wasn't okay. None of us were. "Maybe we should get you to bed."

Anh patted my knee. "I'm not tired."

"Anh, you gotta rest and eat. You gotta be strong for Troy," I said. I also needed her strong for me because there was only so much longer I was going to be able to put up my front of having it together. Each time I came to their house I was reminded of the tragedy that had occurred on Sunday. I didn't want it to be true, no one deserved for that type of thing to be true.

Anh sat back and sighed. "I don't wanna be strong right now. There's so much to do. So much to plan. I can't do it all on my own."

"We'll help you, I promise," I told her.

She shook her head. "I'm pregnant."

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and I fought the urge to cry. No. "A-are you sure?"

"Howard and I were planning on doing this right this time around. We talked about getting married and getting a bigger house. We were going to have our second chance, Cree. I can't do this on my own. I need Troy." Anh was forever the strongest woman I knew growing up, seeing her so broken hurt me deeply. So deep that I refused to be weak, she needed me, she needed Troy, and I was going to be here for them, no matter what.

"We'll get through this, Anh. This baby is going to be so loved," I swore. Troiann liked kids and Marcus and Tremaine were good with kids too from what I'd seen of them both babysitting one of Tremaine's cousins.

I was more than grateful for the Ballas. We weren't friends, we were family, and when one of us was in need, they all banded together and came out. All of the Ballas had called or shown up since Monday and it made my heart swell to the see the boys show support. Even Mr. Parker had come by to offer help with the funeral arrangements. He'd met my father and they'd talked briefly.

I loved every bit of the people in my life. Even Omari had come by more than once for Troiann and Anh. Yes, I loved these people dearly.

When Anh began drifting to sleep while watching some marathon on TV I headed to the kitchen to clean up.

I had just started the dish water when Marcus stepped into the room. The way he was looking at me had me worried.

"What's wrong? Is Troy okay?" I turned from the sink and took a step closer to Marcus.

He shook his head. "Her dad's dead, Cree. She won't ever be okay. You know how she was with him. You have no idea how guilty she feels. She's going to need therapy to get through this, we can't do it all on our own."

I agreed. Troiann had been mean to Mr. Jackson for so long before finally letting him in, but I knew she loved him and I knew he knew she loved him.

"Cree," Marcus began, "let this be a lesson to you. Her parents were never on the same page. They put her through it and they loved each other, but they kept playing games, him more than her. You love my best friend and he loves you, I just need you to talk to him. Something's gotta give around here, because this shit is tough enough."

With Mr. Jackson gone, I hadn't given much thought to DeAndre or my heart. I guess I was just numb from all that.

"Marcus, that whole situation is tiring. I'm tired of chasing him and trying to be there."

Marcus smirked. "So only Cree Jacobs is allowed to be a stubborn pain in the ass?"

"I'm not stubborn," I argued.

"Yes, you are." From behind Marcus I found Troiann coming into the room. Her hair was in a messy bun and she wore one of Marcus's t-shirts with a pair of sweats. She'd barely gotten out of bed all week and I didn't blame her.

"Troy, come on, you should be in bed," I said.

She moved out of my way, not letting me touch her. She held up her hand. "Cree, just stop, okay? For once in your life, just listen. My daddy is dead, my mom has no one, she's only ever loved him and he died. They never got to be happy and if anything, this should teach us to take advantage of every moment. You love DeAndre, he loves you, so just snap out of it and quit wasting time."

I wanted to hold her when I saw her tears, but Marcus beat me to the punch.

"I deserve to have my way, and right now, I just want my best friend to be happy because you've been so miserable for so long. My mom and I'll be fine for the night, just go."

"You sure?" I asked.

Troiann wiped her eyes. "I just want my boyfriend to hold me. There's nothing you can really do for me. You've done enough and I love you, but you need to go."

Marcus looked to me and nodded. "I'll drive."

I looked to Troiann, seeing how I had no choice in the matter. I would go, but not without a hug goodbye.

Sensing it was coming, she met me halfway, clinging to me as I clung to her. "I love you," she said.

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. "And I love you too, but I'm scared."

Troiann pulled back and wiped my eyes. "Don't be. The only person who should be afraid is DeAndre. If he breaks your heart I will load up my chopper and get my goons." She let out a dry laugh that was contagious.

I looked to Marcus, knowing that he'd take care of her. "Well, let's go."

I sat beside Marcus in his car staring up at the Parker estate. Neither of us had budged to get out of the car, let alone spoken since leaving Troiann's. My stomach was in knots and I had no clue what I was doing. I wanted to be independent and not chase boys who played games, but everyone I knew was pushing me towards DeAndre. He loved me yet his actions sucked. I tried being there for him and he shut me out. I couldn't deal. I just couldn't.

"He's never been in this position before. He's trying to be this great guy and leave you alone, but—"

"Don't," I said, cutting Marcus off, "don't make excuses for DeAndre. Just let me hear this from him. If he loves me, he'll tell me to my face, if not, I won't chase him."

As if to agree, Marcus let me go.

