Seonghwa's pov

  The next morning, I awoke still feeling numb and exhausted despite having Jay stay with me for the night.

   I laid under them and slowly carded my fingers through their long purple hair to try to ground myself again with the advice Maria told me.

  What are five things you can see?
  Jay, my blankets, my bedroom door, my phone, my hands
  What are four things you can feel?
Jay's hair, my blanket, my pillows, our breathing
  What are three things you can hear?
Jay's snoring, the birds outside of my window, the soft music Jay turned on sometime in the night
What are two things you can smell?
The candles I burned, Jay's floral shampoo
What is one thing you can taste?
The water from my bedside table

  Jay soon awoke and looked up at me, their brown eyes still half shut.

  "Good morning, Hwa," they said, the remnants of sleep slurring their words a bit.

  "Good morning, snoring beauty," I responded. This earned me a tired smile from my best friend.

  "I'm glad to hear you can still insult me," they yawned. I smiled weakly back.

  "I need to get you a heavier weighted blanket, don't I?" Jay asked, "this combo of me and a ten pound blanket don't seem to be enough anymore."

  "I can-"

  "You know you don't have to do this alone, Seonghwa, especially not now that you've met your matches. Until you get comfortable enough with one of them to lay like this, I'll continue to and get you a heavier blanket. What color do you want this time?"

  "Sage green, please,"

  "I have to use the bathroom real quick, okay? I'll be back," Jay said as they stood up and stretched a bit.

  "You should stretch some, too, Hwa. Your back might be a bit sore again from laying still under my weight."

  I begrudgingly stood up beside my bed and did a few of the stretches they told me to do after last time.

  I finished my stretches by the time Jay came back. Jay had a small smile on their lips as they came to hug me.

  "Honey and Lavender or Eucalyptus and Mint?" Jay asked, hinting that they were running a bath for me.

  "Eucalyptus and Mint, please," I said. They nodded and left back to the bathroom while I grabbed a giant hoodie, some sweat pants, and a pair of underwear.

  I walked into the bathroom with my clothes in my arms and sat them on the sink. Before Jay left, I pulled them into a hug and laid my head on their shoulder. They felt my tears soak into their t shirt but couldn't care less as they hugged me tighter.

  "Thank you, Jay. I know I'm mean to you a lot by calling you names, but I don't mean anything bad by it. I love you," I cried softly into their shoulder.

  "I know you don't mean anything bad, Seonghwa. I love you, too." Jay patted my back gently and kissed my head before we separated from the hug.

  "I loaded one of your audio books on my laptop, okay? Hit play before you get in,"

  "Thank you,"

  Jay left the bathroom and shut the door behind themself.

  I hesitantly began to remove my clothes from yesterday then looked at my back in the mirror. I smiled softly seeing two out of seven names on my back.

  I clicked on the audio book then got into the tub full of warm water. I sat in the water in silence for a while, just listening to the audio book without my thoughts plaguing my mind. I washed off then got out of the water that had now gone cold.

  I dried off my skin and lathered myself in the Mint lotion sat on the counter then pulled on my clothes. I shaved the stubble off of my face and applied some after shave then left the bathroom.

I picked up my phone and unplugged it from its charger. I hesitated a bit but turned it back on regardless to let my seven soulmates know I'm okay now.

Group chat 2.0
Seonghwa
Hey guys. I'm sorry if I scared you when I stopped responding yesterday so abruptly. I just really don't like phone calls, and that Instagram live drained me, so I went to sleep after.

Hongjoong
Hi Seonghwa! You don't have to apologize for taking time to yourself, okay? We're just glad you're back :D

Yunho
Hey! Hongjoong is right, though, Seonghwa. You don't need to apologize for the time you want to be alone.

Seonghwa
But shouldn't I have told you first?

Yeosang
You can just do that next time, okay? Are you feeling better now?

Seonghwa
I am a little better

Wooyoung
Is there anything we can do to make you feel a lot better?

Seonghwa
Unless one of you weigh more than Jay, I don't think so this time haha

San
What do you mean?

Seonghwa
When I get overstimulated, Jay lays on top of me and puts my weighted blanket over us to try to ground me, but it didn't work as well this time as it usually does

Private Messages

Yeosang
What's your address? Woo and I can be over in a few minutes with some food and movies or whatever you need

Seonghwa
I'm sorry, but I'm not too sure I want any of you to see me like this so early on since we met

Yeosang
If you're any bit worried that we'll judge you or run off because you don't feel okay, then know that that's not the case now, and it'll never be.
It's okay to not be okay, Seonghwa

Seonghwa
If you're sure you won't leave me, then I'll go ask Jay if they mind

Yeosang
Seonghwa, I'm more than sure that we won't leave you.
We'll have to resume our activities for the tour in a few weeks, but we won't be leaving you here in Seoul unless you want to stay here instead.
Seonghwa?
Are you still there?

Seonghwa
Hi, Yeosang, this is Jay. Hwa is currently a bit overwhelmed again, but he does need you to come over. Our door code is 8395
*sent current location*

  "What if they leave me?"

   "Hwa, you know they-"

  "Jay I don't want to lose them! They'll leave me for good if they see me like this!"

  "No they won't, Seonghwa. They may not love you yet, but they do deeply care about you-"

  "How do you know?! They could be faking it!"

  When Jay stayed silent at my last cry, I sobbed harder.

  "I shouldn't have let you get us Ateez tickets..." I spoke softly through tears. Jay pulled me onto their lap and held my head to their chest.

