The roar of the Porsche's engine drowned out anything I might have wanted to say as we rode back to Luke's place, making the silence more bearable. Was I doing the right thing? Head battled heart, but neither had much to lose at that point. If nothing else, I could rest for a few days then head north as I'd originally planned.

Luke took my hand again as he led me from the car. Sweaty palms. Caused by his dash through the station, or nerves? I was getting used to his touch, and while old me would have stepped back and glared, new me took a deep breath and swallowed. Relax, Ash. Grasshoppers invaded my stomach as he fitted his key in the front door. When I left on Sunday, I'd expected to come back but not under these circumstances.

"Have you eaten?" Luke asked.

I shook my head. My appetite had deserted me again.

"What the...?" Luke started as the door swung open.

"Fuck," I muttered, leaping in front of him. The house had been trashed. "Stay here; I'll check the place."

Shit! I forgot I was supposed to be playing the helpless female.

Luckily, Luke didn't notice. "Don't bother. It was Tia."

The vase from the hall table lay shattered on the floor, a puddle of water spreading from the remains. The table itself rested on its side, the polished surface chipped and scratched. I picked up a screwdriver from the floor and looked up at an abstract painting now more fucked than the artist originally intended.

"Your sister did...this?"

"We had an argument."

The carnage continued from the dining room to the den. A tornado would have done less damage.

"Must have been some fight."

Luke's sigh settled in the still air. "It was."

"What was—?" Never mind. "You fought about me, didn't you?"

"She told me what she'd done, about getting you sacked, and I blew up at her." He nudged his broken surfboard with his foot. "She didn't take it too well."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No reason for you to be sorry. It's Tia who's the problem."

I bent to pick up a stray pool ball from the den floor. "I'm contributing to it."

How did one teenager make so much mess in so little time?

"Hey, leave that." Luke crouched beside me and turned my chin to face him. "Nora can clear that up tomorrow."

"Nora?"

"My housekeeper. She works Monday to Friday. Now, will you leave it?"

"I'll help her in the morning."

"Fine. But tonight we're going to bed."

He stood, lifting me with him, then wrapped me up in his arms. His motives were a mystery, but he'd cared enough to come after me.

"Were you planning on doing that together?"

"Do you want to?"

Did I? Good question. I totted up the months I'd been without in my head and found it reached double figures. That last time hadn't even been in a bed. A rather rushed effort on a kitchen island, if I recalled correctly. A certain blond CIA agent had lured me into his apartment with a promise of donuts, and we'd been tearing at each other's clothes before the door swung closed. I'd got a bruise on my elbow from bumping into his fridge, and my backside nearly froze on the marble counter. Worse, I never did get my donut. Asshole.

And no, he wasn't my husband. Surprised? Well, I'll explain that part later. Right now, I had more important things on my mind. Like the bulge in Luke's trousers.

Oh, fuck it. A girl had needs.

"Make me forget," I whispered, then kissed him.

On tiptoes, my mouth was level with his, and as I nibbled on his bottom lip, he pressed into me and let his tongue explore. No complaints about his technique.

Before I knew it, we'd fallen back on the sofa, and I'd lost my top in the process. That was hardly fair, so I sat up and dragged Luke's shirt over his head. Now I was free to explore those abs I'd glimpsed last weekend.

He ran his tongue along my collarbone and I shivered, but not from the cold—the atmosphere had turned steamy, and the mercury was still rising. My breasts were treated to equal attention before he slowly, slowly continued his journey south. Heat pooled between my legs as he paused at my belly button. Oh, for fuck's sake, hurry up!

Before he unzipped my jeans, he met my eyes. "Are you okay with this?"

"If you don't get a fucking move on, I'm gonna spontaneously combust."

"Can't have that."

He peeled my jeans off, and my knickers swiftly followed. Before he got to the good bit, he propped himself up on one elbow and inspected me.

"So, that's what you've been hiding."

I wriggled as he ran a fingertip down my side, cursing myself for being ticklish. "Which part of hurry up didn't you understand?"

The vibrations of his laughter rippled through me, followed by a surge of warmth as he slid a finger into my pussy. His mouth muffled my gasp as he added a second, hitting exactly the right spot. Wars had been won and lost since I last had an orgasm, even a DIY one, so it didn't take long for the fireworks to go off. When the explosion came, my back arched up off the sofa, and when I fell back to planet Luke, my grin matched his.

