❝ Sometimes I need a break from
my own thoughts. ❞

C H A P T E R
O N E

✘✘✘
V I O L E T

“Do you Park Jimin take, Violet             Jefferson as your lawfully wedded wife?”asks the priest, his voice rubbling like a faraway thunder. As I felt my heart clenching, by every passing second. 

        I look at the man, who I was to get married he stood there with strong shoulders and stiff posture. His eyes stared blankly, and I could tell that he was not happy from this marriage, so was I. But, he had a choice to refuse, but for me this was my only way to escape from my bitter past. I loved my family too much, not to let them have this chance, and his mother she has been good to us, she took care of us. And when she asked to be a wife to her son. I wasn't sure how to deny her, we owed a lot to the Parks.

And this was how I was repaying them by marrying their son.

       “I do,”he says in a stern voice, any girl would feel happy by hearing these  words but for me his words were like knives that cut deeper into my soul. Slaughtering my any hopes for a different life.

          “Do you, Violet Jefferson take Park Jimin to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward,”the priest asks me, turning everyone's attention towards me.

“I do,”the undesirable words split out my tongue, even if I know he will never love me and I can never have him. I flickered my eyes open, and then stared back at my hands that held the flowers.

        “I now announce you man and wife.  You may kiss the bride,” he says and everyone cheers ,waiting for the newly wedded couple to kiss.

I look at the man I just married. I wouldn't say he wasn't good looking. He was anything but unpleasant, he was stoic but not dull. He was appealing but not full. But then my choice of men didn't matter, he was now husband. We were bounded for life.

          He lifts my veil, as I nervously glance at the man before me, and immediately regret my choice, a shaky breath escapes my lips as I stared back feeling all sorts of various emotions playing with my thoughts, but then even in my befuddled state I couldn't help but notice the long look across his face, I knew what that look was, it was a look of defeat. Jimin, was feeling defeated, he never wanted to marry a girl like me. And just thought of that shattered, all my hopes of finding happiness with him.

    I was so occupied with my thoughts that I whimpered, when his hand went at the back of my head, the other resting on my waist, as he leans closer his hot breath hits against my cheeks. Making me close my eyes, as I waited to feel his lips, but the kiss never happened, his lips never touched mine, this was an act,  he made it seem like we kissed but in reality nothing happened.

This would have been a disgrace to any woman who was rejected by her husband on her wedding, but I was glad that he didn't kiss me. How could he when, he doesn't desire me. I believe that a kiss was an intimate act, and should occur between who have great, love and respect for each other. I do respect for whatever he has done for his family, but I do not love him.

I stare at the crowd they were cheering, my mother had tears in her eyes, tears of happiness after all I married him, just to make my mother happy. She have suffered a lot after my father left us. My sister and I were old enough to remember everything about our father, and to forget. The day he left, I made a promise to myself, I would put my family's happiness first. Anything I would do, I would do it for them.

The two of us, walked to the hall where everyone were waiting for the cake to be cut, romantic music was played in the background, everyone looked happy except for, Jimin and, myself.

          We held the knife together, slicing the soft cake from between, as the people around us applaud and rejoiced, surrounding us. My heart hammers in my chest as I turn to look at him with a dazziling grin, he stares at me uncertainly as if he wasn't sure of himself. His eyes widen in surprise, may be even alarm. Then his jaw clenches settling his whole face to a stone. My breath stills, as my heart stops beating but even that lasts a minute, before he looks away, and walks back.

     The music continues to play, some couples come to dance, I stood there with him, he never said a single word, is this his way of showing me that, he would never accept me as his wife?

“Do you know how to dance?” Jimin asked me, standing beside me choosing to not look back at me, as unknowingly a smile tug at the corners of my lips and I turned to fully stare at him.

“I don't. But I would, if you ask me,” I answered, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Good,” I heard him say, before he takes my hand in his warm one and pulls me to the dance floor. A gasp escaped my lips, as my eyes grew wide.

      Others stepped back, allowing us to dance, and watched as the newly wedded couple had their first dance. His hands slowly went down to my waist and I kept mine on his shoulders, he looked at me with no certain emotion to put a name on, but his eyes they were soft and comforting to stare at. And that I was aware that this all was an act to show to others how of madly in love we were with each other. But, I was still  gladly taking part in it, meant that this man knew how to bend a woman to his will. We slow dance to the flow of the music, lulling us to a wide eyed dreamless, sleep yet still being at ease. He never said a word, neither did I.

