I wake up in Jacks bed in the basement, curled around a new hoodie that smells like him. It's like a sleep remedy, I can't help but feel at peace and calm washed over me. It's like I'm laying in a bed of flowers, tucked under the familiar sheets from our night here together. It's like I can still feel him, which only makes me miss him more. Then the door opens and I remember why I woke up. Tim opens the door after a small knock, he leans against it.

"Hey."

"Is school over already?"

"Yeah. It's been 2 hours. Let's get you home."

"No, I want to lay here longer."

"What do I tell your mom?"

"The truth, dont worry about it, she'll understand," Then my eyes are so heavy I can't open them anymore. I hear Tim laugh then the door closes. I wake up much later to the door opening again. "What time is it?" I ask groggily.

"5, You're mom wants you home for dinner. Come on before I drag you out."

"No, I can't," I hug the pillow next to me and roll over. "I can't leave yet."

"I need to get you home."

"This is home now," I throw my keys at him. "Nan and Jack gave me a key," He examines it behind me.

"That's cool. So now you can come to steal his hoodies whenever you want?" I laugh and roll back over. "That's new isnt it?"

"It is."

"Good, im happy for you, I am. Sometimes I know I can be protective, but you understand right?"

"Of course I do," I sit up and scoot to the edge. "I know you have good intentions," I stretch my arms out, then groan because I'm still bruised on the side and arm. "I wanted to ask you about Gene," I stand and grab my keys. "What's going on with you and him?"

His face gets red, then he turns and walks away. I laugh and follow after him after grabbing my pen. I push him onto the couch and sit beside him.

"Talk."

"I dont know."

"Timothy," I use his full name in a serious tone. "Talk to me. You're my brother."

He sighs but then lays back, his hands flying to his face. "I dont know what's up with him!" He yells out and I smile. He's finally opening up. "He confused the fuck out of me. Like, does he like me, or is he just playing around? He's a friendly guy, he's confident in his sexuality, because he's so flirtatious, and he doesn't feel bad hitting on a guy. But, what is he? What am I? I dont know what I am. I've never felt like this, then one guy sends a smile my way and my heart skips in joy. Then it stops in fear. I never thought I could feel these things, I always thought I was Aromantic. So why now? And why for him? He's an asshole."

I pull him into a hug. "You know Gene's not an asshole. We thought Jackson was at first too, but he ended up being the sweetest guy out there. He was rude to you because he was jealous, that's it. It's not an excuse, but it's the truth. What you feel, you have time to figure out. Do you think you like Gene?"

"I think I do. I mean, he's hot, I'll admit that and he's funny, and he's kind."

"Good, there's a start. Sometimes you dont have to have a term. 'Love' can be your term if you want it to be, you dont have to rush into any labels, no one does," He seems at peace with that. "I'll talk to Gene, okay? Dont worry about it, focus on yourself, Tim."

He seems to have relaxed, it makes me happy to see him so calm now. I understand new feelings can cause a whirlwind.

"Let's get you home now. Then you can start your next letter to him. I'll help you if needed."

"You grammar nerd."

"I know, but who helps you write your English papers, for free?"

I punch his arm lightly and we head up the stairs. I hug Nan goodbye, she gives me fresh cookies to take home. I love her spirit, it makes me think maybe I can send him one. I'll do it, I'll put a piece of bread in there too so it stays soft. When we get home, Tim eats with us then we go upstairs and I start writing. I take out Jack's letter and read back over it, I answer all the questions he had, then asked some of my questions.

"Hello, Love,

    I was so happy when you wrote back, I was so nervous. I thought you would be mad at me honestly, I thought that you'd break up with me. I'm so happy to see you don't hate me for being sent away. I love you so much, I dont know what I'd do if you were angry at me about this. Let's just say I'm very pleased right now.

    I have indeed stolen a new hoodie. When I got your letter I was overwhelmed by emotions. Paige almost stole a picture you gave me. She said I was crazy and there was no way you would ever actually love me. She gave me a panic attack, and I ended up passing out. When I woke up on the ground the guys were helping me. The nurse mentioned my cancer in front of the class, I know she wasn't thinking and was just concerned, but Paige still heard. Paige is now spreading rumors about how I fake cancer and that I actually do smoke weed. I had to use my pen in class after passing out. I have to go back Monday, but god im dreading it. I just want her to leave us alone. She keeps trying to meddle, and it's very annoying.