"I love being able to make you smile like that," he said.

Cheesy, yeah. But cute.

I gave myself a minute to recover, but fair was fair. Luke deserved payback. I unbuttoned his jeans and found a gift as impressive as the rest of him. Happy birthday to me. Okay, so I'd actually turned thirty a few days ago, and my fake birthday wasn't until May, but I didn't care about the small things today. Just the big things. Luke breathed harder as I trailed my lips across his smooth chest, matching my kisses to my strokes.

I'd got halfway down his stomach when he stopped me. "Wait."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but if you keep that up, I won't last long. And I don't have any protection downstairs."

"Not the kind of guy to carry a condom in your wallet then?"

"Despite rumours to the contrary, no, I'm not."

"Perhaps you should start?"

Luke levered himself off the sofa then pulled me up. We tried to run for the stairs, but my gait was more of a stagger. Thanks, buddy.

The serenity of Luke's bedroom décor contrasted with our desperation. Somewhere between the stairs and the door, Luke lost his trousers, and we landed on the bed in a tangle of limbs. Having spent a bit of time at the stables lately, I'd become well educated on the origins of the phrase "hung like a horse." And he was.

"I need you to fuck me." I never minced my words. Often that got me into trouble, but tonight it got me into Luke's bed.

He grabbed a condom from his nightstand, and I ripped it open with my teeth and rolled it on. Look, no hands.

"Ash, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen."

"Practice makes perfect."

"Shut up. I don't even want to think about you doing that with another man."

I'd actually perfected the technique with Dan, a courgette, and a bottle of Patrón. We got kicked out of the bar after that.

Luke didn't hang around. He rolled me over and thrust himself inside so quickly, I banged my head on his fancy wood-and-leather headboard.

"Sorry." He winced more than I did.

"Don't apologise. Just bloody get on with it."

And he did. Oh boy, did he. It was only afterwards I thought to ask, "How close are your neighbours?" I'd never bothered to look past the tree line—slacking during my time away.

"Far enough, thank goodness. Otherwise the police would be on their way with the amount you were screaming."

I bit my lip. "Sorry. Just got a bit carried away."

"Don't apologise. It made me feel like a man."

"You'll be going to hunt dinner next." Probably at Waitrose.

"Oh come on, admit it. I was fantastic."

"You were...okay." I couldn't help grinning.

We stared at each other then burst out laughing.

All right, so I'd understated things. Fantastic didn't do Luke justice, and lying there in bed beside him, the corners of the jigsaw puzzle that made up my soul slotted into place. I was far from whole again, but I felt...something. Something other than the empty numbness that had ruled me for the last few months.

Despite the nickname given to me by one of the men in my life, I was no angel. I didn't make a habit of hopping into bed with virtual strangers, but every so often, I met a guy who wormed his way past my defences. They'd varied from friends with benefits, to kind and gentle, to adventurous, to a brief foray over to the dark side during a phase when I didn't like myself much. It was a long while since I'd had sweet.

Instead of leaving straight away, my usual modus operandi, I snuggled into Luke's arms. His strength seeped into me and held my demons at bay. I could have curled up there for hours, but inevitably, my eyes started to close.

"Luke, I can't stay here." Even if for the first time in years, I wanted to.

"If it's about the sleepwalking thing, I don't mind." He brushed it off as a triviality, but he'd never met the monster I became on my worst nights.

"But I mind. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm a big guy. I can look after myself."

And the guy I'd hospitalised had been a Navy SEAL. Guilt gnawed at me, both for what I'd done to Nick all those years ago and what I was about to do to Luke.

"I can't. Please, don't do this."

"It can't be that bad."

Oh, it could. A ride in an ambulance if he was lucky, the morgue if he wasn't.

"Not tonight, okay?"

He nodded, still far from happy. I leaned in and kissed him again, an apology for being unable to give him what we both wanted.

"Are you up for round two before you go?" he asked.

"Sounds like a plan." I giggled as he rolled me over. What the hell? Giggled? I sounded like a vapid idiot. Had I lost my mind?

No, but I did when Luke kissed me again.

