When I was a kid I told my mom that I loved her but she needed to shut her hole once in a while. I got into a lot of trouble for that. 

The Irish don't get much credit for their hardassery, but picture the stereotype for a Latina mom, give her pale skin and freckles, and you've got some idea. We were called Sea Dogs at one point because we gave the Vikings a run for their money raiding coastal towns. Mom brought that shit home.

Anyway, the reason I told mom to shut her hole was because she was a nonstop complainer. As an adult I get it. She was trying to find the problems in all our lives and get help from the family to patch them up. She wanted everyone to be happy, and she worked hard toward that goal, often making us miserable in the process.

My childhood was fine and I don't need therapy. Every relationship has crap that needs to be mitigated. I also wasn't wiser than my years (more like a wiseass) and I rightly paid for clapping back. That's not the point.

There's almost never a net gain in complaining. Leadership isn't all barking orders and dressing you down. All of that can be accomplished in better ways. I'm not talking about pussy parenting where you have to kneel down and try to reason with a two-year-old. I'm a proponent of spanking. Spanks don't turn kids into serial killers or bullies, they communicate danger and the need for respect in a way young people can understand. You don't back off giving your kids distemper shots, right? Same thing. "It's for your own good" isn't just some bullshit older generations came up with to justify thrashing their offspring, it's applying temporary pain to steer kids away from permanent disaster.

But based on what I've seen as a nanny for 4 well adjusted kids, proactively setting goals delivers better results, and working with people instead of against them makes them more likely to comply. "Clean your room or you're grounded" is way less effective than "I want you to work on that room today, do X, Y, and Z, and when the work is done we'll celebrate with a round of Mario Kart." If you've established yourself as an authority in their lives, you don't need more than that.

If the kid is belligerent (and I was, believe me) then sure, break out the paddle. Yell until you're blue. Chain them to their bedroom for a month. Sometimes you need to get their attention, and cranking up the volume is sometimes the only way. But for the love of unicorns don't start there.

When you're establishing patterns, it does no good to sit and point out how someone is screwing things up. They probably already know it and are either beating themselves up or they don't care. 

You set hard standards and appropriate consequences, then carry out those consequences. "You're never on time, you're useless!" is different than "Come home late and you get no television for a week" and making good on that threat when necessary. It's not a negotiation. Nobody has to get mad except for the tween who thinks life is, like, totaly unfair. Actions = consequences = life lessons, and consequences from your parents are WAY less painful than the ones real life hits you with. I had to learn that early or I would have ended up a statistic. Almost did.

I'm not saying passive leadership is the way to go - it's more like confident authority. Be the person someone is glad to follow rather than the terror that goads them into good behavior. Be fair. Get your hands dirty with them once in a while. Be consistent. Have high standards. But don't complain... that just sucks the life and motivation out of people and you end up worse than you started.