Long John's Long Johns

"I don't like this," Eve said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm not asking you to babysit him," Flynn said, trying to keep his temper, "just to get him in and out of the building alive."

"But this is Ezekiel Jones we're talking about," Eve argued. "If the shit hits the fan, he'll bail with that ball of thread before you can blink."

"You're not going to bail on us, are you, Ezekiel?" Flynn said, rounding on him. "You're going to saunter in there and steal a priceless magical artefact for us like a good boy, savvy?"

Ezekiel nodded, swallowing hard. Flynn had ruthlessly overruled Jacob's suggestion of going into Golden Axe Food's headquarters and breaking a few jaws. Instead, Flynn had formulated a plan involving Eve and Ezekiel entering the building incognito, and stealing the ball of thread, whilst Cassandra led the others back into the Labyrinth to see if Henry Birch or anyone else could still be saved. Ezekiel had been a mad old man when Karen had seen him, and Flynn was gambling on the chance she wouldn't recognize him in his true form, and as for Eve, she hadn't been present first time round.

"You need to nail this, Zeke," Flynn said seriously. "The thread is the power that's holding it all together. If you get it, it'll be like taking the battery out of a car. No more Labyrinth, no more sacrifices."

"What about the Minotaur?" Clara asked anxiously.

"We'll deal with that delicious dilemma later," Flynn said, doing a twirl.

"But the Minotaur's in the Labyrinth," Clara pressed.

"Later, Clara," Flynn trilled, executing another twirl.

"But if we destroy the ball of thread first," Jacob said, brow furrowing, "the Labyrinth won't exist anymore. So really, we don't need to go into the Labyrinth" -

- "We have to go into the Labyrinth," Flynn suddenly snapped, rounding on them, "if anyone's in there, we have to get them out, or it's puff of smoke time for them and the Labyrinth. Two birds, one stone, remember?"

"The Minotaur shall fade out of existence as well," Jenkins said loftily, "when we destroy the ball of thread, the whole multi-dimensional hoo-ha collapses in on itself with a whoosh." He illustrated the whoosh with a wave of his hands.

"Indeed," Flynn said, eying him oddly. "Let's hit the high notes, troops," he then said, leading them to the back door. "It's time to rock and roll."

When it's you and me
We don't need no one to tell us who to be...

~*~

After sending Eve and Ezekiel on their way, Flynn turned to face Jenkins and the others, looking rather smug with himself. "I thought that wasn't going to work," he boasted, "but it did, very well."

"Indeed," Jenkins observed, folding his hands together. "And your idea to send Ezekiel undercover in the guise of an intern was inspired."

"I know," Flynn agreed.

Clara did a double-take. "Wait, when did that happen?" she said, bewildered. "When did Ezekiel become an intern!?"

"It's in the magical documentation I provided him with," Flynn said, looking at her like she was mad. "Eve's flexing her bureaucracy muscles, and Ezekiel's an intern. It's the only way to get them in through the front door whilst we go in through the back."

"But they're sacrificing the interns!" Clara said in disbelief.

"Oh," Flynn said, as though this idea had just occurred to him.

"Wait a minute, what does sacrificing interns achieve anyways?" Cassandra asked again, confused. "You never quite answered that small question."

"Power," Archie said simply. "We used to slip the Minotaur a tortilla or two and we'd get free cable for a month. It was brilliant."

"But what about blood sacrifices?" Jacob said, stepping forwards. "What kind of power would that generate?"

"The kind of power usually accorded to the gods," Archie said uneasily, not liking the way everyone was now looking at him.

"You're the one that gave Circe the ball of thread," Clara said slowly, circling the goat, "and you lived with the Minotaur. You were engaged to that CEO person - it keeps coming back to you, Archie!"

"Hey, what did I say about slices of pizza?" Cassandra reminded them as she flung herself in front of Archie. "Bigger picture, people!"

