XVII.

Kei.

I walked her home after that. I noticed her change of attitude, her being unable to look at me straight in the eyes right after I indirectly confessed to her. She just thanked me for walking her home and without another word, she turned on her heels and walked away. Talk about awkward.

I feel like I should do more than just to walk with her and being there for her at times of need.

This is all new for me and it's annoying. I know I shouldn't worry about a thing like this. Sure, I'd been in a relationship before but I didn't even take it seriously. Love has never crossed my mind and heck, I didn't even plan to fall in love at this age. I mean, in love at fifteen? That's got to be the corniest thing in the world. There are many things that far more deserve my attention than this... mere word.

But when I looked at her again, everything seemed to contradict everything I've perceived for so long. And I can't help but loathe these feelings because they do nothing but mess up my mind and the worst part might be is that... I couldn't do anything about it.

Maybe that's just what love does to you. I think I'm beginning to understand other people who do stupid things just because of love. Some people who are cynical over these sentimental things and shaking their heads when they see someone like that... like they are the stupidest people on earth for doing such things they never thought they would do. I happened to fall in that category before but now it's the other way around.

I think I'm finally beginning to understand her... why she'd always chase after me even though I made it clear to her that I'm not into intimate relationships or things related to that. I'd rejected her over and over but she kept on coming and I grew tired of her persistence... I thought it wouldn't hurt to give her a chance. But after a few tries, I realized that I really couldn't... I couldn't give her a chance to let her in at all.

I must have hurt her dearly... but it was just a silly, childish infatuation. I wouldn't call it love at that age.

I stopped to turn around to face the person who called my name and I was greeted by the familiar girl who happened to cross my mind just now. And just like old times, she still maintained that timid nature intact.

Kinomi.

There was something in his stare I couldn't fathom. It was as if he wasn't even looking at me; he was looking right through me. It made me feel uncomfortable... it made me almost... afraid, and I didn't know why. Is it because of the so many secrets that's been behind the façade of my eyes? Is it because I'm scared that he'll see right through me? Am I afraid that... when he finds out the rest of my dark sides, he'll stay away from me?

Everything that I had told him... I wasn't even halfway of my story yet I feel like I shouldn't tell him more. And I don't even owe him that.

Why did I even got involved with him in the first place?

Why did I let my former, gullible self take over once again, without even my awareness?

I refused to live with my aunt and instead chose to live alone in an apartment because I thought that living alone would hurt me less. I'd lost count of the horrible things I told to my mother just so she would leave me alone. I have even forgotten about all of the things I told her! And those horrible words might have already carved onto her heart...

I chose to shut people off because I'm afraid of emotional attachment.

I'm afraid... I'm so afraid to get too attached because people always leave. They always leave me behind. I'm the one who always ends up hurt. And I'm so tired of being left behind...

And now, it's Tsukishima this time... Tsukishima is confusing me.

This is a dangerous state. You better stay away from him from now on.

Before people walk out on me, I should be the first one to walk away.

The next day, I walked on the way to school with my chin up and it was just then that I spotted him with his freckled friend just by the gate. Yamaguchi looked at me then greeted me with a smile. From my peripheral vision, I could see Yamaguchi's smile falter when I didn't even acknowledge his presence while Tsukishima's stare seeping through me. But I refused to return that stare and instead passed by them as if they were mere wind.

And to prove things already at its worst, my chest ached when I utterly ignored him. My eyes started to sting with tears but I quickly fluttered my eyes to make them go away along with the realization that I was already feeling something for him, although I still couldn't point my finger at it, it still wasn't a good sign.

"Mikazuki-san," Tsukishima called out and I instinctively halted and turned around to face him, plastering my impassive feature. I looked up at him and waited for him to state his business. Instead of speaking, he reached out a bento box which made my face form a scowl.

"I don't need that." I deadpanned which shocked them. "Not that I'm being ungrateful but really, there's no need to bother to make bentos for me from now on."

Tsukishima frown deepened albeit shocked. "Why is that?"

I shook my head with a forced laugh. "Why bother? For starters, we're not even friends."

My façade almost faltered when I saw a flash of emotion linger on his beautiful honey brown eyes but before I could decipher it, he quickly masked it off with a sarcastic chuckle and a smirk. "Yeah, you're right. We're not friends." He gave the bento box to Yamaguchi, which shocked him. "Thanks for reminding me." And with that, he passed by me and went inside the school building.

"Ne, Tsukki! What am I going to do with this?"

"Eat it, throw it away, I don't even care."

