• Keyboard-warrior trigger warning in this one •

~ Flashback ~

"Fee? What's wrong?"

She looked at his face and couldn't help but search for any sign of his lie. He was looking at her with a worried, but slightly furrowed expression. She had to confront him. It was now or never.

"Take off your shirt."

His brows immediately rose. "Damn. Not even a drink first?"

"I'm not kidding," She said sternly and crossed her arms with a serious look. "Take it off and show me your shoulder."

His little grin fell and he slowly looked down. "Fee..."

"Why are you lying to me?" She stepped forward right in that moment as his defeated face gave it all away; he wasn't trying to hide it no more. "Adam."

"Because it's not worth worrying about," He sighed and met her eyes. "It's nothing, I promise you. I've got a handle on it."

How funny was it? He sounded exactly like she did when he confronted her with her problems. "We said no lies—YOU said no lies. You said that you couldn't be in a relationship with—"

"I know what I said!" He shouted and palmed his face. "But you wouldn't understand this, Fiona. There's nothing to be done about it, it is how it is."

"You are getting hurt by someone!" She shouted back. She was not gonna stand there and listen to him say there was nothing that could be done about that. "Are you honestly telling me right now that if I was in your shoes, you wouldn't be yelling at me right now, too?!"

"But you're not!" He said and met her with a hard glare. "You're not in my shoes, and if you were, you would be able to see that I'm telling the truth here, Fee. This is how it is. I can't change it, it's just something that I can't control."

"What do you mean by that? Who's hurting you?" She stepped even closer when he closed his eyes and turned away. "Don't fucking turn away from me! Tell me who's hurting you!!!"

"It's THEM, alright!?" He yelled back and whipped around. "It's the old kids I used to hang with in the streets. Satisfied?"

Fiona was speechless for a moment. Then, with tears pressing in her eyes, she took a step back. "I thought you had quit all your connections to your past."

"I have. It's not like that," He sighed and dragged a hand down his face. "They go at my school. They roughhouse me a little to show some pussy-ass form of dominance and practice their thug skills. Sometimes it leaves bruises, but it's really not that bad. They're just bored and pick on me because I don't fight back."

Fiona gaped. Did he just say... he didn't fight back? "Why the hell would you do that? You just... just stand there and take it?" She couldn't believe she was hearing this. Was this part of his whole 'I sold drugs to kids, so I deserve this' punishment he was giving himself?

"Because if I fight back, it makes it worse," Adam walked up closely to her and tried to cup her face, but she pushed his hands away. She didn't know how to feel, but she couldn't handle his touch right now. Even if she craved to hold him tightly. Or slap him. Or something. She was mad at him, but also... hurt. Why was this happening to him?

Fiona stepped back and wiped her cheeks down when it felt like they were wet. She took a moment to think and felt as Adam watched her.

"This is why I didn't tell you," He silently said. She could hear him coming closer, standing behind her and looking down at her with a soft look. "I knew you'd worry for me, but I promise you, Fee. They're only hassling me because they're bored. It'll all be over when I graduate. They won't be graduating, believe me, but I will, and then I'll be out of there. Do you trust me to handle this my way? ... Fiona?"

Fiona opened her eyes and held back the tears that threatened to spill over as she currently sat in the bus after school. She quickly blinked them away and sat straighter up, looking out of the window.

Right at that point, his grams had shown up to get them to help with the cleanup, so she hadn't been able to reply. They had worked silently while cleaning up, none of them speaking to each other, and the bus ride back to her place had been even more silent.

Adam had carefully reached for her hand and she had let him take it, only because she really needed it. She didn't want to be mad at him. It just... it hurt being angry with him, because she... liked him so much. Thinking of someone hurting him... even if he said it wasn't that bad... she almost couldn't breathe at just thinking about it.

– He was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and maybe even to the whole world. She just couldn't lose him.

And that's why, with a hike in her bag she stepped off the bus and found herself standing in front of the one building that almost everyone drove past on purpose without stopping.

– McCuvie's High School for all of the misfits.

Adam's school.

Taking a deep breath, Fiona held a tight grip on her school bag as she on shaky legs found herself moving forward, heading for the school's entrance. She didn't know what her plan was yet... only that she had to see these bullies for herself and see if Adam was telling the truth or not about not having to worry. But from the size of those bruises...

Fiona had managed to get there just in time for class to end, only by cutting the last class of her own school. She had never cut school before in her life, but for this, she could see no better reason. She had jumped on the bus and rushed over to McCuvie's to see... well, she didn't know what she expected to see yet, but a part of her almost hoped all of this had been in vain.

