Word count: 2285

Trigger warning: Mentions of eating dissorder, abuse, self-hate NOT harm, and it is sad. BUT GETS HAPPY! 

A/N: I am sorry if this upset anyone. if you don#t like upsetting nature then please do not read this. It does end happy though.

I love you all. 

~Jo

Being bullied wasn't ever new to me, but just because i am used to it doesn't mean it doesn't scare me. I am terrified of school. I no longer want to go. I have to. 

Pulling myself out of bed i changed into an outfit of my 'OMFG' shirt and some black skinnys with my non matching sock and black vans. I walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth and straighten my hair. I washed it last night after the fight i got into. Or more like me cowering in a corner as i was beaten black and blue. 

No one accepts me for who i am. The people who beat me are all homophobes. They hate gays, and i happen to be one. It's not my fault i am the way i am, but i get beat for it. That is the world we live in.

My mother ignores my existence, ashamed of what her son has become of himself. My father... he comes to my room and beats me when he feels like it. Telling me i'm useless. That nothing good will even happen to me. That i deserve this. 

My mum just watches him. Sometimes looking at me with sympathy as he just continues to beat me. Scared he will do the same to her.

"OI! Get your lazy ass out of my god damn house unless you want a beating lad!" I heard his low voice scream at me from downstairs. I grabbed my bag and raced downstairs and out the door, not stopping my running as i ran to school. My breathing heavy, the taste of metal in my lungs. I didn't dare stop. My hands were sweaty and my legs were weak by the time i reached school. 

I was dangerously unfit and unhealthily skinny. I don't get fed much at home and i chose to not eat at school. People say i'm fat. I always believe them. Even though my mum sometimes cares enough to take me to the doctors and ask about my weight. Being told again and again that i need to eat, i ignore them. 

I hurriedly walk into school, grabbing my books from my locker and rushing to class. I sit i my seat at the back and put my book on the desk. Already a pen is thrown at my head and a vulgar word is spat my way. 

I try my best to ignore the laughter and teasing. I just start to do my work. Just then a new boy walks in. I at first refuse to lock eyes with my new enemy, but decide that i will have to face them either way. I looked up.

A boy with chocolate brown eyes and chestnut brown hair, tanned skin, slightly chapped pink lips was standing at the front of the class. His clothes consisted of a black shirt with 'yeezus' and a few other things on it, black skinneys and black converse. A black backpack hanging on one shoulder. 

"Class, this is Daniel Howell. He will be joining our class to-" The tall boy interrupted him. "Dan." He corrected with anger in his voice, his jaw clearly clenched with frustration. Everything about him just seemed to make me want to know him more. 

"Sorry Dan. Well, welcome and please take a seat at the back. Beside Lester." I listened to the class chuckled and some of them fake gag. "Eww, no sir. Don't make the pretty boy sit beside the fag! He'll catch something." A boy pointed out. I slumped in my seat keeping my head down. 

"The only thing i'll catch is something from your mum." Dan responded. The class erupted with laughter. "Excuse me?" The boy responded. 

"You heard me." Dan walked over to sit by me. I looked up at him. "Than-" I was whispering a thank you when he interrupted me. "What ever." He didn't look at me. He probably stuck up for me for the hilarity of it.

"What's your name? I'm guessing it's not Lester." He asked. "Philip. Or Phil. I would say people call me Phil... but all i get called is Faggot or some other insult. No one even has the decency to call me by my name. Not expecting you to be any different." I instantly felt like i had said the wrong thing to him. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" He sounded slightly hurt. "Well, you seem like on of those... arrogant popular kids. You give off a bad boy vibe. I was just assuming you would be like them." He said nothing. "You already fit in. All you did was walk through the door." I added. 

"Well, whether i fit in or not i'm nothing like them." I felt like smiling but didn't. He probably knows what he is doing. 

* * *

School ended and we were given an assignment to finish with the other person from first lesson. Dan caught up with me at the gate. "You can come around my house tonight. Get this finished with. Then we don't have to talk again if you wish." Dan mumbled. I looked over at him and nodded. "Fine. Not like i have anywhere important to be." 

I knew i had a certain time to be home, and that going around Dan's house would earn me a beating when i got home... but i didn't care. At least i had extra time out of the house.

We walked in complete silence beside each other. Until we reached his home. He walked in, me following behind to hear him talk to his mum when he walked off to find her.

"Mum, i have a... friend over. We're finishing a project." He told her. "Awww, it's nice to know you have 1 new friend. Okay go on. Have fun i guess." I heard her chuckle. "Thanks mum." His voice was loving. Different to the Dan i met not long ago. 

He grabbed my wrist and dragged me upstairs to his room. When we walked in we dropped our bags onto the floor in a corner, but got our books and stuff out of them before sitting on Dan's bed beside each other. 

We started to work on the project and we were actually fine for a while. "Phil? What is that..." He was looking at my arm as he asked and i shifted away. "N-nothing. I-it's nothing." I gripped onto my pen tighter as i wrote things down.

"No, Phil... that's not nothing." He pushed on. "I promise it's nothing. W-we have this to work on." He refused to let it go. He moved a little closer and lifted the arm of my shirt up to reveal purple bruises that were left there from previous days. 

