When we have the gang we go to the park, we pass out the beers and the shots. We have two designated drivers, Sara and Pat. They don't like alcohol, but they do smoke. Everyone gets tipsy and after an hour of jerking around the playground, being loud and obnoxious, we find the cheapest movie near us that plays very late. I text my mom that we are going to the movies and won't be home till midnight. I also ask if Tim can sleep over, to which she replies saying to be safe and she'll see us home at 12:30 at the latest. I remind her that I love her and we head to the movies.

Why the movies? So we can slightly sober up enough to walk straight and talk right. We'd all be killed if we got caught drunk, well not killed, but grounded from each other which is like being murdered.

We go see this animated movie that just came out, it's not very well-rated on rotten tomatoes but that's okay. We aren't there to truly watch. When we get in and the movie starts, there's no one there so we chat, make fun of the movie, bounce around, and change seats. Sara and Em go to the back of the theater and make out, we all cheer because we saw this coming.

"We all knew what you meant for "gym dates", ya nasties," I laugh out.

"Oh my god fuck off," Em slaps my hand.

Sara gives me a knowing look, then a wink, which makes me gut laugh more. I chug my soda and then have to use the bathroom, so I grab my phone and head to the bathroom. I'm still so drunk, the alcohol went right to me, and chasing it did nothing. I'm such a lightweight. I stumble over myself into the stall and relieve myself while getting on my phone.

I want to talk to him, I want to talk to Jack. I want to tell him everything. How I'm so deeply in love with him. How my cancer is back and it's eating away at me. I want to tell him everything. I start dialing but pause, I set my phone in my pocket and fix myself up. I go to wash my hands, but I also splash some water on my face.

"Get yourself together," I whisper to myself. I dry up. "Get yourself together."

I go back to the group and hang out on my phone for a while until it's time for us to go home. Tim and I are dropped off last by Pat, my mom smiles to herself, and my father rests his head in my mom's lap while watching TV. Tim and I said we were tired, so I grabbed us some drinks and snacks, and we headed to my room. I plop on my desk chair, then throw everything on my bed. He sits on the ground beside my bed, looking at the TV and game console I have.

"You okay? You've been quiet since you came back from the bathroom at the movies," Tim asks starting the console with the controller.

"Yeah, the tired drunk started kicking in," I sit next to him, after pushing off the drinks and snacks. I pass him a Mountian Dew and get myself a Dr.Pib. "You know how I am."

We open the cans, and "dink and sink" something we started doing at 10 when we started drinking more soda. Turns out these YouTubers online also call it that, which we found pretty funny.

"GTA," I call out grabbing a random coin on the ground.

"COD," he calls. "Tails!"

"Heads!" I flip the coin, catch it, and slam it down in my arm. I slowly lift my hand and the dime is tails up. "Damn it!"

He throws his fists up in victory, and slams them down to his lap, "I knew it!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Let's do this shit!"

Halfway through the game, he presses pause, so I do too and look over at him, he has a wicked smile and pulls off his jacket.

"What did you do?" I ask, knowing it's nothing good.

"Remember when I tripped at the gas station?"

"Yes, what's this about?"

He pulls out two tiny bottles of vodka, the travel-size shot bottles. I gasp.

"You stole those?"

"That's not all," he pulls out two small shot bottles of the fireball. "I tripped and they just so happened the slide down the sleeve of my jacket."

"Tim, this is a new bad even for you," I glare him down. He frowns.

"So what? Not gonna have any fun?"

I grab a vodka and a fireball, "I never said that." They are plastic, which is why they make no noise. I take off the wrappings and open the fireball first. "Fire first, come on."

"Why not both?"

"Both?"

"Both," he says unraveling both of his, then taking off the caps. "Come on, too chicken?"

I laugh and open the vodka.

"Dink it," we say and gently clink them together. "Sink it," we say and open our mouths to down the alcohol.

It's hot going down, the two awful flavors mix and are even more disgusting. I clear my throat when it's down.

"Fling it," he says and I give him an odd look. "Fling it under the bed, dumbass."

I shrug, "Fling it," I throw the two bottles in the back corner of my bed, and he does the same.

"I'll get them tomorrow before I leave," he stands and stretches. He strips off this shirt and throws it in my laundry.

"What, you are done with COD? Is it 'cause I'm beating you?"

"It's hot in here," he grabs his backpack. "I'm gonna paint, you play some GTA."

I watch him pull out a canvas, his paint tray, and the brushes he keeps in a special case. He then pulls out his neat box of acrylics. He sets up on my bed, I shrug and exit his controller. I know he's drunk now. I don't know why he wanted to take the shots now and not earlier or later, why when he's already drunk? I get off of COD and get on GTA, and when I'm drunk in GTA I play online.

I put on my headset, and sign in. I start by hitting up the rich neighborhood, trying to take the nice cars and just wreck the fuck out of them until I die. It's fun that way.

"Mac, take off your shirt, I want to see your back as a reference."

He does that all the time, he'll have me and the gang pose for him, use our body shapes and sizes and skin textures and references. I understand they are good for his portfolio. And, he's been using fewer oil paints and more acrylic recently, which he doesn't like or use as often. I see why.

"Don't put my scar on it, please," I ask and take off my headset to take my shirt off.

"Of course I won't, Mac."

