"The best way to not get your heart broken, is to pretend you don't have one."
~ Charlie Sheen

...♛...

Turning on the shower, I let the water run as I undress. My sports bra soaked with sweat and splotches of blood, I throw it to the side with the rest of the clothes I take off.

Stripped down to the last piece of clothing, I enter the shower slowly by letting the steaming water soak my feet first. As I take small steps closer to the water, I breathe heavier. The water cleansing my wounds, burns. I soon forget the pain and stand still under the water as it runs down from my head and travels down my body in streams.

Closing my eyes, the moment that just happened minutes ago replay in my mind.

I remember Kai lying on the floor of the ring. His face bloodied and his chest hardly inflating with air. His eyes barley opened, but I could still see a glint of prosper in his eyes taunting my win.

He wanted me to win and so I did, and I have no doubt that if he had tried any harder than he faked to, he would have won.

I know why he did it. He knew what I'd ask for if I won. I asked to be let back onto missions and like Anthony promised, that request of mine will be fulfilled.

But why would Kai be arrogant enough to lose? If he had won, he could've asked for anything. He could have asked for Luciano or even an out, but he didn't.

Why?

Does he have his own agenda that I should be worried about? What if he's aware of something he shouldn't be? What if he's working with Nick?

"Summer," Alessio fiddles with the doorknob.

"Alex?" I question.

"Summer, open the do-or! I need- I need t-to talk to you," Alex slurs continuing to fiddle with the doorknob.

"Are you drunk?" I question turning off the running water. I grab the towel and quickly dry myself off before securing it tightly around my body.

I unlock the door, and the stench of alcohol blows through the door along with Alessio who I barely catch in my arms.

"Alex!" I shriek holding him up. "Fuck. What did you do, drink the whole fucking bar?"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sooo sorry," he tries to stand up, but needs to lean on me for support.

"What? Just, okay. Let me get you to bed and we'll talk there, okay?"

"Okay," his eyes drop as I pull his arm around the back of my shoulders and help him to the bed.

I get him to sit down and take a step back. Adjusting my towel higher, I watch as his head drops down tiredly and shoots right back.

"I'm okay! Not drunk!" he tries to stand up, but I push him back down.

"Okay there big guy, I know you're not drunk, but it's time for bed," I start to unbutton his coat. Once his coat is off, I decide to take his shirt off as well, because he usually never sleeps with it on.

As my hands work their way down on each button, halfway down, a drop of water settles down on my hand and I look up. Alex's eyes tinted red, drip with tears.

"Alessio, what's wrong?" I swallow hard pulling my hand away from his shirt and giving him my full attention. I've never seen him so vulnerable and for the first time in forever, my first instinct isn't to figure out a way to use this to my advantage but to help him through it.

"I'm so sorry, Summer. I -I love Elenora and what happened this morning, I-I was mad and confused and I'm so sorry," he apologies. "We - we both love someone else, and if I- I feel this guilty I c-can only imagine you."

Without saying a word, I engulf him into a tight hug. I close my eyes and for a second, just take in how grateful I am to have him as a friend. No one has ever sincerely apologized for hurting me and what he did was nothing compared to what others have done.

"It's okay, Alessio. I'm okay, and so is Elenora."

"Sh - she's never gonna forgive me for what I've done."

"Alex, please. She'll understand, what you did – what we're doing, we have to do it."

"She's never gonna forgive me," his eyes fill with tears as he leans back into the bed bringing his legs in under the sheets and cuddling under them.

"Alex," I sigh staring at the sheets. In response, all I get are small sniffles.

I destroy what I touch.

Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

Feeling the emotions dense inside of me, I turn around deciding to change into a long, oversized hoodie before I head to my mother's grave.

The night is cold and full of fog. I silently take a seat in front of her grave pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Taking one out, I light the end and put the box down on the side along with the lighter. For a brief second, my eyes run between my mother's grave making me wonder what she'd be thinking right now and to the cigarette in my hand. In the end, my lips wrap around the end of the stick allowing my lungs to inhale the relieving poison.

Breathing out the cloud of smoke, I think of nothing yet everything and feel my eyes soak, drenching themselves with tears of guilt, displeasure and sorrow. I sit on the wet grass, letting the sharp wind ride around the rough edges of my skin. I breathe silently as possible, as if I'm scared to be found by the wave of emotion that's yet to come.

"So this is where you go when you disappear. Here I thought you were plotting something behind our backs," I hear Kai's voice echo from behind me.

I don't move. I sit still hoping that if I don't do anything, that he'll go away. Instead, his voice comes along with the structure of his body which gradually reveals itself through the fog. Dressed in a black hoodie and black sweats, I watch as he limps his way towards me.

The closer he gets, the more I notice. The cut on his eyebrow has been stitched, but seems like it'll leave another scar on his face. His left eye hardly opens; though, the swelling has reduced since this morning and his face is full of bruises reflecting the moon's shine.

"Kai, please go away," I whisper. A part of me hopes that my voice is just high enough to hear, but not high enough to sense the desperation.

When he remains there, I become agitated.

"What do you want?" I sigh heavily. I drop the cigarette and stand up stepping on it before I face Kai.

The second his eyes notice the tears on my face, he takes the smallest step back dropping his head and clearing his throat. I watch curiously as I wait for his head to lift and meet my gaze.

"I think we should talk," he says.

"About what?"

"Everything."

I look into his eyes noticing the lost of emotion in them.

"Since you came to me, why don't you start?"

"How's Luciano?" he questions. His voice much heavier as he speaks his son's name.

"He spoke his first word two days ago, mom. I'll send you the video," I hold back any emotion in my voice. I can't let him see the guilt dwelling within me and I know he doesn't need to see it, to know that keeping Luke away from all of us is just as hard on me as it is on him.

