I slept through the entire night. I wanted to be awake as least as possible. I couldn't handle the silent stares from my heartbroken family. The silence among us had become awkward, but I mean what are you suppose to say to your family member that is practically dying?

I sat up rubbing my eyes, looking over at my brother and sister who were sitting the in the chairs next to my bed. They both gave me a small smile. I could see from the bags under their eyes they haven't slept more than an hour.

"Where's dad?" I asked, seeing that he wasn't in the room again.

"Grabbing coffee," my brother, David, said.

On cue my dad walked into the room.

"Hey Baile," he said with a faint smile. I mumbled a hello before looking up at the clock, it was almost 10 am.

I reached over and grabbed my phone.

*Hey babe :) good luck today i'm having breakfast with my family this morning. I love you* I sent to Luke, that way I had an excuse if I missed his normal morning call.

"The doctor should be in here soon," my sister said quietly. We all knew what the discussion was going to be about.

My dad and sister were having a conversation about how overly priced hospital coffee was when the doctor walked in, making the room fall silent. She took a seat before opening her folder on her lap.

"First I want to say i'm sorry that you have to go through this, but we're going to do the best we can for your daughter," the doctor begun, earning a nod from my family, "Bailey's tumor has been developing for a few months, we caught it not too late, but not early either," she said looking at all of us.

"As of right now, she has about 6 months until it shuts down her brain, but," she said putting emphasis on the word 'but',

"The placement of the tumor is mostly harmless, meaning we can do a surgery to remove most of it. It has begun to develop on the speech portion of Bailey's brain so we can't remove that portion of the tumor without impairing her speech," she spoke slowly making sure we all understood. "If we do the surgery it could give Bailey from 8 months to a number of years. I can't say how many years because the growth is slow, but it will give her more time. It could be 5 years, it could be less, as time goes on hopefully we'll know more about it," she said stopping.

"Then we do the surgery," my dad said immediately.

"Let me just tell you there are risks with the surgery. Brain surgery is extremely complex, so there are risks that Bailey could be paralyzed. They aren't very high chances of that happening, but it has happened before," she said giving a concerned look.

"If it means we give her more time, we'll do it," my brother said eagerly.

I looked at each of them. I didn't disagree but I was quite offended how I didn't even get a chance to speak. The doctor looked at me and all I could do was nod in agreement. She looked around at my family, seeing if there were any questions, but the room stayed silent.

"I'll schedule her for surgery, it should be sometime early tomorrow morning, but I'll let you know what time it will be once I find out," she said standing up and exiting the room.

I let out a breath, I didn't know how to feel. I was going to live... possibly for 5 years. That was great, but I was still going to die. I was going to die before I got a chance to really live my life.

I may never get the chance to get married.

I may never get the chance to have kids.

I may never get the chance to have grandkids.

I may never get the chance to see my best friends get married.

I may never get the chance to grow old with the person I was most in love with.

Those were the kind of thoughts that just kept running through my mind. I was happy that I got an extension on life, but knowing I had a countdown to the end made me worry. The doctor said it could be months, or it could be years. That means I would never know when my countdown would hit 0.

I was dragged back to reality when my phone buzzed on the table next to me. I opened a message from Casey and Ally asking if they could come visit after dinner.

I thought about it. Did I really want to see them right now? Did I really want to tell them the news right now and have them break down?

I had a thousand questions running through my head. I decided to tell them that was fine, because I didn't want to be rushed into surgery before getting the chance to tell them.

"We're gonna go down and grab something to eat, I'll bring you back something. Will you be okay alone for a few hours?" my sister asked walking over to me. I nodded and she hugged me before exiting the room.

I was scrolling through my twitter timeline when I heard the door open. I looked up to find a new doctor walking through the door.

"Hi I'm doctor Chase," the man said walking towards me. He was very tall, and had bright green eyes. His hair was the same color as Luke's.

"I'm just gonna change your IV," he said with a smile.

"Alright," I said putting my attention back to my phone.

"I'm sorry to hear what you're going through," he said with a soft frown. I guess each doctor that would attend to my needs would have to know.

"It's alright, I guess some people aren't as blessed as others," I said truthfully.

"How old are you?" he said making conversation as he began to switch the IV's.

"17, i'll be a senior in September," I said. I winced as he pulled the IV needle out of my skin and replacing it.

"Sorry about that. Senior year huh? That's a big deal."

"Yeah, hopefully i'll be able to walk at graduation," I said lowering my voice. I couldn't believe there was a chance I may not be able to make it that far in life.

"I'm sure you will pull through," he said with a smile.

"Thanks," I mumbled, not very confident in what he was telling me.

"Keep your senior partying to a minimum," he said with a chuckle, turning to leave the room.

I laughed, "Will do," I smiled at his friendly attitude. It was nice to have someone not just pity me, someone that tried to make me laugh.

Around 1pm my family walked back into my room, handing me a bag of Taco Bell.

"Oh my god thank you," I said happily taking the bag from my sister's hands. I was glad I wasn't eating a tasteless lunch from the hospital cafeteria. I was also happy that my sister already knew I was craving Taco Bell without having to tell her.

-

I was playing Uno with my family when the doctor came in.

"Your surgery will be tomorrow at 4pm, it was the earliest we could get you in," she said.

"Thank you," I said as she exited.

I glanced up at the clock, it was almost 7pm so I knew Casey and Ally would be here shortly.

We planned one more game of Uno, and my brother won; for the third time in a row.

"Okay i'm sitting in a hospital bed, you can't let me win once?" I teased my brother who just stuck out his tongue in return. I laughed at his childish behavior. He may be 29 years old, but he still acts like an annoying 13 year old boy sometimes.

