"Right from the start you were a thief, you stole my heart, and I your willing victim."

I don't know if the universe hates me or if it's just a huge coincidence, but ever since I stepped in Jordan's car, the cheesiest love songs known to man have unleashed themselves from the car radio. I think Jordan was noticing it too by the way he kept nervously glancing over at me to see my reaction, but I didn't dare let a single emotion show. Sure it was horribly awkward and uncomfortable, but I'm not gonna let my opinion affect his. If he likes the cheesy ass love songs, then so be it.

"I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty, and with every touch you fixed them."

I wiped my sweaty hands on the leather seats of his car, praying to god he didn't see how much I was sweating through my palms. It's just a damn song, why am I acting like this? Maybe it was because the song was portraying exactly how I felt about Jordan when I met him.

Okay no, a Pink song isn't capable of explaining what I feel about Jordan. I'm being stupidly naive for believing such a thing.

"Just give me a reason, just a little bits enough. Just a second we're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again."

A hand shot out and pressed the next radio button, causing the song to abruptly cut off and my heart the same. Thank god. He switched it off. Was he feeling the same feeling of awkwardness? Apparently. Or maybe he was remembering something from the past, like I had. Had he been bent or broken before like the song had said?

Though the same awkward feeling returned when the next song came on.

"We know full well there's just time."

Oh great. Nows the perfect time for an existential crisis Birdy.

His hand shot out again, pressing the third button this time. The silence was nearly deafening as we waited for the next song to come on.

"You wrap your arms around me and I'm home."

Jordan sighed and pressed the off button, making everything cut off completely. I gave an awkward chuckle after a moment of odd silence. "Must be Valentines day or something," I said jokingly, trying to break the ice.

He rolled his eyes, but said nothing else. I cleared my throat and pressed another button, hoping and praying that the station wasn't playing a damn love song.

"So why are you still with him then?" A male voice asked through the speaker, causing Jordan and I both to jump a little.

"I don't know, he just keeps saying that one day he wants to have kids with me or something." The other voice was female, and she sounded like she was crying. Oh god, is this one of those radio advice shows? Well...at least it's not a love song.

"That the only thing that's keeping you with him?"

"Well yeah, I want a family and I want to love him, but not when he keeps doing this to me."

"Having children is not going to change anything, he's still going to treat you like dirt and he will always cheat on you as long as he-"

"Change it," Jordan muttered, causing me to miss what else the man had to say.

"What? Why?" I asked sarcastically. "It's good advice, never know when you might wanna-"

"Please just change it," he interrupted, his voice wavering slightly. I wordlessly did what he asked and switched stations again, where some cruddy pop song was playing. What was that about? I understand he felt weird around the love songs, but why the advice show? It was just some advice about bad relation-...okay now it's extremely obvious.

He's definitely had a bad relationship before.

"So...ever been in a bad relationship before?"

He sighed and slumped his shoulders, a guilty expression now showing on his features. "Is it really that obvious?" He asked quietly.

"Well yeah. You're a terrible liar and you really hate love songs. And you had a cringe attack when that station started talking about bad relationships. That one kinda gave it away...don't think that you um...that you have to talk about it. I was just wondering. If it makes you uncomfortable I won't bring it up anymore."

"You wouldn't mind if I talked about it with you?" He asked, finally pulling into the McDonalds parking lot and taking a spot right next to the doors. There were only two other cars in the lot besides ours, and they were both parked in the staff spots. We must be the only ones here.

"Not at all dude. I've been in some sucky ass relationships too. You can ask James, I've told him plenty of stories of the chicks I've been with."

"Chicks?" He asked indifferently, cocking his head to the side at me.

"Yeah I'm bisexual. But anyway, I've been with some really awful people. You ever had somebody sleep with you and then the morning after, run off with your whole sock drawer?"

He laughed, and the sound alone made me smile. His laugh was innocently adorable, like a puppy's first bark or a kittens yawn. It was cute. "That sounds terrible. Uh, we should probably get going if we wanna beat the lunch crowds. I'll tell you about my experience once we get our food and stuff."

