There was this dream I once had. Ever since I was in middle school, I've always dreamed of walking side by side with the person I've loved for so long. Honestly, even though he never bothered to spare me a glance, the glance of acknowledgement of my existence, appreciation, importance, I was happy that I was able to see him, support him and love him everyday. He let me do those things for him, but he never returned a single thing.

It was okay. It felt so good, but at the same time... it hurts so much.

So damn much.

"I love you like I've never loved anyone." I told him with a bitter simper.

You ignore those words like you'd never heard me say them. But now, you give me a look of mixed guilt and pity, all you ever did was apologize every time I told you those magical words. I heard the sound of my heart being shattered into tiny, little pieces. The wonderful sight of the fragments of my heart scattered on the floor.

I did everything I could. I did my best but it was never good enough. I was never good enough.

"You can just pretend that I'm her. So that you won't have to feel that she's ever gone."

"No, you can't. You should know better. You can't do that to yourself."

"Please... let me in. Just... just try."

"Yumiko..." He gave me a look of concern.

"Am I that difficult to love?"

"No, it's not that..." He averted his gaze, "I told you, I only see you nothing more than a friend."

"What if I'm a better lover?"

His expression darkened, "You might be, but you're not her." I didn't know that the pain that I was feeling right now can still be intensified. "You're not Kinomi."

XXV.

Yumiko.

"Ugh... why am I getting fat?" Saori wondered aloud as she stuffed her mouth with potato chips at the same time. "I'm pretty active in volleyball so why?" she sighed as if she was depressed. She pinched her arm and groaned much more. "Good God!" She mumbled to herself and ate more potato chips.

I just smiled at her because that's what I can only do for the time being. She wouldn't even believe me even if I told her that she's fine the way she is. Instead, my eyes scanned the surroundings, searching for something or rather, for someone to be specific.

Saori didn't have an idea as to what I had just done the other day. And as much as I was guilty about it, I don't have the slightest intention to tell her about it because I know for some reason, she would throw a fit. She'd slap me at the back of my head, give me all kinds of curses and tell me how pathetic and desperate I was, like I'm not already aware of it.

Believe me, I'd already accepted it and was ready to move on. I wanted to let him go, knowing that he already had someone else in his heart and it's never going to be me. It made me feel at ease thinking that he can finally be happy, I'd told myself that this was it, I finally go on with my life.

But...

She left him. And she even gave him a false hope that she'll come back for him. When then? Nobody knows what the future holds, for all we know, none of them might even realize that they are slowly moving on from each other. It doesn't matter who does it first. Distance will drift them apart, it will only be a matter of time...

"Yumi!" Saori snapped me out of pool of dark thoughts. I lifted my head to look at the pinkette beside me who had a worried look laced on her face.

For a moment there, the chatters around the cafeteria vanished and it was as if my thoughts are the only thing I was hearing that time.

What is happening to me? Why am I having these inappropriate thoughts? What have I become?

"You look as if you wanted to hurt someone, your fists are all clenched out." Saori commented, her eyes narrowing to me as if she was trying to look through me. "What are you thinking?"

I shook my head, flashing her a wry smile. "Nothing. I think I'm just tired from all of the training."

"Thinking of Nozomi and Shimida?" Saori leaned against her seat with a huff, crossing her arms as her eyes focused on the ceiling fan above us. "Can't blame you for wanting to hurt them, considering the fact that they are Class-A bitches."

"Saori, language." I scolded her with a frown. That was one thing I didn't like about my friend, she just has a pretty mouth at times.

"I haven't seen Mikazuki-san lately... I wonder if she's sick or something?" My head darted at the pinkette wondering aloud. Although it was an unintentional mention of her name, I can't feel but slightly feel irked off because of the thought of her condescending face.

"Let's go back to class, Saori." I stood up from my seat and walked away without waiting for her to catch up.

~*~

It was our vacant time and I suddenly felt the urge to go to the rooftop to breathe and feel the fresh air. Also, to clear my head about things. I decided to go without informing Saori because somehow I knew that she'll ruin my concentration.

I once told him that I fought a battle I never knew that I already lost from the start. But... what if I can try again? Is it now worth fighting for? I might win the next battle...

When I opened the door to the rooftop with those thoughts, the cold yet calming wind blew my hair. I adjusted my gray glasses and scanned the surroundings, relieved that I have the rooftop all to myself at the moment. I walked to the railings, looked down to see the school courtyard, a crowd of students minding their own business.

The cold wind blew my hair once again, I held my hair to keep it still, my glasses slipped out and thank God I had fast reflexes, I had caught it before it could fall out the rooftop.

Before I could even attempt to take a step back, a pair of strong arms wrapped around my torso and harshly yanked me and as a result, we both fell down to the floor with a loud thud. I heard the person underneath me let out a moan, as if in pain.

I opened my eyes to see Tadashi-kun's face a few inches away from mine. I blinked in shock and confusion.

"Ta-tadashi-kun...?" I questioned.

"A-are you okay, Takahashi-san?" He asked me to which I nodded my head in response.

