I had really ruined everything.

Nixon hardly spoke to me after he told me everything about Amelia. Two weeks now and the only communication we've had is hellos, goodbyes and quick pecks on the lips that held no meaning behind them. I was beginning to believe I had lost my mate for good. I pushed and pushed him into talking about something he clearly didn't want to talk about and look where it got me. Alone and hurt.

I acted like he was lying to me about her and refusing to talk about what happened because he still had feelings, but it was all because he literally lost someone he truly cared about. And what makes it even worse is that he knows she's still alive out there and he never once went searching for her. All because he found me. He met me, saw I was his mate and lost all thoughts on running after her because he didn't need to. He had a chance to start over and get to have a true and pure relationship.

And I fucking ruined it.

I listened to his soft breathing as he slept on the other side of the bed. Nights when we used to cuddle up with each other a thing of the past. I missed his touch. I missed his smiles and laughs. I just missed him. This whole time I thought the downfall of our relationship would be me not coming to terms with my new sexuality. But low and behold, that hasn't been a problem at all. It's very strange and hard to put into words. I don't question why I love a man when I used to love only women. I don't find it strange and disgusting anymore. Because I'm happy. Or at least I was. I sighed and got out of bed. I couldn't lay there another sleepless night and try to pretend everything hasn't gone to shit. My wolf wasn't making this whole situation any easier either. He was constantly whining at the distance he could feel between Nixon's wolf. I've been told you lose yourself when your mate dies but I wonder if the same can be said when you just...fall out of love. The mark is permanent so you have to stay together, right? I spent the rest of the night sitting in a chair, staring out the window. I eventually fell asleep and was woken by Nixon gently shaking my shoulder.

"Why are you asleep in the chair?" He asked, worry filling his expression for a split second before it disappeared. I wanted to give up hope. Stop fighting for something he didn't want anymore, but I didn't know the true answer to that. He said he needed time but how long is enough?

"I couldn't sleep so I sat in the chair to think. Guess I ended up falling asleep." I answered mechanically and I didn't miss the frown that was forming on Nixon's face. I ignored it however and got up to get dressed. I groaned at the stiffness in my neck but continued pulling clothes on before heading for the door.

"Drake wait," Nixon called out. I froze and turned around to look at him. I didn't want him to see that I was giving up. If he saw that then he would think its fine to continue like this until there's no love yet. But now that I keep thinking about it, I just don't care. I don't care if I look broken, depressed, empty. I just...dont care.

"What is it? I have to be somewhere and I'm late." A small lie, only on the late part. I did have somewhere to go. This news didn't seem to sit well with Nixon though.

"Go where?" He asked and I gave him a deadpan stare. He never once cared where I was going before. Why the sudden interest?

"I was supposed to go have breakfast with Travis this morning. And if I don't leave now, it won't be breakfast time anymore." I answered and didn't miss the sneer on Nixons face at the mention of my best friend.

"I hope you have a wonderful time." He said sarcastically and I sighed heavily. I was tired of fighting. If he wasn't ignoring me, he was picking a fight over something stupid.

"I probably won't, but it's not like you care much about my happiness anymore." I hurried out of the room after that, not wanting to see his face. It was a low blow, I know. But its the truth and how I feel. He doesn't care. My wolf can feel it. I can see it. Fighting back for our relationship just seems hopeless at this point. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like I'm fighting for our relationship though. I feel like I'm fighting for my boyfriend from a girl that is nowhere to be found. She could be dead for all we know and yet I still feel like I'm in some sort of competition with her. Is this how I made my girlfriends in the past feel? In a constant state of doubt because I never made my feelings or intentions crystal clear to them.

I made it to Julian's room and knocked on the door. No, I didn't lie to Nixon about my plans. I still was supposed to have breakfast with Travis, but I wanted to talk with Julian before I left. Sometimes his words helped clear my mind of doubt. I normally would talk with Bryce or Charlie but both of them were extremely busy here lately and I didn't want to involve them in my stupid drama. Julian answered the door seconds later and I was half expecting him to be with someone, but instead, he looked like he'd been awake for quite some time.

"I don't even have to ask what you need," Julian said with a frown and stepped aside for me to enter. I walked inside and decided to stay standing. I wasn't planning on staying long.

"Is it that bad?" I asked, referring to my facial expressions and the silent stare from Julian confirmed that it, indeed, was bad.

"He still loves you, Drake." Julian said softly and I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Seriously. He's not going to drop you over something like this. He just needs some time to get his head on straight. Amelia was very special to both of us and her betrayal didn't make the hole that formed in our hearts heal much faster."

"She wasn't even his mate! Why is he that affected by her?" I snapped, suddenly losing my composure. "Does no one fucking see how that makes me feel? I'm his mate and he's still obsessed with someone that could possibly be dead!"

"Drake you know it's not like that!" Julian defended his brother and I gave a bitter laugh. Why did I bother coming here? It's obvious that Julian is going to be biased when it comes to his brother.

