t/w: brief mentions of torture, experimentation and abuse

CHAPTER THIRTEEN...

"All right, Leena, are you prepared to start training?"

Charles' voice rings out across the open courtyard. I stand across from him, my legs spread slightly apart, ready to attack. I smirk, pushing a stray strand of hair back into the messy ponytail Raven helped me with this morning. It's been one day since I fled the satellite, the memory of Sean and I's kiss is still a ghost on my lips. Just the thought makes my shiver. That night, the memories hidden away in the dark corners of my mind presented themselves, bursting through my carefully constructed walls.

I laid in bed, my body stick straight, sweat licking at my neck and the small of my back. They were dark, full of anguish and pain and suffering. Memories I didn't even know I still had trapped me in an endless loop of darkness without an ounce of light to dispel it. This morning, with heavy bags under my eyes and determination settling deep into my bones, I walked into the kitchen to find Raven sitting at the table.

She'd gotten up, moving towards me with an infallible smile on her face. She reached out to me, trying to pull me into a hug. The moment her soft flesh connected with my own, I yanked away, the visions already consuming me. I apologized and left the room, trying to control my breathing.

Shaw cupping my cheek, forcing me to use my abilities. Emma's smooth hand on the crook of my elbow, keeping me close and trapped. I gulped them down, instead focusing my attention on training, and nothing else. I didn't have the time nor the strength to break down now. I immediately regretted the way I'd reacted to Sean kissing me, but I've done nothing about it. Once we get to Shaw, once we capture him, then the nightmares will stop. The memories will cease, and perhaps I can try again.

Captured. The word feels strange in my mind, on the tip of my tongue. It doesn't seem like enough. It doesn't seem like the right punishment for a man that's brought and will bring so much destruction. I shake my head, forcing myself back to reality. Just like I can't afford to think about love, I can't afford to imagine murder.

I turn back to Charles. Erik stands a little ways away, leaning against the side of the manor, and I can see the rest looking down on us from the windows that surround this place of gravel and green. A large fountain sits in the center of the round courtyard. I stand on one end of the pebble mosaic, with Charles at the other. Sweat rushes down the side of my forehead. I take a deep breath.

"Yes." I tell Charles. "I'm ready." Someone claps in the distance, and in an instant I know who it is. I turn my head slightly to find Sean, lazily leaning on a pillar, watching the session. The moment our eyes connect, my cheeks burn. He said he understood last night, but I can still sense an air of uncertainty between us. His smile isn't as bright as it usually is, and he holds himself with a sort of resignation. He thinks we're treading on eggshells. One wrong word, one wrong move, and we'll snap.

I need to convince him we're not. I give him a small, reassuring smile that I hope says; it's okay. I'm all right. We're all right. I don't hate you. I'm not sure if the message gets across as well as I would like, but I don't have time to make sure, because Charles calls my name again.

I turn back. "What do you want me to do?" I ask, almost afraid of what his answer will entail.

Charles smiles. "The same thing I've wanted you to do all along." I freeze, my blood running cold for just a moment.

I hate the way my voice shakes when I say. "Dark energy." Charles nods slowly, and I take a deep breath, letting the reality of what I'm about to do sink in. "You want me to take your emotions?"

Charles shakes his head, and I frown. What else could I do but take the emotions from someone? Like he's reading my mind, Charles speaks up again.

"I want you to pull emotions out of the air." he says.

This time I place my hands on my hips, eyebrows arching. "What?"

Charles sighs and walks towards me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and waving an arm into the fresh morning air. "Emotions are one of the most powerful things in the world. They dictate what we do, who we are. Now, my telepathy can do that, but I can't control how someone feels, only what they think. Your power allows you to transform emotions into a tangible, manipulative substance. If my theory is correct, then you should be able to pull dark energy from anywhere."

"Because emotions are all around us?" I ask.

Charles answers. "Exactly." I shift from foot to foot as Charles steps back.

"How exactly do I do that?" I ask.

Charles says. "Instinct."

I clench my jaw. He is being incredibly vague, and it frustrates me. I know how to control emotions, and I know how to keep the dark energy at bay, but how am I supposed to pull the dark energy out of thin air?

The apprehension must be plain on my face, because Charles' mouth forms an almost invisible line. Erik clears his throat, breaking the silence, and walks towards us. He turns to face me, and a wave of determination unleashes inside my bones. Whatever Erik is thinking, he knows it will work. I stand up straighter.

