45 || The terrible terrible no good very bad day

It's funny how a great day can go to complete and utter shit.

It all started with the envelopes.

We were all gathered outside at our table in a solemn circle.  Senior year was drawing to a close.

Letters had started arriving.

"You open yours first," Nikole said nervously.

"Don't be a wuss," Trevor countered. "Since you're so fearless you open yours."

"No you."

"No you."

"I'll go first!" Ivy finally yells. We all turn to her.

"We truly admire your bravery," Ryan says. Carter rolls his eyes.

Ivy took out a letter opening and carefully sliced hers open. Then she slowly unfolded the letter inside. We all waited with bated breath as her eyes skimmed over its contents.

"Guys," she looks up at us with tears in her eyes.

"Oh no come here," Chanel is immediately up to engulf her in a hug but Ivy stops her.

"I GOT ACCEPTED!"

We all screamed, well minus the guys and jumped up hugging her.

Ivy's dream school was University of California Berkeley so she could major in business and eventually become an event planner.

"Whew that was a close one," Trevor wipes his brow. "I'll go next."

"We all know you got accepted," Chanel stands behind him and wraps her arms around his neck.

"Thanks for the confidence babe," he turns to give her a quick peck before tearing open his envelope. Ivy gasps.

"You could've borrowed my letter opener!"

"I don't care about the envelope. I care about what's inside," he replies while pulling out his letter. He reads it quickly before grinning.

"Open yours Ryan," he says and Ryan quickly tears his open. Next to me I see Ivy flinch.

"Hell yeah, UC Santa Cruz here we come!" Both boys high five.

"My turn," I chirp and grab my envelope. Ivy hands me her letter opener and I slit it open.

My hands are shaking and my stomach is rolling as I hold the letter and read it.

"You're taking too long!" Nikole snatches it from my hand. "You were accepted!"

"What!" I screech. "No way! Let me see!" I snatch my paper back. UCLA only accepts about eighteen percent of its freshman applicants. There's no way I got in.

But I did. I got in.

I jump up and down yelling and clutching the letter to my chest. I can't wait to shove this in Jason's face. He'll be none to pleased that come this fall I'll be going back to school with him.

I turn to Carter to see his reaction and he's smiling, but something's off about his smile. His eyes lack their usual playful glint.

"Where's your envelope?" I ask. "Didn't you apply to Santa Barbara?"

"The party school?" Trevor grins and smacks Carter's shoulder. "Nice."

"Santa Barbara is more than just a 'party school'," Ivy rolls her eyes. "They have excellent social science programs, not to mention Biological and Biomedical Sciences, Psychology, and Visual and Performing Arts."

Carter just shrugs. "I forgot it at home."

My eyes widen. "But-"

"I was busy getting the twins ready and it just slipped my mind," he continues.

Everyone is silent.

"Were you not accepted?" Ivy asks quietly.

"I don't know, like I said I haven't opened it yet."

No one says anything and for some reason Carter snaps.

"Why are you guys looking at me like that? So what I forgot the fucking envelope? Who cares?" He grabs his bag before standing and storming off.

My mouth is agape. I don't think I've truly seen Carter angry before. Annoyed and irritated but never angry.

Nikole nudges me. "Go after him."

"Me?" I sputter mostly because I'm still in shock.

"Yeah," she says with a 'duh' expression on her face. "You're his girlfriend."

Before I can react there's a revving engine and we all turn to see Carter peeling out of the parking lot.

"Did he just ditch school?" Trevor says.

I sigh and run my hands down my face. "I'll stop by his place after school and see what's up."

🌺🌺🌺

School seems to drag on painfully slow, and it's only made worse by my worry for Carter. When the bell rings signaling the end of the day I'm the first out of my seat and out the door. Normally Carter is my ride home but since he left I have to get a ride to his place from Ivy.

"I hope he's okay," she says on the drive. I'm too wound up to speak so I remain silent.

Why do I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach?

When we get to his house I hop out of the car. "Thanks for the ride," I give her a small smile before walking up the driveway to his front door. I don't see his bike anywhere but then again it could be in the garage.

I turn back to wave at Ivy and she waves back before driving off. Then taking a deep breath I ring the doorbell.

There's no pitter patter of running feet which only increases my worry. Sofia and Olivia always race each other to see who could open the door first. When the door does finally open it reveals a very tired looking Ms. King.

"Hi," I squeak then clear my throat.

"Aubrey," she manages a faint smile. "Hi."

"Is um, is Carter home?"

"No I'm afraid not. Would you like to come in?" She opens the door wider and I step inside.

I follow her into the kitchen and sit at the table while she pours herself a cup of tea. "Would you like anything?" She asks.

"No thank you."

I glance around the table and spot an envelope. A very official looking envelope that's been opened. Curious I pick it up. The seal says it's from UC Santa Barbara.

And it's been opened.

I spot the letter not too far off and read it. Carter was accepted.

So why did he freak out this morning?

Suddenly there's a thump and I jump. Carter's mom has placed her teacup down on the table and lowers herself onto the seat next to mine.

"I was so proud," she begins. "I am proud. Carter hasn't always made the best decisions but I always knew deep down he was a good boy at heart. Sometimes his actions don't show it but he's incredibly smart when he applies himself. I know he can accomplish great things."

Whenever someone starts talking like that, the way she's talking, bad news is sure to follow.

She sighs. "I'm sad he won't be going."

My heart begins to hammer in my chest. "Going where?"