"Then what's it like? Huh, Julian? Nixon had an ex that he was with for a very long time. She was pregnant and got rid of the child. Now Nixon lives with this constant feeling of never getting to see or hold his own child. I can't give that to him! I can't help him through that part of his life! Yeah, we could adopt, but it's not the same as having a child with your DNA." I didn't want to be here anymore. I could feel my grip on my sanity slowly fading. "I'm leaving. I don't know why I bothered coming here." I headed towards the door and Julian called out to me, which wasn't surprising.

"I'll talk to him, Drake. I'll try and make him understand what it's doing to you, but I can't make this better with the snap of my fingers."

"Don't bother wasting your breath trying to talk some sense into him. I gave up. I'm not Amelia. That's what he wants and I can't be her." I said without turning around and quickly left the room. Julian didn't come after me and I silently thanked him for it. If he had tried to stop me, I would've lost it and hit him and then I'd really be in trouble. Heading to the garage, I climbed into my car and started towards Travis's house. On the way there, I turned off the link between Nixon and I but kept the Pack link open in case Bryce or anyone else needed me.

Pulling into the driveway, I honked the horn and waited until Travis came barreling out of the house and towards the car. "You scared the shit out of me dude!" He said as he panted for air. I gave him a once-over before backing out of the driveway.

"Run a marathon?" I joked and he let out a fake laugh.

"Yeah, actually I did. I was chilling on my bed waiting for you and then you fucking honked the horn and it made me fall out of my bed!" I couldn't help but laugh at the image his story made in my head and it felt good to laugh for once. This is why I was glad I had Travis. Between him and Charlie, there was never time for me to be depressed for long. We drove in silence to Waffle House and it wasn't until we were seated that Travis decided to discuss the elephant in the room.

"Are you and Nixon still fighting?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders as an answer, but he knew I would talk about it to him soon. I had called him up after the first week of the ignoring from Nixon. Travis may not be gay, but he gave good relationship advice. But of course, I don't really have what you would call a normal relationship.

"How do you lose so much connection in the course of two weeks?" I said quietly and dig into my eggs. Travis munched on his waffle I thought for a while before responding.

"I don't think you guys will break up." I put my fork down slowly and looked up at him.

"Travis, you haven't seen what it's like. It literally feels like I'm sleeping next to a hollow person. Someone who's there in physical form but not there emotionally. I don't know what to do at this point. Should I just drop it and move on or should I keep trying?" I wasn't expecting Travis to answer and he didn't. He didn't have good advice to give in response to my question and I knew that he didn't want to give me the wrong answer and it ends up hurting me more. We ended our breakfast date and I decided to head home instead of hanging out. I wanted to talk to Charlie about something.

I pulled into the garage and immediately noticed how solemn the air around me felt. It's was almost like the whole Pack was feeling the effects of my relationship woes. I made it inside the house and avoided certain routes in case I ran into Nixon. Once up the stairs, I went to the nursery first, knowing if Charlie wants there he would be in his room most likely. And luck is on my side because he was in the nursery changing Killian's diaper.

"Knock knock," I said and he turned his head in surprise but quickly gave me a sad smile.

"Just one sec." He said as he cleaned his son up before pulling his onesie back on and placing him in his cradle. "Should we close the door? I feel like this conversation is about to be sacred." He joked and I chuckled as I walked over and closed the door before taking a seat.

"When you went to France, did you ever feel the strain because you were away from Kit?" I asked suddenly and Charlie looked taken back by my question. "Like, okay. You know how they say when you break up with your mate that it's almost like rejecting them? You and Kit "broke up" when you went to France. Kit clearly lost his shit, but did you?"

"I don't like where this question is going," Charlie answered seriously. "You can't run away from your relationship problems Drake. Take Kit and me for example."

"There were other factors that explained your relationship problems." I pointed out and Charlie made a face that said "you got me there" while he nodded his head.

"You aren't wrong. But that's not the point. The point is, if I hadn't of went to France and fought back against the Elders when they told me to go, a lot of drama could've been avoided. Kit wouldn't have fought with Bryce and caused so much trouble."

"Yeah well, at least Kit talked to you." I snapped and Charlie sighed heavily. I wasn't making it easy. I never do. I was pissed off at the world and I wanted everyone to know it.

Wow. I really need to take anger management classes.

"Okay, how about this. I'll make a reservation at Bert's cafe for nine tonight. I won't tell Nixon anything about it, except that I need him to go pick up something from the cafe. Then he'll go in there, be surprised and you guys can talk it out." Charlie seemed very satisfied with his plan but I had my doubts, and good reason to.

"Last time someone gave me advice on my relationship, it blew up in my face." I deadpanned, referring to Bryce telling me to talk about my past. If he hadn't of told me to do that, I never would've found out about Amelia and Nixon and I could be frolicking in a field of flowers by now.

But no.

"Just go. Please, Drake? I promise if you guys talk, things will get better. He said he needed time and he's had two weeks."