"Take the emotions around us two." he says. "For starters." He's next to Charles, and they stand tall, both bracing themselves for what I'm about to do.

I take a deep, shuddering breath. "Are you sure about this, Charles?" My palms begin to sweat, the salty liquid beads down my forehead. I've never tried to use this much power in one go. The last time I did, it was much smaller, and Shaw was forcing me. Cold fingers wrap around my cheek. Metal slicing through the soft flesh of my belly. Cold, calculating eyes watch me shift through unconsciousness. I close my eyes, jaw clenching. You are mine, Leena. Don't ever think about trying to escape. I will find you, Leena.

"Leena." my name is soft on Erik's lips. I look up, trying to keep the tears at bay. "You are strong. Stronger than all of us. You can do this." His words slide through my mind, banishing the harmful memories into oblivion. I square my shoulders. I can do this. I've wanted to train for days now, and this is my chance.

I push all thoughts aside and simply focus on the task at hand. I nod, assuring the two men in front of me, then close my eyes.

Darkness consumes me. I reach out, both mentally and physically. I call to the emotions, begging them to come forth and present themselves to me. Come to me, I am in control, come to me. Shadows as dark as ebony worm their way through my body, pouring out of my palms like a churning river. I flinch at the coldness, at the ice that has plagued me for years.

Come to me, I think, summoning the shadows. Two figures appear, but they are warped and unfocused. I clench my teeth, burrowing farther and farther into the air around Erik and Charles. I can barely keep my hold on them as ice stabs knives into my back. I am drowning in cold. Come to me.

Anger, fear, hate, and suffering all dash across the expanse of night, distorting and twisting their way towards me. I reach farther. Images, all tainted in black begin to pull me in different directions. A wrought iron gate; agony. A cold metal pistol; pain. A steaming cup of hot chocolate; belonging. Erik and Charles' emotions are so strong it knocks me off my feet. My knees hit the gravel with a painful crunch. I gasp as the memories of their past whirl inside the darkness.

Charles and Erik fall as well, planting their hands on the courtyard floor. Erik's face is pained, tears pricking his luminous eyes, and in that moment I know which ones are his emotions. The pistol. The gate. The agony and pain. The anger. These are Erik, consumed in his passion for revenge, because all he has ever known is those things.

The other emotion; the steaming cup of hot cocoa, that is Charles. Whatever happened that day, he felt a sense of belonging settling into his heart. What happened that day brought him happiness and contentment. I settle in this emotion, the feeling of glee so foreign to my own broken heart. I want to bask in his memories forever, drowning myself in a better life than the one I've led.

But I can only stay so long.

A scream erupts from my lips as the scar on my stomach burns. white hot pain egulfs my senses. My scar threatens to burst. The dark energy roiling inside my stomach clenches around my organs, and tears of black stream down my face.

I look around me and gasp. The courtyard is surrounded in darkness. Dark energy dances around me, wisps of black smoke surrounding me in shadows. Charles and Erik look up as well, and their eyes widen at the energy that encircles them. The shadows pour out of my body like a living entity. It pools in my eyes and trickles down from my ears. Living emotions frolic around the courtyard. Elsewhere, in the background, someone begins to laugh gleefully.

I gape at the energy I have just created, and reach one arm out, my palm facing upward. Without quite knowing what will happen next, I silently call the shadows towards me once again. They begin to form a sphere in my palm, breathing shadows dark as night that prick icy needles into my flesh. The energy should harm me. It should kill me. This emotion I have taken, this energy I have created, It should be consuming me by now, rendering me powerless and afraid. But I don't feel powerless.

I am not afraid.

This is my ability. This is my creation, my mutation. This is my power, and I can control it. The shadows snuff out at once, burying into my hand. I can feel it slide over to a hidden corner of my mind, waiting for me to unleash it once again. I stumble forward, gasping for air as the world returns to normal.

Erik and Charles get up, panting. The sun feels too bright, the world too full of fire.

The people that were laughing come into view. Sean, Raven, and an impressed looking Alex all whoop and clap their hands. I smile at their enthusiasm, especially Sean, who looks at me like I've just raised a building with one hand.

"Way to go, Phantom." Alex says, smirking when he sees how exhausted using my abilities has made me. I nod in thanks, then look down at my hands. They appear normal, the same freckled ivory skin that I've always had. There is no sign of the amount of energy I just absorbed. I can't even feel the emotions anymore. It's like they were never there. There is no lingering hint of pain, or whisper of Erik's fury. They've disappeared entirely. I kept them under control. I give a small laugh, eyebrows raised in exultation.