My thoughts were interrupted when the music stopped playing, we stopped dancing but he still didn't let go of my hand, I tried to free it from his hold but his grip was too strong.

Everyone knew what was about to happen next, the newly wedded couple would have to leave for their first night.

I knew that he won't even touch me. So, I was not scared, my breath abandons me in my chest as I turn to look back at my mother, her eyes glistening with tears, a weak sob escaped from my lips when I placed my arms around her, seeking close for her warmth. She rested her hand against my face, when we pulled back and she stared hard at me trying to hold the image of daughter in her mind for one last time. Aftet her my sister embraces me, for a few seconds before letting go.

“Take care of my daughter, Park Jimin,” says my mother addressing the man standing behind me.

“I will cherish her with love,” he murmured, almost realistic with a smile, I knew this all was a lie, he won't even look at me.

     “Violet, dear I want a grandson as pretty as you,”says his mother, her voice sounded motherly, as I stare at her feeling blood rush though my cheeks. A child that's so soon.

I don't even know if I'll ever have a child with him.

      “A granddaughter would be just as lovely,” My mother, expressed earning his mother to nod in agreement.

“You, both worry a lot. They can give us both,” jokes his father sitting on his wheelchair, his father  was an honest, hardworking man.  Nine years ago he had an accident in which he lost his legs, Jimin’s mother said that, Jimin was only twenty-two then,  but he took over all the business, from such an age he always was responsible, it is truly obvious that, he loved his family and could do anything for them, that is why he agreed to marry me.

He was a man with everything. And I a woman, with nothing.

After taking their blessings, we get in the car. I wave my sister good bye, as the car went further and further away. When I turn back, I find him staring at me. It was difficult to tell from him impassive expression what he was thinking, but then  he took me by alarm, as he rolls his eyes at me, and look at his side window. I scoff, silently turning to look away as well.

So, now I know this is how things will go between us. Two strangers, living together.

The drive to the hotel was silent. None of us dared to speak, and before we knew we were at the hotel. he gets out of the car without even waiting for me, whilst I struggle to walk properly with the wedding gown that I was wearing.

        Can anyone tell him to stop, he was walking so fast like he came alone, everyone were giving us weird looks, by our dressing it was quite obvious that we were the newly wedded couple. And the way he was walking away made it seem like, he did not want to spend his night with me, though it was true but the people here don't know anything.

I sighed tiredly, fisting my gown in both my hands. As I glared at his walking figure. But, suddenly he stopped walking and turns back to look at me, when he sees me struggling with my dress, his eyes hooded and took to a darker shade. With dilated pupils, he strode back towards me. I had barely manage to hold that surprise look on my face when his strong hand gripped around my waist. Again, taking me by surprise he lifts me off the ground, my legs swaying in the air, as Jimin lifts me in his arms and starts walking. His touch was nothing but electric, when he stared down at my pale face. I took a deep breath to steady my rising pulse.

     People near us watching, were shocked so, was I. What's is he up to now. We don't have to pretend to be in love here cause nobody knows us. If he really wanted to help, he could've offered me his arm, and that alone would've been enough. But lifting me, as we marched into the hotel was, so embarrassing.

           “The driver would tell mother,” he only says this, I look back at the driver he surely was watching on us, to make it more real I smile at Jimin, surprisingly he also fake-smiled anyone would say that we were in love. One thing I've learned as the day was seemingly coming to an end, that we were both great actors.

He lets me stand on my own two feet in the elevator, and even let's me walk on my own, on the way to our suite. He was panting raggedly, as we entered the room, locking the door behind us, when I turned I found him sprawled against the couch. His hair was now disarranged, letting few loose strands to fall against his features. His appeared to be exhausted.

I don't continue to look at him, anymore  and walk towards my bag. Opening, I was startled to come across, a lot of nighties in it. I saw Jimin staring at them with a smirk plastered on his face, and I found myself turnnig red from embarrassment, and fury. That's why his mother never wanted me to bring clothes cause she already planed everything, I choose a nightwear that was half-decent the neck was deep but it was not backless, and was a little longer than the others. I was about to go to the bathroom when, I remembered that, its probably not the best idea to change in the bathroom. I should take the gown off in the room only. But, what should I do, Jimin was here.