"Thanks," he words distantly.

"You're welcome, but I'm sure that's not all you want to talk to me about."

"You're right," his head slightly rises in confidence. "You're brother said something odd to me today, Anthony. He said that if we were all stuck in a burning building, he wouldn't be one of the first people you'd go in to save. I asked him why he was telling me that and his response was, don't you ever think about how much you mean to a person that seems to be so distance from everything and everyone else? I thought about it. A part of me thought I was foolish to even think that you'd save me, but the other couldn't stop considering the possibility."

"See, the problem in that, is not that you don't know me, but that you don't even know yourself. Do you think you are the type of person that should be saved?" I query.

"I don't know," he admits.

"If you had asked fourteen-year-old me, I'd say no, but I've been through enough to know that everyone can be saved. So if everyone I knew was stuck in a house fire, I'd save you Kai and only because you're already so deep in with me that I'd want you to stay there forever. Call me selfish, but I'd want you to suffer so that you'd finally realize you're not the only one there."

"Every fucking time," he shakes his head letting out a cold laugh. His jaw clenches in anger as his eyes start to match the hollow skies above. "Every time I wanna believe there's more to you than this coldhearted, narcissistic bitch you prove me wrong. Why do you do this? Do you like being alone?"

"I'm sorry that I don't know any better."

"For fucks sakes, Summer! This is exactly what you do! You think you conquer every obstacle that comes your way, but you don't. You hide behind this face of yours and act like you don't care. You push everyone away so that you can prove the people that think you're better, wrong. Because you know, in one way or another, you'll end up hurting them anyway. It's easier to do it purposely and get it over with, isn't it?"

"Are you done? Because I'm really not in the mood to listen to you break apart everything that you dislike about me."

His eyes deadly, in a swift move he closes the distance between us grabbing my arm and pulling me closer.

"Tell me that if I walked away today, that you'd never give Luciano back to me. Tell me that you are so heartless and unforgiving, that you'd let a child grow up without his father when that is all his mother's last words were."

"Kai, stop," I try to pull my arm out of his grip, but he just tightens it. "Kai."

"Tell me, Summer. Are you, who you make everyone believe you are?"

"I am. I will kill Luciano the second you step back from the contract you signed," I look him in the eyes as I speak each word. My eyes brim with tears but I hold the gaze challengingly. the air in my chest feels heavier once I comprehend the words I've spoken.

"Then you kill him," he breathes taking a step back. He takes one last look at me before turning around and walking away.

"Where are you going?" I question.

"Away from you and this bullshit," he yells.

"Kai, he'll die," I warn.

He stops in his steps.

"Just another death on my hands, right?"

Without saying another word, I pull out my phone and call Elenora. My hands tremble hoping that I don't have to continue, that Kai will stop me from going any further.

"Put the phone on speaker, I wanna hear Lucas' voice," I order once Elenora picks up. I put my own phone on speaker and seconds later, I hear Luciano giggling.

"M-ama," I hear his sweet voice. I watch as Kai turns around looking at the phone in my hand. His eyes red, I can tell Luciano's voice has broken him.

"Kill him," I speak looking directly at Kai.

"Don't," Kai challenges.

"I said kill him," I speak again. Before I know it, Kai knocks the phone out of my hand and I feel a sting on my left cheek as my ear starts to ring.

Leaning to the side, my tongue darts out moisturizing my lip. The metallic taste of blood takes over and I swallow it. I breathe out and close my eyes telling myself not to break down before I stand up facing Kai.

"I have never met someone as revolting as you and that's a lot considering I grew up with Nicholas Black as my brother," Kai spits.

"Anything else you wanna test or say while we're at it?"

He shakes his head in shock as his hand cuffs the front of his face and he stands there with tears endlessly streaming down his face. There's a hard look on his face, telling me he's having a hard time distinguishing his thoughts.

"This is not the girl I remember, and this is definitely not the woman I fell in love with," he breathes. "You are not who I fell in love with."

My heart skips a beat at his words. Left speechless, I stand there still.

"I'll give you exactly what you want, but don't you ever do that again," Kai warns. "I know the games you play, but you can't play me as easily as you think. It's you, me and my brother. All of us equally as coldhearted, cruel and ruthless as the other. You made a wrong move today and you'll pay for it if you're not already," with those words, he turns around leaving behind the darkness.

I hold it together long enough for him to disappear, but once I can no longer see him, my legs cave and I finally take in a deep rigid breath breaking down into a million pieces onto my knees.

Whimpering, I feel my stomach clench in pain. Everything has stopped moving except for me. It's like I'm moving so fast no one sees me. I wanna get up, but my muscles feel numb. My heart heavier than I've felt it before, I wanna rip right it out of my chest as I scream in pure agony.

He said he loved me.

I said I'd kill his son.

In fact, I was seconds away from getting it done.

Why?

...♛...

"He said he loved me," I blurt the second I walk into my father's office. His head tilts up looking at me and immediately, his face hardens.

"We're making progress, I see," he says. Not being able to say a word, I bob my head instead, agreeing with him.

"Oh, mea infantem puella," he gets up from his seat and engulfs me in a tight hug. Without wasting another second, I break down letting my tears soak his suit.

"I can't do it, father. I thought I could, but I can't. He hates me."

"Love does this to you, Summer. We both knew the risks."

"I thought it'd be easier."

"It only gets harder from here, Summer. It only gets harder," he words, rubbing my back.

I signed up for this knowing the consequences. Love is an unknown territory for me, but I decided to dive in head first. Now, I must explore deeper into it because if I end up gaining nothing, then I'll lose everything.

A/N:

Ivy: Whaaaaat?🙀 Any theories about what's going to happen next?

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