~

Watching him eat was a completely different experience than watching him talk. I never knew I could be so attracted to somebody's throat muscles before, not until I saw Jordan Maron eating biscuits and gravy.

When he caught me ogling at him for the fourth time in a row, he finally gave up on eating and just went back to talking about his past. "Well, I've had a few really bad relationships. It just varies on what was bad about them."

"What's the worst one you've ever had?"

He stirred his gravy around nervously on his plate, avoiding my eyes as he did so. "Er...an abusive relationship."

"Woah what? Someone's abused you before? Who the hell would abuse you?" Who in gods name would even hurt a hair on this precious cinnamon roll's head? He's so adorable and innocent and- who would hurt him?!

"It wasn't anything serious, it was just a hit or two from this guy, but-"

"Did you report this?!" I asked exasperated.

"Well...no."

"Jordan!"

"I left him though! I didn't want the police getting involved...my uh, my fans would get worried about me. What if they found out that I filed a report on someone who abused me? They'd freak out and I didn't want to make them upset."

"So the guys free right now? He's wandering around and hurting even more people because you didn't-"

"Shut up!" He shouted at me, causing the employee beside us who was cleaning the table look up from his work. I shot him a glare and he returned his gaze back to his work very quickly. Damn right he better look away. I'll kick his fry making doped up ass.

"I did what I could in my situation. Leave me alone." Jordan went back to picking at his food and avoiding my eyes. Crap. He's upset now. Time to pull a James move.

"You need to stop being so selfless and be a little more selfish. Sometimes it's healthy to be selfish y'know."

"I don't like being selfish."

I snorted. "You're the only person I know who doesn't."

He frowned at my statement, looking up from his pile of mush to stare into my eyes again with his warm brown ones. "What about James?"

I shrugged and shoved another load of pancakes into my mouth. James is alright, but he isn't completely selfless like Jordan is. He's a normal human being who doesn't thrive on being selfish. I guess he's somewhere in between.

"He's alright. He's a friend that cares I guess."

"Do you have more friends like him?"

"Nope."

"Oh. So...it's just James? You don't have any more friends?"

"My roommates, but I think of 'em more as family than friends, and God knows my real family was the shittiest of them all. But yeah, no friends except James." And I'm completely fine with that. One friend is enough, I couldn't take having any more than I already do. People make me pissed.

"I'm your friend."

I looked up from my pancakes long enough to witness the huge smile on the nerds face that was aimed towards me. I wanted so badly to smile too, but my asshole self just had to step in first.

"You aren't my friend."

"I'm not?" He asked indifferently, cocking his head to the side. God he's so damn cute.

"No," I replied in a dull tone. I'm such a cock block to myself. Jeez.

"What am I then?"

"An acquaintance."

"I'm not even a mutual?" He asked with fake hurt and a small smile.

"Nope." I shoved another pancake in my face hole to keep from smiling. He's so adorable. He's so much more to me than an acquaintance, he's my new best friend. He knows that too.

"Aw. Well what do I gotta do to be your friend?"

"You could maybe go file a police report on that douchbag..." I muttered under my breath.

"You know I can't do that," he replied softly.

"Yeah you can."

"No I can't. My fans-"

"Would want you to file a report if someone hurt you. Better to have them worried than let that disgusting monstrosity roam the earth...A few hits my ass, he abused you. No if's and's or but's."

"And you say we aren't friends," he laughed. "You went straight into mommy mode when I mentioned abuse."

"Don't try and change the subject, you sausage." Even though you are 100% correct about that statement.

"Sausage? Where on earth did you get the nickname sausage?"

"You have bits of sausage all over you lips."

"Oh." He wiped his mouth hastily with a napkin and I grinned. I have to keep that nickname and use it plenty of times in the future.

"But seriously, please file a report against that guy. You wouldn't want me going through the shit that you went through, would you?"

