i always saw you leaning against the dilapidated bleachers－ your strawberry gloss lips curled around marlboro cigarettes and your bruised leg lazily crossed over the other. the sun lathered you lavishly with its golden light, causing the shades of your plum and wine bruises to stand out in stark contrast to your rose honey skin. your eyes had an air of temerity to them that made my skin crawl and shiver. the moment i saw you, i knew i hated you. i hated you because you were everything i was not－happier, prettier, brighter, bolder. you made me hate you even more with your razor sharp words and cruel smirks, and with your ability to get everything you wanted. i hated you so much that i was ready to break the universe into countless fragments just to see you break and crumble.

i whispered to you how much i hated you as you slowly sank your lips between my flushed thighs, your sour cherry lipstick stains imprinted on my almond skin. i screamed that i never wanted to see you ever again before violently pressing my lips to yours till i couldn't breathe anymore, till all i could taste was you on my tongue. you pulled me close to you till there were mere inches between us and told me that you could never love a girl like me, because a girl like me could never be enough for a girl like you that was made of gold and caustic divinity. you would slip me handwritten notes underneath the oak desks, your warm hand briefly caressing mine causing electricity to jolt through my shriveled veins－asking me to meet you at the location you scribbled on the papyrus with your blue gel pen. if i ever refused you, you used to twirl your finger around the loose strands of your dark hair and give me smiles that tasted like sugar syrup－you knew i could never resist you and i hated you for that. when you saw me coming towards you, your eyes used to grow feral with insatiable hunger and ruby studded lust, and you used to kiss me like we were at the end of the world with the taste of apocalypse lingering in the air. i hated how much i needed you, i hated how my heart thrashed so wildly whenever you touched me. 

i hate you, i hate you, i hate you－ those words rung like sirens inside my skull. i hated the sight of your knobbly and violet bruised knees, i hated the stench of cigarettes that was entwined with the silken fibres of your blood stained shirt, i hated your frequent smirks, i hated the velvety conviction that shimmered in your ground coffee eyes. but more than anything else; i hated how i always searched for your defiant eyes in the seas of crowds, i hated how out of all the things i should have hated i could never hate you. after all, love blossoms from hate.

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a/n

i know i haven't updated since forever, and i am so sorry about that but i am just so lazy rn :,)