There are a few students who saw us but one look from me and they all carried on with their lives. My tough exterior crumbled and I let it all out along with a low chuckle.

"You're not wrong, Kinomi..." I whispered to myself then proceeded to enter the school building and into my classroom.

When English period came, the teacher came up with an activity. She made us get a piece of paper and write the things we hate or don't like about a specific classmate in pure English. For confidentiality, she didn't require the name of the sender. I don't hold a grudge among the class, really. You know where she is. But since it's mandatory, I guess I would just write to Shimida Miki, another arrogant member of the girls' volleyball club; one my opponents from the three-on-three match from before. I bet that I'd get no hate letter because I'm nonexistent in the class after all.

Dear Shimida Miki-san,

I don't exactly hate you; it's just that if you were on fire, I might roast marshmallows.

I folded the piece of paper and dropped it on the box the teacher was holding when she passed by my side. When all of the papers were submitted, the teacher started distributing the piece of papers to my classmates and some got dozen of hate letters while some received none. And I was shocked when my name was called.

When I received the folded piece of paper, my eyes instinctively darted to Tsukishima for a split second, only to see him focusing on something else. I shrugged and sat on my chair then unfolded the hate letter from an unknown sender.

Rszgvblf.RzohlszgvgsvuzxggszgRolevblf.

My eyes squinted at the letters in irritation. What the hell is this? Is the sender messing with me? I heard the bell signaling of lunch break rang through my ears. I shook my head in disbelief and when I was about to crumple the paper, I caught Yamaguchi staring at the paper I was holding.

"Wait, is that..." He trailed off, reluctant.

I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Huh?"

"Yamaguchi," Yamaguchi was about to speak when Tsukishima called out for him. He was glaring at him.

"Oh, sorry to make you wait, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi apologized with a sheepish smile, "Later, Mikazuki-san!"

I stared at the paper once again and tried to decipher it but I absolutely don't have the slightest idea how. But by Yamaguchi's reaction, I'm sure these letters meant something...

Rszgvblf.RzohlszgvgsvuzxggszgRolevblf.

I don't know if I'm just an idiot for not getting this or I just don't want to know the meaning behind those letters. I just sighed and decided to go to the library to find some books related to these letters.

Codes. Books about codes and such.

I saw a good book in a much higher shelf and I was even on my tiptoes, trying to reach it but to no avail. And it was until a hand took the book I was about to get and I turned around to see who it was. Bad move. I was left imprisoned in between a smirking Tsukishima and the bookshelves. I tried not to let the panic inside me show as I reached out to grab the book but he instead lifted his arm to where I cannot reach.

"'Codes and Ciphers'? You're into codes now, Berry?" He asked with a taunting tone and I tried my best to keep my eye contact with him because if I avert my gaze, it would mean that I lost.

"It's none of your business, Jerkface, so give it back."

He chuckled. "Right, it's not... but if you want to get this book back, you'll have to answer one question for me." He had this mischievous glint in his eyes that I don't like one tad bit.

"What?" I demanded.

He hovered his index finger against his lips, gesturing me to be quiet. And I just realized that we were in the library. I sighed exasperatedly to ease my nerves.

"Why the sudden change of attitude?" He asked, and that was when his tone became serious.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I've always been like this." I answered simply.

He rolled his eyes. "Well then," He bent down to be eye level with me and I just realized that I had stopped breathing because of our close proximity. "then tell me why you started avoiding me."

"I'm not-"

"Don't lie to me. You were never really good at that, right? Well, at least for me."

"Be-because... I just felt like it."

His eyebrow arched, "Really?"

"Yes! I don't even understand why I interacted with you in the first place! I was supposed to get through the school year without meeting new people because... because..."

"Because?"

They eventually leave me... "I don't need them." I stated, looking into his eyes and wishing that he wouldn't see what I truly meant by those words.

His lips curled up into a smile, a sardonic one. "I see." And with that said, he straightened his posture and took my hand then looked at it, he was slightly playing with my fingers and the warmth of his hand also had gone through my heart. He let out a low chuckle as the book replaced the warmth of his hand. "I don't even want to be your friend anyway." He left me with my mouth parted in shock.

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Hello guys! Sorry for the very slow updates, I'm kind of still contemplating on how this book will turn out. Do you ever get the feeling that you want to include this scene and that scene but then it affects the overall flow of the story. I'm stuck in that kind of situation, lol. Help. :'3

And about the code... well, if you're able to decipher the code, then good for you. XD

Thank you for reading :) Feel free to vote, comment or anything! Let me know your thoughts in this story. :)

Much love from Lyn :)