XLIII.

Kei.

What do people expect from me?

To break a person's heart, you have to be broken yourself first. Maybe you thought that was the better choice. But as I remember who you once were, Kinomi, I had forgotten how cold the blood that ran through your veins. And I'd still haven't fully able to bleed you all the way out of me yet. You knew the feeling of being left behind. I'd understood why you'd rather rip me apart than to be left behind in the long run. You've made your point very well.

It's true what they said. It's hard to forget something that held so much meaning to you. Be it something or someone you used to love... or hate.

After all these years, I was convinced that I was over it. I thought that when I see her again, I can confidently say that I feel nothing for her anymore. But when the day I was waiting for finally came, everything just came rushing back as if it was only yesterday when she left me. I didn't know that I still have some anger to spare over the years. And right now, it was begging to be released.

I was looking at the evening sky by the garden, seeing the crescent moon emitting a calming glow along with the scattered stars. The rare sight wasn't even enough to calm my raging emotions.

"Kei?" I heard Mom's voice calling for my attention. I shifted my gaze from the sky to her, seeing her with a gentle smile laced on her face.

"Yeah, Mom? You need something?" I asked.

She shook her head. "You just look like you're in deep thought. Do you need some company?"

I shrugged. "Guess so." I faced forward, looking at the plants around our garden as Mom moved to take a seat beside me.

"You seem preoccupied these past few days. Is work stressing you out?"

"Work's fine."

"Oh..." She cocked a brow, scrutinizing me. "Do you want to tell me or do I have to keep guessing?"

I shrugged again, my lips tugging in a small smile.

"Is it a girl?" My smile was immediately wiped off, which rewarded me a grin from her. "Oh, I'm right, aren't I? Who is it?"

"Keep guessing." I tried to smile again.

"Kinomi-chan?" She joked, but when she saw that she managed to wipe off my smile for the second time, she knew that she hit a nerve. "Oh."

I sighed. Why did I take part in her guessing game? Kinomi is the only girl I introduced to them.

"So she's... back?" I saw a glint of anticipation appear in her eyes. After all these years, Mom still adored her. Maybe because I still haven't managed to find a replacement.

"Yes." I just said.

"Really? How is she?" She scooted closer.

"She's fine. She's a pastry chef now."

"Oh..." She said in awe. "So is she staying?"

"No..." I swallowed. "She's only staying until after her brotherʼs wedding."

"How are you feeling?"

I looked at her, surprised at her question. "Fine? Why the sudden question, Mom?"

"Because," She said, looking at me thoroughly. "I can clearly tell that you still have feelings for her." She declared it as if it was a fact.

I smirked. "Mom, it's been years. We both moved on. I hope you do, too."

"That's got to be one of the biggest scams I had ever heard in my entire life, Kei." She rolled her eyes, but then her expression turned soft. "Baby, it's better to be hurt than hardened. Even if you say that you already moved on, I can still see that she put a big impact on your perspective towards love. But please don't close your heart... because then you'd be denying yourself happiness." She kissed me on the cheek and left me with something to ponder about.

If I still harbor any kind of feelings for her, so what? It didn't make a difference. You can't love a person into loving you. I had loved her with all my heart, skin and bones and it still didn't change a thing. She still chose to leave me like it was the easiest decision she had ever done.

I hated her. I hate her so much for molding the love that I believe today... which was also the kind of love that she used to believe before she met me. I never had anyone after her because nobody came close to how she made me feel.

"Smoking is prohibited in here, you know." I drawled to the man while washing my hands. I gave him a deadpanned stare in the mirror as he puffs out smoke from his cigarette like he owns the place.

I dried my hands using my handkerchief, as he smirked and replied to me. "Oh, really? Then get rid of it for me then." He reached out his cigarette to me.

I smiled and took the cigarette from him. "Sure. Don't mind if I do."

I jabbed the tip of the cigarette on the sleeve of his shirt, twisting it until the cigarette is completely out. He was too shocked to even react to what I did, and when he recovered, he let out a scream as he backed away, his eyes brimming with angry tears.

"Oops." I mimicked him, throwing him an amused look. "I thought it was the trash bin."

"You did that on purpose!" He accused, giving me a murderous stare.

"Shut up, princess. What you did back to that waitress was on purpose, too."

"D-do you even know how much this shirt costs?!"

"No. But I'm sure my drink is much more expensive." I said with a nonchalant shrug. Then I walked slowly his way, and he backed away until he hit the wall. I towered over him, giving him a lazy smile. "Just a word of advice. If you pull this kind of stunt again, her family can singlehandedly ruin your life in just a snap of a finger. But before they do so, I will have to do things more than just ruining your shirt. So back off, because you don't know who you're messing with."

I'm not a violent person. Even I wanted to tell her right then how much I hate her and return all of the pain she had given me. I'd never loved anyone to the point that I'd be willing to let them hurt me... but she didn't just hurt me. She ruined me. She tore me to pieces.

But I had managed to stand up again over the years only for her to casually walk in my life again and crumble the life that I rebuilt for years. I hadn't forgiven what I tried to forget.

"Tsukki! Come on! Sing, sing!" Hinata encouraged while holding out his microphone to me. I waved a hand, expressing my refusal. "Don't be so stingy, Stingyshima! You can't just come to karaoke bars and not sing, can you?"