The sun hovered above the trees when I woke the next morning, and the clock on the guest-room wall showed I'd slept for eight hours.

Holy crap, I was late for work!

I had a foot out of bed when I remembered I didn't have a job anymore, at least, not at the stables. The jury was still out on my previous occupation.

Ah well, at least I had a bed and a duvet. At the moment, they seemed the better option, but I couldn't succumb to the temptation. Had Luke overslept too?

I dashed through to his bedroom—empty. The smell of bacon wafted past me, making my mouth water. I threw on a robe I found on the back of the bathroom door then found Luke downstairs at the breakfast bar, drinking coffee while he scrolled through emails on his phone.

"Aren't you late?"

"I'm taking the day off."

"Seriously? I thought you never took time off."

"A couple of weeks ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of it. But you made me realise there's more to life than making money." He gave me a lopsided grin. "Especially when I don't enjoy it."

"Bravo. So you're up for another go?" I eyed up his sandwich. "Well, after breakfast?"

"You want one?"

I nodded.

"I'm always up for you." He paused to kiss me on his way to the stove. "Apart from an hour this morning—I've got a conference call at ten."

The backdoor opened and a pleasantly plump woman in her fifties bustled in. She did a double take when she saw me.

"Nora, this is Ash. She'll be staying here for...well, I'm not sure."

Nora pushed a few stray strands of grey hair back into her bun, fighting a losing battle. "Pleased to meet you, ma'am."

For crying out loud, don't call me that. I wasn't a bloody relic. "Ash is fine. It's good to meet you too."

Her eyes widened as she took in the destruction behind me. Tia had thrown eggs at the wall and swept a pile of plates off the counter.

"Didn't the burglar alarm work?"

"It was Tia," Luke said.

Nora's lack of surprise said a lot about his sister's character.

"That girl'll be the death of everyone," she muttered. "I'll get the bin bags."

Despite Nora's protests, I lent a hand with the clean-up. By the time Luke finished his call, the house looked presentable other than the black scribbles on the dining room wall. That needed to be repainted.

"I'll make soup for lunch," Nora said. "We could do with a filling meal after all that work."

"I'm sorry." Luke apologised on behalf of his sister with the resignation of a man who did that regularly.

"These things can't be helped. I'll put up the Christmas tree after we've eaten—the delivery man left it by the front door."

Living in a bubble at Hazelwood Farm, the run-up to the festive season had all but passed me by. Just as well, because I'd had nothing to celebrate.

But did I now?

The three of us hauled the tree inside and set it upright in the hallway. Nora produced boxes of ornaments, and soon the tree sparkled in red, green, and gold. As I wound tinsel over the boughs, I wondered what Bradley was getting up to. I never wanted to make a fuss over the festive season, but he went all out.

Every year, he did something bigger and better, and usually, I let him. It made him happy. Everyone needed a little happiness in their lives, even if my darling assistant shoved it down their throats.

Would he make such an effort this year without me there?

Yes, most likely.

I said a silent prayer that one of my friends would apply the brakes if he tried anything too wild. Last year, I'd had to veto his plan to install a life-size nativity scene on my front lawn. No way were the sheep and cows going to stand peacefully and nibble hay. They'd shit everywhere. We'd compromised, and he'd arranged for the gifts to be delivered in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. The year before, he'd insisted on using my helicopter to install a giant star on the roof. A decade of special-ops training, and I used my skills to dangle at the end of a rope while he kept changing his mind about the angle.

Luke's tree seemed tame by comparison, but once we'd hung all the crap on it, we stood back and admired our work.

"I'm looking forward to unwrapping my present," Luke said, snaking an arm around my waist.

"You've only got a few days to wait."

"I wasn't talking about the one under the tree." He kissed his way up my jaw. "It's been purgatory keeping my hands off you. Get upstairs."

"Nora's still here."

"Then you'd better be quieter than you were last night."

"What are you going to do? Gag me?"

Without warning, he picked me up and slung me over his shoulder, caveman style. I shrieked, cursed myself for being such a girl, then enjoyed the ride. When he dumped me on the bed and peeled me out of my clothes, I managed to keep the noise down until Nora slammed the front door on her way out.

Then I got loud, and I wasn't the only one.