💫
"i can't breathe, i'm so weak,
i know this isn't easy..."
•••

There are two things that Lisa realized when he saw Jungkook with another girl inside the café.

One, is that she really did like him. A lot. She wanted to run over to that girl, grab her hair and pull her away from her man. Also punch said man for cheating on her in broad daylight.

She never claimed to be nice. Nor non-violent.

But she didn't do any of that. Instead, she just walked towards the exit—passing them. She ignored him and just walked out the door with Jinhwan following her holding their drinks.

"Hey Lis! Where are you going?"

Which leads her to the second thing she realized upon seeing Jeon Jungkook with someone else.

They're not together. Yes, they fool around and act all couple-y and stuff but they're not officially together. They haven't even fully established what they feel. So who was she to claim that he's cheating on her?

But he is a traitor, of course.

"I need to go back and practice—"

"Lisa! Wait!"

Her ears perked as she heard Jungkook's voice calling from afar. That made her walk a bit faster. But her attempt to escape was all in vain as the guy was able to catch up with her.

"Let me explain—"

She scoffed. Explain? Why? He doesn't even need to because they're just friends. It's pretty clear. Also, she knew from the start that Jungkook was just a friendly guy. Chaeyoung already warned her. Jungkook also said it himself that his kindness was often misunderstood.

Friends fool around too, right?

"Hm? What for?" Lisa asked catching the guy off guard.

"I uh... I just..." Jungkook scratched his nape. "I know you're mad. Hyung just needed someone to fill in for Yoongi hyung 'coz he was asle—busy. Um... yeah. And I couldn't really say no 'coz—"

"Relax, Jeon," she said and smiled. "I'm not mad. Why would I be?"

"I..."

Jungkook blinked. Twice. As if he was reading her thoroughly. But she just stood there, looked him in the eye and smiled.

"You can date whoever you want to," she simply said then shrugged. "It's not like we're dating or something. We're just friends, right? See ya."

Jungkook was left frozen on his feet as Lisa walked away. Jinhwan—who he recognized as a member of the idol group iKon, heaved a sigh before following the girl.

"Lisa," Jinhwan said as he caught up with the girl. They were already near the YG building that was a few blocks away from the café.

Lisa turned to face the guy and she was already crying.

"Lis..."

Jinhwan open his arms and the girl ran to him crying. He wrapped his arms around her and gently patted her back. It pains him to see his sister like that. And she's been through so much.

He wanted to tell her that he should've listened to the guy's explanation. Not that he's siding with him but at least for her peace of mind. He knows that she'd overthink things again and it might put a toll of her mental health.

Lisa's one of the strongest and bravest girl he knows. She's been through so much since she came to Korea. At a very young age she managed to overcome language and cultural barriers, been through the rough idol-training life, wait for years to debut, debut and receive harsh criticisms, become successful and be racially discriminated and now... this. Two heartbreaks in a row.

But he also knew she can overcome this one. Like what he said, Lisa's the strongest and bravest girl he knows.

"Hey, I have my car with me. Do you want me to drive you back to your place?"

Lisa shook her head to the side while her face is still buried on his chest.

"How about in your shared dorm?"

Again, she said no.

"Chaeng's? Soo's? Jen's?"

Still the same answers.

"Then... where'd you want to go? And no, the practice room is not an option."

He felt the girl heave a sigh before finally giving him an answer.

"Okay. I'll take you there."

•••

It's been days and Jungkook still can't get in touch with Lisa. She's not even at her place for the past days and he's starting to get worried.

Occasionally he sees Lisa's manager go to her place to feed and watch over the cats. He'd head over to ask what time would Lisa's be coming home but she always tells him the same thing. That the girls were busy practicing for their comeback so they pull all-nighters and stay at YG for the time being.

At first he believed that but then Namjoon slipped during one of their get together that he and Jisoo went out on a date a few days ago. And that noona was staying over at hyungs for days since the girls already finished recording and practices for their comeback.

So he was worried. Worried that Lisa's actually ignoring him because she was mad. Because if it was him who saw her with someone else, he would be upset too.

"Hey, Kook." Taehyung sat beside him on the couch. He was currently in the Bangtan dorms since he wanted to ask a his Namjoon hyung a favor regarding Lisa. He thought maybe Jisoo could help him. "She's still not contacting you?"

With a heavy sigh, he nodded. He still has his phone glued on his hand in case she calls or texts him.

"Hey, I'm really sorry for putting you in this position," Taehyung said apologetically. "I had no idea that the two of you were together. I tried contacting her too but she wouldn't answer. I feel really guilty for putting you in a tight spot."

"It's fine, hyung," Jungkook said and forced a smile. "It's not your fault. I could've just said no and not come at all."

"But you did say you were only staying for a few minutes," the older guy patted his shoulder lightly. "Because you just were waiting for her practice to be over, right? You knew the café was close to YG."