"Yes, I can. And I'm doing a fantastic job in it." I replied while raising my drink.

"Don't bother with him. His normal voice is already annoying as it is." Kageyama snorted.

Annoyance pulsed through my veins, my lips tugging in a sarcastic smile. "Oho, like you're one to talk. If you ask me, it's not your voice that annoys me, it's your face. How I managed to endure seeing that face for years is beyond me."

"What'd you say?!"

"Guys, guys," Yamaguchi went in between us and laughed nervously, "It's been a long time since the five of us got completed, and all you do is diss each other."

"I would be more surprised if they didn't diss each other though." Hinata commented.

"Would you like me to refill your glass, Tsukishima-kun?" Yachi asked, directing our attention elsewhere.

"Okay." I offered my empty glass to her and she refilled it with beer. I sighed internally. I'm not much of a beer person but I guess this will do.

"We have changed, but we're still the same." Yachi said with a smile, sparing a gentle look at the four of us. "Oh, don't mind me! Just thinking out loud here!"

"What does that mean, Yachi-san?" Hinata asked with a quizzical look, peering over his shoulder from the song booklet.

"Let me guess, you didn't get it, too?" I directed my eyes at Kageyama, arching my eyebrow at him. He just rolled his eyes in response.

"It just simply means that, a lot of things may have changed in our lives but it still didn't change how see each other." Yamaguchi explained gently with a nostalgic smile.

"Eh, I see!" Hinata beamed. "Even after everything we've been through, we're still going strong! And even stronger now!"

"Of course, dumbass. Our hardwork wasn't all for nothing." Kageyama said. But then we stopped when a singing voice from the other room echoed through our ears.

"I'll just go to the restroom." I got up from my seat and exited the room. The hallway outside our booth is loud with the blasting music from the other rooms. I wanted to go home. When I was finished with my business in the restroom, a girl also came out of the female restroom.

"Ey, if it isn't the strawberry shortcake lover!" Haruno-san slurred her words, indicating that she was already drunk. "I haven't—" She hiccuped. "seen you for a long time I barely recognized you!"

"Aoi, have you seen my—oh." Kinomi stopped midsentence when she appeared behind Haruno-san and saw me. She looked as if she'd seen a ghost. I let out a smile, trying to keep all of my emotions in check. "Tsukishima... you're here, too..."

"Mikazuki-san," I greeted, plastering on a smile. "I didn't expect to see you, again. I wonder why we keep on running into each other?"

"Ahaha... I wonder why, too." She let out an awkward laugh. I guess what Yachi said earlier also applies to you, Kinomi. A lot of things may have changed, but some things just never did.

"Ugh, I feel like I'm about to puke again. Wait a sec, Kinomi." Haruno-san covered her mouth then went back inside the female restroom again, leaving Kinomi alone with me.

"How's your hand, Mikazuki-san?" I started.

"It's... still a bit sore but it's all good now." She hid her hands behind her back.

She's trying so hard to avoid any form of contact with me. Why can't you look at me in the eyes, Kinomi? Are you still affected? Do you feel guilty?

I scanned her figure, and there I saw the bits of changes that occurred in her. Her brown hair was down, displaying its length which reached until the hips. She gained a normal skin complexion, maybe because chefs mind their food intake, and she got a little taller—might be in the early 180s or so. But what highlighted her the most was what's hanging on her neck.

"Wow, you still have that ring I gave you, huh?" I smiled, but my insides were quivering with anger once again.

"Huh?" She looked at me with surprise, her hand went up to touch the metal chained around her neck as if she only remembered of its existence. "Oh... yes."

"I mean," I shrugged. "Is it normal for you to still wear your ex's gifts? Any sane person would just throw those away instead of still wearing it over the years, right?" I chuckled at the silliness of it.

A flash of emotion lingered in her eyes before she looked away, smiling bitterly. "It was just too important to me... to throw away."

Important to you? The irony. I almost burst out laughing.

"What would your boyfriend say about that?"

She shook her head lightly. "I don't have anyone... never had anyone... after you."

"Hah, for that long?" I feigned shock. "I find that hard to believe. Don't tell me you're only saying that because you're afraid of emotional attachment again?"

She looked at me, a rather sharp glint in her eyes. She was offended, and I smirked at her. "I'm not the girl I used to be, Tsukishima. It's been years. A lot of things have changed."

"Yeah, I can see that. But I'm sure that there had been a lot of men who already passed in your life and was once smitten with you. Men who were once willing to give you the moon and the stars if you asked for it."

"Do I have to repeat myself? I never had anyone after you." She said with a hard voice, her lips quivering with... anger?

"Oh wow, now I feel so honored." I said with a hint of sarcasm. "Why didn't you have anyone after me? Haven't you moved on from us?"

"I need to go check on Aoi..." She turned her back to me but I arrested her actions when I replied.

"Go ahead, Kinomi. Running away from dangerous situations is what you're always good at, right? Some things just never change, huh?"

I saw her clench her fists at her sides. "Why? What's the point? Why shouldn't I run away from you? The longer I stay, the harder it'll be for me to leave."

"Even if you stay..." I trailed off, my thoughts almost a poison to let it out of my mouth. "That doesn't mean that I can be with you again."