"Fine. I'll go. But I highly doubt he'll stay when he sees me there." I left the room after saying goodbye to Charlie and headed back to mine to get ready. I had two hours before the reservation and I knew half of that hour would be spent trying to avoid Nixon and get out of the house. I stood in front of my closet, trying to decide if I should stay casual or get a little fancy. It was the cafe though. That's not really something that calls for a dress shirt and slacks. I decided to work with my best assets and grabbed my tightest pair of jeans. They would show off my ass and I knew Nixon couldn't resist me then. It was pretty chilly out, so I put on a plain grey shirt and paired it with a leather jacket and some Chelsea boots Kit gave me for Christmas one year.

One last look in the mirror, I checked the time and saw it was already 8:30. I certainly wasn't expecting to take that long in getting ready. I hurried out of the room, taking my normal route to the garage so I wouldn't run into Nixon. Once in the car and driving towards the cafe, I let out a breath of relief. A small bit of hope was filling in my chest that Nixon might actually come and we could talk, but I wasn't going to get too excited. I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. Glancing around I noticed it was pretty packed tonight. I wonder if Charlie was able to get a reservation.

"Uhm, I think I have a reservation for two at nine," I said to the hostess in the front of the cafe. She checked her tablet to confirm and then took me over to a small table in the back. I seated myself and glanced around the place. It used to be a normal stop and dine kind of cafe. But since Emery has been exploding in population these past few years, they decided to make it more like a restaurant than a cafe. After the waiter came and got my drink, I checked the time and saw it was already twenty past the initial time Nixon was supposed to get here. I pulled out my phone and decided to call Charlie.

"What's up?" Charlie answered and I glanced around, just to make sure Nixon wasn't walking in.

"So it about to be nine thirty and he isn't here." I was ten seconds from getting up and leaving. If there's one thing I hate more in this world, it's when people stand me up without an explanation.

"Shit. I told him, Drake. He said he would think about it, but I don't see—"

"Charlie, I'm sorry but it's probably best for you to just give up on trying to fix our relationship because I am." And I hung up, getting up from my seat and leaving a fifty on the table before leaving. I felt bad for wasting these people's time. They set up this table, even put some roses in a vase and lit a candle for an event that wouldn't happen. I could feel my anger rising more and more as I drove home. If Nixon knew what was good for him, he would stay far away from me. Matter of fact.

Don't you even fucking think about coming back to the room after what you just did. Find somewhere else to sleep. I snapped through our mate link. I was thoroughly exhausted at this point. The back and forth emotions and arguments. Everything would've been perfectly fine with this Amelia bitch never fucking existed! I slammed the back door as I entered the house, stopped by the kitchen to grab a trash bag and stomped up to my room. In a furious fit of rage, I grabbed all of Nixon's things, threw them in the bag before tossing it out in the hallway. If he didn't think my threat through the link was serious, I'm sure he'll see that it was when he finds his shit outside.

After I calmed down some, I got in the shower and stared at the wall as the water fell over me. I was trying to find it in me to cry, but I couldn't. Someone in my position would be falling apart into pieces if they got stood up by the person that claims to love them. I guess I was just dried up. Hollow. Empty. I got out of the shower and threw on some boxers and a random T-shirt before slipping under the covers. It didn't take long for me to doze off and as I enjoyed my peaceful and deep sleep, I was woken up by someone's arms wrapping around me. Of course, I was in a state of confusion because if you're in a deep sleep and get woken up, it takes you a while to gather your surroundings.

"I never meant for any of this to happen." I heard Nixon's tearful voice behind me, but I remained still and pretended to still be asleep. "I said I needed time, but I never thought about how you would feel after something like this. I was selfish and I know no excuse would make up for how I've treated you, but I promise on my life I will make this up to you. I swear it." Nixon continued talking about all the things he was going to fix and I ended up falling back asleep, not getting a chance to think of what he said.

When I awoke the next morning, I was still surprised that Nixon had his arms wrapped around me. Even more surprised that I had moved during the night to lay on his chest. I moved a little so I could see if Nixon was awake and was greeted by his light brown eyes. He smiled gently at me and removed his hands so I could sit up. I only moved a little so that I was still in bed, but could look at him and talk.

"I heard what you said last night," I admitted quietly and Nixon sat up completely to grab my hands in his.

"And I meant every word I said, Drake. I have been a shit boyfriend to you and I can't believe it took me this long to realize what I've done. I also can't believe you haven't left me."

"To be honest, I thought about it," I said and Nixon's eyes filled with panic while my wolf started pacing, most likely because he felt Nixon's wolf freaking out by my words. "But I could never seem to convince myself to go through with it." We stared at each other in silence for a while and I slowly felt my heart beginning to swell with love again. But I wasn't going to give in so easily just yet.

"Amelia is the past. Like I told you, the minute I saw you and knew you were my mate, all thoughts, and feelings I had for her disappeared. If she were to somehow magically show up again, I would feel nothing and I would never leave you. I will die before that happens."

I believed Nixon. I knew his words were honest and true. But that nagging doubt in the back of my head wasn't going away anytime soon, and I knew better than to get my hopes up.

Only time would tell if his words rang true. And I prayed they did.