He nodded. But that didn't really matter now. He still went on that double date and let the girl cling on his arm. Which Lisa saw.

"I really don't know what to do, hyung," he started to sound hopeless. "She said it wasn't a big deal since we're not together but... why does it feel like she's avoiding me on purpose? She won't answer my calls and texts. She's not even staying at her place across mine."

"Maybe she's just busy, Kook," Taehyung said trying to make him feel better. "Their comeback's near so maybe that's why she's not at her place these days. Nine One is far from YG."

"I guess so..."

Again, he sighed. He wished that was the case. But he knew there was something wrong. And it's slowly driving him over the edge.

Then a few minutes later, Hoseok arrived.

"Oy, why the long faces?" The older guy asked as soon as he caught glimpse of the two boys sitting on the couch sporting the biggest pouts on their faces.

"Lisa's ghosting Kook," Taehyung answered. "And it's all my fault."

"I told you, hyung, it's not."

"Lisa? Really? I just saw her enter her place before I got here," Hoseok said making Jungkook's ears immediately perk up.

"What? Are you sure, hyung?"

"Yeah. She was even looking at your door before she got inside hers."

Without second thought, Jungkook stood up and ran out of the door.

"Ya! Jeon Jungkook! You forgot your pants—" The door slammed shut. "Aish. That kid. That God our apartments are close by."

"At least he's wearing boxers on, hyung. It would be a lot more embarrassing if he's wearing his tidy whites."

"When it comes to Lisa, I don't think it would matter, Tae. I don't think he'd even notice."

•••

⚠️ tw: if you guys are experiencing trauma or find mentions of death triggering, please skip this. Also, I am in no way romanticizing the scenes that are to follow. ⚠️

•••

Lisa felt really tired. She practiced non-stop for three days and if not for Jiyong oppa kicking her out of the practice room, she wouldn't have come home.

"Are planning on killing yourself, Lalisa? Aish, this kid. Go home or I'll personally ask Sajangnim to ban you from this building!"

She sighed and let her body fall on to the mattress as soon as she got inside her room. She stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before deciding to take a quick dip in her bathtub.

The water was pretty warm and it felt nice. She even turned on the jets to get the bubbling effect similar to that of a hot tub. Her thoughts then drifted to Jungkook.

I wonder what he's doing...

She couldn't help but wonder how Jungkook's doing. Is he doing okay? Was he even missing her? Or... or did he already moved on and is busy dating that girl?

Again, she sighed. She folded her legs and embraced it as she let herself sink into the water. Memories of them together played inside her mind. Her eyes were closed but she could clearly see how happy she was the past months. With him.

I miss him. I miss him so bad.

But...

Her insecurities and trust issues kept eating her up. She knows how he feels about her and she feels the same. They haven't said anything to each other but she's not blind or daft to not see how much the guy cared.

Why does she have to be so petty? Why did she even doubt him on the first place? She knew the real him and she shouldn't have second guessed that.

"She's not even pretty! That's why she should always be placed at the back. Lmao."

"She looks like a boy. Maybe she is. Lol. Her country has so many lady boys lmao."

"I think she's not a virgin anymore 'coz she has loose morals like her country. They are number one when it comes to women trafficking lol."

"I wonder who she slept with for her to get this much value? She's not that popular from the start."

"I really think Jennie is better than her. Jennie is the ace not her."

"I think Rosé dances better than her. She looks like a twig dancing."

"Jisoo is funnier. I don't even know what she contributes to Blackpink. She should just go back to where she came from."

"You're no good, Lisa," creepy voice suddenly said out of nowhere. "You're no good for Blackpink. You're no good for Sehun. Especially for Jungkook. You are nothing—"

No. I am not! I know my worth! I know I'm good enough!

Lisa tried to opened her eyes and get up from the water. But she couldn't. It felt like something—or someone, was pushing her down deeper into the water. She couldn't move. She tried her best to scream even as she opened her mouth, no words seem to come out. She couldn't breathe. She felt her consciousness slowly slipping away...

"Lisa!"

She felt her upper body being pulled up—out of the water causing her to gasp for air and cough uncontrollably. A pair of muscular arms wrap around her body as she felt wet fabric touch her bare skin.

"Thank God!" she heard a voice blurt out as the arms around her pulled her in tighter. She even heard the voice crack a bit followed by soft sobs. "Don't ever do that again, Lisa. Please. Please..."

Lisa was still a bit disoriented and she felt dizzy. Her surroundings were turning blurry and she couldn't quite hear anything else. But she forced herself to focus on one thing and that alone.

"Jung...kook..."

Jungkook placed a small space in between them to scan Lisa's face and to check if she was okay.

"Baby, a-are you... okay? Hm?"

