hi wow 4:02 am and I'm feelin pretty monologue-y.

I'm always really confused. Here I am, in a school day, and people talk to me and laugh with me. I smile and wave and socialize, but when I get home I just can't even bother to put on the mask anymore. I lay around and sleep and eat and write and accomplish absolutely nothing. I don't want to do anything. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I am so drained from pretending to be something I'm totally not. I'm so deep in the closet, I'm literally the equivalent to that one shirt from the sixth grade and your terrible fashion phase you hide in the dark ass corner in fear that it will see the light of day ever again. I literally have two social media accounts for everything I'm on because like there's me and then there's me. I use the name Luca because I am scared of people figuring out its me. I am changing my name to Luca though eventually because it's kinda a swingy name. It could be a girl or boy name. And I hate my real name as it is. Being gender fluid is something fucking different, lemme tell you. It's like I'm going crazy because I just don't know how to feel anymore. Do I want to wear a dress or fucking board shorts? I don't even know. But I doesn't matter how I feel at this point, if I come out as gender fluid people would tear me the fuck apart at school. Yeah. Im not worried about my sexuality though. It is how it is, you are who you are, we're all human, so what does it matter? And onto religion. What the fuck am I going to do with myself if God is real? I'm going straight to hell because honestly I lie every day to people about how I feel about things and I had sex way the fuck before marriage and I curse profusely. And also for the people who are homophobic and use the bible as an excuse to just be assholes, let's just take about five minutes. I've read that damn book multiple fucking times, and still name shit half the people in the world are doing. Half of you motherfuckers are blasphemous fools, so why the fuck are you talking? Masturbating, wearing like bathing suits(hot/sexy clothes), watching/reading porn, lust really in general, eating pigs, torn clothing(yes that means ripped jeans fuckers), um I think like there's a restriction on gold jewelry(?maybe), tattoos, we're not supposed to eat like "bottom feeders" and snails and shit, you can't get divorced in some branches of Christianity and in others you can but can't get remarried, gluttony is forbidden (aka eating a lot, I'm going straight to hell), WOMEN SPEAKING IN CHURCH IS FORBIDDEN, um pulling out is fucking forbidden and shaving your face.

Let's take five moments. That's the stuff I remember. There is more I promise. But anyways, the point is, there is no justification of being prejudice towards a group of people who literally sin just as much as the next guy. Hey, homophobes, while you're at it, just fucking burn the world to the ground and yourselves because it's gonna be hard to find someone who hasn't done one of those things.
I got my one way ticket on the high way to hell along with fucking the characters of Haikyuu. Fucking fight me on it.

the saddest thing is I'm not even religious and I probably know more about the damn damn book than the homophobic bastards who are bashing gay people or fucking people of other religions.
(Side note: Is it just me, or is the whole American fucking anti-Muslim shit total bullshit? Like it's more racism than anything else. Like fun fact did you know not all Arabic people are Muslim? Like wow that may be their religion. THERE ARE ALSO BLACK MUSLIMS WHITE MUSLIMS ASIAN MUSLIMS FUCKING MUSLIMS ALL OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING PLACE and like THEYRE NOT ALL TERRORISTS WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THEYRE ALL TERRORISTS? LIKE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN EXECUTED AND THEIR HOMES FUCKING BURNT DOWN BY FUCKING ISIS AND AL QUAEDA AND FUCKING WHATEVER OFHER TERRORIST GROUPS THERE ARE. LIKE WHY DO YOU ACCUSE INNOCENT PEOPLE? why. why why why.)

Although I don't know my religion. I don't exactly believe in nothing, but I don't believe that God created the world in fucking 7 days and shit. like I kinda believe everyone is actually right and there is like one God(or higher fucking electric magnetic pulse that makes everything start and stop ticking) and we just interpreted all the messages differently. Because like all religions (I'm about to sound ignorant but let me explain and expand) are really actually basically the same thing(here's the because) They all teach you like a few basic rules: don't murder people, and like be a good person. Like what religion says "go out and fucking massacre people." None really. But all religions have the same basic properties, but they also differ due to local taboos and the location and the climate. One forbids something while the other rejoices it because like why not. seriously the initial reason why Muslims don't eat pork in the Middle East is because it's unpractical to keep a high maintenance animal. Pigs are high maintained there because they require grain and in deserts it's kinda fucking hard to grow grain to feed people and pigs. (and because they're dirty) but that's why there's a lot of goats and camels instead of horses. Goats can probably fucking digest dirt, and camels can retain water.
But the point is almost all religions basically say "spread this religion, be a good kid and don't kill people." (Note: I almost included don't rape or fuck your sister but actually now that I think about it neither are forbidden in the book I'm pretty sure. Like not specifically or obviously, at least.) But they do have their fucking bullshit things.

The bible(maybe the Torah too, depending on if this is in the new or Old Testament) literally says like "stone prostitutes and gays to death." Like there's that really fucked up thing.

Continuing onto the fact that the Koran does actually say like "take up jihad" or something which means like participate in a holy war against nonbelievers or something (don't quote me on this) but it's like literally a few lines.

like just like the fucking bible.

AND CHRISTIANS WHO ARE ASSHOLES TO JEWISH PEOPLE GROW THE ACTUAL FUCK UP THEY LITERALLY BELIEVE IN THE EXACT SAME SHIT AS YOU THEY JUST ONLY READ LIKE GENESIS THROUGH MALACHI AND DONT BELIEVE JESUS WAS ACTUALLY GODS SON. THATS IT THATS THE ONLY TWO DIFFERENCES.

yep wow. update it is now 4:55am and I have ranted for an hour on this it was not supposed to be like this but low and behold here it is.