That it wasn't as bad as she was imagining it.

Walking into the school, Fiona was shocked to see the giant metal detectors and the security their school had, simply upon entering. There were guards with vests like at the airport, and the ones working the metal detectors glared at her sternly as she hesitantly approached. She didn't wear a uniform, so it was obvious that she didn't belong here.

After explaining that she was here to visit a friend, the security people let her through the metal detectors after a pat-down and a search of her school bag. Then, letting her through, Fiona made it into the large hall, just as the bell rung.

A myriad of students rushed out from the respective classrooms, heading for their lockers and jostling around each other to get ahead first. A few boys were plowing through the hall, playing with someone's backpack, while others simply scurried on as fast as possible, heading to the metal detectors where Fiona was standing in an effort to get out.

Looking over the crowd, Fiona stared in slight shock. If she thought her own high school was bad, this was absolutely mayhem. The teachers walking down the hall completely ignored the group of teens who were teasing another teenager by taking his hat. They also looked the other way as the future baby mamas of tomorrow were making out with their future baby daddies right in the middle of the hall. Some of the girls even looked to already be pregnant. Of course there were pregnant girls at Fiona's school as well, but just front looking, Fiona could count at least... four in the crowd. Yes, four.

She had never seen such an out of control school before, so full of all the deviant kids you could possibly imagine. But what she didn't see was the face of the one person who didn't belong here.

Squirming nervously, Fiona kept scanning the crowd of identical uniforms, hoping to spot a familiar tuft of hair amidst it all. So far, all she could see were people hassling about and shoving each other aside to get through. It was right when she was considering finally giving up and waiting outside, her head whipped to a boy coming out of a classroom as the last one.

Her mouth fell open when she saw him. It was that same moment she also realized why she hadn't been able to find him.

At the DanceDec, Adam was always the centre of attention; the loudest person in the room and the joy that started the party. Always smiling.

But the boy walking down the hall? He had his head down and was dodging the arms and sharp shoulders and looks of other people. He looked nothing like Adam, and yet... it was him.

Fiona gaped. She almost didn't recognize Adam as he quietly trudged to his locker and narrowly avoided getting smashed by a flying basketball slamming against one of the lockers. He jerked to the side and let it bounce off and disappear into the crowd again. Then, like nothing had happened, he unlocked his locker and started collecting his books.

Fiona was speechless. She could faintly see the way his face was concealed in a mask of indifference, but also discomfort as people around him started to clear out and head for the metal detectors.

He looked nothing like the happy Adam she knew. If anything, this was the closest she had ever seen him looking like... herself.

Watching him gather all of his books and finish up, Fiona felt a stake go through her heart as he with a tired sigh leaned down to pick up something that fell out of his locker – a sock, it looked like. He stuffed it into his bag and stood up again, but just as he did – it happened.

Four large guys walked up behind him and made Fiona's throat close up in a gasp. She hadn't seen them coming and neither had Adam, because the second he stood up and spun around, they were on him.

Shoving him against the locker, Adam let out what appeared to be a grunt and pulled a face as one of the leaned down and spoke something to him Fiona couldn't hear. Her mouth fell open when the guy in the front, a black guy with a tattoo on his neck, jabbed a finger at his forehead, poking him with a taunting grin. The boys around him laughed and stood by as Adam did nothing but press his lips together and lower his eyes.

Fiona gaped. He had been telling the truth. He really did just stand there and let them bully him.

Looking around the hall, Fiona was furious to see the teachers merely walking by or standing idly in the hall, talking to some of the other teachers, smiling and laughing like nothing was wrong. Fiona felt the wrath inside her boil up, because couldn't they see what was happening? Why was no one doing anything?!

The hallway started to clear out, and pretty soon there were only Adam and the four other kids left, aside from a few more students standing by their lockers. Nobody was looking at them, as if merely looking was going to earn them a target on their back as well.

The emptying of the students allowed Fiona to actually catch bits and pieces as the four guys continued to talk to Adam when he tried to push past them and placate them. It was obvious he was trying to just leave, but they kept shoving him back up against the locker.

"Going over to dance, twinkle toes?" The one in the front voiced with a condescending smile. "In a rush to see your boyfriend?"

Fiona could tell Adam was fighting an eye roll. For the sake of the situation, though, he only sighed and gritted his teeth. "Come on, Grip."

