Chan Heo : What are you thinking about?

Mr.Baek : (-sighs-) Uh, it's just... nothing important.

Chan Heo waited, feeling he would continue.

Mr.Baek : Well, there's a movie I was doing. And somehow got to know the last set design is on Dan Hwa. I was really excited to see her on the set. But I couldn't find her. After looking into it, turns out she dropped out from this project.

While he poured out his brief account on the lesson-expectations lead you to disappointment, their freshly steaming hot food was served on the table. They calmly waited to regain the privacy, to continue on.

Mr.Baek : Anyways, I get this feeling that it must be me, that she dropped out of it.

Chan Heo : Ay, Uncle In Ho. I am pretty sure that's not the case. Did you ever know why she chose to go in the set productions in the first place?

Mr.Baek : Oh, wasn't that her dream to become a set designer?

Chan Heo : Well, yes. But, there was a solid reason that made her turn to this whole another realm.

Anything associated with his daughter, Mr.Baek would put aside the world-to listen to it with the best interest and curiosity.

Mr.Baek : Oh, tell me. What is it about?

Chan Heo : Dad told me about it on your birthday last time. When she was younger, you use to tell her about the sets and stages you would act and perform, if I am correct.

Mr.Baek : Oh, right. (-chuckles-) She would whine to go to those pretty cafés. So, I had to tell her that it didn't exist for real and that it was temporarily made for the scene. (-scoffs-) Who was I kidding? These complicated answers to a six year old? I was a heck of a father, wasn't I?

Both passed on a gentle grin that spewed a hint of urbanity, the one they were trained on-to give in interviews and/or formal meetings. So used to practicing it on a daily basis, that it was their normal.

Chan Heo : Dan-ie was a sharp child. She understood you even in that age.

Mr.Baek : Right! She got the brains. But, is this why she wanted to do it? Because she naturally grew to like the sets?

Chan Heo : Rather, she grew to like them because she saw you more in those sets than with herself. Therefore, Dan-ie slowly started to wish and make them for you. Just so, she could have you closer and see more often.

Mr.Baek : Wow, ha~ (-trying hard to control his emotions-) Hyung said these to you?

Chan Heo : (-nods-) Dad even said that Dan Hwa used to talk about you everytime when she was younger. He also added that sometimes, he would envy you. "That little girl was all about her father,"  to quote his exact words.

Mr.Baek : Stop. You are not helping these tears.

Chan Heo : (-chuckles-) But, truly though, I wonder what happened to her now. She has become rude and hardly even talks to you.

Mr.Baek : It was me. I changed her. She was always so giving to me but I could never see that. She must've been tired of it now.

The dine suddenly transformed, sombre and sullen. Noticing his nephew in a brood and poking into his meat carelessly, Mr.Baek broke the silence with a smile.

Mr.Baek : Let's just eat.

Chan Heo : Yeah? Yes, sure.

Few days passed by, and the morning finally dawned upon their lives when the Drama shooting commenced.

Everything ran smoothly, Dan Hwa raised up on time; didn't feel any fatigue and peacefully had her breakfast.

The designer was only left to dress up and leave. She was oblivious of the driving force until then, but surely felt it exit her body in the next instant. Now susceptible, a silent upheaval surged towards her with a torrenting force. Leaving her drenched all the way down to a zero incentive mood.

Within seconds, her enthusiastic morning sapped down to dull and languid. Dan Hwa was washed away of any inducement to go to work anymore.

She had been fighting this feeling, this silent turmoil all these time, quietly under her breath. Dan Hwa would literally consider herself crushed between these lethal thoughts.

It was a strenuous battle, leveling harder with increasing time. And would cripple her often in defeat. She was now seated on the floor, leaning to the couch shank-thoughtless and numb.

Her soul screamed behind the bars of melancholy. However, a passive expression on the outside veiled the bruises like garlands. The lack of stimuli was doing a superfluous job, shrouding the real needs that her body was trying to hint her on.

Slowly invading through her thoughts, a ringtone distracted her towards it. She found her cellphone rested on the couch table, flashing a call from designer Lee.

Her initial instincts was to decline it. But, being reminded about the set and worrying if there was a problem with it, the female designer answered it eventually.

Mr.Lee : (-over the call-) Uh, Dan Hwa, did you leave already?

Dan Hwa : No, at home still. What's the matter?

Mr.Lee : Nothing much, I am outside your apartment complex. Thought we could do a carpool, if you didn't leave yet.

