When my extended admission was finally over, my family arrived to discharge me and take me home - finally. It had been a long eight weeks, some of the craziest that I'd ever experience in my life. When I'd gone into the ward eight weeks ago, all I'd wanted was to leave. I didn't want to associate myself with anyone else, I wanted to isolate myself, take my medication and leave as soon as possible. Never had the thought of meeting someone special there even crossed my mind, it wasn't something I'd have ever thought to be possible. If someone had told me before I was admitted that I'd fall in love whilst in a psychiatric ward trying to recover from a suicide attempt, I'd have laughed in their face and told them how stupid they were.

I thought back to the first day I met Connor, when Rosa told me, "He needs someone like you, Troye. Maybe you need someone like him, too." At the time, I'd wanted to laugh. I thought Connor and I would never see eye to eye, we were two such different people with such contrasting personalities - it would've been a miracle if we even exchanged another conversation after that first encounter. As much as I regretted how coldly I'd acted towards him, I wouldn't have changed a thing about what our relationship led to. And now, I was leaving him behind.

When my family arrived, there were mixed emotions from all of us. I was over the moon to see them, but I still felt so numb and drained from losing Connor. Mum looked like she was going to burst with the excitement of seeing me again, yet her eyes were brimming with tears within seconds. Dad remained calmer, but when he caught sight of me for the first time I saw a smile twitch at the corners of his mouth. Sage and Tyde both smiled widely, and I was surprised to see Steele stood beside them - I thought he'd gone away a while ago. The sudden burst of emotions inside me was too much, and I ran down the corridor until I felt myself collide with my Mum's chest, her arms wrapped tightly around me. I'd almost forgotten what her hugs felt like, and I'd forgotten what her signature perfume smelt like; raspberries with an undertone of vanilla. I felt safe again, for the first time since the last time Connor and I had slept together.

"I'm so sorry, baby. But you can come home now, everything's going to be okay." Mum whispered, and I somewhat believed her. Maybe things would start looking up again.

After I'd finished putting the few items I'd brought with me into the back of the car, I turned around to find Rosa stood on the pavement, a look of both sadness and happiness on her face. Without hesitation, I walked over and hugged her. Surprisingly, it didn't feel awkward. She gently patted my back and then stepped away, looking up at me. Her eyes glistened due to the tears that were gathering.

"Never forget how special you were to him." she whispered. "You kept him holding on for longer than he thought would've been possible. You showed that boy how to be happy again."

"But he-" I tried to speak but I choked up. "You know."

She nodded understandingly. "You kept him safe. There was nothing you could've done to stop what happened from happening, but you delayed the process. The night before you came, he was in a very bad way. We had to supervise him all night in case he attempted anything. Once you two met, I saw a light return to his eyes that I hadn't seen since the day I first met him nearly four months ago. You changed him. Never forget how important you were to him, Troye."

I gave a small smile and hugged her one more time. "Thankyou. For everything."

"No, thank you. You gave us all hope, Troye Sivan. You won't be forgotten."

I slowly stepped away and got into the car, sat beside Sage who was sandwiched between Tyde and I. The car pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive away from the hospital. As we got further away, I looked out of the window to the roof, picturing Connor sat on the edge, his legs dangling off, waving me goodbye. As if sensing something was wrong, Sage reached across and laced her fingers between mine, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. I wouldn't be forgotten; neither would Connor.

--

Connor's funeral was held locally. It was only a small event, with Connor's close family and friends. I, too, was invited, along with my immediate family, and some of the staff and patients from the ward. In total, there was no more than around fifty of us. It was held in a crematorium, and we were all seated outside in the open churchyard. A framed picture of Connor was stood beside his coffin; he was smiling widely and his eyes were bright - I'd almost forgotten what he'd looked like when he smiled. It was a nice reminder.

Connor's parents gave a speech; it wasn't too long, but it was heartfelt and sweet. They talked about some of their memories of Connor while he was growing up, about what a happy child he'd been and how proud he'd always made them with everything he did. They avoided the chapter of his life in which he was admitted to the psych ward - not that I could blame them, I wouldn't have wanted to talk about that if I was in their position, either. I found myself fiddling with my tie a lot. I wasn't sure whether I was nervous or whether I was just uncomfortable. I hated the fact that I was there, having to say goodbye to my best friend for the last time.