Fiona gritted her teeth as well. Oh yeah, because being gay was such a bad thing. Dancing, too. Adam was right; these guys weren't graduating school, or life.

"Tell me, does he give you special privileges too?" The guy in the front, Grip, as Adam had called him, now spoke and leaned in towards Adam. "You flash your little white ass at him and he lets you fuck his?"

Fiona had heard enough. With anger boiling inside her, she hiked up in her bag and marched forward. Enough was enough.

All of the guys were laughing at Adam as he turned his head away at their taunts, hiding his growl. It was right then he looked up and noticed Fiona marching down the hall with goddamn daggers in her eyes. His mouth dropped.

"Adam!" She called out, causing all four heads to snap towards her as she came running down the hall, screwing a smile on her face. She would show these assholes. "Baby!"

All of the guys stepped back when she jumped Adam and embraced him tightly, hearing him let out an oomph and stumble a step back. He caught his balance and carefully wrapped his arms around her when she pulled back to look at his shocked face. "Wha—"

She leaned in and pressed her lips firmly against his, knowing full and well the guys were watching with slightly open mouthes. Adam let out a surprise sound, but hesitantly kissed her back, although she sensed his unease stay as he held her.

Finally, after a good moment, Fiona pulled back and looked at him. He stared back at her, still seemingly in shock, but swallowed as she pulled back some more and allowed some space between them. "Fiona... what the hell are you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise you," She said, still keeping her smile on for theatrics. The guys were still watching them, clearly trying to find a new angle on the situation. "I just couldn't wait any longer."

"Who the hell is this?" Grip, the front guy, then finally snapped when Adam still seemed to struggle for words.

At that, Adam seemed to wake up. "She's—"

"His girlfriend," Fiona voiced, cutting Adam short. She said it harsher than she meant to, and she never knew she could sound so territorial. These assholes needed to know they couldn't just mess with him without messing with her, too. She felt quite proud of herself for that.

Adam, on the other hand, closed his eyes and looked like she had just stepped in something she shouldn't.

"Your girlfriend?" Grip remarked. He sounded unimpressed and took a good long look at Fiona, to the point where she felt like he should've stopped five years ago. The other guys merely exchanged a look between each other, something passing through them.

"And you are?" She quipped, sounding more brave than she felt. She didn't like the way they looked at her, and she was starting to understand why Adam hadn't looked pleased with her coming here and announcing herself.

Did she just get a target on her back?

So what, she angrily thought. She would rather be right here with Adam than watching helplessly from the side.

"We're Adam's friends," Grip then said, looking over at Adam with a little smirk. He only glared back, darkly. "Hasn't he told you about us? Yeah, we're best friends, right, Adam? We go way back."

Adam clenched his jaw and Fiona felt as his grip suddenly tightened around her hip. "Come on," He then said, nudging Fiona. "Let's just go."

Adam almost pulled her along when the guys finally seemed to step back, but followed a few steps behind them. Fiona felt the hairs on her back rise as she heard them grin under their breath. She swore she heard one of them whisper someone about her.

About her ass.

"Walk faster," Adam muttered the second they made it through the detectors. The guys behind them were still caught in the process of going through the detectors, so while they were held up, they made a break for it.

Going outside the school, Fiona felt herself breathe out as the fresh, unencumbered air hit her face and cooled her off. She didn't realize she had been sweating until she felt her neck being clammy.

She had barely gathered her composure when she suddenly felt a hand yank her to the side. She let out a startled yelp, but then felt as Adam pulled her to the side of the building where nobody could see them.

"What the hell are you doing here, Fiona?" He barked out. He was mad, just as Fiona had expected.

"I came here to see the truth for myself!" She yelled back, shoving his hands off of her. He palmed his face and gritted his teeth when she defiantly crossed her arms. "I can't believe what just happened in there."

"I told you," He snapped and pulled his face out of his hands to give her a hard glare. "I had this under control, Fee. I don't need you to interfere for me. It's better this way."

Better? Better for him to get beat up? "They were fucking harassing you!" She shouted when he closed his eyes and tilted his head back. "They were calling you whack names and accusing you of being some white privileged kid and—"

"And who says I'm not?!" He suddenly shouted back and spun towards her. Fiona dropped her jaw. He did not just say that. Him of all people. It was almost ridiculous.

