XIX.

"I see." He just said, and he darted his head towards me and looked into my eyes, surfing thoroughly as if he was trying to see the true meaning behind those words. And by the time he finished, his lips curled up into a sly smile followed by a question. "He broke your heart, didn't he?" He gave me a smirk as if he was daring me to lie to his face.

My eyes formed a slit and it automatically averted his gaze and diverted to the floor, avoiding any means of contact with him.

"Have you learned anything new from Oikawa-san?" Nii-san asked me as we ate dinner.

I grinned through mouthful of food. "Yeah! He taught me how to do a jump serve." I said with an excited tone.

"Really? Have you taught him how to love you back?" He teased as he stuffed food in his mouth, wiggling his eyebrows at me. Dad just let out a hearty laugh then shook his head as if we both don't have a hope in life. As for Mom? I don't remember Mom being present in dinner that time or maybe she wasn't just attentive in the conversation.

I pouted in disbelief. Dad and Nii-san knew of my feelings toward Oikawa-senpai and they didn't have much say in it. They weren't alert because frankly, they somehow knew it was one-sided.

"Daddy, Nii-san's bullying me again." I pointed my chopstick at him.

Dad chuckled, "Now, now, Kazune, what did I tell you about teasing your sister?" He scolded my brother but he was smiling.

"Stop when she's red as a cherry." Nii-san recited.

And at that time, Nii-san really did stop because I can already feel my face reddening up like a cherry.

I couldn't think of any good reason to hide the truth from him, though. And I don't know why. Maybe I just miss and yearn for a brother figure, I wonder.

"I..." I managed to utter but no words followed. I smirked then shook my head, looking back at him. "No, not really." He suddenly reached out and pulled on my ear, "Ow, fuck boy, that hurts!"

"Boo," He said as if he just discovered something new, "you're lying."

"How the heck can you say so?"

"Sources, baby." He winked at me. "And my name is not fuck boy, it's Tetsurou-niichan to you."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I groaned internally. Mom. My ears get unusually cold whenever I'm lying. I just rolled my eyes then crossed my arms across my chest. "You know for someone you just met, you sure are nosy."

He snickered, "Well, it's my job to know everything about my sister."

"I'm not your sister, you idiot."

"But you know that Mom wants you to come live with us, you know... in Tokyo." He changed the subject which really took my full attention, alright. My head tilted sideways at his direction, my expression became passive. "That way, you two can fix whatever misunderstandings you have."

"Do you guys really think I'd agree?" I deadpanned.

"Well, I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't hoping," He drawled then shrugged, "but that will surely make the both of you feel better."

I shook my head, sighing "Maybe for her but..." I don't think there would be anything that could make me feel better.

The stern look on his eyes remained intact and his expression didn't even budge. He let out an exasperated sigh and he raked his messy raven locks using his fingers.

"It's painful, I know." He told me, looking at me at the corner of his eye. "It's painful for Mom as well. You wouldn't imagine her crying every time you tell her hurtful things; her being sad and depressed. We're also worried because you and Mom aren't the only ones who are suffering." He emphasized, "The child inside her, our sibling, is especially affected as well." He stood up, the volleyball fell on the floor but he didn't seem to mind at all. He marched in front of me and held the cold metal swing, looking down upon me, making me feel slightly intimidated by his piercing stare that's ready to melt me in a puddle at any given minute. "I know Mom has made a big mistake and she regrets it, Kinomi-chan, she couldn't forgive herself. If you forgive her, she might forgive herself, too."

"You might understand her side of the story but you don't understand mine." I averted my gaze and looked down on my lap, chewing on my lower lip to prevent my lips from quivering.

"Her side or not, it's still the same story." he told me and he knelt on the ground to take a good view of my face which I tried to hide from him. "And I do understand you, too, Kinomi-chan."

"No, you don't. So get the hell away from me." I said in a low voice.

For all I know, Mom had asked Tetsurou-san to talk some sense to me because she knew that I would never listen to her. Wow, what a great plan. Scheming people. But I won't fall for it.

"I know it's hard to forgive but you don't have to do it in an instant because that's impossible. You can take it slowly, little by little, and if you're willing to give it a chance, come live with us in Tokyo."

"No, I won't. Don't make me also hate you."

Live with them in Tokyo? That's got to be the shittiest joke I'd heard in my entire life. What's the catch of leaving the life I got used to and let my mother in again? And not to mention... giving them the chance to see my vulnerability again. Nothing would do me any good in living with them under the same roof. I was used to being left alone, I didn't need them... I didn't need anyone.

Kei.

That must have been what she always told herself; that's what she always wanted to convince to herself. However, it's the other way around. What she really wanted was someone who will understand her, who will let her see that it's okay not to be okay and that she could be vulnerable around that person.

I realized that it's not that she didn't really needed anyone, she just didn't want to grow attached to someone and she was unconsciously beginning to, that's why her defense mechanism was to push people away, push me away because I was starting to get involved with her life more as time passes.

I hurt her, because I let my pride get the best of me. I let her return to her former self, I even stayed away from her... despite knowing of the fact that I was in love with her...

It feels weird to admit to myself that I was in love with her, what more if I told her? I don't know how she would take it.

"I still couldn't believe it, Kei-kun." Yumiko, my classmate back at middle school, told me. "It's Mikazuki-san, though."

"Yeah, me neither. What do you think she'd tell me?"

"Um," She pulled out her phone, tapped on it for a few moments then she shifted her gaze at me. "she would tell you to go fornicate yourself."

My eyebrows furrowed and she smiled at my reaction.

"No, seriously, just tell her what you feel not because you wanted a response but because you want her to know what you feel." she adviced.

"Is that how you did it with me?"

Yumiko blushed, "Oh, shut up, Kei-kun." she rolled her eyes then sipped on her apple juice, her favorite drink.

"Yumi!" A voice interjected from behind us and the called girl turned around to face the person who called her.

"Saori," Yumiko greeted.

"Let's grab some meat buns from the Foothill Store on the way--are you in the middle of a conversation?"

"No, you came just in time." Yumiko said, "Good luck, Kei-kun. See you."

"Yeah, see you." I put my headphones on and picked a random classical music. Yumiko and her friend already left the rooftop and I waited for Yamaguchi to finish his cleaning duty so that we can go home.

I guess she's right.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR! ☺🎇🎉🎊

My very first update in 2017, LOL.

What are your new year's resolution, guys? I would love to hear them all! 💕

Just a quick survey, how old are you guys? One of my new year's resolution is to explore even more in the field of writing, be more openminded. So I read some fanfics that contained some lemonade, doujinshis (kurootsukki ; tsukkiyama ; kagehina for that matter 😂) My ovaries exploded along with the fireworks. 🎉🎊

I'm going to try to write a fanfic containing a lemonade. It can also serve as my practice, well, because my friends love lemons too and I could make one for them. 😂

I hope this year would be a good one to all of us! More days to spend filled with love, peace and joy with the people we love.

My happiness in a picture. 💕