A lot of people think we are sexual with each other, and the fact we've seen each other naked many times doesn't help the thoughts of others. We just grew up hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. We are brothers, even if others don't see it that way. Plus, Tim recently told me he's asexual, and he's told the gang he's asexual. Everyone knows he's being honest in our group, and everyone knows he and I are just brothers. Still, others make comments about it, mostly homophobic comments and we embrace it. We'll hold hands, he'll kiss my forehead, I'll kiss his cheek, but nothing ever beyond that. We only do it to trigger others. He's my forever person, my brother from another mother, my best friend. Two people can be close like our bond and not be dating. His art is his future, the most I can do to help him is pose for him.

"Can you pull your good shoulder up a few millimeters?" He asks and I can hear the pencil tracing the canvas even after putting on my headset. I do what he asks. "Perfect! Thank you," and I hear the pencil stop then him pouring his paint.

I turn back to the game. I start running to a gorgeous custom Mustang, orange with someone's logo painted on the hood, I wonder how they did that, I haven't seen that before. I open the door and a male character comes running after me.

"Hey, who the fuck are you?" A woman says.

"Damn your a girl?" I mutter out and my character starts the car.

"It's the 21st century, what of it bitch?"

I laugh, looking at the character that doesn't match the voice.

"Stop fucking laughing and get out of my car before I kill you!"

"How about you hop in the passenger till I can get where I need to go? It won't take long hun," I add sass to my voice.

"Are you gay?!" Her voice lightens to a sweet tone.

"Close, I'm bisexual."

"I'm a lesbian! Finally! You don't meet many gays in this damn game. Move over to the passenger, I'll take you where you need to go. Where are you heading?"

I laugh and get a tap on the shoulder from Tim telling me to get back in my pose, I apologize and listen.

"Honestly, I was just gonna steal your car when you got in passenger and wreck it because of how pretty it is, but you seem fun. How about being a duo?"

"You asshat, you- whatever. Let's do it! You wanna get your car first?"

"Obviously," I say getting out to go to the passenger. "How'd you even get a custom design on the hood? That shit is cool."

"I'm a popular YouTuber, I make tons of GTA vids, and they made me a car. Cool huh?"

"Very," I say and look at my map on the wall. "Two streets down and take a turn to the left, go down 3 houses. The white convertible is my favorite."

"I know that one, I used to steal that one all the time just for fun."

"She's very aro dynamic."

"She? We are gendering cars?"

"It's the 21st century, what of it bitch?"

She laughs at me mocking her. "You're funny, mind if I put this in my vid?"

"Go ahead, only if I get your discord and gamer ID."

"Deal! I think my viewers will like you. So why are you on tonight?"

"That's an odd question, why are you?" She stops in front of the house, I get out and run to the car.

"I'm filming a video, but I'm also running away from life. So, now why are you?"

"Fair enough," I break the window, and the alarm starts going off, I jump in and get the car started. "I'm drunk, very drunk. I guess also running from life. Do you mind if you hide my identity, like changing my voice?"

"Sure, I do it to mine. Best to hide. So what are you running from while drunk?"

The police chase starts, and we both take off after setting our destination as the mountains.

"I have osteosarcoma, a bone cancer. We thought it went away after a bone transplant and lots of chemos plus radiation, but it spread to my other shoulder. Honestly, I wouldn't be saying this if I wasn't drunk," I pause with a fake laugh. We go off-road and lose the police. "That's the first time I've said that out loud. The only ones who know are my brother, my family friends, and my parents. I'm also running from this guy I'm in love with. He doesn't know I love him, he doesn't know about my cancer. He's been abusing the fact I'm queer to get cloat at our school. Because he keeps fucking up everything with the girls he sees."

"Shit that was a lot heavier than I thought it would be. Also, you're a minor?"

"Barely, but yes. How old are you?"

"What I tell my followers is 21 but I'm 24. The younger women on the gaming side get more views and subs. But it also keeps me in monetization. Honesty hun, I don't know you personally, but I know you are strong and can get through this. Im not putting any of this in my videos, so don't worry about watching what you say. If you want to just rant and rave while wrecking some cars I'll gladly be there for you."

We reach the top of the mountain, the in-game sun is starting to come up. We step out of the cars and head in front of them and look at the pixelated sunrise.

"Honestly, that sounds nice. I wouldn't if I were sober right now."

"Do you have someone with you right now to make sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah, I got my brother. He's painting behind me. He would be playing with me but he's more productive than I am when he's drunk."

She belly laughs. I have fun demolishing random cars and getting loud about how cancer sucks, and boys are stupid, especially straight ones. It was nice, I even sobered up more after 2 hours. I was sober enough to consent to non-personal conversations and a collage of us wrecking the cars with no audio to go in her new video. I got her discord, her gamer ID, and her YouTube channel name. She had over 5 million subscribers which is cool that I ran into her. I subscribed and watched videos as Tim finished his painting. When he is finished he sits next to me and shows me.

It's me sitting in a very trippy room, on a completely black carpet, in front of a box TV on the ground with a game console next to it. You see my right leg crossed over what you assume is my left, in the same ripped blue jeans I'm wearing now, and my bare back, my good shoulder raised slightly as if I'm curving my arm with the controller. I do that a lot when I'm driving in games, I'll turn the controller like it's a wheel. I have no head, you see a bone in the middle of my neck, and blood trickling down my back. You can't see the controller, but you can see the cord going to the console. The box TV on the ground is where you see the decapitated head, the dead grey eyes staring at the body, blood pouring out the bottom of the head, and out of the slightly open mouth.

It gives you chills, how realistic it looks, how realistic it is. It's amazing. Tim is going places with this art.