"You're an orphan," She said, seeing him roll his eyes. Oh, no, he was not going to dismiss the truth like it wasn't real and didn't matter. "You grew up on the street, you live in a tiny apartment in the worst part of your neighborhood, and you fight for every penny you own! You work harder than any person I've ever known, so don't you dare stand there and tell me some stupid shit about white privilege. You served you time like they did, you got out on parole—"

"Yeah, and five months earlier than any of them," He cut her off with a harsh voice. Once again, Fiona felt her mouth fall open, speechlessly. Adam gave a sigh and then rubbed his face. "Shit..."

Fiona closed her mouth again and swallowed after a moment. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, you said it all," He said and looked down at the concrete with a hard clench of his teeth. "I come from the exact same shit that they've gone through, yet I was let out of juvie with a slap on my wrist while they served almost a full year sentence."

"You got out because your grams spoke for you," Fiona reminded him. "You weren't bad, you were just on the wrong path."

"Yeah, and so were they, but they didn't get any mercy like me. Nobody spoke for them," Adam pointed towards the building, then let out a furious sound and locked his hands behind his neck. Fiona watched him pace back and forth for a moment, breathing deeply to try and contain his temper.

She had never seen him this agitated before.

"Look. I don't blame them for accusing me of white privilege," He then said, pushing out a breath. "I got out of juvie and was given a second chance. They weren't. So if they're angry at me and want to bully me, then—"

"Stop," Fiona said. She saw Adam angrily bite his teeth shut, but she couldn't focus on that right now. "Tell me something. Were they arrested for the same shit as you did?"

"No. They were in the gang a few months before I was. They were dealing, I was only in training, but—"

"So they did worse than you," She stated, walking up to him when he closed his eyes. "This was never about color, Adam. It's about punishment fitting the crime, and I don't give a shit if those assholes in there say you got white privilege, because I know for a fact that you don't," She snapped angrily. Adam slowly looked up at her, his face crumbling. "You chose to do better once you got out—you chose to spread positivity and never to harm another person again in any way. Those assholes in there didn't. That right there is the proof that you were let out on the truth, not skin color."

Fiona was the first to say she had seen white privilege happen almost every day of her life. But she would be damned if she was going to stand here and listen to the one person who couldn't be fitted into that category. Adam had done everything he could to make it on his own since he made his mistakes. If someone had done something more for him because of his skin color, then he wasn't to blame, and he had certainly not taken advantage of his advantage if it had been offered to him.

But she understood why it was easy to feel guilty anyway when you walked the halls with people who were never even offered the same.

"Hey," She quietly whispered, slowly stepping closer towards him when he had closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. She cupped his cheek and carefully stroked his hair out of his face. "I'm sorry if I crossed a line today. I just couldn't... I couldn't stand anyone hurting you. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same if it was me."

"Shit," Adam shook his head and then suddenly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. "Don't even say that. I can't even think of someone hurting you."

When he pressed his lips to the side of her head and hugged her tightly, Fiona felt her heart blossom again and allowed herself to melt into his touch. "No one will. And I don't want anyone hurting you either. I just can't, I can't—"

"Hey," When her voice broke, Adam pulled back and cupped her face with a sad little smile. "Look at me, princess. I promise, I'm fine. In less than two months, this is all going to be over. I'm gonna graduate and then I'll never have to seen them again. Okay?"

Fiona pressed her lips together. She still didn't like it. It was still almost two whole months of this, and she just couldn't stand it, dancing with him and knowing now where all his bruises came from. And all the new ones that would follow...

"Can't you tell anyone? The teachers? The principal? The police?"

Adam shook his head and softly cupped her head. "You don't snitch in these situations, Fee. I know it sounds bad, but you have to believe me on this. It'll only become worse if I go to the teachers."

She believed him... but she hated it. She really hated it, and she wanted it to go away. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair it was him.

"Come on," Adam finally said, when all she did was struggle to find words. She wanted to hug him and never let him go, as if that could protect him. "Let's head to the Dec. Everyone goes sane if I'm not there to annoy them."

Despite her aching heart, he managed to pull a little smile onto her lips, but it faded very quickly as he gently took her hand and started leading her towards the bus. Her insides still hurt and her heart twisted in pain, and she had a feeling it wouldn't go away until they did.

God... two months of this... She wasn't sure she was going to survive having all these feelings...

All these feelings of love.

• • •

The pain we feel for our loved ones really always fucking hurt more than our own pain, doesn't it?

- Happy birthday to the girl who inspired this book and let me use her name. Fee, if you're reading, you're still my Butt Queen, but now with saggier tits.
Cheers!