"I believe Troye, Connor's most treasured friend, would like to say a few words."

My head snapped up and I nodded, slowly walking up to the front and turning to face everyone. Despite it only being a small group of people, I still felt intimidated by having so many eyes on me. Only now would people know about what Connor and I had truly been. It felt the most appropriate time to say it, in such a beautiful setting with everyone there to remember the love of my life that was Connor Franta.

"A lot of you gathered here will have never heard of me before. I'll be a complete stranger to your eyes, and I understand that. I'm going to give you a bit of a back story, if that's okay.

When I was admitted to the psychiatric ward sixteen weeks ago, I wanted to leave as soon as I got there. I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be at home with my family. The first day I was there, Connor came into my room uninvited and I remember at first, I was irritated by how positive and cheerful he was in such a contrasting environment. But, the more I got to know him, he came out of his shell and that was when I realised that he needed me just as much as I needed him. We got close, and we ended up spending nearly all of our time together. Feelings developed fast and after the second week, I already knew that I loved him.

At first I kept telling myself that it was crazy; I didn't know what love was, and I didn't understand how I could possibly love someone like Connor. We shared our first kiss in the same place where we shared our last. It was in that moment that I realised that I really did love him, that I really did need him, but I couldn't find the words to justify it to him. However, I know he knew how appreciated he was by me, and everyone else here. He talked about you all a lot. I know he loved you and that he missed you. Regardless of what might have happened before he was admitted there, you - his family - were the most important people in his life. I know that.

The last thing he said to me was to never forget him. I think that, when you meet someone like Connor, it's impossible to forget them, even if you want to. There's something about people like him that just stays permanently engraved into your memory for as long as you live. You find yourself comparing them to everyone else, wondering why people can't be more like them. The answer is, because there's not many people like them.

What I admired about Connor was how open-minded he was. He was inspiring, he was wise and he was considerate. They're all qualities and traits I wish I possessed, because it's impossible to speak badly about someone like that. I still fail to understand why Connor felt the same way about me, but I wouldn't change a thing about it. We were all lucky to know someone as beautiful as him. He will never, ever be forgotten. The impact he made on me will stay for a lifetime.

Connor," I paused, looking to the coffin. "You changed me. You showed me that it's okay to open up to others and let them in. You taught me what love was. Before I met you, I thought it was just something that's made up and portrayed in movies to give us a false idea of what it is. But I realised that it does exist, and that I only ever wanted it with you. You made me feel things that no one else ever has, and probably never will. I promise you, in front of all these people, that I will never forget you, nor will I ever love anyone quite as much as I love you. I'll see you again one day. Until then, stay safe and happy, it's what you've always deserved to be. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you for longer. I love you."

I backed away from the microphone and looked back up to the audience. Many were crying, and everyone was smiling. I knew I'd said the right thing, and I was happy with it. I'd said goodbye in the right way, and I knew that wherever he was, Connor would've heard every word, and know I'd meant it.

We gathered around the six foot hole in the ground, watching in silence as Connor's coffin was lowered into it. The vicar was talking, but I wasn't listening. As I watched Connor slowly being lowered, I remembered some of the times we'd shared, and how I'd never get to experience them again. That was the first time I cried at the funeral, letting out everything I'd been bottling up for the previous few weeks. Connor's Mum held my hand, stroking my thumb with hers.

"Never forget that he loved you, too." she whispered.

I never could, nor would I ever wish to.

Before Connor was buried, I took a folded piece of paper from my blazer pocket and dropped it on top of his coffin. I'd finished writing a song about him - it was what I'd done to occupy my mind from thinking about what was going on in the real world. I'd dedicated it to Connor. It was called The Fault In Our Stars. Maybe one day I'd have the courage to properly sing it and produce it, but right now, it was something I wanted to keep between Connor and I. There were still some parts of our relationship I wanted to keep to myself to remind myself that what happened was real, and that everything I'd once felt for that boy were feelings that would remain for a very long time. He was safe, and he was happy - it's all I'd ever wanted him to be. Things would be okay. They'd get easier.

And I would never stop loving him.