Some of my obsession with A.I. in the past 6 months has been focused on portraits that specifically make me appear a little older. I mean... flattering too, yeah, but older.I don't have a problem with "youthful" features, but I literally look half my age sometimes, and when you want people to take you seriously it's best if they don't start with the impression that you're twelve, especially if you're in a mood and cussing like a sailor.

I gloss over that in here once in a while. Those fictional portraits were part of the reason I started it, that and some professional shots that look less like me than the freaking AI. I started adding words to them to see if I could reconcile the two.

In case it wasn't obvious, I have a mild dissociative disorder. I don't like the term "disorder," and I honestly believe that doctors throw it around just so they can tell you you're broken and schedule a year's worth of appointments meant to suck out your life and your income. My problem isn't that I live in a fantasy world, it's that I sometimes disconnect and view the real world the way most people think of a book, movie, or video game. My grasp of consequence diminishes, hence the "sociopath" label I often glue to myself.

I think it's tied to my past. I don't have any particular trauma that I didn't bring on myself, but my mom tried so hard to give us a storybook life and in my case I think she succeeded a little too hard, so much that when things did go bad I went through a fairly major culture shock. Maybe I never got over it, I've just been dealing with regular life sh*t for so many years I never got around to addressing the baggage.

Sorry for the rant... I've been on this journey of rediscovering myself for the past year and it makes me a little wistful sometimes. My cat isn't the best listener.