I looked down with my eyes closed refusing to let the tears i felt forming fall. "Phil..." He moved his hand to the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up my back. My back was covered with scars and bruises. My back was bony and my shoulder blades were visible.

"How can you say that this is nothing?! Phil who did that? Why are you so skinny.. Why do you let this happen to you?!" He was on is feet in front of me now."Because i'm worthless. I'm used to it... just leave it Da-"

"NO! I won't leave it! Phil you can't do this to yourself. You can't let people treat you like this!" He carried on. I couldn't hold it back any more. I started crying. Dan sighed and sat back down on the bed. I looked at him and he was leaning back on the wall with his arms outstretched to me. I moved over to him, letting him hold me close. 

I cried onto his shoulder. almost sobbing. I may have not know him for long, but i feel safe in his arms. I feel like for once in my life someone cares. My crying died down after a while, and all that was heard was steady breathing. 

"Phil? Who does it to you... Is it just people in school?" He asked me with a soft, caring and calm voice. I shake my head squeezing my eyes shut. He sits me up and looks at me, i open my eyes to meet his. 

"Does your... family hurt you?" He asks me, with a lot more care and sympathy. "M-my dad..." I told Dan, and his eyes showed a slight emotions of anger. i felt scared as if he would hurt me to take his anger out, but he went back to sympathy realizing my fear. "Sorry." He pulled me in for another hug.

"Wehave to tell someone Phil... it's child abuse and it's wrong. Do you and your mother get along?" I thought for a second. "She ignores me. She sometimes sympathises over me when dad... beats me. That's all i get. She is ashamed to have a son like me... just because i'm different." I tell him, not caring if he tells people, blocks me out, kicks off at me. 

"I wish you had parents like my own. When i came out as bisexual they were so understanding. I would hate to feel like you do. I'm so sorry Phil." He held a hand up to cup my cheek and i put my hand over his, pulling it away. "It's not your fault... but if we call someone about my dad... i might be able to live on my own with my mum. I can take care of myself..." 

Dan nodded looking down. "You can stay here tonight. I'll explain to my mum, and i'll help you out tomorrow. No one can get you here if they don't know where you are." Dan explained. 

"Thank you so much Dan... I am sorry i doubted you and assumed things about you..." I apologized, A smiled crawled onto his face. "It's fine. Everyone does it."

Dan got off the bed and walked to his wardrobe and grabbed 2 pairs of pyjamas. He threw me a pair and smiled. "Get changed." He ordered with care in his voice as he left to go get changed himself. I sighed and got out of my clothes slowly in case i rubbed over a bruise or something. mos of them were new and they still hurt. 

I put my clothes in a corner and put the pyjama bottoms on, before looking at a mirror. I looked at myself in disgust. My arms are skinny and bony. My stomach is practically flat.If not too dipped in. My ribcage is visible. Bruises were dotted all over my torso. I could see a few scratches and cuts that were on my chest mostly.

I was too busy hating myself to hear Dan walk back in. I did however see him in the background from the mirror. He walked over to me from behind, wrapping his arms around my waist. I felt his bare chest against my back.

"Stop doing that to yourself. Don't stare at yourself in disgust. No matter how cut and bruised you are, you are beautiful on the inside. No one can see it, but i do. You are a good person Phil. Don't let others drag you down." 

I turned in his arms to look up at him. "But that is all i can see Dan. I'm just a broken, damaged toy. Something that people continue to break and use again and again." I felt tears sting in my eyes again.

He shook his head slightly, leaning down towards me, our lips connecting. I started to kiss back almost instantly, my arms wrapping around his neck to bring him closer. Before the kiss got heated, he pulled away to look at me. 

"You need to go to sleep. I promise you i won't let anyone hurt you again. I promise i will sort out this with your dad. You can trust me Phil." I nodded, pulling him over to his bed with me. I got under the covers and Dan slid into bed beside me, i wrapped my arms around him again and snuggled close, letting sleep take over me.

* * *

*7 years later*

"Phi-" Dan walked into our room, seeing me stood in front of the mirror looking at myself. I was looking at how my arms aren't bony, my stomach is podgy, my bruises were gone, scars were all that remained from the cuts, my ribcage wasn't visible for every single bone, it just showed how it should be there.

Dan smiled walking over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist like he did exactly 7 years ago. "I'm proud of you lion. You have changed so much. You don't hate yourself any more. You aren't as scared... i hope you're proud of yourself too."

To be honest, i am proud of myself. I am eating regularly like i should be, i don't get beaten any more, i used to wake with nightmares and that stopped about 3 months after i moved in with Dan. I am finally happy. It took me 4 years to get used to eating again. a long while to get over my anxiety... and a long time to be happy again. I wouldn't have been able to get over it without Dan. He was the school bad boy who saved me.

 My dad would tell me that nothing good happens to people like us. That we all deserve to go through pain. I am at my happiest and i know he was a liar. 

I am Phil Lester, i am 22 years old. I live with my boyfriend who is Dan Howell, he is 21. I am no longer scared of who i am, i am happy and healthy. I'm not scared of my father any more, he is in jail still to this day. I am glad i met Dan Howell. Who is also my soon to be husband.