Outrageous rumours

-

*Phil's POV*

The pigeon outside Dan's window begun to coo at an indescribably fast rate, causing me to wake up.

Dan's arms were wrapped around my waist and his legs were entwined with mine. His skin was soft and smooth, gently rubbing against me as he turned in his sleep.

I peered over to look at his clock:
3:32 pm

Oh my godddd

I HAVE A 4 PAGE ENGLISH ESSAY DUE FOR TOMORROW.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO-
But-

is where I'll enter Dan---- JK JK...
(Butt, u n00b)
;)

But I can't leave this sleeping cutie, he'll be cold on his own...

I'll write him a note.

I rummaged around and found a yellow wad of post-it notes in a draw full of his underwear.
It was fun looking around in that draw.
I also found a condom but it was new so I guess I could use it in the future.

Giggity

I scribbled onto the post-it note with a red pen I found lying on the floor:

To Dan,
I have a massive essay to write for tomoz and I haven't started yet. I didn't want to awaken your slumbering God-like self so I wrote this to tell you I had to flee. I hope you understand and I love you, Dan Howell.
- From your Mum
(Jk it's Phil) xxxxx ;]

I crept over and stuck the post-it note on his forehead, followed by a cheeky peck on the lips before I ran downstairs and out of the house so I could finish my huge-ass essay.

Damn, this huge-ass essay is like freaking Nicki Minaj sized.

-

*Dan's POV*

I'd clearly been sleeping for way too long so my bladder decided it was time to wake up, making me instantly sprint to the toilet.

As I washed my hands, I only just noticed a post-it note on my forehead, which had a tiny message scribbled onto it.

I peeled it off my head, reading it carefully.

It was from my- mum? Oh wait, it's from Phil, phew.

I was gonna say, Mum that's pedophilia.

I sauntered into my bedroom, picking up my phone that I had lazily dropped on the floor in the middle of the night.

I sent Phil a message:

Aww, that sucks, good luck with ur essay xx

Within a few minutes, he replied:

Mmhm thanks, plus, wanna know what else sucks? ;]

Phil, I'm already turned on so u better stop

I messaged him back:

Oh, I wonder... x o.o

Phil:

You know the answer already, Bear. x :]

And with that, I collapsed onto my bed.
Is it even possible to turn someone on using a text message?

I'm pathetic, I know, but hnnnng.
*dribble*

-
The Following day
-

I woke up.

Yep.

I wasn't forced by the annoying bleeping sound of my alarm.

Or the forceful light flickering of my parents.

I, Daniel James Howell, woke up and got out of my freaking bed without complaining like a pussy-ass twit.

And guess what the best part was?

It was 7 am.
Perfect timing.

School starts at 8:30 am, so I have AGESSS.

Life's good.

I got out my phone and sent Phil another text:

Ride and shine sweetheart xx

I re-read the text, smiling to myself until I realised I put 'ride' instead of 'rise'

OH SHITTING DICK NIPPLES
FUCKING MOLESTED TIT ASS

BLOODY HELL

NOW HE'S GONNA THINK I WANT TO DO THE DO

I WANNA DO THE DO BUT I CANNOT DO THE DO BECAUSE DOING THE DO MEANS I GOTTA DO THE DO AND-
I'm going too fast, I gotta slowwww down.

That's what Phil said last night.

STAHP IT DAN

I exasperatedly sent him another text before he had time to reply:

RISE* Fml

Smooth Dan, real smooth.

-
At School
-

I dragged my backpack into the school building, pulling out my schedule to see what lesson I had first:

Period 1 - Art

Ayyyy, Phil has that class toooooo
Woooot

I began to make my way to my lesson until I heard a bunch of people whispering my name, followed by a bunch of giggles.

Dafuq?

I listened in to their conversation quietly until someone shouted right in my face, "I SHIP IT, YO FAGGOT", and ran off.

U wot m8?

Hang on, did they refer to me and Phil?

Oh god, I forgot about Phil's friends and the... Incident.

Today's gonna be just great.

