Sakura's POV

I was walking down the dark hallways of the hospital, the only source of light was the flickering of the neons every now and then. My hand was clutching a gun, I didn't have any control over my body, I was just a spectator. I kept walking when suddenly I heard the sound of a gun cocking behind me. I turned around and saw one of the men from the truck, he was grinning and had his weapon aimed at me.

My arm moved on his own and I pulled the trigger. He fell to the floor and blood started gushing out of the gunshot. When I turned around I collided into someone : Sasuke.
He was glaring at me and holding his chest.
I could see blood seeping through his fingers. My eyes widened
" Sasuke, you're shot ! "
He fell to the floor and started gasping for air, I crouched next to him and tried putting pressure on the wound, his eyes were frantic and he was trying to say something through his ragged breathing
" Sasuke please stay with me ! "
At this point tears were running freely down my face, I can't loose Sasuke, I couldn't stand it.
He looked at me and whispered something to me, three words that pierced my heart like a sword
" You did this "
He went limp into my arms, Sasuke was dead, I killed him.

His eyes were wide open and lifeless but I felt like they were staring at me, I killed him, I'm a killer.

I can't live with this, I took the gun and put it to my temple
" I'm sorry Sasuke " I whispered before pulling the trigger.

I shot up gasping for breath, this dream or should I say nightmare felt too real.
My shoulders started shaking and soon enough violent sobs racked my body. I was still reliving my dream over and over again and I didn't notice someone beside me trying to calm me down, I looked at the person through my blurred eyes and made out their silhouette : Sasuke.
I didn't think twice and threw myself into his arms, glad that he's alive and that I didn't kill him but I couldn't shake the immense guilt I was feeling.

"I'm sorry" I kept whispering over and over again. He just shushed me telling me that it was just a dream and that everything was fine, but it wasn't, nothing was fine, my life is crumbling down, again.

When I finally calmed down, Sasuke held me at arms length to look at me, his eyes searched mine but I couldn't look into his, not after this nightmare.

" Sakura, look at me " he said in a calm voice.

I remained quiet for what seemed to me like an eternity, he just looked at me patiently waiting for an answer.

" I can't Sasuke, I killed you " I said breaking down again.

I kept telling myself that it was just dream but it felt too real and the emotions that I was feeling at the moment attest of the vivacity of this nightmare.

" It was just a dream, I'm alive and safe and so are you " he reassured me

I just nodded and laid back again, I could feel his eyes on me and the concern radiating from him, I felt bad again because he should be sleeping and resting not looking after some broken girl who can't get her shit together
" Sasuke, go rest, I'm fine " I lied.
Truth is I wanted him to stay with me but I had no right to put him through this.

He sighed and got under the covers beside me, I looked up at him confused but he didn't say anything, his arms went around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. My head was now resting on his chest while his fingers were detangling my hair. His heartbeat was steady, and he smelled of cologne and aftershave. This brought a sense of comfort and security, two things that I desperately needed right now.
The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest and his fingers combing through my hair lulled me to sleep and soon enough I fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up hours later, feeling refreshed. My sleep was uninterrupted.
I glanced beside me but Sasuke wasn't there. I looked at the clock on my bedside table and it was 1 PM. No wonder Sasuke left.

I got up and went to the bathroom planning on taking a shower, I opened the door expecting to see the blood smudges on the floor and the sink as well as broken glass but it was surprisingly clean, even the mirror was replaced.
A smile stretched across my face, this could only be Sasuke's doing.

I hopped under the shower recalling yesterday's events. I was getting bad, there's no denying it and this environment wasn't helping.
But I couldn't go back to Japan, this is my home now, I had nothing in Japan, no friends waiting for me, no family...
This is all I have and I doubt that the leaders of the operation will let me stay if they get whiffs of what happened.
Lady Tsuande is one of them but she is my mentor and she knows that I am a skilled doctor and that these issues don't impede on my abilities as one, so she sweeps everything under the rug but how long will she be able to keep it that way ?

I need to be more discreet, these issues are a part of me and I'm getting help for it but the higher ups are old fashioned and think that having mental issues means that you can't do your job properly and that for some reason you're lesser than other people who are "sane". So from now on I'll keep everything to myself and only break down in my room.

Sounds easy.

I mean the only person who knows about my struggles is Sasuke and I know that I can trust him, since I came here he is the one helping me and caring for me.

The water became cold which means that I've been under the shower way too long. With a sigh, I got out and wrapped a towel around my body.
I went to my window and opened it, breathing in the fresh air and basking into the sunlight, I felt alive for some reason.
I took out my pack of cigarette from the drawer and lit one, a bad habit I started when my mum died. It didn't help me in any way but for some reason I enjoyed self destructive behaviour.

God I'm messed up.

I kept thinking back to my new resolve but my mind always ended up wondering to Sasuke, I have feelings for him, real feelings not just a stupid high school crush.I deeply care for him and I consider him as an important person in my life. Is it love ? Probably.

My thoughts were interrupted by three soft knocks and then the door opening. Sasuke was standing there with a tray of food, he looked surprised to see me awake but at the same time relieved. I looked down at my body and remembered that I was just in a towel, a blush crept up my cheeks but he didn't seem to pay attention to it.

" Sakura, glad to see you awake, how are you feeling ?" he asked me while taking a seat at the desk and placing the tray in front of me.

" I'm okay " I replied while taking a puff of my cigarette " Thank you for taking care of me and also sorry that you had to do it " I said blowing out the smoke not really making eye contact, I was ashamed because I had to depend on him.

" I didn't have to do anything, I did it because I care about you " he answered sincerely " What kind of friend would I be if I'm not here for you when you need me ? " he smiled at the end, not taking his eyes off me. I, on the other hand, was crushed.

Right, friend,.

I looked at him and faked a smile. I finished my cigarette and threw it out before reaching for another one. I needed it, maybe I would be able to escape for a while.

" I know you're a grown woman and you know what you're doing but don't you think that one is enough ?" he said.

I just shrugged and lit it before taking another puff. I heard him sigh before rubbing his face tiredly "Nice work Sakura, why do you have to make his task difficult ?" I thought to myself.

Right, task.

"Well I have to go train the new recruits, eat up and take your medication, your daily pills are on the tray, if you need anything just call me " and with that he got up and left.

I couldn't help but feel bad, I just shook my head and decided not to dwell on that, if I need to become detached and cold in order to not show any weakness again then so be it.

I'd rather feel nothing than have all this conflicting feelings. Sasuke made it clear that we were friends so my feeling towards him aren't mutual.

When this realisation downed on me, I felt something switch off in my mind.

In that moment I felt that my feeling and emotions were locked up in some sort of safe.

Nothing mattered now but my job.

A/N :

AHHH I Haven't written in so long, thank you for the people still reading this 😂😂 but well writing is all about what you love and what you want, sharing your work with other people is just the amazing bonus of the writing process ❤️.

And how cool is this image, not the smoking part of course but just the drawing. Anyway this drawing was made by the amazing Akemiin on tumblr.

If you see any mistakes ( you'll probably find a lot of them ) please feel free to point them out in the comments.

Byyyyyyyye ❤