Jisoo's POV

"Where are you? Please answer your phone..." I whispered to myself, feeling down as I worry about him.

It has been three hours but he's still not home and it seems like, nobody knows where his location is. 

The boys had no choice but to tell their managers as well. They tried to call their friends but to no avail, nobody knows where he is.

I am so worried about him. He'd never done this before. Normally, he's the one who's checking on the others because he's the oldest. 

After more than twenty failed attempts of getting connected on the other line,  I gave up and put my phone down.

Maybe he's doing something important. I tried to cheer up myself.

However, my tears seem to have a mind of its own because it won't stop streaming down my face.

Why does it feel like all I did was to cry these past few weeks?

What happened in the living room had shaken the boys a little so I told my brother that I'm alright and I just needed some rest. Then, I went back to my room in silence and locked the door.

I don't really want anyone to disturb me. The truth is,  I just want to be all alone. I just want some peace and quiet.

It feels like all I have been with the boys is a burden. My heart aches when I noticed how uneasy the boys have been when I came in.

I don't like to see the pity look on their eyes. I know that they cared about me. They are so loving and I can't bear to put everything down on their shoulders.

The boys did not do anything wrong at all. It's not their fault these things are happening to me.

Everything that had happened is the consequences of every decision and actions that I made.  Of course, now,  I can see that I made some poor ones but I will never say that I have regrets.

A lot of things had changed in my life after they came.

I don't want to act like someone who is being bullied. I don't want people to fight for me because I'm more than capable to do that on my own.

Earlier,  I burst into tears because I was shocked and yeah,  a little hurt but then,  at the end of the day,  it all comes down to one thing, is it true or not?

Those people who wrote bad things about me were trolls anyways.

Those are mere words and I won't let them get to me. Unless of course, they try to hurt me physically but I refuse to believe that they would do that because setting aside those people,  I know that the boys have a lot more fans who genuinely love and supports them.

Besides, I was sure they were not all bad comments at all. 

I, Jeon Jisoo, knew myself more than anyone. And I trust the people around be do the same. 

I don't care if people call me a slut or pathetic. As long as I know that I'm not, I won't back down.

In every fandom, there are always mature and understanding ones. I may actually understand if some fans may have said mean things because they are hurt. That's because they love them too much but I know it will pass.

I don't want the boys to get hurt because of me or because of their fans. I know how much they adore them.

The boys have been the best ever since I met them. They are so precious and have been all so sweet.

If not,  my life had been colorful after I come to meet them and my life turned a hundred eighty degrees after they lived with me.

Before,  my life had been just all about work and taking care of my brother from afar. But now,  even my messed up relationship with Jungkook had been mend,  if not,  it had been stronger.

Plus,  I have found someone special. Though he's actually missing in action right now.

I can't help but chuckle at the thought. Here I am trying to tell myself that I am strong but deep inside, I feel like every piece of me is crumbling.

I remember what Jungkook said while I was still at the hospital. He clearly said that Jin feels that it was all his fault. But it's not. And I want to tell him that it isn't.

I curved into a ball on my bed while I tuck my knees on my arms.

I miss him so much.

I want to hug him and tell him everything is alright.  

I felt the air brushing past me, my window open as I allow the breeze to flow freely inside my room. 

Maybe this is what I need right now, air... space.

I remember the incident the other time. It was probably my fault because I never came to him and talk. 

I want to tell him that I know that nothing is going on between him and that girl,  that I'm not mad.

I want him to know that no matter how many bad things people say,  it won't matter because all that is important to me is him... us.

I want him to be with me, by my side,  so he will not feel alone.

Because he's not alone.

I want him to know that I love him...

"I love you..." I muttered as I feel the darkness eat me.