I high-fived Jack's group and walked to put my gun away. Jack grabbed my waist and turned me toward the screen to see our points. First place goes to Gene, second to Nicolas, and third to me. Jack is not even on the list.

"Well, well, well," I turn towards him, smiling.

"Well, congrats," he pulls me away from the group. "Now do I get to see where you hang out?"I nod.

"Promise?" he grinned.

"I promise," I grin too.

His friends come over, saying they are going to the normal bar and grill. Jack smiles at me and says they are bringing me to the best grill ever seen. I asked if that was another competition; he had never had my barbeque before. He grins with a nod, and I laugh and follow him back to the car. We talked more during the drive, and I learned he owned two dogs, both female pits, for 9 years as a kid. He learns I owned a cat for 10 years as a kid, but that I'm a dog person. I learn he likes Italian food and his favorite color is blue, I mention I love Chinese food and the color red. It's small bonding, not much there but getting to know the person with basic ordinary stuff.

When we arrive I send my location to Tim, and he parks next to his friends.

"You have been to a bar and grill, right?"

"Not in a few years," I clear my throat at the uncomfortable memory. The memory of meeting at my favorite bar and grill with a bunch of family to announce my cancer. "It was for a family reunion."

"Okay. Word of advice. Everything here sucks except the actual barbecue. It's what everyone comes here for."

I laugh and accept the advice. When we walk in, it's mostly older white men, probably retired. We get greeted by someone who knows the boys well when they ask who I am they say a friend. Not boyfriend, which makes me confused, but I don't question it. When we sit, Jack pulls out his phone to type something. I get a notification.

Jackass: "This place is very Republican and there are no laws against hate crime here. It best to not mention being gay in any type of way."

"Got it, thanks," I say quietly, putting my phone away.

The boys start random conversations, it was nice getting to know them as well, it sucks that in two weeks, I drop them. Jack was right, I noticed some older men making gay jokes, but not the nice ones. Saying multiple slurs and racist comments. Deren and Nic held their composure. I, on the other hand, was beginning to get mad. Jack just gently put his hand on my right shoulder, and I understood. It's better not to get involved, not to get hate crimed, and not to get judged. They were good at distracting me. That and I kept Tim up to date, in case anything did happen. I know I give off vibes, I know about hate crime as I've dealt with it before. Not my first rodeo. I did enjoy my time there though, these people are a good distraction from anything. I haven't accidentally hurt myself, another good distraction. I haven't needed to use my pen, and I haven't needed to do anything to distract myself, as they were good enough.

I do know where I'm going to take him though, I've been thinking about that. So, this is what he and his rich friends do for fun, now I have to show what I do for fun. Honestly, I hurt myself a lot doing it but I love it. Practice makes perfect but not when you don't have good balance and your bones snap easier than other people. But I still love it, and I love going with my friends. He brought his friends; should I bring mine? No, that'd be dumb. They hate him. I suppose I should hate him too. Should. But, I don't, I don't even know why.

He's a dickhead, there is nothing to like about a jackass, especially this jackass. My friends hate him, so I'm not going to bring them, but I'm still going to go with him. For his own good, and maybe it'll help me realize he's not good for anyone. I'm making a list of everything I learned today, and things I could use against him. I got to keep my head straight.

"You okay?" Jack grabs my hand.

"Yeah, thinking," I smile. "You were right, I need to get out more."

He looks at his Rolex. "You wanna go free driving?"

"Sure, for just a few, I have the stuff to do at home."

"Would this stuff be holding you back from having fun?"

"Yes, it would. How did you figure?"

"Just thought it might be, let's just drive for a little. Don't you ever do that?"

"No. Sometimes I can't drive," I shrug.

Jack grabs the receipt and places his card on it, then raises it in the air.

"By that you mean?"

"Personal stuff."

Lucas laughs. "Full of secrets huh?"

"Everyone has secrets," I wink.

----

Just driving is nice; we didn't talk. Talking felt wrong at the moment, we just drove with the top down, the sun setting on us. Music was very low, but still there. This is the point I wish he'd pull over so I could fucking kiss him, but we don't kiss. I'm not going to allow it. I feel like putting a hat on so I could just make sure my hair's not falling out. That's a fear of mine. I ignore it, as I know nothing going to happen.

"I know this school thinks I'm a monster," he starts and I look over. "Since I was a sophomore the popularity game fascinated me, and I was thrown into it by joining the school's team. I know I grew up spoiled, I could point my finger and whatever I wanted appeared. My parents raised me with the money they didn't have. I guess I got so used to being spoiled at home, that mentality went with me everywhere. The thought was that I could get whatever I wanted, as long as I wanted it. Something I've never wanted was an actual relationship, to commit. Why commit to one when there are so many? I've never felt love or longing for anything, which doesn't help the fact I can't commit to anything. I know I still have to learn, but I'm still young, and I'm going to be abusing that fact."

"We... we don't think you're a monster. We kind of see it more as childish and selfish, but not a monster. Why are you telling me this?"

"I want to clear some air," he shrugs, "I don't expect you're opinion of me to change. I know you hate me, but I want you to know I'm not a monster, just a spoiled kid who got anything he wanted. I know I need to grow up, and I will soon. Gene and the guys are the only ones who have given me the real chance to be myself, and I was hoping you could be one of those people too. Despite you hating me, you're cool, and I want to still be cool with you after this ends. "

I stay in silence, I don't know how to respond. I do grab his arm though, after fighting the temptation to hold his hand, letting him know I understand what he's saying, and I'm here.

"So," he clears his throat, trying to change the subject. Being honest just isnt something he's used to doing. "When should we do your hangouts?"

I drop my hand, "Sunday is the best day to go. But we'll do it next week, I can't do it this week."

"Personal stuff; got it. So, are you free tomorrow?"

"I don't know, why? Another meet-up with your friends? I can arrange that-"

"No, not with them, just a personal meet-up. As friends."

I pause... friends. There's no way in hell we'll ever be friends.

"Friends?"

"We can still be friends after this. Like I said, you're cool."

"Okay, I'll see if I can tomorrow."