Chapter 21.1 : Oxygen
And a dreadful moment later, the door eventually unlocked. And revealed Dan Hwa on the other side. Her calm posture heavily contrasted against the relieved but panting Jimin.
Before any further action, Dan Hwa noticed his puffed breaths.
Dan Hwa : Do you want some water?
JM : That'll be nice.
Without a question, Dan Hwa turned around to fetch some aid to her guest. And Jimin ended the call now, standing by the door respectfully.
A glass of water in her hand, Dan Hwa saw Jimin from the common space. The fact that Jimin did not breach in, despite the door wide open before him, said a lot about his deportment. Dan Hwa could not but appreciate it even when her conscious was barely in sync with reality. She was so dazed away, Jimin's arrival that quickly did not seem to raise any doubts.
Dan Hwa : You can come in.
She made her voice, sound and clear. And with a few more formal gestures, Jimin let himself inside at her invitation.
Moments apart, a half empty glass was seen resting on the lounge table. While, both the mortals now poised equally leaned against the couch leg.
Dan Hwa : Can you stay... for a while?
The vulnerable desperation was evident in her feeble voice. Jimin stayed quiet, pondering deeply just how he can make it better for her.
Dan Hwa : I just don't want to be with myself right now.
Jimin realized that she did not necessarily need a physical escape, rather an emotional one that was far from her current state. He resonated with her so intimately, it appeared someone read back his unspoken words verbatim.
JM : So, did the "appointment" go well that night?
Dan Hwa glanced at him before answering. As if to frame her sentences according to the person listening.
Dan Hwa : I guess. In terms of blowing it up.
Jimin experienced an awkward bite, that he immediately tried to fuse.
JM : Ah- I am sure you will find better projects to work on anyway.
Dan Hwa let out a weak chuckle, looking at him. This time maintaining the eye-contact.
Dan Hwa : Are you trying to comfort me?
JM : No. I am making small-talk.
Dan Hwa giggled away in an amusing disbelief, and his oblivion. It brought her to ponder what the lie she made up was worth for.
The dinner night at her folks was still burning inside her.
And in that persistent fury, she was tempted to reveal Mr.Baek's most vulnerable secret.
Dan Hwa : That 'project' was my Dad.
Jimin almost fumbled in thoughts, ran a few miles in his head to connect the dots. His knowledge of her surname certainly narrowed down the possibilities. The minor doubts he harbored were voluntarily clarified by Dan Hwa right after.
Dan Hwa : That's right. Baek In Ho, the evergreen hallyu star!
Was it the lack of astonishment from the singer beside her, or was it that the secret was not great enough to begin with, Dan Hwa was disappointed. She felt utterly underwhelmed in the aftermath of revealing her identity to someone for the first time.
The reality was slightly different from Dan Hwa's apparent guess. The singer, instead of a very verbal and pronounced surprise, was rather more transfixed with the sudden revelation.
Jimin was processing the fresh information under his tranquility. It was nothing extraordinary, yet the situation felt strangely foreign to him. He recalled working with her father, that very morning. It was a bit tricky to put into perspective to say the least.
The singer was in a conflict ruminating how should his actions be refined towards the daughter of a senior artist. One, who was so immensely respected in the industry. Or if Dan Hwa ever anticipated any kind of change in his attitude in the first place.
Only thing apparent was Dan Hwa's grudge against Mr.Baek. And Jimin grabbed on that anchor from the words that followed her monologue.
Dan Hwa : Apparently, he is my father. Although he never admits my existence.
Her remarks felt highly rhetoric to Jimin, hardly finding words to put together his reaction.
Dan Hwa : Well, having a kid at the peak of your career hankers a lot of damage you wouldn't want, to your stardom. So I guess, I understand his secrecy, or rather his outright denial.
Dan Hwa scoffed, folding her knees to hug them. She was sighted ahead into a blank space, when Jimin's voice eventually crackled the hush.
JM : I can't speak for all times. But, I can assure you he is not secretive about you.
Dan Hwa instantly looked at him, reflecting a keen interest as he continued.