I glance at him nervously should I tell him to go, but what if he gets angry at me, with a little courage,“I have to take off my gown, could you please leave the room.” I request, mustering up my courage to actually look at him as I speak.

“Take it off in the bathroom,”he retorted back arrogantly.

           “You see this is a very huge gown and its very—”I try to explain gesturing down at the gown that I wore, but he cuts me off with a terse.

“Just take it off. Get rid of it. I am not looking," He grunted, sounding flustered, placing his hand over his eyes, as I felt heat rushing through my cheeks.

After he closes his eyes, I walk in front of the large full length mirror to make sure, I open the strings properly. I remove the straps of gown from my shoulders, looking through the mirrors I pull each string carefully, now only the zip was left. I had struggle opening the zip. I was stuck, probably because the gown I was claded in was hugging too close to my body, not giving me space to move freely.

  “Ahh,”I blurted out from frustration,
my arms were aching now.

                “What's taking you so long?” Jimin enquired with irritation, his eyes still closed.

“You’re not the one wearing a gown," I mock back at him, as he scoffs shamefacedly causing me to glare at him through the mirror, even though he wasn't looking.

“You’re miserable. What's the matter now?” he say as he opens his eyes.

His eyes roam around my body, twice from head to toe. Then travelled back to my face, settling upon my mouth. Standing there awkwardly, I remained baffled not knowing what to do. Why am I such a mess in front of this man?

I face my back to him and look at him through the mirror,“I was having struggle pulling down the zipper,” I spoke shyly, his irises falls down at the zip and without saying a word he walks towards me, I stood still.

           His hand went down to the zip, he starts pulling it slowly. I was observing him through the mirror, his eyes never left, from my bare back as the zip was coming down, his fingers brushed against my skin, causing a whimper to run down my body, from his touch, and then I remembered that I have also taken off the straps means the dress will fall off as soon as the zip reaches down.

       And it did, Jimin stood there staring at my body, as I felt myself getting uneasy to be under his heated scrutiny. I was wearing a red lacy-lingerie inside, this was gifted to me by, my best friend, Summer. She said to wear it on my wedding, and I did wear it to have a perfect body shape, while wearing the wedding gown.

Letting out a shaky breath, I pulled the scattered gown to my chest, try to conceal whatever met his eyes. How long was he going to stare?

“Thank you, for your help,” I mumbled slowly, before walking past him but he stopped me, he held me by my arm and spined me around to face him. I look at him with surprise, he gave me an intense stare before, a smirk appeared on his plump lips. He brought his hands closer to my body, and I try escape from his touch but it was useless, his hands traced my bare shoulders, starting from the curve then stopping just above the valley between my breast. Fighting to catch my breath, I shut my eyes. My chest felt too tight, rushing I brought myself to stare directly at him.

His gaze seemed to take me in, consuming every detail.

“Jimin. Don't,” I gasped between fragmented breaths, arching away from his touch.

         “I will never give you the right to truly become my wife. I don't want you or, your body,” he hissed against  my ear, causing my body to shiver in fright.  He stands there for a minute or so as I fall to the ground, my feet giving up, clutching the gown close to my chest, I fight back to hold my tears, as he leaves the room. What he did was totally disgusting, how could a man harass his own wife, oh right he does not wants me as his wife.

I could never love a man like him, I feel disgusted to be touched by him. He was horrible, the way he treated me like I was some whore. I have never been this much insulted in my life.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

The first chapter. This book is being rewritten so don't get confused, if you're reading it again I'm sure you'll be able to notice the few additional dialogues and paragraphs. I had such a rollercoaster of emotions while going through this chapter again after almost three years, and it's really unbelievable.  This book was fun to write. But I was a depressed
teen then lol.

So, what are your thoughts? I know Jimin seems quite negative, and is ass but please don't hate on my boy. He has reason to act this way.

Stay safe, stay at home.
And don't worry we'll pass this together. 💜

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I'll be waiting for your feedbacks ;)

Thanks for reading<3

Love,
Shafaq-Shapel