"DID PHIL REALLY SET YOUR BUTT ON FIRE?", Katie shouted at me as I casually tried to walk past her, despite her gesturing towards me.

I tried to keep my head down but the hallway's attention was focused on me for the whole time.

One of those kids with the Gaydar in Year 9 even told me that I owe them another Gaydar because it couldn't cope with my outrageous homosexuality and they threatened me with a fountain pen that they found in the canteen.

Don't worry, I just pushed them into the recycling bin outside the Science block and told them to shove a didgeridoo up their anus.

I finally made my way to art where I saw Phil waiting.

He looked extremely nervous for some reason.

"What's wrong-", I started before I saw Tom swagger up to me.

"SUP MY HOMOS- I MEAN HOMIES", he coughed, "HOWS IT HANGIN'?", he said, looking at our crotches.

"Tom, please go fuck yourself", I said, kindly pushing him aside.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME TWICE!", he winked, running off to the toilets.

"So uh hey", I turned to Phil who was blushing and giggling.

"Hey, sorry about ditching you yesterday", he smiled.

"It's OK, how did that essay go?", I asked.

"It took 5 hours but I'm pretty sure if I don't get an A, then Mr Wilkes is on crack", he laughed.

"Great. Oh, have you heard the news? Apparently my butt was set alight by your expertise thrusting", I snorted, watching him blush a bright red.

"I wish", he snickered, putting his hand on my shoulder.

Jessica, a girl in our art class, instantly turned around and examined Phil intensely.

"THEY FREAKING TOUCHED EACH OTHER, RED ALERT RED ALERT!!!!", she screamed, running off to find her friends.

"Some people", Phil scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, Miss is here", I pointed as the teacher permitted us to enter the class.

We silently filed into the room, taking our seats.

"Okay class, today you will be studying the features of the human body", Miss Barbour announced, showing us several images of human anatomy, "Many think it's easy to simply draw a human but to get the proportions correct isn't an easy feat. So, before I teach you anything, I'd like to see what you can do. To demonstrate your skills, I'd like each of you to draw your partner in a simple standing pose. Don't take too long, just a simple, quick sketch will do. You have 15 minutes".

My face and Phil's instantaneously turned to meet.

"Hey, Partner", Phil said, licking his lips.

"Shut up", I giggled.

"Want me to do you first?", Phil suggested.

"Do me? Go ahead", I winked.

"Phantastic!", Phil cheered pretending to pull down his zipper.

I picked up his pencil and threw it gently at his head, "Stop it, you", I laughed.

"Fine", he began to sketch out a rough drawing of my body.

"Pssst, Phil", I nudged him on the shoulder.

"What?", he whispered.

"Draw me like one of your french girls", I pushed my fringe back and put my hand on my hip, biting my lip.

"Daniel, you are not modelling for Vogue", Miss Barbour snickered.

Everyone looked at me and then looked at Phil, then back at me.

Phil was mid-licking his lips and was staring at me arousingly whilst I stood there scandalously with my hair slicked back, half pulling up my shirt, with my hand on my hip.

I hid myself under the table whilst Phil tried to calm me down by patting my back.

"Hey Dan, no blowjobs in class", Sam bellowed, assuming I was giving Phil a bj under the desk.

"Aww, what a pity, you could've watched", Phil hissed back, making Sam stick his finger up at him.

"Fuck you Lester", Sam spat, before turning back to his shitty drawing of Courtney who he happened to amusingly draw naked instead of clothed.

Once we'd finished drawing the bodies, Miss began to show us how to properly draw human anatomy.

-
After Art
-

Once we were dismissed, Phil immediately dragged me to the side.

"Can we sit on the field together at lunch?", he asked, holding my hands tightly.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry about losing your friends", I apologised.

"I don't mind, I'd rather be with you than anyone else", he smiled, squeezing my hands.

"Me too", I giggled, nuzzling his nose.

"What've you got next?", he inquired, hoping we had the same lesson.

"Biology", I grumbled.

"Aww, no, I've got Chemistry. I guess I'll see you at break then", he said, kissing me on the nose, "I love you!", he waved as he made his way to his next lesson.

"I love you too!".