It was like I was having a nightmare. You know the ones where you're trying to run as fast as you can but you can't seem to move fast whatsoever? It was like one of those, except this nightmare was real, and I was very much awake. The staircase leading up to the roof seemed to have extended, and I felt like I would never reach the top. But I had a tiny ounce of hope left in me. Maybe he hadn't jumped. Maybe I could save him.

Then I saw him.

His back was facing me and he was stood on the edge, looking down at the deserted streets below him. The sun was only just beginning to rise, sending the sky into a frenzy of orange, pink and purple tones. Normally, I would've adored the sight. But now, it was the last thing on my mind. Not wanting to startle him, I approached Connor slowly, cautiously reaching out my hand.

"Connor," I whispered, grabbing his attention. He turned around slowly, his eyes swollen and red. "Please, don't do this."

Connor didn't say anything. His chest rose and fell at a high rate as he breathed in and out extremely quickly. I tried to remain as calm as I could, but my hands were shaking ridiculously. It was obvious that Connor could tell, but I wasn't going to admit to being absolutely terrified. Connor's life was on the line, and I wasn't going to let him go. I couldn't.

"I have to do this." Connor finally whispered, his voice breaking at the end of his sentence.

I shook my head. "No, you don't. You have to see that this isn't the way things have to end. You can get better and you will.  You can't give up. You have every reason to be here. I need you."

Connor sighed. "Trust me, if I could've found another solution instead of this, I'd have done that instead. But I need to do this, Troye. It's the best for the both of us. It might not seem like it now, but it will in the future. You'll understand why I needed to do this."

I reached out my hand further, gripping onto his right hand tightly when he took mine. I was determined not to let go, no matter what. I was probably digging my fingernails into his skin, but it didn't seem to bother him. I wanted to speak but I couldn't seem to find the words. Right there and then, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him; how he made me feel loved; how he made me feel like the most special person in the world; that I needed him in my life and that I wanted to grow with him. But words failed me. I was silent.

"Like I wrote to you, please don't be sad about this," Connor began.

"How can I not be?" I snapped, tears pricking my eyes. "You're the only person in this world I give a fuck about. I am in love with you, Connor! You can't just leave. What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't just carry on my life like nothing happened, I need you because I am in love with you."

Connor closed his eyes and his head fell forwards towards the floor. I held tighter to his hand, trying to fight against the urge to cry. I was not going to cry in front of him, not now.

"It's different for you though. You can go home in a few days. You're gonna be okay. I've had my admission extended so many times that I'm beginning to lose count. I've seen so many people come and go but I'm always staying. I swear I'll be there until I die. I can't keep living my life like this. It sucks, so so much. I haven't seen my family in three months. They haven't bothered to contact me because of how bad things were getting, they were worried it'd interfere with my progress and recovery. You're the only person I've had and the thought of you leaving me kills me. I can't be without you but I'd have to be if I stayed alive and I was stuck here, in this god damn prison. Please, Troye. Please try to understand where I'm coming from."

I blinked hard and allowed the tears to begin rolling down my cheeks. I was done with trying to hold up a tough act. "Nothing will make me understand. Maybe it seems like I'm being selfish because I need you here, but I mean it. Connor, now I've met you I can't imagine a life without you. Everything you said in that note, I feel it too. I really do. I want it all but I only want it with you."

"Come here," Connor opened his arms, and I very slowly edged forward until I felt his arms tighten around me. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I love you. I really, really do. Words would never be able to justify quite how much. I'm sorry."

As I pulled away, he grabbed my face and pressed a kiss to my lips. I wished it would last forever, I didn't want anything to end. When he let go, he took hold of my hands and smiled at me. "Never forget that I really did love you. Because I did, I do, and I always will," he whispered, looking over the edge. "I'm sorry, Troye. But it's my time to go."

I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me, bringing him away from the edge. "No. Don't you dare."

Connor struggled to pull away but I maintained my grip on his arm, refusing to let go of him - I wouldn't. If he was going over the edge, he was taking me with him. I looked at him through narrowed eyes. I wanted to be angry, but seeing him look so vulnerable made it harder. I couldn't be mad at him no matter how much I wanted to be.

"You are not giving up. Not today, and not ever. You will live your life the way you were meant to. This is just a wrong turn. You'll eventually get back on track and you'll carry on like you were supposed to. And you can do it all with me by your side, because I'd give up anything for you. And I am not going to let you throw your life away because things aren't getting better as quickly as you want them to."

"I'm not strong enough to be here anymore, I gave up a long time ago but you got me to hold on for a bit longer. But there's only so much of everything that I can take anymore." Connor sobbed.

"Connor, I am promising you right here, right now, that if you step down from that ledge, I will protect you and fight for you for the rest of my life. We can get better together and then we can get out of here for good and never have to look back. We can grow together and spend the rest of our lives together. But being together only works if you're by my side through everything."

I stepped away, leaving Connor stood on the edge. He turned and looked over the edge, his gaze lingering for longer than I was comfortable with.

"Connor," I said sharply, grabbing his attention. I held out my hand towards him. "Please, please come down. It doesn't have to be like this."

He looked over the edge again, his arms hung by his sides and his hands violently shaking. Then, he looked back to me, his eyes bloodshot and tears continuing to slide down his cheeks.

"Please."

I felt Connor's body collide with mine. His arms were around my shoulders, and I didn't hesitate to hold him as tightly against me as possible. I could feel him crying into my shoulder, but nothing mattered. He'd come down - he hadn't given up.

"I'm sorry." he cried.

I stepped back and looked him in the eyes. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise you. Things will look up from now on."

I took his hand and led him back down the stairs, not caring about the complete darkness that surrounded us until we reached the bottom. Not letting go of his hand, I led him to his room and tucked him into bed, curling up underneath the duvet beside him. I held him close to me and I felt his breathing gradually begin to relax.

"It's okay," I whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I won't give up on you. I promise."

--

a/n: so there's the alternative ending! i'm sure many of you would have preferred for me to use is as the actual ending rather than including Connor's suicide, but i'm sorry! it was my original plan from the start for one of them to take their life - wow, that sounds rather morbid when i write it down.

i hope you guys liked this story! i can't believe it's actually over?! it seems like only the other day that i started writing it and now i'm writing the final chapter. it's crazy!

the next, and final, addition to this story will be a playlist that i've compiled, feel free to take a listen to the songs on it - they're all available on spotify, apple music, youtube, etcetera!

i love you all endlessly x