"You look like you're going out for a day on the town, so what's up?" My mom asks when I come down the stairs. It's almost time to meet up with Jack.

"I'm going out with Tim for a little while, he's going to drive me."

She gives me a knowing stare and a smile on her face. "Mac, are you going on a date?"

My mouth drops. "Eww, no, not with Tim."

"I dont mean Tim," she rolls her eyes and stands. "I mean another person," Mom starts walking towards me, her hands landing gently on my shoulders. "A girl, a guy, or someone genderless? What's that called again? No Binary?"

"Nonbinary," I return the smile.

"That's it. What's goin' on?"

"It's not a date; I wish it was but it isnt."

She pulls my hair away from my eyes and pulls me into a hug. Soon after she lets me go. "So who is it?"

"You remember that friend in the hospital? Him, Jack. But it's not a date."

"But you like him?"

"Very much. I think I love him; I have for a while. But, I dont want to date him, as he's not the nicest person. He's nice to me, but not to most people."

"Do you think he likes you back?"

I pause, I think of all the times he's tried to contact me and be nice to me. I don't care, I don't answer, just shake my head. She grabs my hand.

"Okay, when is he picking you up?"

"Tim is driving me, we're going to hang out, Tim, Jack, and I. We're going to that park in the wooded area, off of Misson Road. Tim is right down the road I think."

"Have fun on your not date," she kisses my cheek. "Be safe. Do you have your pen? Full?"

"I do. I'll be okay. Tim is there," I reason and walk to the door. "We'll be back soon, before 11 for sure. If not, I'll text you if I stay with Tim."

I say goodbye and walk out the door to see Tim. I smile and head to the passenger side. When I sit and buckle he asks me if I want to back down. I say no, and we head to the park. Tim tells me that Jack has been "blowing up" his phone to see if I've canceled or not. I find that cute, Jack is acting like a puppy that needs to be with his owner all the time. I need to stop this for my mental health, but I don't want to. I don't want to at all. I want to go back to pretending. Even if it means I get hurt in the end. I'm already hurting; I hurt every day.

"This is best," Tim grabs my hand after putting the car in park. "He hurts you without even knowing it, he's stupid and thinks with his dick. You dont need that in your life, not now, not ever."

"I wish he'd change, and be happy with me. But, I know that's just a dream. I know this will be good for me. Just wait here, I'll be back soon. Maybe in 30 minutes."

"Call me if you need me, literally. I'll be there within a second."

I squeeze his hand and open the door, "I know".

When I get out I see Jack on a bench, he jumps up and jogs toward me. He opened his arms and pulled me into him. I was glad I put cotton pads around my port, it cushions it for not only me but for him. My shoulder doesn't hurt, but my heart does. Without realizing it, I sighed. I felt like a weight was lifted from my head and my body. I felt comfortable, something I hadn't felt since our fight. Well, not even a fight. It was more of him being stupid and me ignoring him. We aren't together, so could that be considered a relationship fight? Everything felt so real until that happened, until... I realized he wouldn't ever change.

"Where have you been? Are you okay?" His chin lays on my head, I feel the vibrations of his voice. "I've been so fucking worried."

I break the hug, how long did it last? It felt like an eternity. "We should go," I whisper. "How far is your car?"

"Across the park," he whispered back. He's catching on that I don't want Tim to know where we're going. He lightly grabs my hand and pulls me into the park. "Why can't asshole- sorry. Why can't Tim know?" he whispered.

I laughed, but I didnt respond. My mind was focused on the euphoric feeling in my chest the fuzziness in my mind. All because he's holding my hand, and all without pretending. We're alone, he doesn't have to pretend. He's not pretending. This is different. When we pretended he never held my hand unless I started it, or people were around. There was that once in his room, but that was only as a comforting factor between friends. This doesn't feel like friends; his hand is lightly cupping mine as if he'd hurt me if he messed up. I just bask in the moment. I don't know when it's going to end.

The sun is almost down, making the park lanterns light up. The sky is a light purple shading into pink, the white clouds separating the color. You can smell the dew and the pollen of the flowers as we pass by. It's a nice night, the temperature is cooling, and it's almost time for fall. Light brown leaves are starting to fall. Halloween is coming, my favorite time of the year. I wish we could spend it together but as a true couple.

When we reach the car he opens the door for me to get inside, I finally let go of his hand. I felt cold. I sit in the passenger, he stands there staring at me for a second and goes to the driver. We sit in the car for a few minutes, in comfortable silence. I don't know why he wouldn't start the car, but when I put my hand on his knee he woke up from his daze.

He turns the key and grabs my hand after putting us into drive. He squeezes my hand and doesn't let go, I don't make a move to let go either. It hurts saying goodbye. I hate goodbyes.

"Why have you been gone so long? When I want to see you I can't because you're away. When I look for you at school you run from me. When I ask your friends they glare daggers are me and push me away. You've been avoiding this topic for so long. I know it's your personal shit, but I worry about you."

"I know I said I'd tell you, but... it's hard to open up."

He stops outside the other park, the one with the playground in the forest. They were going to tear it down a while ago but they didnt have the funds. So, now the land is overgrown. Jack lets go of my hand to put the car in park, but he doesn't turn it off. I move my hand to the door, and the locks suddenly click. He just locked the doors.

"If you can't tell me what's bothering you, at least tell me what I did to bother you. Tell me so I can fix it," he looks up at me. His eyes twinkle as I see his tear duct fill. "I dont want to be like this. I dont want to lose you. I know it sounds stupid, but I've grown to care for you... I dont care about pretending, just dont leave me yet. My life has changed since I met you, even the guys point it out all the time. I need you in my life, so let me make this right."

I turn away and sigh. I contemplate actually ending this or not. He has tears, because of me. He is just so cute when he wants to be.

"Let's go take a walk," I look over and grab his hand. "I'll explain everything, I promise."