❝ We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. ❞

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

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I stared outside my window, my eyes tracing the array of colorful bursts cutting across the sky. I tinkered with the little stress ball in my lap that had become one of my best friends.

Ala bought it for me when I told her the doctor recommended that I get one.

I breathed deeply and exhaled and I continued to stare, my free hand supported my chin.

I had been reading a book, my remedy now that sleep no longer comes easily, but I didn't feel like reading now.

I just felt like staring at the world, contemplating things that wee out of my control.

The pain I'd constantly been feeling went far beyond physical and it was almost impossible to suppress.

The past few weeks have been tough, both mentally and physically. Getting adjusted to a wheelchair was something I had never factored into my life.

It made me uncomfortable because it was just so foreign. When no one is looking, I have created a futile habit of trying to move my legs, but of course, nothing.

There is just a hole different mentality that I have had to switch to to be able to adjust, and it wasn't coming easily.

The doctor said that in the future, one day I might be able to walk again. But he warned that I had a little bit of a wait, and sadly, not to get my hopes up. I may never be able to walk again, or at least never perfectly.

But I keep trying to have hope. Even though my family probably thinks I have given up, I still have hope, buried somewhere. I just needed to find it completely and let it consume me.

Until then I felt that I was going to continue to wait for something that may never come with a negative attitude, sucking the life out of those around me.

I sighed.

I think what I was most afraid of was that, as the plain Jane I was before no one really noticed me, and I was afraid of being forgotten.

But now that I'm in a wheelchair indefinitely, I feared that I would be remembered.

I still cried, although not as much. All in all, I just had this eternal sense of emptiness.

My family tried to cheer me up, but I could tell that the past events have been taking a toll on all of them too. They try to stay strong though, for me. And I appreciated it, but it was still hard.

Not a single day passed when I didn't think of Max. I missed him dearly, and my heart ached whenever my mind wandered off to his... Well, everything.

It was already going to be difficult saying goodbye and having him leave, but the fact that I never got to tug at my heartstrings.

My phone was crushed in the wreck, and I had yet to get a new one. I chuckled bitterly to myself as I stared out the window.

All of my stuff had been moved downstairs, and the whole atmosphere in the house had shifted. I hated being here, being stuck here.

I couldn't go anywhere without my parents or someone to watch over me. Ala still tried to be her usual self, but even I could tell that she was straining.

Regardless, the fact that she was there for me meant more than I could ever hope to voice, and even though I didn't talk much anymore, I knew she understood that.

Going out in public had been a new thing altogether. After a lifetime of being so overlooked, I was hypersensitive to the stares and gazed filled with discomfort and pity.

I tried to act like I didn't see them, the looks. They were the kind were curious, but then embarrassed when they were caught.

It annoyed me to no end. Regardless, I still tried to take my daily trips to the coffee shop. At first my parents tried to bring the coffee home, but it just wasn't the same, so finally, they let me come.

On this particular day, it had actually stopped snowing, and the roads were pretty clear.

"Can we go to the coffee shop this morning? I know you wanted to shop and I won't go anywhere."

My mom set her magazine doe after a moment and slid her glasses off her face as she stared at me. "I don't know Loni," she sighed.

She was still worried, which she was perfectly entitled to be, but I still became a little irritated.

"Please Mom," I said, pulling out my puppy dog eyes. "Please."

I hoped the puppy dog eyes would work; I only used them in extremely dire situations since it was my most vulnerable state.
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I entered into the coffee shop with a beaming smile plastered to my face, and the enticing smell of brewing coffee wafted up my nose, taking me back to a place of sheer happiness, even if for only a moment.

As usual my eyes drifted over to where he usually sat. Today there was a new occupant that had a hat low on his head, but his back was to me so I couldn't see him fully.

A sense of yearning filled me, and a quickly looked away, trying to mask my sadness with my surroundings.

As usual, a few states here and there, but after that, the coffee shop was just like it'd always been for me.

I ordered my drink and was pushed to my usual spot, luckily seeing it open. After a bit of adjusting, I was at home at last.

I sipped my coffee as I took in my surroundings, burning my tongue once or twice.

My eyes kept wandering back to the stranger sitting at the table, a very stiff posture holding his body.

But my heart started thundering in my chest, knowing why before my mind did.

My eyes swept to the thick, familiar book next to him, and as if he could feel my eyes, sighed and stood up.

Continuously clenching his fists, as if giving himself a pep talk, I waited, breath caught in disbelief and anticipation.

It wasn't possible, I told myself. Or was it?

My mind was telling me not to get my hopes up, but how could I not? Hope, although it was buried deep, was the one thing keeping me sane. If I lost hope, then I felt there would be no need to go on.

He picked the book up. Steve Jobs.

"Oh Max," I breathed in disbelief, tears rising to the surface. He spun around and our eyes connected instantly.

It was him.

It was Max.

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I just wanted to take a moment to tell you all how much I appreciate you. Regardless of the mistakes I make, you all are so incredibly supportive of everything I write.

Even when my chapters are as short as humanly possible, you all still have nothing but heart-warming words, and I love you all dearly. <3