TRYPOPHOBIA>> Fear of irregular patterns.
————————————-

Seungmins POV:

''Are you hungry? If not we can just go get a drink instead of going to a restaurant.'' Minseon suggested making me shake my head, even though we had breakfast not long ago I was feeling unusually hungry.

''No, I am actually kinda hungry. What about you?''

''Good thing I am hungry to, so Indian food right?'' He said making sure, I hummed in reply and smiled slightly when he said that he knew the perfect place.

''Let me pay for the meal this time hyung, I know I don't have a lot of money but I have enough to atleast buy us a meal. I feel guilty for making you pay everytime.'' I stated, looking up at the older boy who's bright grin had turned into a subtly frown.

''No Seungmin please, I'm your hyung you should let me buy meals for you I don't often get to spend money on other people and it makes me feel better.'' I understood what Minseon meant but I couldn't help but be a little annoyed at his comment, was he doing all of this out of pity?

''What so I'm like a charity case? Is this what's going on here? You bullied me, read about my past, saw what kind of environment I lived in, noticed I didn't have a lot of money so you turned me into some sort of charity work to make yourself feel better about yourself? Wow thanks. Way to make a guy feel special.'' I sighed and shook my head as I stopped walking moving over to stand underneath a little canopy outside of a packed cafe as it had began raining suddenly.

''No Seungmin please that's not what I mean, Ofcourse that's not what I mean!'' He whined walking over to my place where I stood with my arms crossed looking up at him expectantly.

''Then what do you mean? You always say stuff like that. I'm rich let me spend my money on you, let me do this let me buy that. It's lovely of you to do those things for me but I am 16 years old and have been taking care of myself since I was a kid. I thought you actually considered me a friend not a charity case.'' I huffed once I finished the sentence, I pressed my cold palm against the base of my neck as I felt a lump in my throat forming, my eyes stung, my stomach churned and my mouth was dry. I was such a cry baby sometimes.

''Seungmin I swear that's not how I see you, that wasn't my intention at all! I do see you as a friend and maybe....'' he stopped talking his breath quickening, was he panicking?

''Maybe what?'' I was growing impatient, I didn't want to be attached to someone that only thought of me as a poor 16 year old with a rough past.

''Maybe more than that.'' He blurted out suddenly eyes red and blood shoot as if he was about to cry or punch me, I wasn't sure at this point.

''Oh Minseon, I'm so-''

''Sorry? You're sorry? Don't be. I know you don't like me as I like you. Maybe you would if Hyunjin wasn't in the picture but sadly he is.'' He laughed bitterly I could hear the venom in his voice as he spat out Hyunjins voice like I spit out my chewing gum. [chew chew chewing gum chewing gum, lmao sorry NCT anyone?]

''What are you talking about?'' I could feel my heart hammering in my chest until all I could hear was thump, thump, thump.

''WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM SEUNGMIN WHEN I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU AND IT FUCKING SUCKS.'' I stepped back, looking down at the floor I felt my back hit the cold and damp wall, I could feel people staring as they walked by possibly wondering what we were arguing about. It was like something you'd find in a book.

''Look Minseon, I'm sorry I'm not in love with you and I am sorry your dumb ass fell for someone like me but in the end I can't help what I feel. I love you but I think I love Hyunjin more...'' I muttered, I know it was an ass hole thing to say but it's how I felt. I didn't dare raise my voice we had already drawn so much attention and I bet these people who have stopped and stared would love to see two teenage kids break down and fall apart over love because afterall the world is sick and cruel.
My mother said that it would feel like you were dancing on clouds when you fall in love, so why does it feel like I was dancing until my emotions got to heavy for them to withstand so they just broke apart like the fragile pieces of my heart letting me fall through but I didn't hit the ground because Hyunjin was there to catch me everytime but I had mistaken it as Minseon this whole time because maybe it would hurt less falling in love with someone else.

''Does he Make you happy?'' I looked up surprised at the sudden question.

''Y-ye-yes.'' I stuttered eyes clouding over with every word.

''Did he hurt you?'' I could see his fists clench and the veins in his neck stand out but I wasn't scared of him even when he was like this.

''Yes.''

''When you think of him do you think about the good or the bad?'' I furrowed my eyebrows confused.

''I- I don't know.'' I answered unsure of what he was doing.

''Are you happy with him?'' His tone softened as he looked up at me with pleading eyes, this time I was sure that they were saying stay, please stay.

''Yes.'' I squeezed my eyes shut letting a tear slip down my cheek remembering the sweet taste of Hyunjins lips, the people who were watching had slowly dispersed back to their daily lives, I guess we weren't sad enough for them to stay.

''Very well then.'' His voice came out distressed as he let droplets of water slip out of the corner of his eyes, he quickly swept them away before anyone else could see how he was feeling.

''I'm so sorry Minseon, please don't hate me.'' I moved closer to him trying to feel his warmth on this cold day, the weather was so nice but now it was cold and rainy. I guess it shows you just how quickly things can change.

''I could never hate you Seungminnie.''