I headed up the front path to the Parkers' front door and rang the doorbell and waited. My heart was racing and I couldn't breathe.

The door opened and Mr. Parker stepped out with a woman. He appeared surprised to see me. He looked so handsome dressed down in a simple tee and jeans combo.

Mr. Parker lifted his brows, as if to ask, 'What?'

Oh, right, words and stuff.

Getting back on track, I said, "I'm here to talk to DeAndre."

Mr. Parker nodded up the staircase. "He's up there."

The woman looked at me and smiled. "You must be Cree."

Mr. Parker answered for me. "Oh yeah, she is. Let's go before the teen melodrama starts."

I wanted to say something as he led the woman past me, but I instead let it go and headed up to the second floor, feeling my heart beating harder and harder, and as if I'd vomit from the nerves.

In the hall I could hear Rihanna and Ne-Yo's "Hate That I Love You" and I paused, feeling so many things at the reality that he was listening to my CD.

My emotions heightened and I found myself heading straight into his room, prepared to go to war.

DeAndre was sitting back on his bed, his puppy, Moxy, laying her head on his lap as he sat listening to my CD.

He sat up at the sight of me. "Cree?"

I was angry. Ticked off. Annoyed. In love. "You're listening to my CD?"

He paused the song and Moxy came off of his bed and padded out of the room. Even she knew it was about to get intense.

"This is more like my fifth listen today. I put off listening to it and I gotta say, you really know how to blend a good mix."

Ugh. I hated him. I bit my lip to contain the first foul thing that came to mind. "I think we need to talk."

He bowed his head. "About Sunday?"

"No, about you and me and what's going on between us."

"How's Troiann?" DeAndre asked instead. "Trey, Chris and I were talking about going to see her."

"She's broken, but Marcus is there. She wanted me here to talk to you."

"Cree," DeAndre sighed. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why not?" I demanded to know.

"Because Omari—"

"Is just my friend."

DeAndre lifted a brow. "What?"

Wasn't it clear? Wasn't it so freaking clear? "He's not you! No one can compare to you and I'm sick of pretending that anyone I meet will be better, because it's not true."

"Don't," DeAndre held up his hand, "don't talk like that. Because you can do a lot—"

"Shut up, okay? Enough with the bullshit, Dre, no one buys it. What I want is you and that's a fact. And news flash, we kissed and almost had sex, that meant something to me."

"And it didn't mean anything to me?" he shot back, almost seeming annoyed.

"I can't tell. You never said anything."

"And neither did you."

"Because I left and when I got back she was pregnant."

DeAndre took a step back and gave a grin that looked anything but friendly. He came up on me, seeming menacing. "That's right, things changed. You wanna know how fucked up all of this really is? You're right, we kissed and we almost had sex in my bed. You wanna know why I pulled back that night?"

"Yes," I breathed out.

"Because it hit me, it hit me hard. I realized that I liked you, a lot. That I liked everything about your stubborn, bossy, mean, smart ass. And I freaked out because I've never liked anyone in my life. I got so scared I let you go to Florida without saying anything, and a week later I had sex with Draya and then I thought I got her pregnant."

It was like he'd hit me. He realized he liked me and then he had sex with another girl?

My eyes watered and I took a step back. "I wish you didn't tell me that."

DeAndre shook his head. "It's what you need to know. I don't deserve you. What kind of cowardice is that? Draya's not even pregnant and I still don't feel right about this."

He was hurting me all over again.

I turned away from him, wiping my eyes and hating myself for crying.

It was then that I caught sight of something on his desk. It was just a mere glimpse, but a double take found that on his desk sat an envelope with my name on it. I crossed over to it and grabbed it, looking back to DeAndre.

He instantly became alarmed. "Cree, don't."

I ignored him, opening the envelope and finding a letter inside, one written by his hand.

Dear Cree,

For so long I've prided myself on being this "real" guy. This strong, tough dude. And then one day you answered a question about love and nothing's been the same since. I wanted to be your friend and we were friends, but it didn't stop there. Gradually, or quickly for all I really know, I fell in love with you. To sit here and know without a doubt that I'm in love with you, it pains me. I fucked up and now I can't even look you in the eye anymore, let alone tell you how I feel.

You're the first girl I ever truly let in, who I ever let tell me what to do and talk as much shit as you do and get away with it. You're the first girl I've felt anything for. You've seen me in weak moments and didn't judge. You've held me down. There isn't anything about you that I don't love. I love all of you, flaws and all. I love you so much I know that the only thing for me to do is fall back and let you be happy, and there's no way you can be happy with me with where I'm at in my life right now.

Walking away, it's not easy. For so long I acted as if I could have you whenever I wanted, truth is, I never deserved you. I guess I deserve to see you with someone else. I wasn't right by you and here we are. Though I'm saying goodbye, it doesn't mean I'm going to love you less tomorrow or the next day or the next. Shit, I'll probably be one of those guys who ends up alone, loving that one woman forever and reflecting on all the mistakes he made to lose her.