I did it. I had a training session.

Erik places a hand on my shoulder. "Well done, Leena." My smile is as big as the sun. The hint of pride in his voice is not lost on me, and I can see it clear in his eyes.

"Thank you."

"That was incredible Leena," Charles says. "I've never seen anything like it. Dark energy, dark matter even, it's all in your mutation. The amount of power you could unleash, I can't even imagine it. Well done." I smirk. It's all in my control, yes, but barely. It's taken me fifteen years to get the shadows in my hand to stop tormenting me, and I barely have power over the rest of my ability. What Charles is talking about is far beyond what I could even dream of. It's clear he thinks that I'll be able to manipulate dark energy itself, but I know for a fact that all I'm able to do is create it. How am I supposed to form it into a weapon I can use when it's constantly trying to tear me down.

I don't speak these worries out loud, as I don't want to dampen the mood, but the thoughts still haunt me. I shake out my curled fists, indents of my fingernails tingling along my palms, and put on my best smile.

"Thank you." I say again, with much less fervor. Memories of Shaw build up in me again, and I gulp, trying to keep the vision steady. Erik's hand suddenly feels much less reassuring, and I shrug him away, trying to keep my cool.

As I walk towards the house, trying ever so much not to cry, I can feel his eyes following me, filled with worry, wondering if he did something wrong.

✶✶✶

Several hours later I sit in a window seat, looking across to where the lake glistens in the midday sun. I know I should be celebrating. I should be out with the others, continuing my training and strengthening myself for when the fight really begins.

But all my energy has left me, and I sit, slumped in my seat, my knees up to my chest. The war with Shaw has become all too real, and my heart breaks when I think too hard about it. Everything seems to be crashing down around me, and whatever golden fantasy I thought I'd been in has shattered into a thousand pieces. Now it's all ice and night, the world cold and desolate.

The events of the past few days seem like a far off dream compared to where I find myself now. Sleeping in a king sized bed without a care in the world, basking in the morning glory; playing cards with the group, watching with glee as I win again; my kiss with Sean, the feeling of our lips touching ever so little.

A dream. A dream ruined by the memory of him. The face and smile that haunted me each day for so many years. Why did it have to return now, when I'd gained control? Why did Shaw have to appear in my mind once again, a shadow clouding the light, snuffing out the hope. I wipe the tears away, sniffling. Why do these feelings come to me now, when I should be thinking of so many other things.

Things like where Sean and I stand after that kiss. Like what more I can do with my abilities. Like what will happen now. The President is scheduled to make his address today, and Moira has been on edge the entire morning. Erik thinks that whatever the President says will tell us where Shaw is.

Then the fight begins. Then we go and end this. We go and end Shaw. For good. I think I might pass out.

You can't run, Leena. You're mine, Leena. I clench my fists, looking out, my breathing ragged and quick.

"Leena?" I whirl around at the sound of Charles' voice. He stands in the doorway to the lounge I sit in, hands in his pockets, looking worried by the sight of me. "Are you alright? I've been looking for you." I quickly rub a hand over my eyes, trying to banish any lingering tears. I turn back to Charles. There is an ugly frown on his soft features.

"You have?" I ask, my voice light and airy. Charles sighs and walks over to me, taking a seat beside where I sit. I move my knees to give him room, but can't bear to look into his eyes.

"What's wrong, Leena?" he asks.

I shake my head. "You could just read my mind, you don't need to ask." Now it's his turn to shake his head.

"That's not what I want to use my abilities for. I'm never going to look inside someone's head unless it's absolutely necessary." he says. "And you could just tell me." I take a deep breath and force my head up.

"I don't know." I say truthfully, then shake my head again. "I guess, everything's just become much more real." Charles nods, but says nothing. "I think it started in training. I realized what I could do, and what we were training for."

I take a shaky breath, then continue on. "I feel like I've been living in a dream where I had control and nothing could go wrong. Everything was so perfect, so peaceful. Now I realize who we're fighting." I look back out the window, the tears dotting my face like droplets of stars in a dark universe. "And it scares me."

Charles is silent. I try not to think about what I've just told him. My voice is weak and could die in the wind, my hands shake and when my hair falls into my eyes, I don't reach up to push it away. The truth of what I've said pierces my heart like a sharpened dagger, and blood dark as the night pours out. My emotions, my feelings and hopes and dreams and fears all cascade from my lips in one, bare moment. Charles knows it all, even if I said only one thing.