"Well no...but-"

"Then don't let it happen to anyone else."

"It wasn't that bad, Tom..."

"Imagine if you'd stayed with him. Would he have done worse?"

"...probably."

"Then he can do much worse to somebody else. If you're afraid to file the stupid thing, I'll go with you and support you or whatever. I just want this guy to pay for what he's done."

"You're really sweet, you know that?" He asked cutely.

"I'm not being sweet, I'm just being a human. I have to go piss." I slid out of the booth and strode off to the bathroom. When I returned about a minute later, I saw the dope head who'd been staring at us earlier talking to Jordan. He was smiling and staring directly into Jordan's eyes as he pushed a piece of paper with some numbers on it towards him on the table. Oh god. He's giving Jordan his number. Some dope head from McDonalds is trying to pick up Jordan. Though Jordan didn't seem too opposed to it, he was laughing innocently at whatever the guy was saying and showing the biggest smile I'd seen him wear. If I didn't know any better, I would think he didn't have a clue the guy was trying to flirt with him.

Oh my god he doesn't.

I made sure my presence was known as I stomped up to the guy and showed him the biggest death glare I could manage. He was taller than me, but only by an inch or two. He nearly laughed as I stared up at his face with a look of pure hatred, but he kept it to himself.

"Can I help you?" He asked sarcastically.

"He isn't interested." I sounded almost possessed as I spat out the words. He only raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

"Are you his husband or something?" He joked, on the brink of snickering. I oughta break his jaw. Of course that'd land me in jail, but still it would be pretty fun though.

"No, but I do know he isn't interested in meth heads working minimum wage."

He rolled his eyes and looked to Jordan, who was now sitting silently as he watched the two of us argue. "Hey cutie, would you ever want to go out on a date sometime?"

Ass. Hole.

"Well, I-I mean you seem really nice and-"

"And he's not interested," I finished for Jordan. "Get back to the fryer, dope head."

"Tom!" Jordan scolded half heartedly.

"You aren't his damn mom. He can date who he wants."

"He doesn't want to date you."

"How do you know? He didn't finish his sentence before you interrupted him like a total douchebag."

"Fine. Jordan would you ever date this doped up asshole?" I asked, still keeping my eyes burning into his.

"I would, actually. Thank you for the offer Matt. I'll call you later, okay?" Jordan flashed a flirty smile to the dope head, and the dope head smiled just equally as flirty.

"That's fine with me. And you can call me Nade by the way." Then he smiled at me with a look of pure evil in his black slits.

Nade.

"Forever?"

"Forever, I promise. I'll always be there for you Tom. I love you."

I shook away the old memory and blinked a few times, trying to focus on whatever was going on in front of me. Stupid memories. I need some alcohol.

"See you later, Tom." He sneered my name, then waltzed off towards the front of the place and disappeared behind the employees only room. I turned to Jordan and gave him my best 'are you serious' face. He rolled his eyes at me and scoffed.

"I can date whoever I want, y'know. I've been doing that before I met you."

"Yeah sorry, it's just I don't understand why you'd want to date a total meth head who works at McDonalds."

"He's nice and he isn't a meth head. Besides, he's really cute and he's got pretty eyes."

"What does having pretty eyes have to do with anything?" I asked dully.

"Eyes are gateways to the soul. I've learned over the years you can tell almost everything about a person if you just look into their eyes. And Nade has the eyes of a very sweet person."

"So you're seriously gonna hook up with him?"

"Hook up? No, we'll go to the movies or something. I don't do hook ups."

"Well he does."

"And just how do you know that?" He asked, sarcasm leaking from his tone.

"I just do. He may not do drugs, but he does other things."

"What things?"

"Things that are extremely kinky."

He laughed at this. "Oh my god, you're hilarious."

"I'm not kidding."

"Really? How do you know he does such kinky things?"

"Because I've hooked up with him before." I've done more than hook up with him. I loved him at one point, enough to where I thought we would be together forever.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Tom. Stop lying."