"What are you--why did you yanked me down?" I furrowed my eyebrows and got off of him. I sat beside him and he sat up, rubbing his back sheepishly. He gave me a look of mixed pain and worry.

"I know it's hard, Takahashi-san, but it's not worth ending your life for that reason."

"W-what? What are you talking about?" My mouth went ajar and I tilted my head in absolute confusion.

"Eh? Aren't you going to jump off the rooftop?" He blinked as if realization hit him.

"What?" My lips involuntarily cracked a smile at the assumption. "Of course not!" I covered my mouth, trying hard to suppress my giggle.

I saw the way Tadashi-kun's adorable freckled cheeks form a deep blush in embarrassment. He scratched the back of his head as he laughed along with me, although sheepishly. "I... I thought that..." He trailed off, "I'm sorry, Takahashi-san."

"You thought that I was going to kill myself, didn't you, Tadashi-kun? Hahahaha!" My laughter was muffled by my hand. "I... I'm sorry for laughing, I just... couldn't take it." I said with a chuckle.

Tadashi-kun shook his head with a smile, he stood up and offered me a hand to which I accepted.

"What are you doing in here, by the way?" I asked him.

"Well, I was kind of looking for Tsukki but I guess he isn't here." The mere mention of his name made my smile disappear. I smiled again but Tadashi-kun seemed to notice my quick shift of mood.

"I think he needs to be alone for the time being, Tadashi-kun." I told him with a smile.

He nodded slowly, staring at me intently. "Uh, yeah... I guess so." He smiled awkwardly.

Awkward silence filled the air and my mind being vacant tend to drift back to my first love.

"Takahashi-san..."

My heart started to ache again... he isn't really healthy for me, after all.

"Takahashi-san," Tadashi-kun called out my attention.

I plastered on my sweet smile. Oh yes, my smile. It never failed to fool everyone, even him. "Yes?"

"Are you free after class?"

I nodded my head slowly, "Yes, we don't have volleyball training today. Why?"

"Do you want to go somewhere with me then?" He asked with a soft, gentle voice.

~*~

"Welcome to Moon of the Third Night! You can call me Aino-chan. May I get your orders?" A waitress stood in front of us and gave us a bright smile. She held a notepad and a pen as she patiently waited for our orders.

I know her. She's the ace of Aoba Johsai Girls' Volleyball Club. Her team once beat us in a practice match before.

Since it's my first time in this type of cafe, I'm not quite familiar what's in their menu. "Um, what can you recommend, Aino-san?" I asked her as I settled the menu on the table.

"Oh! I literally love, like everything on the menu!" Aino-san exclaimed.

"Aino." Her co-worker scolded.

"Hehe, sorry, Reina-san." She scratched the back of her head before she shifted her attention back to us. "The strawberry shortcake and au lait is our specialty, ma'am." She told me politely.

My smile slightly faltered, "Ah, yes... um, I think I'll have that instead. Have about you, Tadashi-kun?" I turned to look at him and I was quite surprised to see him staring at me intently.

"I think I'll have the same."

Aino-san wrote our orders down. After that, she repeated our orders for clarifications, thanked us and walked away.

His favorite. He always dropped by in here after volleyball training. I'm sure he always ordered this kind of dessert.

Before I could even drown deeper to the thoughts of him, my eyes wandered to the surroundings of the cafe that screamed simplicity and elegance.

"Thank you for bringing me in here, Tadashi-kun." I smiled.

"It's nothing. I just thought that we need to unwind sometimes." He smiled back.

I rested my chin at the palm of my hand and looked at the scenery from outside the window. "Is that so? Do I look that stressed to you?" I joked, half-meaning it.

"No, that's not--" He quickly denied with a shake of his hands in front of me. He sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Ne, Tadashi-kun," I turned my head toward him, staring at him back with a smile. "Do you think I'm pathetic?"

"Um..."

"I know that you're aware of what I'm trying to do." I said, "Ever since middle school."

"Takahashi-san..." He cooed.

I smiled then shook my head. "Love is weird..."

"You might be right. But it can also be wonderful with the right person."

I looked at him, Kei also told me that. But...

"How can you know if it's already the right person?"

Tadashi-kun opened his mouth as he was about to say something but he was interrupted.

"Thank you for waiting!" Aino-san interjected enthusiastically, cutting the thick loneliness starting to devour me. She diligently placed our orders on the table and quickly left after that.

"Sorry for my negavitity, we're supposed to be 'unwinding'." I chuckled.

Tadashi-kun gave me a small smile. "It's okay, Takahashi-san."

"You're still too formal with me." I pouted, "We've known each other since elementary." I took a forkful of the strawberry shortcake.

He blinked in surprise. "Eh? What do you want me to call you then?"

"By my first name."

"Yumiko...-san."

"You should have done that years ago. You can drop the honorific if you'd like. And because of that, you deserve a strawberry." I took a strawberry from my shortcake and placed it on his. Tadashi-kun let out a smile and I did, too.