"To Santa Barbara."

"And why not?" I try to keep my voice from rising to a high pitch but fail.

She gives me a surprised look. "He didn't tell you?"

I am trying so hard to keep my cool. I take a deep breath. "Tell me what?"

She looks at my sympathetically and I love Ms. King, I really do, but if she doesn't tell me what the hell is going on I just might lose my shit.

"We're moving back to England."

I stare at her.

"But-" I croak. "But Carter is eighteen. He doesn't have to move back to England with you. He could stay here."

She shakes her head. "Unfortunately he can't. I don't make enough money to pay for Carter's tuition not to mention everything else that comes with college. His father has been the one paying for most of his stuff here and he's refusing to pay for his college. He wants Carter back in England with him."

"So he's blackmailing you?" I blurt.

"No. I want to move back. Business is okay here but I miss England. Carter and I talked and we decided he'd be better off if he stayed here. I tried talking to his father but he's being unreasonable..." she trails off. "He thinks it's a waste of time and money for him to go to school."

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to think. My mind is blank.

I always knew we'd eventually be separated, but I was thought it would be by a couple hours and a long drive, not an entire ocean.

Ivy's voice pops into my head. Statistically speaking, about 40% percent of long distance relationships result in a break-up.

I abruptly stood up.

"I have to go," I rushed out before she could say anything.

To my surprise Ivy's car was waiting outside. When she saw me run out of the house she jumped out and jogged over to me.

"I was gonna go home but I was too anxious so I decided to wait here for you. What is it? What's wrong?"

That's when I burst into tears. Ivy's face morphs from worried to panicked. She immediately wraps me in hug.

"Aubrey what's wrong?" She strokes my hair. I pull back.

"Carter is moving," my voice cracks. "Back to England."

"But he's-"

"-eighteen yeah I know but his mom doesn't have enough money to pay for his college tuition so it's his dad funding it and he refuses to."

I sniffle and wipe my eyes. This feeling is even worse than when Vanessa asked Carter to the Valentine's Day dance.

Before I can stop myself the words come tumbling out. "Ivy I think I love Carter."

Her eyes widen. "What? Where did that come from?"

I laugh tearfully. "On my birthday I almost told him I loved him but I didn't and ever since I've been trying to decide if my feelings for him are that strong. But now I know and it sucks because of course I would realize right when I'm about to lose him."

I start crying all over again and she wraps me in a tight hug, murmuring that it's going to be okay.

"You can't tell anyone," I hiccup.

"But-"

"Promise me," I say harshly. "I know you hate keeping secrets from our friends but it's not our secret to tell."

Ivy looks conflicted but she finally nods. "I promise."

"Pledge the oath of secrecy."

She takes a deep breath. "I, Ivy Miller, pledge the oath of secrecy."

After that Ivy takes me home. When I get in the house my family quickly notices my tear streaked face but I tell them I'm fine and hurry upstairs to my room before slamming the door.

💔💔💔

There comes a point where you run out of tears and your eyes become dry. Or at least red and puffy.

As soon as I got to my room I threw on my VS shorts and a tank top, then I put on my fluffy pink robe before climbing into bed.

I have not moved since.

There's much to be said for curling up under your covers and not moving. In a way, it's comforting. If I stay long enough and close my eyes, I can forget.

Plus Mr. Cuddlesworth provides me with the pleasure of his company.

I know, I'm already cheating on Carter and he hasn't even moved yet.

I hear my room door open again and I inwardly groan. My mom has been coming in and out, checking on me. How many times do I have to tell her to go away?

"For the thousandth time mom, I said I'm fine. What's so hard to understand about privacy?"

The door closes but it doesn't sound like she left so I sit up with an annoyed huff.

"Seriously mom-"

The words die in my throat when I realize it's not my mom but Carter.

"Hey," he sits on the edge of my bed.

Oh my God I look a mess. My eyes are still puffy from crying and my hair looks like I've been electrocuted since I've been rolling around on my bed so much. Plus my face is probably all blotchy.

I've never not been so prepared to see him in my life.

"Don't look at me!" I squeak and cover my face up with my blanket. "I'm hideous!"

His laugh makes my heart flutter. "No you don't," he pulls my blanket down. I cover my face with my hands.

"Aubrey," he says softly removing my hands. He stares at me and I can't look away even though I desperately want to. Carter King was a hurricane, sucking you in and never letting you go.

I felt my heart crack. This was going to sound dramatic but how was I supposed to go on without him? Whether I'd wanted him to or not he'd managed to weasel his way into my heart and when he left, he'd be taking a chunk of it with him.

Love sucks. It sucks ass.

"You're moving," I finally speak, my voice coming out no louder than a whisper.

"Yeah," he replies quietly. "I am."

I nod like I understand, even though I don't.

"Are you ever coming back?" Now my voice is barely above a breeze.

"Maybe," he sighs and runs his hands down his face. "I don't know when I would though."

A quote by Jim Morrison pops into my head. The future is uncertain but the end is always near.

Too near if you ask me.

I suck in my lips and lean back, trying my hardest not to break down again.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

My tear ducts betray me and let a few teardrops fall.

Carter sucks in a painful breath and pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms securely around me. My shoulders shake with sobs but I don't make a sound, not one peep. Carter doesn't say anything, just rubs my back in circular motions.

We stay like that for a while, and eventually we both fall asleep, both wrapped up in each other.

:(

But cute at the same time ya know?

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