I'm scared. I'm in control, but the thought of losing it brings a new round of terror skittering across my bones. Charles moves his hand on top of mine. I can't help it, after three seconds, I pull away, my palms sweating. Charles doesn't reach for me again. He must sense I don't want to be touched.

"You are stronger than any of us, Leena." Charles says, reiterating the words Erik spoke this morning. "Sometimes the fight catches up, and we don't know how to battle it." I nod, admiring his words. "Don't worry, Erik and I will do everything we can to keep you safe."

After a moment, he speaks again. "You don't have to fight him, you know." I look up, puzzled. "You don't need to come with us to fight Shaw. We can do it on our own. You are a child, Leena."

This angers me, and I whirl on him, my face fuming. "A child that's suffered more than any of you, except perhaps Erik. You don't know Shaw. You need me." The words pain me to say, but they are the truth. As much as the idea of going up against Shaw frightens me now, I still need to to help.

I will keep my powers under control, but aid in the fight as best I can.

"If that is what you want, Leena, then we will not stop you." though he speaks with a sense of unfazed calm, I can tell he doesn't think this is what's best for me. I don't blame him. As we sit there, two beings in a world of silence and thunder, day and night, I can't help but wonder if my decision is the right choice.

I don't have time to ponder long, however, as Charles speaks up again. "Would you mind helping with one more training session today?"

My brows knits together tightly. "Who's training?"

"Erik." Charles replies.

✶✶✶

I stand beside Charles out in the front of the house, watching with my eyes half closed as he points a gun straight at Erik's head. My stomach churns with unease as Erik bounces on his feet and Charles cocks the gun. My breath is held in my throat.

When I got out into the courtyard, following Charles, Erik was looking out across the water. The moment he saw us coming, his face lit up like a child when they get a piece of candy, and he gave Charles the gun, telling the man to shoot him in the head.

"You're sure?" Charles asks. Emotions war on his face, and I don't blame him. The dark, sculpted metal of the firearm brings unease coursing through me. When I agreed to help with Erik's training, this is not what I'd had in mind.

"I'm sure." Erik replies. My voice has left me, so all I can do is stand and watch. A part of me knows Erik can deflect it, but my heart overtakes my common sense, and I debate whether or not to grab the gun and throw it into the lake.

Charles tenses. "All right." He closes his eyes, then opens them again, a vein popping out on his forehead. Charles takes a deep breath and sighs. He's trying. He's really trying. Conflict wages a full on battle inside my heart. I close my eyes, keeping the emotions away from my head.

Charles pushes the barrel of the gun right up to Erik's forehead, who's smiling like he just won the lottery. I shake my head slightly. After several moments, Charles sighs again and moves the gun from where Erik's standing.

"No." he says. "No, I can't, I'm sorry. I can't shoot anybody point blank, let alone my friend."

Erik rolls his eyes and grabs the gun, moving Charles' hand up to his face again. "Oh come on, you know I can deflect it." he winks at me. "You're always telling me I should push myself."

Charles moves the gun away, his voice rising. "If you know you can deflect, then you're not challenging yourself."

Erik takes a breath, dejected. He turns to me. "Leena, a little help here." I take a step back.

"I'm not getting in the middle of this." Erik looks at me incredulously, then moves back to Charles. A hint of a smile plays on my lips.

Charles says. "Thank you, Leena." a pause, then. "Whatever happened to the man who was... who was trying to raise a submarine while keeping himself and another person afloat?" his words bring back memories from that night, and I close my eyes for a second, waiting for the onslaught to arrive.

My conversation with Charles seems to have done something, however, as I am able to keep my thoughts hidden away. Erik raises his arms in animated defeat.

"What? I can't." he says, sounding like a knight who has just been defeated in combat. He grabs the gun from Charles' outstretched hand. "Something that big, I need the situation, the anger." His words remind me of what Charles said yesterday. Emotion feeds into all of us. It is what controls us most of the time. Calm made Sean break the wood, so maybe anger helps Erik to lift larger objects.

"No, the anger's not enough." Charles says.

Erik scoffs. "Well, it's gotten the job done all this time."

"It's also nearly gotten you killed all this time." I remark. Charles laughed.

"I agree with Leena." Erik looks at us both.