    Anyway, I left school during lunch, went to your house, talked with Nan, then passed out in your bed for a few hours. She made cookies, I am sending a couple you're way. Tim took me home and now I'm writing to you again. The guys and my friends have gotten pretty close. I'm 90% sure Rain (xe/xem) and Lucas are gonna start dating soon. Tim has a thing for Gene, and Gene keeps flirting with him. I'm curious if Gene likes Tim back, I hope so because they are actually rather cute together.

    I have already forgiven the straight side of you, dont worry about that baby. You're forgiven. Gene basically told me the same thing. He said not to worry because you would be okay. I'm glad this is helping you, I really am. But please be careful, dont get hurt. I'm glad your bunkmate isnt bad, I'm glad you're in a good place right now. I think you should keep training, maybe even get a personal trainer that specializes, but no matter what you do, you have my full support.

    Do you realize how cheesy you are now? Calling me your home, saying you're homesick after calling me your home. You're making me miss you even more. What makes it worse is I can hear your voice saying that in my head, and it makes me so happy. I love you so much. Dont worry, Love. When you get back I'm taking you away and we're gonna have an entire weekend together. Just us, no one else, only us two.

    I would never, and I mean NEVER, judge you for crying. You are the love of my life as well, I've cried for you so much these past few weeks. You're allowed to have and show emotions, Love. Dont worry about my cancer, I'm going to be okay. I'm beating the fuck out of this cancer. Really, this chemo will kill it, and I'll be better before we know it. I dont give up easily baby, I got this. As long as you're by my side, I know I can make it through this. I like you complimenting me, telling me that im strong. I hate feeling weak and often times treatment can make a person weak. Thank you, Jackson.

    I do have to be honest now, the uniform really does look good on you. You're my strong and sexy future husband. Please return to me in that uniform, maybe not in front of my family though. Tell me where to go and I'll go. Why not in front of my parents? I'm afraid I'll end up jumping your bones when I see you like that. You are so handsome, and I know you know it too. Shall I start making reservations for a weekend stay at a hotel? Tell me the date you'll be back, and in our next letter, I'll tell you what hotel to show up at. And there's no backing out of this, Baby. By the time you get out I'll be healed and ready, and I mean ready.

    Alright, I'll stop now. Dont worry about me, I'm safe here. The guys protect me well, they keep me happy and sane. Worry about yourself, stay healthy, and be in a good mindset. Remember, tell me the day you get out, and I'll send the rest of the info ;)."

I take a pause at writing and remember to send him more photos, so I do. I take a picture of myself kissing the key he told his Nan to give me, grinning like a fool while I do. I also take a normal picture of me smiling at the camera, then another of me saluting him as he did in his photo, I know he'll laugh about it. I have Tim drive me to a drugstore so I can print them, When I get back home with the pictures I put 2 cookies in a bag with a half piece of bread, and put them in a large envelope. I also sent him one of my necklaces. Then, I figured this was enough and finished the letter.

"I love you

    -Malcolm, your boyfriend, and future husband.

    P.S. The necklace is one of my favorites. The way the dragon wraps around the sword is beautiful; like it's protecting the sword. I feel like it'd be up your alley. You are the dragon to my sword, please use your brain to understand what I mean.

    P.P.S. Picture of me and the key, also in a new hoodie ;)

    Picture of me that you can keep by your bunk

    And a photo of me saluting you back, I figured you laugh about it.

    P.P.P.S. I love you, Jackson. Write to me soon, Love."

I put everything in a large yellow envelope, and Tim drives me to UPS. I pay for express shipping and the delicate handling. They stamp on the front "Fragile!" and "Dont Bend!" I write down all the information, my address, the address he's staying at. I wrote on top of the envelope "To Jackson Neroni" with a heart next to it. Then it's sent away, they put it in the back and wish me a good day. I feel happy when I leave, Tim takes me home without a word, and I start finding a hotel to book in the car.