  "Everything happens for a reason, Hwa. Even if neither of us understand the reason now, maybe we will in the future," Jay said, soothingly running their fingers through my black hair.

  "I can't lose them, too..." I cried.

  "You won't,"

  "Neither of us can be sure of that!"

   I cried on Jay's lap for a while until our doorbell rang. I looked up at them, panicked by the bell, before the door opened.

  "Jay? Seonghwa?" A male voice questioned from the front room.

  "We're in the living room!" Jay exclaimed.

  "Jay, no! They can't see me like this!"

   I tried to get off of Jay's lap, but they held me more tightly.

  "Please let me go!" I pleaded as I heard footsteps drawing nearer. I struggled in their strong grip until I felt another pair of hands on me.

  I dropped my head shamefully and let my sobs ring out in the otherwise silent room.

  "You need to let them in, Hwa. There isn't a single kind of relationship that can be or should be formed on lies," Jay spoke softly and wiped my tears.

  "But-"

  "They're already inside, Hwa. You can't kick out our guests." Jay hugged me tightly then moved me onto the couch.

  "I'll be in my room. It's the blue door," Jay said then stood up from the couch, leaving me alone with Yeosang and Wooyoung.

  "I'm sorry," I whimpered and pulled my knees to my chest.

"You don't have to apologize, Seonghwa," Yeosang spoke gently as he layered a blanket over my shoulders. He sat down beside me as Wooyoung messed around with the DVD player below the tv.

"But I look like shit and I can't stop crying," I responded.

"Can I hold you?" Yeosang asked. I nodded and let him move me onto his lap. I laid my head down on his shoulder as he shifted the blanket to cover me more.

"Seonghwa, I don't know what has you like this, but you do not have to apologize for it. You don't look like shit, either, you still look adorable," Yeosang said as he rubbed my back soothingly. I kept my head buried on his shoulder as silent tears shed.

"I don't know when the next time I'll be numb like this will be, so if you and Woo have the emotional capability to listen to my trauma with calls, then I'll tell you," I said, my voice hoarse and monotonous.

"We'll be okay to listen, Hwa. You can talk when you're ready," Wooyoung said, gently taking my hand in his once he sat beside Yeosang and I.

Tw//Loss of a parent to a car accident, selective mutism. The rest of the chapter is about Seonghwa losing his mom, who was a dancer in her youth, (Lee Hwami) and his father(Park Seongmin) who was a vocalist. Yeosang and Wooyoung had both heard of him during their trainee days as the "Park Prodigy." The two had looked up to him and began training because of his performances.

"When I was still in high school, I was extremely close with my momma. She would never miss a chance to tell me she was proud, or how much she loved me, so it wasn't uncommon that I'd get a call from her during lunch for that.

"My seventh birthday was coming up, and she was out to get decorations to prepare for it. I wasn't expecting a call that day, as she usually hid the themes of my parties, but she called me in the middle of second period, so of course I'd answer my momma. I had a feeling to screen record it, and I'm glad I did.

"She called me, sounding so happy and proud, to tell me how much she loved me and adored having me for a son. I laughed a bit at it, but I told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was to have her as my mom.

"She told me to follow my dreams, and she'd be behind me in them, no matter how silly they seemed to anyone else. Up until that point, I was the captain of the dance team at my high school, and she always supported me.

"She was a dancer when she was younger, and my father was a singer, so I had the genes from two amazing performers, and I wanted to follow in their footsteps.

"I had to hang up first, because my teacher came into the hallway to bring me back into class. I told her I had to go, how much I loved her again, and said I'd see her when I got home in the evening. She apologized to me, and I didn't know why at that time.

"When third period ended, I got another call, but it was from an unknown number. Not many people had my cell number, so I had to answer it.

"It was the hospital, calling me to come in and identify my momma's corpse. I couldn't even recognize her face- the only parts of her I could were her wedding band she hadn't taken off and the crossed out soul mark of my dad's.

"I confirmed her as my momma, then passed out on the morgue floor of that hospital. I woke up a few hours later, and didn't even have the strength to speak anymore.

"I went selectively mute for two years before Jay managed to get me into therapy. By then, I had quit the dance team, dropped out of high school, and stopped performing in the streets as I would do for fun.

"When I got a few sessions into therapy, I began to work towards getting my GED, and then began to search for colleges.

"I got into a college for the psychology faculty, and will be working towards getting my master's degree in psychology now that I have my bachelor's degree.

"I lost my momma, and lost all desire to perform anymore, so I chose to change my life's course to one where I'd never have to perform again.

"I regret giving it up now- I had numerous different well-established idol companies offering contracts at that time- but maybe if I can make a difference in someone's life as a therapist, then it'll be worth it."

When I looked up next, my soulmate's faces were a mix between shocked and dismal.

"You're the 'Park Prodigy' KQ and Big Hit were talking of, weren't you? The only child of Park Seongmin and Lee Hwami?" Wooyoung asked softly, too scared to break the atmosphere around the three of us. I smiled softly at the names of my parents.

"Yes, they're my parents so I'd assume so," I said. Wooyoung looked at Yeosang, who's jaw had dropped.

"Seonghwa, all of us trainees at Big Hit and KQ looked up to you. Our managers would show us different performances of yours, and have us try harder if we wanted to keep our spots," Yeosang said.

"Half of us from Ateez and Tomorrow By Together began to train as idols because of your performances, Hwa..." Wooyoung still spoke softly.

"Well, at least I made a bit of a difference in the world," I said, smiling sadly.