Regardless of how I feel. I want to say I'm sorry. Sorry for hurting you and sorry for not being man enough to just tell you how I felt in the first place. When I realized what I felt I got scared and ignored it. I'm a coward. Not a man at all. Not good enough for you. And most of all, I'm sorry I let you down. I wanna see you happy and if it's with him, I wish you the best of luck.

Dre

A teardrop ruined the ink in his name, but I didn't care.

I looked up from the letter at DeAndre who looked worried. The stupid, son of a bitch.

"I hate you, I hate you," I said as I pounded my fists on his chest. "I hate you so much."

He grabbed my arms, stilling me. "Good, you should."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I sobbed. "Why?"

"Because I messed up and you deserved better. I shouldn't have slept with her, not when I knew I liked you. I'm so sorry about that, Cree. I didn't even enjoy it. I regretted it as soon as it happened. And then she thought she was pregnant and I knew I didn't deserve you at all."

It wasn't true. Despite his screw-up, I would've found a way to forgive him. I would've gotten past it. I was that far gone for this boy. I was sick of being this angel in his eyes when I wasn't perfect either.

"She's not pregnant?" I asked.

DeAndre shook his head. "She has a condition where she wasn't ovulating due to her hormones being out of whack."

At least he was free from the stress.

"Why didn't you tell me, Dre? I would've been mad but I would've gotten over it."

"You don't need to get over something like that. It wasn't right."

"Then why did you sleep with her?"

He stared down at the carpet. "Because I was scared. I didn't want to like you. I didn't know how to like you. I didn't know how to process feelings like that. And I thought that if I finally slept with Draya it would just go away, that it was a glitch. But it didn't go away, I felt nothing with her." He looked up at me, appearing ashamed. "It was always money over girls. Ambition over women. And then you came into my life and I couldn't shake you.

"You're nothing like these other girls and that scares me. I've lost all of my cool when it comes to you. I don't feel good enough for you at all. You talk about this perfect fairy tale shit and I can't give you that."

"I don't want it," I said, sniffling and wiping my face, "I just want you."

"I just thought a girl like you deserved what she always wanted."

That was the problem, he'd relieved on his own thoughts instead of opening his mouth. He was so quick to check me any other time, but when it came to his heart, and my heart, he softened up. "What I want is you. I've been yours since day one, but you haven't had the balls to claim me." I patted my heart. "It's yours, Dre. Always has been. But no, you would rather be a bitch and let me go. You should've fought for me like I fight for you!"

My words struck a nerve and I could see the burning anger in his eyes. "What was I supposed to do? Grab you up and demand that you drop Omari because you belong to me?"

"Yes!"

DeAndre snorted. "You good girls have no clue what you want."

"That's right! We don't know what we want any more than you all know what you need. We are all completely clueless."

"You have your shit together. I don't!" he yelled.

"No I don't!" I shouted back. "I need you just as much as you need me. Probably more."

He denied it. "I need you more."

"No, you don't. You keep me in line and get my head on straight. I need you in my life, okay?  It doesn't matter—"

One minute he was seething in front of me, and the next he had my face in his hands and was bringing my mouth to his. He kissed with such passion and vigor that I could feel myself slipping into a daze.

"Sometimes you just need to shut the hell up and go with the flow," he said as he pressed his forehead to mine.

I was sick of going with the flow. I just wanted him. "I love you, DeAndre."

He closed his eyes, nodding his head as he let out a breath through his nose. "And I feel the exact same way. I'm in love with you. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think about anything but you, Cree. It's been like that for months. I'm just tired of playing hard. I just want you."

"We could've saved a lot of time. Why didn't you say anything?"

"The only girl I ever loved turned out to be my best friend. Why take a risk of losing it all?"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't have lost, Dre, you would've won."

He got down on one knee, staring up at me, holding onto my waist. "I only do this for you." Licking his lips, he found the words he needed to say. "I never knew how to love someone until I met you. I never knew how to feel until you, Cree. You're the only girl I want to love. Be with me, please?"

No, I couldn't be on a pedestal before him anymore.

I got down on my knees, to his level, seeing him eye to eye. "It won't be easy."

"I know."

"When you have a problem with me or anything, I need you to come to me and talk. I'm going to do the same with you."

"Okay."

"Relationships are hard. There'll be days where we're screaming one minute, slamming doors and leaving the next. Days where you'll hate me and I'll hate you. Times where we'll more than likely break up and take some time apart."

"I'm aware."

"And it's going to be so hard, because if life's taught me—"

"Cree," DeAndre interrupted, staring at my mouth.

"Y-yes?"

He lifted his gaze to meet mine, giving me that cocky smile that I loved so much. "Just shut up and kiss me."

The order in his voice caused my heart to warm and melt. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling him closer. "Yes, sir, Mr. Balla, sir."

DeAndre smirked and shook his head. "You and that smart mouth."

"Yeah, but you love it."

He came closer, teasing my lips with his. "Yeah, yeah I do."

___________________
"Adore You" – Miley Cyrus

https://youtu.be/W1tzURKYFNs

"My Boo" – Usher + Alicia Keys

https://youtu.be/fPgf2meEX1w