I've been hiding it
I tell you something
Just to leave it buried
Now I can't endure it anymore

🎹🎹🎹🎹

For the first time in a very long time, we were in the dining room at the same time. We ate facing each other. Still silently, but together. He was wearing a black tank top and his muscular arms were contrasting with my arms that were more like twigs than anything else. He had been avoiding me since I told him I committed a murder. He didn't dare to look at me when I was approaching him or when I suddenly moved, he quickly backed up. Tired of this situation, I finally broke the silence.

" How did you end up in our house? You never told me."

"Mom didn't tell you anything?"

He stared at his bowl of rice without even looking up.

"No. Tell me, I told you about elementary school."

He sighed and took a bit while staying quiet. After a while, he put down his chopsticks on the table with his head still down, he finally said it.

"I had parents."

"Well yeah I know that... wait what do you mean you "had" parents?"

"They died."

"Oh... How?"

"Long story."

He stood up to put his plate away.

"I have time."

"Not me."

He put his bowl and his chopsticks in the sink and walked in front of while avoiding my gaze. I gripped his hand, that was within my reach, even though he didn't turn around.

" You already said all that. So now tell me."

He shook his arm to make me let go, but didn't succeed. He ended up sighing and looking down again.

"That night, my dad was yelling at my mom because she broke a plate while doing dishes. I went out of my room and peaked in through the living room door, curious to know what happened. Eventually, my mom started mentioning my dad's firearm. He always had a firearm with him, a sort of gun, I don't know much about firearms. He said it was to protect our family. He took it out while saying "Look I put the safety lock". He then pointed it towards my mom to show her."

"Let me guess... safety lock wasn't on?"

"Bingo. I ended up with my mom's blood on my cheeks. When my dad realized I was there, he open the door very wide and pointed the gun at gun."

Without realizing it because I was too focused on his words, my hand crawled from his wrist to his hand, and he didn't hesitate to take it.

"Your mom arrived at that moment."

"What was she doing there?"

"She was my babysitter. She had forgotten something."

He turned his head toward me, his eyes filled with tears, and raised his voice.

"I came here because I had just lived the worst horror of my life and you treated me like à dog. You hit me, insulted me and even poisoned me! You never talked to me and you forbid me many things! You made me feel like I was a piece of shit, like I was responsible for everything that happened in the world..."

I looked at him right in the eyes and a bump started to form into my throat when he let go of my hand while adding:

"I always admire you and adore you. Even though you hurt me, even though you bullied me, but when you told me that you killed a kid of barely 8 years old... I compared you to my dad and..."

He stepped away from me.

" I ended up starting to hate you."

I couldn't say anything. Me, who always had answers to everything... I then remembered all that had happened between us. Every tear he had shed, the pain he felt. I had been a monster until the very end and I only realized that now.

"I never understood why you treated me that way. Why you were so cruel. You said you hated me even though you didn't know me, and now here we are, abandoned by your mother. And yes I said YOUR mother because according to you "I am not your brother!" "

He clenched his fists and a teardrop fell along one of his chubby cheek. He headed to the stairs and I stayed frozen on my chair. I was like paralyzed. I didn't know how to think, talk, or move anymore. I was so frustrated. I felt guilty. I felt as if someone was strangling me and my heart was about to burst. I hit the table.

" Fuck Yoon Gi !" I said to myself while clenching my teeth.