Casey and Ally were walking through my room door within minutes.

They exchanged their hellos with my family before my sister looked over at me.

"Uh Bailey we'll be in the cafeteria, we'll be back in a little while," she said with a tone in her voice telling me that I should give the news to them. I sat up and nodded, respecting the fact that my family was going to give me the space I needed.

"Hey how are you feeling?" Ally asked as she hugged me.

"How are you?" Casey said, also hugging me.

"I feel alright," I said.

"Do you know anything?" Casey asked sitting down in the chair next to my bed, Ally did the same.

"Yeah," I said hesitantly. They both nodded signaling me to continue.

"I had an MRI yesterday morning," I said taking in a deep breath, "I have a brain tumor," I said after a pause. My eyes already welling up with tears.

"What," Casey choked out, tears already falling from her eyes. Ally froze with tears forming in her eyes.

They both stood up, pulling me into a group hug and crying into my shoulder. I pulled back.

"I'm going into surgery tomorrow afternoon at 4. They're gonna remove as much as they can without impairing my speech. It should give me 8 months to maybe a few years," I said and the sobbing from their mouths slowly began to die down.

"I don't know how long I'll have, but I'll only have a few months if I don't get the surgery," I said. They nodded, and I told them about the risks the surgery produced, letting a few tears fall from my eyes.

"They don't know how long you'll have exactly?" Ally asked after a while.

I shook my head, "No. I could have only 8 months, but I could have up to 5 years. They don't know because part of the tumor is on an important part of my brain and they can't remove it. It depends how fast it grows," I mumbled.

They continued to cry, and tell me they were sorry. I just stayed quiet.

After we all began to calm down, Casey looked over at me wiping the last of her tears.

"Have you told Luke yet?" Casey asked, her face red from crying.

"I haven't exactly been answering his calls," I said shaking my head. I hadn't had the heart to tell him. Now that I was going into surgery the next day, I felt guilty for not cluing him in.

"You haven't talked to him at all?" she said in disbelief.

"I haven't talked to him in about two days."

"Bail, him and Ashton come home tomorrow. They got knocked out of the tournament," she said making my eyes widen.

After Casey told me Luke was going to be home tomorrow morning, I decided I had to tell him as soon as he got back into town. Casey and Ally promised they would be here early the next morning.

I tossed and turned that night, worried about what I was going to say to Luke when I saw him face to face.

I probably fell asleep after 4am.

Ally and Casey woke me up the next morning.

"Hey we brought you a muffin," Ally smiled handing me a bag. I sat up rubbing my eyes.

"Thank you," I said taking the bag from her, "What time is it?"

"11:30," they both said at the same time.

"Do you know when the boys will be in town?" I asked taking a bite of the muffin.

"Honestly, I have no clue. I would imagine soon though. They left really early this morning, around 5," she said taking a seat next to Ally.

I still wasn't sure what I was going to say to Luke. I didn't know how he was going to react either.

My brother, and sister walked into the room.

"Hey guys," my brother said. Casey and Ally both said hello to my brother and sister.

"Dad was here, but he had to leave for work and didn't want to wake you," my sister said. I nodded, and she took my muffin out of my hand taking a small bite.

"Hey," I said even though I really didn't mind. She just gave me the same smirk she always did when she took my food, this wasn't the first time.

We were all listening to my brother talk about how he watched some couple fight in the middle of a restaurant this morning when he went to go get breakfast, but we all turned our heads once we heard the door pull open.

"Bailey!" Michael yelled dragging out the Y. Calum began to shush him and mumbled that they were in a hospital. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey," I said taken by surprise as Michael, Calum, Ashton and Luke walked into my room.

Michael was carrying a big teddy bear, and Calum was carrying balloons. I looked at Luke who walked in last carrying some flowers.

"Oh my gosh, thanks guys," I said as Calum and Michael put the bear and balloons next to my bed. I hugged Michael then Calum.

"Sorry that everyone brought you something except me. You can have a hug," Ashton giggled pulling me in tightly.

"Hey," Luke mumbled nervously walking towards me to give me a hug.

"These are for you," he said passing me a flower arrangement.

"Thank you," I said with a big smile as he kissed my cheek.

"Oh!" I exclaimed remembering my brother and sister were in the room.

"David, Patricia, these are my friends Michael, Calum and Ashton," I said pointing at each of them.

"And my boyfriend Luke," I said shyly. This wasn't how I planned Luke meeting my family for the first time. I knew it wasn't what he had in mind either.

They all exchanged hellos and handshakes.

"We'll be back later," my brother said hugging me.

"I'll go ask if the doctor has a vase or something we can put these in," my sister said taking the flowers from my hand before hugging me as well. They both hugged me as if it was the last time they would see me, and it made my heart feel heavy.

Once we all simmered down from the excitement of seeing each other, "I didn't expect you all to be here," I said chuckling, "But thanks for coming."

"Luke told us you were here, so we told him we had to come see you," Michael said with the same big smile he always wore.

"How do you feel?" Calum asked sweetly. He was the big sweetheart of the group.

"Alright," I said. I looked over at Casey and Ally, giving them a pleading look.

"Guys we should go down to the cafeteria for a little while, give these two some time alone," Casey said. I scanned over everyone's faces. They all agreed making their way out of the room. I told Ally and Casey I would text them soon, and I watched as they all disappeared out of the door.

It was my time to tell Luke what was really happening.

-
A/N

why am I writing this. what am I doing. why don't I love myself.