"I'm not lying, the dudes into some serious bondage. Do you enjoy bondage Jordan?"

"Wh- no! And how do I even know you're telling the truth?!" He squawked.

"Well I can't give you any proof, but trust me, if he asks if you want to go back to his place, decline. Unless you like being strapped down and-"

"Shut up shut up shut up! Oh my god you're disgusting!" He squeaked, slapping his hands over his ears. I had to snicker. He's so innocent and gullible. It's adorable. In a strictly platonic way.

"Did he actually do that to you?!" He asked with wide eyes.

"Yup. It was pretty fun, but I was really sore later on."

"Please tell me you're joking," he pleaded desperately.

"I am. About the whole me actually doing it thing. He did suggest it and I almost went through with it until he asked if I was okay with being tied to the ceiling. That's where I draw a line. But anyway, be careful alright? He's pretty cool aside from the weird kinks and fetishes."

"Oh thank god you were joking...how long did you guys you out for?"

"About a month." A lie. "He was one of the good ones I guess." He was one of the great ones. One of the best ones.

"What happened?"

"I dunno. We just kinda...forgot about eachother." We didn't forget about eachother. We grew apart, and it was my fault. It was my fault.

"How do you forget about somebody like that?"

"I was really young, Jordan. I had a lot going on back then. It was really easy for me to forget the nice things and focus on the terrible ones. But anyway, you ready to head out of here?"

"Yeah sure, but um...did you actually have-...you know..."

"Did I have sex with him?" I finished for him. He nodded, blush dusting his cheeks as he stared down at his pile of mush.

"I did, multiple times. But that doesn't mean you can't Netflix and chill with him."

"...what does that mean?" He asked innocently.

"It means you can have all the cheeky bum sex you want with the guy and I don't mind. Now let's get outta here before you die of embarrassment."

~

"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile. Bud light?"

I slid on to the same stool I'd been sitting on for the last three years and sighed. "No, vodka please."

James nearly dropped the glass he'd been holding. I guess it is pretty unexpected after two years of not drinking a single sip of vodka that I'd want some now. Vodka makes me forget things, and after today, I need to forget a few memories.

"Vodka? Are you okay? What happened? Did something happen?" He asked frantically. His franticness was actually pretty heart touching to me. Only he really knows what I went through so many years ago, and only he knows what I did to cope with it. Vodka is a bad sign I guess.

"I saw Nade today. He works at McDonalds now. It's a step up from me, huh? He looks like he actually has his life together and here I am, a raging alcoholic who can barely pay his bills with the lame ass job he has..."

The sound of a glass slamming against the surface of the counter made me flinch back, and I was surprised when I saw it was James who slammed the glass down. He looked...angry and on the verge of crying at the same time. "Don't, no, please please please don't do this again. Tom I have told you millions of times before that you are worth something, you have worth and you are a wonderful person. Just because somebody from the past has a higher step up in the economy than you do does not mean you are any less of a person than they are. So I am not giving you vodka, I am giving beer because I love you like a brother and I don't want you to spiral back into a dark place again. Are you still friends with Jordan?"

"I am acquainted with Jordan..."

"Then focus on Jordan. If you ever feel like you want vodka, think about Jordan."

"I don't like him like that. And he's going out with Nade anyway."

"It doesn't matter, he's the only one I've seen you connect with in three years. I know you must like something about him if you're still even talking to him. Now, here's your beer. Promise me you won't drink a single sip of vodka, okay? Please?" A hand placed itself on my jacket sleeve. It was warm and soothing, just like it always has been. James has always been there for me. The least I can do for him is make a promise not to kill myself.

"I promise."

"You promise what?"

I sighed and looked up into his worried blue eyes, putting a smile on my face. "I promise I won't try to kill myself with alcohol ever again."
~~~
TADAAAAA

I love this book <3 Leave a favorite or a comment if you enjoyed! I appreciate and love all of you <3333

- Lee