Dan Hwa was running on a different track, taking a moment if she really wanted to try her luck-to race on it.

Dan Hwa : Um, can you come upstairs though?

Mr.Lee : Sure, I can. We've got plenty of time before the shoot starts. But, what's wrong?

Dan Hwa : I don't feel like going out. You come in and persuade me to work today.

Mr.Lee was rather flustered at her words. It was something, one would never expect her to say. A superlative - never. And he knew something was utterly off by now. He was yet to figure out the source.

Mr.Lee : Alright-y then. Wait for me. I will come up.

Dan Hwa simply plopped her phone on the couch, not bothering to check if the call ended. She folded her lowers up and hugged her knees, burying her head on them.

Minutes apart, she heard the door bell. Meanwhile, outside the apartment, Mr.Lee desperately pressed the button and knocked frenetically.

With no answer from inside, his phone alerted a text notification, just that instant. Seeing it from Dan Hwa, he immediately opened it.

"Stop hammering the bell! 3094 is the code, smash it in and come inside." He read faintly audible and looked up at the door.

Designer Lee entered the password on the digital doorlock, wondering how bad a situation she must be in, to have revealed her code that easily.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he rushed inside almost stumbling while changing into house slippers.

"Dan Hwa!" he called out loud, looking around the empty flat. And finally dropped his sight on the lounge, where she was dejectedly seated on the floor.

He raced towards her and knelt down before her in concern.

Mr.Lee : What's the situation? Did you fall down and are unable to get up? I will give you a hand, let's go to the hospital and run a full check up on you. -Oh, wait. The drama shooting! (-seconds later-) It's all right. Team Jang-nim will manage without us, the rookie designer can handle minor issues with the design if they arise. So, let's go! Can you at least walk?

Dan Hwa stared at him with a blank expression, as he rapped everything in a single take.

Dan Hwa : Breathe.

It was only word she uttered back and remained silent for a few moments. He lightly panted and stared at her, still a little fazed out and confused.

Dan Hwa : I am fine. Just don't want to move right now.

Mr.Lee let loose from his squat and dropped on the floor. He observed her flaccid eyes and frail indefensible voice. It was first time, he was seeing her this vulnerable and weak. Although she jacketed on a bold outlook, he could see through it today.

Mr.Lee : I- I feel thirsty. Please get me some water.

Dan Hwa : Help yourself.

Mr.Lee : Hey, I am the guest. And you are the house owner! Is this your hospitality?

Dan Hwa was reconsidering her decision to call him upstairs. He was a handful, she thought. And right now, she didn't have the energy to handle him.

Easily manipulated, she sighed and stood up to get the request as she walked into the kitchen. Little did she know, Mr.Lee wanted to deduce a way in solitary to convince her to work, taking advantage of her acquiescent state.

Therefore, he started off with the hall. Aimlessly looking around the house, Mr.Lee's sight caught hold of a pill bottle on the little dining table.

He picked it upto himself and carefully studied the text on it. He would have least expected to find those in her house and was hammered with million questions, he could ask none.

Dan Hwa returned with the glass of water and noticed the white plastic case in his hand.

Mr.Lee : What is this?

She simply placed the glass in front of him and retraced to the couch. Mr.Lee set the pills in its place and followed her as he sat himself across her.

Mr.Lee : I asked you something. Dan Hwa, why are you taking sleeping pills? Did a doctor prescribe you to it?

Dan Hwa : No.

Mr.Lee : Wha-?! How long have you been taking them? And is it daily?

Dan Hwa : I didn't call you up to inquire me of my medicines.

Mr.Lee : Sure, but do you realize how bad the side effects can get?

Dan Hwa : I don't care to know. Inadequate sleep affects my efficiency. If this helps aid against that. I don't care.

Mr.Lee : You know what, leave it. After the shoot today, let's go to the doctors. And you can take the prescribed medications for your sleep disorders. No more sleeping pills for you.

Dan Hwa : You had to persuade me to go to work, not to the hospital.

Mr.Lee sighed, looking down. He was feeling futile to be claiming himself as her friend. If only he could catch it that night in the car ride.

He was more upset with himself. All these years, from the designing course in the same college to working together as a unit in EHS. Mr.Lee has never tried to explore or discover her past. Bluntly, anything that she was uncomfortable to reveal.

And by far, he has been the only one to know Dan Hwa the best while respecting her secrets and boundaries. Yet, finding out about her condition today, he felt incompetent. He felt, he never knew her and that he couldn't understand her, in the first place.