Lisa managed gave him a weak smile and she even reached for his face before her consciousness fully left her.

"Lisa!"

•••

"She'll be fine, Kook. The doctor said she just passed out due to fatigue. You should get changed or you'll catch a cold."

Jungkook refused to leave Lisa's side as stayed seated on his chair next to her bed. He had a towel on his shoulders but he still had the same pair of sweatpants and shirt drenched after jumping into the bathtub where he saw Lisa submerged in.

"Jungkook, listen to your hyung. Lisa wouldn't like it if she finds out you got sick because of this," Jisoo said but was completely ignored.

Jungkook just stared at Lisa and held her hand like it was his lifeline. The older girl bit her lip before turning to her boyfriend who gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Just let him be," he calmly said making the girl heave a sigh and nod. Namjoon then turned towards their maknae. "We'll be outside if you need anything, okay Kook?"

Still he did not give them an answer. It seems like he was still in shock after seeing Lisa at the brink of death.

"He still won't change, eonnie?" Chaeyoung asked as soon as they stepped out of Lisa's bedroom. Jisoo shook her head sideways to answer.

"He didn't want to leave her side," she added.

The girl then turned towards Jaehyun—the boyfriend, and sighed.

"I'll get him some clothes from his place just in case," the guy volunteered then headed off.

"I can't even imagine the shock Jungkook must be in after seeing Lisa like that..." Jennie voice trailed off. "And Lisa... she..."

"She won't do that, Jen," Jisoo immediately debunked whatever it was Jennie's thinking. "You know her well. Lisa won't do anything like that. She's been through worst."

"Jisoo eonnie's right," Chaeyoung agreed. "She must've just dozed off while taking a bath. You know how Lisa is. She falls asleep so easily."

"I guess you're right," Jennie heaved a sigh. "But Jungkook... poor guy..."

"I didn't think things between them were that serious..." Jimin commented. "Jungkook looked like his soul was sucked out of his body. I couldn't even understand him clearly when he called."

"Neither did we," the girls said in unison.

"This is all my fault..."

The girls—including the guys, all turned towards Taehyung.

"Tae..."

"If I didn't force Jungkook to come with me that day, none of this would've happened."

"Tae, Jungkook already said it wasn't your fault," Hoseok countered and patted the younger guy on his shoulder. "Maybe Chaeyoung's right. Lisa must've fallen asleep while taking a bath. You know how water is so comfortable after a tiresome day."

"Yes. And from what I've gathered, Lisa was practicing non-stop for their comeback," Namjoon supplied to make the guy feel at ease. "She must've dozed off because of that."

The rest agreed but they can't seem to be rid of the worry they're all currently feeling. Not only for Lisa but also for Jungkook.

"So, did you guys already eat dinner? I can whip up something for all of us—"

Just as Jennie was about to head towards Lisa's kitchen, Jungkook stepped out of Lisa's room causing everyone to turn towards him.

"Can... can you guys give us some time alone?" The guy said in a soft but serious tone. "Just for tonight, can I take care of her?"

The girls and the guys eyed each other. It was Jennie who was the first to react.

"Jungkook, we care for Lisa too. We can't just let you take care of her alone—" Chaeyoung, however, stopped her eonnie. "Chaeng?"

"Just let him, eonnie," the girl said as she turned towards Jungkook. "I'm positive he won't let anything bad happen to Lisa."

"But—"

Jisoo gently placed her hand on Jennie's shoulder.

"It'll be fine, deukie. I'm sure Jungkook will call us if ever there's a problem, right?"

Jungkook nodded.

"Okay, fine. I do trust him."

And with that, the Bangtan boys and Blackpink girls left Lisa's apartment. The girls leaving a bit later after a few reminders with Jaehyun.

"Call us, okay Kook? And Hoseok's just next door if you need anything."

Jungkook just nodded before he closed the door. He heaved a sigh before heading towards the fridge to get himself a glass of water.

He couldn't erase the feeling of helplessness when he found Lisa underwater—drowning. All instincts aside he froze and felt his body go numb. He didn't even think twice when he jumped into the bathtub and pulled her out of the water.

The glass slipped from his shaking hand that made him utter a curse. Even before his hyungs and Lisa's eonnies came, his eyes stung. But he couldn't cry. For some unknown reason, he can't even speak. Or feel anything.

But as he picked up the broken shard of glass, he felt a sharp pain on his finger. A few droplets of blood stained the wooden floor and he could just hear Lisa scolding him.

He chuckled. And then, he finally broke down. He felt his knees go numb and fell on the floor crying. 

•••
"...don't tell me that
your love is gone."
💫

05 - 30 - 2021

special thanks to those who helped me find the song to use in this chapter 😚💖
ILYSM 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i know i said this is a feel good story with minimal drama. it still is. 🥺 please don't k-word meeeeeee 😩😩😩😩😩