"You're ganging up on me!" he exclaims. I laugh and put my hands in my pockets, my breathing controlled, unlike the harried frenzy it was just a few minutes ago. Charles looks out towards the satellite dish. An idea dawns on his face, and he beckons us over. He doesn't grab my hand, which I'm thankful for, even if I feel much better than I did before.

"Hey, come here," he says. "Let's try something a little more challenging." We go over to the granite fence overlooking the sprawling green fields of the estate.

"See that?" Charles asks, pointing to the satellite I sat atop yesterday. "Try turning it to face us." I look up at Charles as Erik walks closer. Sweat beads along his brow.

"You want me to enhance his emotions?" I ask, my face expectant.

Charles whispers. "Not just yet." I shrug and turn back to Erik. He sighs, setting his shoulders, then reaches out with both arms. His hands quiver as he tries to move the heavy dish miles away. His arms turn red and begin to shake violently. I can tell he's trying his hardest. After a couple moments, Erik lets out a breath, his face pink from the effort. He drops his hands and plants his face on the stone. I rush to him, making sure he's not going to pass out from the exertion.

I turn back to Charles. Now? I mouth. After a moment, Charles nods his head. I turn back to Erik, who moves his head up to look at me. I smile slowly and reach out my hand. Erik reluctantly takes it, giving my arm a firm squeeze of consolation. I don't pull away this time. Erik is different, and I don't feel the nausea come to me like it did when Charles held my hand. I smile. Maybe the memories will leave me alone now.

"You know," Charles says. "I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity." He looks at me and nods. I nod back, then turn to Erik. I lock eyes with him, then reach far into the caverns of his mind.

Sharp blades of emotions puncture my mind. I gasp at how much pain lies within him. Anger, agony, the emotions I felt back at my own training session. I move the shadows away, digging farther. A place between rage and serenity means I need to find something neither happy nor sad. I search and search, pushing the shadows away, wincing at the cold it brings me.

There. Deep within Erik's memories, a figure, shrouded in darkness, emerges. I reach for it, calling it towards me. The emotion I find within this memory breaks my heart like it's never been broken before. An image, distorted and cowering in shade, emerges. A woman, pale and thin, her skin waxy, lights a candle on a Menorah. Beside her, a young boy, lanky and slender, helps her. They smile, hugging each other.

The memory disappears. I'm brought back to reality, a single tear falling down my cheek. Erik, tears also welling up in his eyes, looks down at me. I bring my hand to cup his cheek and silently thank him for sharing the memory with me. Charles removes his hand from his temple.

Erik turns to Charles. "You saw that?"

Charles nods, wiping a tear from his own cheek. "I helped Leena access the brightest corner of your memory system."

"It was a beautiful memory, Erik." I say.

"I didn't know I still had that." Erik admits. He wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders. I give him a small, pained smile. The emotion I brought out still haunts my mind. I've never felt anything like it.

"There's so much more to you than you know." Charles tells us. "Not just pain." he looks at me. "Not just anger." He turns to Erik. "There's good too, I felt it." I nod my head slowly, leaning my head against Erik's chest.

"When you can access all of that." Charles continues. "You'll possess a power no one can match." he holds my gaze. "Not even me."

I hold my breath, then let the tears fall. They are not of sadness, but they are not happy either. They are simply tears, simple and beautiful and haunting, and I don't try to hold them back. I move away from Erik slightly as Charles claps him on the shoulder.

"So, come on." Charles says. "Try again?" Erik nods and takes my hand. I give him a wave of the emotion I got from the memory. It worms it's way over to Erik, consuming his palms in shadow. He gasps slightly, then reaches out with his other hand.

He shakes, a tear falling down his cheeks like a raindrop on a glass window. We stand together, never letting go, two unstoppable forces. At this moment, nothing can break us or tear us down. No one can put us back in a cage.

In the silence that feels like a chorus, without breaking contact or needing another dose of feeling, Erik turns the satellite to face us. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE...

I don't why, but I think this is one of my chapters in the entire book. I can't put a finger on it, but when I was reading it over making edits, tears came to my eyes. Leena has come such a long way and I am just in love with her relationship with everybody. When writing her character, a lot of the emotions she felt I could relate to as well. 

We are all broken people in a sense (I know I sure am) and even though Leena's situation is not something a lot of people have gone through, I hope you have found some way to really connect with her, because I know I sure have. 

Thank you so much for all the support, we are nearing Part 3, which is where all hell breaks loose, so I can't wait to continue writing this incredible, fantastical, and somewhat painful journey... 

Love, Mal