JM : We had a shooting today. With Mr.Baek In Ho. And he mentioned about you. He said that we reminded him of his daughter who is "about our age". And that he misses her.
Dan Hwa withdrew her eyes, now unable to buy Jimin's anecdote. The latter caught on her doubts and attempted to buy her confidence back.
JM : I know he was not lying, because he said that she is pretty. And I see every bit of truth in that.
Dan Hwa darted her sight at him at the comment, only to find him already staring intently.
Dan Hwa : Huh?
Her voice soft and almost inaudible. Jimin, unwavered by the confrontational air, projected an innocent tilt.
JM : Huh?
Dan Hwa and Jimin shared a brief moment of stare, in silence. Their faces held in a treacherous proximity. Jimin's fragrance gently reached her senses as if little springs of scent put out a circus of distraction for her. It had an indescribable element, yet very specifically distinct. The fresh woody aroma was sharp, yet not too overpowering. It was airy and mild, but noticeable.
His cologne had already left a ring of familiarity to Dan Hwa's senses. For he left its essence in her car that day after she dropped him off.
Yet oblivious of the reality, Dan Hwa's senses repeatedly associated Jimin's presence to that stranger by the Han river-bridge. Was it a coincidence that they smelled the same. Or was it her head playing with her. Slightly annoyed, she pricked the bubble of tension between the two at present, breaking the eye-contact.
Their faces turned away from each other, recovering from the tightness. Jimin fidgeting to find just anything for a distraction, located a vintage journal on the lounge table. He simply wanted a divertion, therefore he grabbed the first visible opportunity.
JM : That's a cool diary!
Dan Hwa's response did not match the same animation as his. Her's sounded more soft and pensive.
Dan Hwa : Yeah, it was my mom's.
The same evening Dan Hwa tried to open and read through the mind of her mother's. For the first time she attempted to face the contents of it, but at long last couldn't turn past the cover page.
Dan Hwa was scared to find something there. Maybe the truth, which her Uncle could not utter that night at dinner. She was desperate to discover that truth about her mother. But was equally—or rather—more hesitant to do the same. She felt too coward.
JM : 'Was'?
Dan Hwa : Yeah. Car Accident. Five years ago. It was too late before she received any medical care.
Jimin, now getting his head straightened, recalled the controversial air that prevailed around her mother's accident-who was a popular news anchor then. He failed to connect the puzzle in time. The singer squinted his eyes, to have meddled another sensitive matter.
JM : Right. I am so sorry-
Dan Hwa : It's alright.
Dan Hwa's parents were a celebrity couple, talk of the town, even before she was born. They were reputed for both well– and ill–reasons. And in the industry, the disputed accident remained an entertained subject for quite some time even when the media was mysteriously silenced.
It just grew further awkward for Jimin to be knowledged with such intimate details about her family. And that too based on speculations and rumors; none backed by pure facts. Jimin almost felt he was invading a terrain he did not want to explore that deep, that soon.
He was flummoxed and flustered in his own head space, when Dan Hwa's probing words grabbed his attention.
Dan Hwa : That accident could have been prevented if- if only I listened...
Her words trailed off reminiscing those dreadful moments. Those days, Dan Hwa had received an internship approval letter from EunHaSu—the company she so ardently wanted to work with. Realising her mother to be the only parent worth sharing this joyous news with, Dan Hwa disregarded her mother's repeated warnings to not call her while she was driving.
Trialed by fate, Dan Hwa's hard-earned ecstasy died down in some cruel seconds, where a screeching loud impact overpowered her words over the line.
Dan Hwa could not narrate that aspect of the truth to Jimin. She feared the blames, she was all too familiar with. The ones, she so intently despised to hear.
There was complete silence between the two at present. Jimin looked around the unfamiliar apartment while Dan Hwa begged internally for him to say anything but something. Just to stop the voices in her head stealing her focus.
"Only a guilty hides the whole truth!"
"No-o" she mumbled back to the detrimental voices in her head.
Her head gradually lowering on her folded knees, cold palms covering her red-flushed ears. She pleaded to herself, to break free from this excruciating torture from her own body.