Mr.Lee : You might be ruthless with words. But, I am also a man. I have more arm strength than you do right now. I wouldn't repeat myself, go in and get ready for the shoot.

Dan Hwa didn't display any change of mood or expressions to his threatful behavior, while Mr.Lee decided to leave. But, as the male designer walked a few steps away in a thought to wait outside in his car, he glanced back at his friend. Only to find her not moved an inch and glued to the couch, unbothered.

Her brazen and impudent behaviour was inciting him to deal with her in the way, she would best understand.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead and retrieved towards her fiercely. Making his facade sharp and stern, Mr.Lee lifted her up flat, in a swift motion. The irk and hurt, he had built in his heart, helped in the buoyancy.

Dan Hwa, on the flip side, stunned to his sudden actions, tried to free herself from the male's grip. But she was too feeble to escape out of his grasp then.

Dan Hwa : LEE JUN, I swear, let go of me!

He only firmed his hold to restrict her movements and walked in straight to the bedroom.
Quickly scaning the space, Mr.Lee rather gently rested Dan Hwa at the corner of her bed. And without words, went to her wardrobe.

There, he grabbed a set of clothes from the hangers and scooted back to her. She was now, speechlessly watching him, assured that he didn't have bad intentions.

Mr.Lee forcefully had her clutch the pair of clothes and leaned close to her, as he uttered in a very serious coarse voice.

Mr.Lee : Get yourself changed. I will wait outside. We are leaving for the shoot in ten minutes.

Not waiting for a response from her, the male designer simply exited the room, shutting the door almost in a slam. There was a certain ire in his aggressive actions. Something, Dan Hwa was a new audience to.

It was weird. But had also done the enough propel for Dan Hwa to incline towards her duties, without prolonging procrastination.

She exited the room in a while, totally fit to go and met with the same unpleasantly serious Mr.Lee. None spoke for a moment, standing still in their positions and sharing a look.

Mr.Lee : What about breakfast? Did you have it?

Dan Hwa : Oh, yeah, I ate earlier.

Mr.Lee : Alright. Let's go.

He didn't spare her a second to speak and left the apartment. Dan Hwa, fetching a few essentials, vacated the same after him.

The car ride was totally silent. It was hard to tell if the figures were even breathing. Dan Hwa observed him, not being himself.

All these years, she had been so busy protecting herself from everyone, she failed to make out-that her friends also needed the good treatment they deserved. And by the words he spoke today, that even Lee Jun considers her as a ruthless person, she turned to self analysis.

Had she been cementing her guards so thick, that she didn't even realize when it distanced her from compassion. That, no one realizes or can accept her to be considerate or sweet anymore.

Dan Hwa : What you did earlier, never repeat it.

Mr.Lee : Sure. Unless you don't make me repeat it.

He avoided her gaze while Dan Hwa straight up glared at him. Noticing the sharp actions and his unamused face, Dan Hwa started to feel a little at discomfort.

His dark aura made it so stuffy, she was strangling to breathe-to phrase at a stretch.

Dan Hwa : Jeez, you are making the ambience too murky. Are you mad or something?

Mr.Lee immediately made a sharp halt over the corner and closed his eyes to calm himself for a moment. Dan Hwa didn't try to fuel it further and stayed quiet.

Rightly as they say, the sight of someone angry can be scary. But the same of someone, who is always known to be the good and silent kid, can raise the dread bar to a whole another level.

Mr.Lee : How can I not be mad?

He spoke in a peculiar calmness and finally looked up at her. Mr.Lee was in a pickle with himself to prevent an outburst. But every second, seeing her face was infuriating him further.

Mr.Lee : I feel extremely upset and disappointed with you, Baek Dan Hwa.

The full addresses, when the person is right in front of you, never led to something good. And Dan Hwa was bracing herself for it.

Dan Hwa : Hey-h, why are you talking like that? What's wrong with you?

Mr.Lee : What is wrong with you?! Why is it so hard to take care of yourself, huh?

He had his edge. Mr.Lee surrendered to an agigated lash as he almost yelled out his exasperation.

Mr.Lee : Why do you have such less worth for yourself?!

Dan Hwa was baffled and nonplussed at his words and the delivery. She believed to love herself, but strangely she had no debates, pulling out at his allegations at that moment. She was in self-doubt.

Mr.Lee : Honestly, how taxing it is to go, consult a professional and seek for help if you are troubled with your health?!

