I dashed into the garden, ignoring Nai Nai's questions about the ordeal. Tears still streaking down my face and blurring my vision, I went deeper among Baba's plants, finally collapsing by the lotus pond.

A lotus flower drifted in front of me. Removing it, I glared at the reflection of a perfectly dolled-up version of myself.

My hair was pulled into intricate loops, my lips glistened red from the lipstick and my face was powdered white. I couldn't even recognise my own image.

"What am I doing?" I whispered brokenly. "How did I ever think that I could be like the other girls?"

I scrubbed my face against my sleeve, smudging and ruining the makeup, until I could see some semblance of myself once again. Tugging my hair from the winded-up braid, it cascaded over my shoulders, framing my green eyes. Those eyes peered back at me from the murky water, and a sudden anger washed over me.

I ripped off the sash and train, casting it to the side. Clawing at the dress, I managed to loosen it so that I breathed easier. All the time I thought, how could Baba ever be pleased with me?

I stared at my hands, noting the many calluses from my training with Baba. Baba had trained me in knife-fighting, citing the need for me to be physically safe if I were to prevent the Phoenix from taking over. I rubbed the rough pads of my fingers together. If I were a normal girl, those would never have been there.

I don't know how long I sat there. The sun was beginning to set when Baba found me.

"Mulan."

I remained silent.

"Mulan, look at me."

I mutely did so.

"Come," he said, pulling me to my feet and guiding me to the Cha Hua Shu*, where long ago, he had placed a bench underneath its shade. Above, the tree continued to flourish and grow every year. Standing at about 25 meters tall, it was taller and broader than any other Cha Hua Shu because of Baba's power. Why couldn't my power be more like his?

Setting his cane against the tree, he sank down onto the bench slowly, rubbing the scar scoring his thigh. Many years ago, when the Emperor's Shou Xi Jiang Jun had first rebelled, Baba had gotten the wound defending his Majesty. He came home a decorated hero, but the wound plagued him forevermore.

He patted the space beside him. "Sit," he said simply.

I sat.

"Want to tell me what happened, my Xi Feng**?"

That was Baba's nickname for me ever since my deadly Gift had come bursting into the light.

"Oh, Baba," I sniffed. "I've failed you. I've failed us all."

"Why don't you tell me what happened?"

The story came spilling out from my lips.

"Don't you see?" I whispered. "What husband would want me, a girl who cannot control her Gift? I'll never fit in like that, and there's our family honour to consider too."

Baba was silent for a while. Then, almost casually, he reached up and plucked a flower from the tree above us.

"Look at this blossom," he said, passing the Cha Hua to me. "It's blooming season has come and gone, but against all odds, this Cha Hua has still managed to grow. Despite it being late, it is the most beautiful of the bunch."

I rolled the stem in my fingers. "Are you saying I'm a late bloomer, Baba?"

He chuckled. "Always so astute. But no, Xi Feng. What I'm trying to tell you is that although you may not have brought us honour now, what's important is that you tried, and I cannot fault you for that. It may be that the Ancestors mean you to accomplish something else that would require you to be unfettered at that time, and that it might bring greater honour than we could ever imagine."

"What of keeping my Gift hidden? Sooner or later, people are going to ask why I didn't marry, and my Gift will be found out."

"There are other ways to get you a husband. Not desirable, perhaps, but we are not without certain means."

A comfortable silence settled. I gazed at the Cha Hua in my hands.

"Remember, I told you once before: Be true to your heart."

An image from long ago floated up from the recesses of my memory. Baba was holding me...?

Before the hazy picture could remind me when that was, Baba pulled me into a hug. I breathed in the familiar scent of grass and flowers. In that moment, wrapped up in Baba's arms, I could pretend I was a little girl once again, and that nothing was wrong with the world.

Finally, I reluctantly pulled away from Baba.

"What do we - "

Before I could complete my question, the pounding of the city drums interrupted me.

*Cha Hua Shu: Camellia Tree
**Xi Feng: Beautiful Phoenix