Battling with herself, lightly trembling and her forhead glistened with cold sweat. She was almost startled when a warm hand landed on her tightly pressed ones.
He slid her hand into the contours of his own, having a firm grip on hers. Making Dan Hwa look up at him through her damp eyes. She noticed his face only had a hint of light now, coming from the vents. The room was dimmer. The darkness was comforting, for it seemed like a secure camouflage.
What she didn't register during that inner struggle, Jimin turned the lights down and played some soothing music on his phone. He rested it beyond their plain sight and used an everyday object around her counters to amplify the sound. Loud enough to fill the silence just right, yet a characteristic tenderness that didn't overwhelm or irritate Dan Hwa's chaotic emotions.
JM : It's okay.
His soft spoken words fell on her ears. She experienced a partial and momentary relief from the suffocating grip of her inners. The constriction in her chest released, she could breathe more freely again.
Dan Hwa, taking the strength from his hand, rolled out from the timid crawl.
JM : I am not the best with words.
Her eyes matched his, not wavering, for a wistful moment. Quietly trying to capture his words.
JM : But here's something, they say, I am good at.
Dan Hwa's brows flickered the slightest in question to his remark. Jimin, having a fair night sight of her eyes, read her confusions.
JM : Just follow my lead.
Dan Hwa, at that point, would have agreed to anything asked of her. Simply to escape the constraints of her own self. She was fortunate to be in the right company.
He gently turned her around by her shoulders. She closed her eyes, completely guardless to what shall come her way.
The electric second their hands matched again, the music finally reached Dan Hwa's conscious for the first time. Her eyes still closed, he guided her arms in some graceful movements.
No practiced routines, Jimin maneuvered and swayed in sync to the soft notes of the melody. While including Dan Hwa in a magnanimous and complimenting manner.
The grace the singer had mastered in his movements; it seemed as if he managed to enchant her into a state of that paramount elegance. The fluidity poised their limbs and frame in a rich fluency of Contemporary. The form, which consent its performers to taste the freedom of abstract motions and patterns.
The wide sea of experiment lent Jimin to cruise the moves around. Striking sharp instances to establish a strong leverage and command, Jimin carefully administered the points of release. While the intensive ones huffed up their respiration, the softened tugs likewise, soothed such rhythms.
And quite like a spell misting its effect, her insides were calm and quiet. She could now relish the tasteful music that brought pure euphony to her ears.
It appeared like two scarred swans in a thematical symphony, were dancing effortlessly. The precise silhouettes contrasting against the soft moonlight that seeped through the vents and curtain nooks. It was majestic.
A swift lift and drop glued them close, and Dan Hwa spoke a few words in a hushed voice. There was a light taut of tension between their bodies. But, it was still dominated by Dan Hwa's inner conflicts and her sense of conscience, to not keep another of her affinates in dark.
Dan Hwa : That accident happened because of me.
Without breaking the moment or the dance, Jimin looked at her—strongly holding a neutral face before he heard the full story. The singer had made his mind to keep his treatment towards her no different than before. He wanted to remain unbiased and informed of things that directly left her mouth. No heresy, no floating rumor.
Thus, giving her more chances to speak closer to his hearing, he fashioned their steps accordingly. Jimin quietly listened to her concise and compact narrations without a judgmental view.
On the flip side, Dan Hwa—with no expectations to be understood, simply wanted to be truthful.
Who knew, the words that seemed uncommunicable, would have such an easy flow when her mind and body were so relaxed and laid-back. She tackled past her fears and presented her side of the tale. The musical background infusing more emotions into her plain and straightforward words.
Dan Hwa : If only I could've waited for her return. But- my st- stubbornness eventually killed her.
Dan Hwa, still, taking the dark as a hide, hardly matched his eyes anymore. In fact, she could no longer follow Jimin's lead, and softly loosened her clasps on him. She moved out of the dance for a split second, before Jimin pulled her back in—artistically.
The beat had also dropped, as if to let Jimin's words be heard loud and clear.
JM : . . .
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