"It's okay, Red," Archie said tiredly, stepping round her. "Look, I told you I used to be an ass-wipe," he then said, glancing round them all. "I never pretended otherwise. Now my sins have come home to roost, and I want to make up for my mistakes. Why do you think I'm here, laying my horns on the line for you lot!?"

They all stared at him, wrongfooted.

"But how long have these sacrifices been going on for?" Clara said, brow furrowing. "If you gave the ball of thread to Circe centuries ago" -

- "Millennia morehaps," Jenkins said dourly.

"Yeah, probably," Archie said, running his hoof down his face, "this is going way back."

"So why did it take so long for the clippings book to flag it up?" Clara said incredulously.

"Backlog," Jenkins said simply, giving a globe a twirl.

"Circe said she'd just started the Minotaur as a sideline," Flynn said suddenly, "but the sacrifices have been occurring for thousands of years" -

- "Akatha stole the ball of thread from Circe," Jenkins said suddenly, his grey head snapping up, startling everyone, "as revenge for taking her fiancé. Circe thought it lost to the annals of time until she discovered the truth two Tuesdays ago. But instead of seeking revenge, she saw it as another way to increase her power, joining forces with Akatha, and oh Oklahoma, here I come!" Jenkins slumped forwards, hitting the table facefirst.

"What in the name of Long John's long johns was that!?" Archie exclaimed.

"I think... I think Jenkins was being possessed by the Annex," Flynn said, glancing around him. "But I'm not sure. Thanks for the heads-up though!" He waved merrily up at the ceiling just to be on the safe side.

"Is - is that even possible?" Cassandra asked nervously, drawing away from everyone in case possession was contagious.

"Don't look at me," Flynn said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not the go-to guy for insane but helpful architecture."

"Haven't we got a Henry Birch to save?" Jacob said pointedly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes, we do," Clara said primly, grabbing Flynn's hand. "So let's save the sacrifices."

~*~

"I thought we were meant to be saving the sacrifices, not becoming one!" Clara hissed, crouching down behind some crates.

"Better us than Ezekiel," Flynn said flippantly, craning his neck around his own stack of crates.

"True," Archie agreed, "if the Minotaur's trying to kill us, he's not trying to kill Ezekiel."

"Sweet," Jacob said sarcastically.

Instead of the back door leading into the Labyrinth, it had led to a back alley in Boston. After wandering a few charmingly Colonial streets, they'd walked smack bang into a bandana wearing biker guy, Clara nearly knocking herself out on his biceps. Despite Flynn apologizing for creasing the biker's already battered leather jacket, smoke had starting issuing from his flared nostrils, the pupils of his eyes turning red.

The Minotaur had apparently decided to come to them, instead of the other way around. After a hot pursuit through the same charmingly Colonial streets they'd just been wandering, Flynn had managed to shake off the Minotaur by overturning a hot dog stand, using the distraction to drag the others down an alleyway, where they were now hiding, Cassandra frantically calibrating the co-ordinates of the sacrifices' location.

"Seven times seven is forty nine, forty nine times seven is three forty three," she muttered, tracing manic patterns in the air, "seven points on a heptagon, seven is an obscene prime, the seven deadly sins, two to the third minus one equals seven, the seven year itch - it's there!"

"Where?" Clara asked, confused.

"In there!" Cassandra said, doing a little dance.

"In where?" Archie exclaimed. "The darkest depths of Ding Ling?"

"In there!" Cassandra said, jabbing in the direction of a doorway opposite.

"Okay," Flynn said hastily, grabbing her jerking arm, "take the others in there, and see if there's anyone still alive. Karen might have found the time to squeeze in another sacrifice, we just don't know, which is why we have to check. Whilst you're doing that delightful deed, I'll tinker out something with Taurus, savvy?"

Cassandra nodded, the others hesitating before agreeing as well to the plan.

"Good," Flynn said, clapping his hands together, "now off you toddle!"