As if somewhere inside her heart, Dan Hwa could actually measure the weight in his blatant reactions. And could not drop them, simply denying those with a ridiculous argument.

Mr.Lee : We are humans, we all get sick once in a while. But we recieve medical help and get better. Is that NOT how it is for YOU?! And what? "I don't care"?—Dan Hwa, where does this ignorance come from?!

Certain epiphany lit up in her mind. What he said, was indeed true. But why did it appear so to her, everytime she wanted to turn to professional help, that people will judge her.

Why does people's judgment matter more than one's better health? Dan Hwa's bitter taste of the same in the past, made it a dreaded consequence, she was resilient to cause once again.

Mr.Lee : And that stupid penalty you suffered. Who told you to take responsibility for that?! It was nowhere your fault and everyone knew it! Why did you have to be so highly to go through that all alone?! Do you fancy to suffer and hurt yourself?

Dan Hwa withdrew her eyes from Mr.Lee. What he delivered out was something she never anticipated or appreciated to listen. It only reminded her of those detrimental mouths that still gave her nightmares.

Mr.Lee : It is painful for me to see you like this, Dan-ah. I don't understand, why you hate yourself so much.

Although, Mr.Lee's rue significantly barred down now and his tone was softer and upset. It had caused Dan Hwa ample harm that she was unable to breathe in the same space as him.

But who knows, she needed that brutal treatment to drag her back to the right lane.

Dan Hwa : Leave to the shoot without me.

She calmly spoke her words and stormed out of his car. Dan hwa hailed a taxi right in front of his eyes and wheeled away. He sighed long, ramming his hands on the steering wheel.

He knew he messed up. And there was no coming back. Thus, he refrained from stopping her, which would've complicated the matter more. Designer Lee quietly started the car again and followed the taxi.

Meanwhile inside the latter, Dan Hwa was fighting back, with her feelings scattered all over. How could she not see herself being so ignorant towards her own health and well being. She took good care of herself. Or at least so she wanted to believe.

Mr.Lee's words came across very flagrant but shook her awake to the reality. As if the wails of her soul were at long last delivered to her through his voice.

And she was not taking it well. It was so abrupt, it slowly started to palpitate her in a light tremor. Little did she know, those were one of the side effects of the pills she has been taking for so long, unsupervised. Making her experience, exaggerated reactions to anxiety and very potential degrading sleep disorders.

Her nerves sparked in an perturb, recalling the time she feared most to reminisce. Those demeaning voices, those pointing fingers. Those cruel comments, reached her back in a faint furore.

The taxi driver noticed her condition and immediately grew alert.

Taxi Driver : Are you okay, miss?

As if a wake from a nightscare, Dan Hwa looked at the driver in the front, panting heavily.

Dan Hwa : Just keep driving. I am okay.

Dan Hwa's lips dry and pale, she attempted to drink some water from her bag and tried to calm herself. Taking deep and heavy breaths, ceasing her mind to a blank page.

Observing her condition slowly getting normal, the taxi driver felt a relief and continued to drive to her destination.

Before she realized it, Dan Hwa drifted to a brief slumber in the running cab. Only until, Mr.Lee's muffled voice reaching her from somewhere, that woke her up.

Dan Hwa looked around the immediate surrounding and saw the driver.

Taxi Driver : We have arrived at your said address. It will be 16,030 Won.

She quickly paid the fare and piled out of the cab after greeting the man of a good day.

Outside, she met with a worried designer Lee as the taxi drove off behind her. Dan Hwa did not wait for a word with him and simply led the way inside the set.

Mr.Lee, on his part, did not approach her on personal terms. However, they normally conversed over official matters. As if the professional mode was on in both.

They entered the green-room set, the one built up for the very first sequence of the drama. There, they greeted the director of the same, Mrs.Gyul with bright smiles.

Director Gyul : I am absolutely pleased by the aesthetics of your work. The backstage looks very apt to the scene. Every set does, might I add.

Both the senior designers put on a work smile as Dan Hwa led on the formal interactions.

Dan Hwa : We tried our best. Glad it suited your taste.

Director Gyul : For sure, it did. Where's Nam Team Jang though? I have been looking for him.

Dan Hwa and Mr.Lee shared a glance at each other, both having no answers to her.

Dan Hwa : Uh, he . . .

_____

"I want to love you, in this world
The shining me, my precious soul."

-Epiphany
BTS Jin