Poison Prince

"Why on earth have you got a goat?" Eve asked, folding her arms across her chest. "Is it the latest must have fashion accessory by any chance?"

Clara hesitated, not wanting everyone to know that Flynn had dropped by her bedroom vis-a-vis her antique armoire, some misplaced sense of modesty stopping her from sharing this particular revelation. "I'm goat-sitting," Clara said cryptically, shifting from one patent leather brogued foot to the other.

"And you're insulting me!" Archie exclaimed. "Goat-sitting, my ass!"

Eve did a spectacular double-take. "It talks!?" she said in disbelief.

"And so does my flying Cadillac," the goat said, rolling his now kohl-rimmed eyes.

"You have a flying Cadillac?" Clara asked, impressed against her will.

"Yeah, in my dreams, Bunty," Archie answered, rolling his eyes again.

"What's this about Cadillacs?" Ezekiel asked, appearing in the doorway like magic. "Are we going to steal some?" He rubbed his hands together with glee at the prospect.

"No. We. Are. Not," Eve said, glaring at him.

"Never say never," Ezekiel said, shrugging his shoulder.

"Why is there a horned being in our midst?" Jenkins asked as he came down the sweeping staircase.

"And why is there a knight" -

- "And good-night to you, too," Jenkins snapped, cutting across Archie.

"It talks!" Ezekiel exclaimed, pointing at the goat.

"I do indeed," Archie said tartly.

"You do!?" Ezekiel said excitedly.

"Oh, get with the programme, boy," Archie retorted. "Talking goat was so two minutes ago."

Before Ezekiel could answer, Jacob boomeranged out from behind some bookshelves, Cassandra trailing timidly at his heels. "Look lively troops!" Jacob boomed, clapping his hands together. "Are we saving the world or what!?"

"Hold your horses, Stone," Eve intoned. "The day's barely begun and we've got a hell-demon to deal with."

"Well, there's no time like the present, is there?" Jacob said, before suddenly doing a back-flip.

"Now that's what I call a man," Archie said admiringly as the others stared at Jacob, slightly startled by his acrobatics.

"That goat is talking," Cassandra said in a loud aside.

"Three minutes ago," Archie sing-songed.

"You seem awfully... perky this morning, Jacob," Clara said slowly, her brow furrowing.

"A sorceress spiked his coffee," Cassandra piped up helpfully.

"Circe actually," Jacob said, puffing out his chest. It took Clara a moment to recollect there had been a situation a few weeks back regarding a Circe and some seaweed with a tendency to strangle the nearest human. The case had erred on the side of bizarre, making Clara initially doubt the judgement of the clippings book, but that was until she'd dealt with a disco-dancing goldfish, possessed piano and a waltzing Matilda in quick succession. But she hadn't realized until later that it had been the Circe, enchantress extraordinaire. The sorceress had taken a shine to Jacob, a shine he hadn't returned, resulting in him being almost dropped headfirst down a mine-shaft.

"I take it you haven't been returning her calls, then?" Archie asked.

"Hey, you can talk!" Jacob beamed. "And no I haven't. Straight to voicemail."

"Five minutes ago," Archie trilled, "and that is a bad idea, buddy," he warned, suddenly switching mood, making everyone look at him. "Not unless you want horns sprouting out of your forehead."

"You speaking from personal experience by any chance?" Ezekiel asked.

"It's a small world, isn't it?" Archie answered, almost but not quite evading the question.

"These days Circe is more in the line of turning her suitors into swine than bovids," Jenkins pointed out.

"I think Jacob could carry off a curly tail," Ezekiel said with a smirk.

"With aplomb," Jenkins said nastily.

"If you've got it, then flaunt it!" Jacob declared, before suddenly ripping open his shirt in a manner reminiscent of the Incredible Hulk, bursting all his buttons, everyone diving for cover as they pinged through the air like bullets.

"Alright, that is enough!" Eve bellowed, striding over to where a red velvet cloth concealed what she thought was one of Jenkins's inventions from view. She grabbed a corner of the cloth, thinking it would serve to cover Jacob, yanking it forwards, only to reveal a towering statue of Flynn, with Clara simpering by his side, literally Little and Large, Eve standing apart, armed with muscles no mortal could possess, Ezekiel and the others prostrating themselves at Flynn's feet, whilst Jenkins flew overhead in the guise of a winged cherub.

"What in the name of all that is holy is that?" Cassandra breathed, circling the statue, studying it from all sides.

"Flynn's Final Revenge," Ezekiel said smartly, sitting down on the edge of the aforementioned Flynn's desk, ignoring its squawks of protest.

"His what?" Eve asked, covering up Jacob with the red velvet cloth.

"The statue, it's called Flynn's Final Revenge," Ezekiel explained impatiently.

"And its purpose is?" Jenkins hazarded, eying his cherub self with approbation.

"To strike fear in the heart of his enemies."

"Did you make that monstrosity?" Clara asked, folding her arms across her chest. If so, Ezekiel had changed her nose from snub to snout, much to her chagrin.

"Guilty as charged," Ezekiel smirked again.

"Is that why you've immortalized yourself as a grovelling sycophant?" Jenkins pretended to query.

"It's more like the noble hero acknowledging his inspiration," Ezekiel said peevishly.

Clara rolled her eyes before going over and steering Jacob up the sweeping staircase, Cassandra trailing in their wake like a lost soul. The sound of an almost comical clip-clopping filled the air, making Clara glance over her shoulder, only to see Archie following them, taking the steps at a skip, hop and a jump. She exchanged an amused glance with Cassandra, the pair sharing a rare moment of fleeting solidarity, only for Clara to quickly look away, the memory of Cassandra's betrayal dividing them like Damocles's sword.

"Oh, ma lil uptown girl," Jacob suddenly leered at Clara, his Southern accent thickening to the point of incomprehensibility, "God, how I lurve ya."

"You no more love me than you do Jenkins's hairy left nostril," Clara said coldly.

"I pluck and trim industriously!" Jenkins called up to them, insulted.

"Never mind the nerd," Jacob slurred, flapping his hand dismissively, "I lurve ya more than the moon an' stars" - He suddenly fell silent, Archie lowering his hoof from the back of Jacob's head, looking as if he'd just flipped some secret switch to turn Jacob off. Cassandra clapped nervously, only to fall silent at the look Clara gave her, her hands dropping to her sides.

"Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing," Archie said cryptically.

"You can say that again," Clara said, sitting down on the top step.

"Sometimes you can have" -

- "Don't," Clara warned, holding up her hand, halting him.

"Hail Caesar," Archie acknowledged acerbically.

Some kind of poison prince, with your eyes in a daze
Some kind of poison prince, your life is like a maze...